Today Is About Listening

There is much more to today than showing our appreciation for the sacrifices made by those who served in the military. Today is about those who gave everything, the most that anyone can give, to this country and to us. Today is about showing our humble gratitude to those who will never be able to read or see our words. Today is about listening rather than speaking.

In between the countless posts and comments streaming across the screen of my laptop confusing Memorial Day with Veteran’s Day there have been a few instances when I paused and simply listened to what was said or stopped to read what was written. Those words were from the men and women who survived, many of whom attest to their survival coming at the cost of the life of another soldier. Others were recollections of the smiles and aspirations of soldiers who never returned home.

At the same time, I see the pictures and faces of families now absent a son, daughter, father, mother, brother, or sister. These are the instances that give me a moment of reflective pause as I think about those with whom I shared a barracks and I wonder how many of those soldiers never posed for another family photo after those sweltering days in Missouri. And I also think about who had to take my place once I departed.

I also think about the leaves in the family tree that never fully developed having been pruned early in life during a time of war. Whether it is my 7^th great grandfather, Rufus Cone, having been captured by the British during the Battle of Long Island he subsequently died aboard a prison ship on August 27, 1776, or my 4th great grandfather, Jacob Teaford, who watched as his fellow militiamen were buried in mass graves in Norfolk, Virginia in the fall of 1814, or my 3^rd great grandfather, Jacob Worth, being entombed in the USS Tecumseh during the Battle of Mobile Bay on August 5, 1864, or many of the cousins, close and distant, that have given all to defend this country. All of these family tragedies and sacrifices remain at the forefront of my mind on this day.

It is because of this, these accounts past and present, that we must always listen to what needs to be said and understand that many of the sacrifices that were made were so we could live the life that we do in a free country. At the same time, there is no telling what would have happened to us had someone not stepped in and paid that price. Past or present, today we must honor the memories of the true heroes of this country.

Mortgage Monday: The Checks Start Now

With payment book from the bank in hand, the first of our many mortgage payments is due this week. While 30 years is a long time to be making payments at least we now find ourselves with an end date and with every payment we own a little bit more of our home. Of course, we hope that it doesn’t take us 30 years to clear this debt, at least this is the goal, so we are going to be sure to pay a little bit more each month toward principal.

Having already made an early payment it is a little disconcerting at first seeing the principal reduced by so little with every check. But, again, it is still giving us more equity each month compared to the simple evaporation of funds that we have experienced over the last several years. Now that is a disheartening number to think about. Even if your average monthly rent was $1200, over the course of five years you will have ended up paying $72,000 and have absolutely nothing to show for it. In the end, given the places that we have lived and the years that we have been renting, it is safe to say that our total is probably just north of $100,000. Seeing that principal going down by so little doesn’t seem that bad anymore.

Of course, now with us owning our home, we are also responsible for the maintenance of the house and surrounding property. A few other expenses should be expected and even with major repairs, it is still better than renting… and more cost effective given the amount of space that we now have. Each check brings us a little closer to what continues to be our goal… being debt free. While credit cards were the culprit in the past, at least now the debt is something tangible and something worthwhile.

And I will finish with this simple notion that seems to no longer be simple. While it is nice if our house increases in value over the years, all I want is the stability. If the value of the property were to stay the same I would be happy in the end. What is now seen as investment should be, once again, seen first and foremost as a home. That is how things used to be and how I view our new home. Paying interest is the price of being able to buy a home and have that stability. Our limited funds are now being applied toward a goal, something of value, and stability unlike the month to month uncertainty of the past. Now, each month, we can settle a little bit more.

Sunday Search: Pulling Together My Own Story

Whenever the topic of family history enters the discussion we are always talking about the past… when we came over, who fought in what war, interesting occupations, etc. Anyone interested in genealogy is familiar with the cadence of these conversations and knows that it doesn’t take long before a common thread is discovered between two families… although sometimes it is also interesting to discuss the differences. We, as family historians, are always digging into the past to try and find those additional details that have previously eluded us or find new information seemingly lost to the family for generations.

That seems to be the pattern and the routine with which we are intimately familiar. However, while this may be the bulk of our research, there are other areas of family history that are too often overlooked. The first is something that I have written about before which is to talk to those relatives who are still with us and learn what you can about what they know about the family as well as learning about their own life. We spend all this time trying to fill in gaps and too often the generations that are still with us are overlooked and, when they are gone, we will be back at the beginning trying to put the pieces together.

This covers the vast majority of the family history but there are still pieces that are usually left in the box. Our own lives, while not as interesting to us as the lives we have spent so many hours dissecting, are also an important part of the family tree. Since we are cognizant of the process and the details that are so important to the complete pictures of generations, we are in a position to ensure that our generation is represented. For me, part of my story is in the pages of this blog but that is only a recent snapshot with occasional glimpses into my own past.

We have a duty to our own family and to future generations to ensure that all the stories are told, across the generations, including our own. It may seem self-centered or even egotistical and pretentious to some but this is not something that we do to brag about this or that, it is a means to keep a complete history of the family. So, the next time you sit down to explore a few more data bases, take a few minutes and write down a couple of facts about your own life and, when you get a chance, write down questions that you can send to your siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, etc. Before you know it, you will have a pretty long list to include in the annals of your own research.

Closing Out The Year

The checks are on the way. 

There are always conversations after the stated meeting that get cut short when someone happens to look at their watch. Those discussions are usually followed up on the following week when we all converge on the lodge for fellowship. This week that was definitely the case as there were numerous tasks that needed to be completed and ideas followed up on after the meeting. But, unlike those meeting nights, these weeks in-between are much more relaxed and, because we’re not trying to do 15 things at once, we are usually able to knock out a number of things on our respective lists.

There is still a back and forth among many of the brothers about moving spaces around the lodge, cleaning up and cleaning out certain areas, and other things related to the building usually come up over the course of conversation. This has been a relatively reliable pattern for the first half of the off nights. And while those mini meetings did take place this week, that was not the primary reason for setting aside the time and driving to the lodge last night.

With schedules already hectic and time running short this month, it was time to sit down with both the outgoing Treasurer and Worshipful Master to take care of the final checks for the year. Some were new, some were rewritten for one reason or another, but all of them had to be completed last night. This included the checks that I was looking forward to signing… those to the residents of the Masonic Villages. I tend to take a little extra time in inscribing my name on those checks as they serve, in part, as a means to let our somewhat distant brothers (and widows) know that we are thinking about them and that we are always here to help.

For as much as we have been focusing on the present and the future throughout the past year, we need to remember the past and those who put in the time and sweat to make our lodge what it is today. After all, without their efforts, there is no guarantee that we would still have a lodge to meet in every month. And that is what we need to take away from these meetings and informal fellowship nights… while things may not be perfect, they may not be exactly how we want them to be, they are still here because of the work of all the brothers before us. We are only the most recent in a long line of men who strived to make themselves and others better. And that is what we should strive to do every day as well.

TMI Tuesday: Thank You Daddy!

A few months back while spending the day with our friends for their son’s birthday party, our son found one the toys in their house to be greatly entertaining. It was a stationary car that allowed him to sit on the floor and play with all the buttons, steering wheel, and the other odds and ends that are included on it. He must have spent close to an hour that afternoon entertaining himself while the rest of us ate lunch and caught up in our conversations. It didn’t take long before my wife and I realized that was going to be one of his Hanukkah gifts this year.

A couple of weeks ago, before we moved, I got really lucky and found the same car, the only difference was that it was in blue not red, on sale on Amazon. I think it only took me about 10 or 15 seconds from the time I saw it until I had the order placed. A few days later it arrived in an abnormally large box at my office. There it stayed until we got settled in to our new home which, at that point, I moved it into the office closet one night while our son was asleep.

Yesterday, having taken the day off from work, the box finally emerged and while our son was excited enough about the big box he was going to be able to play with, once we were able to put the car together his face lit up as he seemingly recognized the toy that he had enjoyed previously. Just like the first time he saw it, once my wife and I put him in the car he spend at least an hour playing with all the buttons and features occasionally glancing up at the two of us and smiling.

After a while he decided he was done and wanted to squirm around on the floor and play with mommy and daddy. This is not a surprise as any parent will tell you that it doesn’t matter how much they like a toy they are going to get bored with it after a while. What we didn’t expect was for our son to come after me kissing me, smiling, laughing, and seemingly thanking me for a toy that he really wanted. It was one of the most adorable 10 minutes that I have ever spent with our son and something that I was both not expecting and will never forget. I just feel bad that he didn’t do the same for his mommy.

Looking Back On Back To The Future Day

It seems as though it is a requirement that all bloggers write a post on this subject so here is my attempt…

Yesterday was kind of odd for many of us that grew up in the 1980’s. I remember that there were a few movies when I was younger that I would watch over and over again. Three of those movies were the Back to the Future trilogy. These movies are not just representative of my movie watching habits from my youth but also many others including my wife. It is actually something that we have in common from when we were growing up.

While I was always partial to the third installment I was also intrigued even at a young age by the second movie which showed a prophetic glimpse into what at the time was the future. Well, yesterday the “future” became the present and while there are many things that are still far beyond the realm of everyday reality there are some interesting things that were actually pretty accurate. The movie and our current reality both demonstrate a number of commonalities which include a black man in a position of political power, instant news, drones, google glass, flat screen televisions, silent cars, voice activated lights, fingerprint identification and security, a baseball team in Miami, and a Cubs team that isn’t dwelling at the bottom of the standings. Oddly enough, the first version of reality also showed Michael J. Fox having issues with his hand which is a strange coincidence.

Of course there are also things that have yet to come to fruition such as the National Weather Service, hover boards, flying cars, rehydrating dinner, and a few other things that were seen as fictional conveniences. However, there have also been some things that have been developed since the time that the movie was made that far exceeded any predictions that could have been made such as digital music, smart phones, and, most importantly, the internet (although these things could be seen as having been implied by the immediate availability of news, payments made via card swipe at home, and officers immediately checking identification through a handheld device.

What might be the most important aspect to all of the movies is the simple fact that the human dynamic remains the same regardless of the year and what technology (or lack thereof) exists. There are always pleasant and not so pleasant people, the strong and the weak, the confident and the meek, the passive and the aggressive, the predator and the pray, the mental and the physical. People will remain the same contrary to the utopian and antiutopian worlds displayed in Demolition Man and Idiocracy (just to name a couple “recent” films). There will always be a Marty and a Biff no matter where or when you are. Just do us all a favor and stop asking Tom Wilson, a fellow Radnor High School Alum, about the movies.

A Reason To Celebrate On Columbus Day

For all the lessons that were drilled into my memory in school while growing up, Columbus Day is not something that I celebrate. Like most people, as I have gotten older, I have learned a lot more about the man who “discovered” this once unknown continent. The more I learn the less interested I am in dedicating this day to the famous European explorer. This is why Columbus Day is just another day on the calendar… we didn’t even close the office.

However, this year there was reason to celebrate on Columbus Day and thankfully it was because of something completely unrelated to the historical figure. Today is also my wife’s birthday. Albeit completely different from all other birthdays she has had in the past. With all that has happened since her last birthday, this year there was good reason to both be sad as well as excited about turning another year older. Of course, I wish I would have done a better job of making the day special… time seems to be getting away from me too often lately.

While there have certainly been a number of tough days this past year, my wife has shown a strength in her that few possess. Even though she may not be able to see it let alone admit it, there were times when it was quite evident when she made the choice to keep pushing forward rather than giving up. That alone is enough to celebrate this day but it is only one of many reasons.

This, of course, is also the first birthday in our small family since the birth of our son. What a change from previous years. With such an amazing gift that we both received it is hard to think of something to give my wife that she would like. And it shouldn’t be a surprise given all the things going on this year and lately in particular that the gift that I did order has yet to arrive (completely my fault as I should have ordered it sooner). I was holding out hope on Friday but by the time I left the office without a package in hand I knew that I was in trouble.

Hopefully I can be forgiven for the late present but that is only the half of it. I found something that I think my wife will like but I need to figure out a way to incorporate something of our son in it. I don’t think that the current idea floating around in the empty space that is my head is going to be enough. I already know that I have some making up to do but I just don’t know how much I am going to have to make up for later. I guess we will have to wait and see.

A Lodge Meeting With My Dad

I had been looking forward to last night all year. Not because it happened to be my birthday but because it was a night that I was going to be able to share with my dad. I knew that the stated meeting at the lodge in November was going to be Veterans Night and I wanted to make sure that my dad was there to be recognized for his service (a recognition that he has certainly earned but has seldom received).

As seems to be the nature of things, I was looking forward to last night so much that all of the things that are beyond my control (i.e. traffic, accidents, detours, weather, etc.) did everything to delay me. While I had left the office with plenty of time to make it to the lodge before everything began I walked through the doors with little time to breath let a long enjoy dinner with my dad. I would have liked to spend more time with him and my uncle that night but I know he understood that I have responsibilities and a job to do that night.

Once I was able to let my dad know that I had finally arrived, I proceeded to make my usual rounds around the room greeting my brothers and welcoming the guests to the lodge. Of course, I never made it more than a step or two in any direction before someone would stop me for one reason or another. That might be the most enjoyable and frustrating part about being Secretary. It was in the midst of this flurry of action that I realized something for the first time in my life… I have memories of my father doing the same thing that I was while I would sit at a table and talk to a few people. Tonight our roles were reversed. Hopefully this means that I am turning into my dad.

After dinner and right after I finished all my last minute duties, we all headed up to the lodge room to begin the open portion of the night and recognize those veterans in attendance. While there have been numerous times that I have felt the same way, when I heard my dad give his name, branch, and years of service I was proud to be my father’s son. This was just another reason why I take great pride in the name that I have been given and the family from with I come. It might have been the best birthday gift that I have ever been given!

Finding The Strength

While I can’t disclose many of the details, yesterday was a horrible day. After hearing from one of my friends that he lost a grandson over the weekend, I thought the day was bad enough. I couldn't imagine such a loss. However, things seemed to drop off a cliff shortly after that when I got a call from someone in my own family. The news sounded bad and, what’s worse, we don’t really know all the details and don’t know what the future holds. With that said, let me be clear by letting you know that the baby is fine. A bit of a pain in the butt at times, but fine.

Again, I won’t get into the details, but the news really came as a shock to me and, more especially, my wife. It is a battle that the family has faced many times and now it seems as though we must keep fighting. We have seen it come into our lives in many guises and we know what it is capable of but that doesn’t mean that we are without hope. Thankfully we are all incredibly stubborn and we are ready to fight so there is a chance that the outcome will be better than expected. This has been beaten before and can be again.

Such is the balance, or should I say unbalance, of life. Just as things seem to be calming down and there is a little bit of breathing room to be found, something like this happens. While the pessimistic side of me is always preparing for something like this to happen (maybe that is why I am unable to fully relax most days) this is still shocking and leaves us feeling unprepared to deal with what lies on the horizon. These moments leave us to reassess our priorities and put the now unimportant things aside so that we can be in the present and do all that we can to get through today, tomorrow, and the next day.

At the same time, these moments bring back the memories that we have put to the backs of our minds. We remember the battles fought and we recall the strength of those people that we love. That might be why this post has taken so much time and energy to write. While moments like this are trying for everyone in the family, we will all come together with all the strength and love that we have and do whatever we can to help. Sometimes it may not be much but, in times like these, even those little things mean a lot when we put our hearts into them.

I Lied For A Good Reason…

The past couple of weeks have been difficult for me. Not because of anything bad or some of the other things that I have previously written about, it has been difficult because nearly every time I spoke with my sister I had to lie to her. I usually call my sister once a week, sometimes more if there is something going on or being planned, and so I didn’t want to change that routine. However, it was not easy to find things to talk about when I was avoiding talking about any plans for this weekend… I think I even lied to her on her birthday.

From the beginning we knew it would be a challenge but when my brother-in-law said that he wanted to do this we all, without hesitation, agreed that we would do our best to pull it off. Given her long history of finding out any and all plans (or gossip) this was no small talk, especially considering how much my nephew likes to talk. But it was all worth it when we saw her get out of the car today completely surprised, and that is not easy, that we had pulled off a surprise birthday party. Like we would simply let her 40^th birthday come and go without throwing a party.

While for much of my life I didn’t really spend a lot of time talking and really getting to know her, as I have gotten older I have learned how great of a person my sister really is. I admire how much she has accomplished and, in certain instances, overcome. While there were times that I am certain weren’t easy she never gave up and always kept moving forward. At the same time, she was always there if we really needed her for anything. Again, I may have not been aware of it at the time but it is pretty darn clear in hind sight.

And it is great to see her turning 40 at this point in her life as the party itself says a lot not just about my sister but about my brother-in-law as well. The two of them, while it took a while, were made for one another and even though my sister is a pain in his butt back, you can tell that he wouldn’t have it any other way. For how much they both do for everyone else, pulling off this celebration is the least that we could do and I am happy that we could play some, albeit very small, role in pulling it off.

Not Just Another Day Out Of The Office

This time last week I left the office in the middle of the day to go to a doctor’s appointment. While the timing was not ideal, it was the only appointment that worked in both our schedules. Fortunately, everyone at my office knows that I only schedule things in the middle of the day if there is no other option available so they were fine with me leaving at two. Honestly, I don’t know how I would have gotten over it if I was not there to see the first pictures of our baby. Yes, you read that correctly, I am going to be a father. Happy wood anniversary to us!

While we had the tests done to confirm the previous week, this first ultrasound was a completely different experience when you see the fast flicker of the heart on the screen. It is an instantaneous bond that most have experienced but no one has been able to accurately express. It is a life changing moment that makes you reconsider your perspective of the world around you. For some, their views change but as for me, to my surprise, that moment solidified every perspective that I have expressed in this blog and in person to many of you. In fact, I am glad that I have continued to write as I want my child to look back and really know who I am (like Michael Keaton in “My Life” except I am not dying anytime soon).

Above all, it is an immense feeling of excitement and fear. I am excited to see our child, teach them about life, share with them the thing that I have learned in my limited years, and make sure that they don’t make the mistakes, of which there are too many to list, that I have in my life. I am also fearful of falling short as a father and for the simple fact that I am now responsible for another human being on this earth and that I must do everything in my power to protect my child and keep them safe. Simply put, I worry that my child will not look at me the same way that I look at my dad.

So, this is the last means of communication in announcing this exciting news. We have seen and heard a wide variety of reactions to this news and we have tried to soak it all up as the experience washed over us like a tsunami. But even though it is sometimes difficult to process moment to moment, it is a time that I will never forget especially when I was able to see my mom’s face when she realized why it would take eight months before her birthday present arrived. And just think, this is only the first of many moments that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Summer Travel Pit Stop

Giving the camera and travel journal a little rest before resuming our day trips.

The past couple of weekends my wife and I have just been tired. By the time the work week has come to a close neither one of us is in the mood to do anything and we are lacking the energy to convince ourselves otherwise. With all that we have been doing lately it really isn’t a surprise but it would be nice to get back to the routine of our weekend day trips. Now just isn’t the time, we need to take a break and just be for a little bit.

After all, we have 7 more weekends left in the summer and a list of places we have yet to visit. So far, we have a few commitments already made and trips roughly planned to Knobles, Indian Echo Caverns, Winterthur, Milford, and a few other places. A bit different this time around is that we will not be alone on a few of these little adventures with a number of family members and friends joining us in our travels. And, no surprise, there are a few Masonic commitments that I will be attending as well. It should be a pretty busy summer from here on out.

At the same time we are already beginning to plan the adventures for next summer including an extended trip to Virginia to both enjoy the family history and to explore a place where I haven’t been since the family reunion in 1987. Can’t say I remember much but I do recall having a great time and with all that I have learned in recent years, I am looking forward to seeing everything through a completely different lens. Plus, it is another place that my wife has never been and I always enjoy bringing her places where she can experience something new. This trip will be in addition to our little Masonic excursion to Pittsburgh.  

Anyway, that is next summer. Beyond those two trips we really don’t have anything planned beyond the fact that we will try to visit the places that we don’t get to this summer. So, I guess we better get moving again or we are going to have too many things to do and places to see next summer and not enough time to get to all of them. Just look at our work situations, if the difference between last summer and this one has taught us anything it’s the fact that you never know how much your life can change from one year to another. Life is meant to be lived now not put off for the future or else you will just be stuck in a cycle of perpetual planning.

*As a side note, if you want to read some posts from someone living for the moment go visit my friend Nadine's blog about her walking the Camino in Spain! She has some amazing photos too!

Perspective From The Rightleft Side Of My Brain

I came to the realization tonight that I time has passed much too quickly for my liking. It used to be when I watched television shows that the characters were portraying the life that was ahead of me (in some parallel universe) but now I watch the same kinds of shows and they are my age. Or, more accurately, I am their age. Now it truly has become a means of looking into parallel lives.

However, unlike the past. I watch not in want of anything that they have but with an appreciation for the path I have taken and where I am now. There are certainly directions that could have proven more advantageous in various ways, particularly financially, not I don’t know if I would necessarily be better off. It is possible that could be the case but I am happy with where I am wand what I have right here, right now.

There are little things that I need to work on to improve myself but everyone has things that they either want to change or improve. There are times that I wish I had gotten more done or produced more work but I don’t know if that still would have led me to this moment, writing these words. There are a lot of moments where things could have been different but a lot of subsequent moments that could have been lost if things didn’t happen exactly as they have happened in my life.

And while I watch the television shows and the live depicted on the screen it is entertaining to see how my generation has developed and how much it has changed over the years. I think I may finally be comfortable with my generation. Well maybe not all of them but at least some of them. There is still a certain disconnection I feel with my peers but the chasm is not nearly as vast as it was five or ten years ago.

Of course, that may not really be a generational thing. Maybe it is just a matter of being different, about not fitting in with any particular group or population. While I have always been more of a critical, some would say mathematical, thinker I have always embraced the arts and thrived in a creative environment. I have always had the two sides of my brain functioning, and sometimes fighting, at the same time forcing me to embrace and reject certain generational characteristics.

The creative mind remains young while the critical mind has always been in a premature advanced age. Maybe that is why I have written things that are vibrant and optimistic at times while at other moments I have gone on long rants about various topics and opinions. But that is what you get with me. A struggle between the two sides of my mind and the views that they provide to form a perspective that is uniquely mine. Whether you like or not that is what you get.  

Easy There Gus Gus!

My post for the day is a simple dedication to my wife. While there are countless ways I could embarrass her with the words I chose to write below I am not going to do that. Contrary to the content of many of my previous blogs I am going to be very simple with my words and just write what I am feeling without blathering on and on and on like I just did. So here we go…

My wife, who better be reading this the day it gets posted, is having another birthday today. Seems like there are one of these days every year… we could get old really fast if we keep up this pace. So far we are sticking to the plan of growing older together and that is just fine with me.

I know that I can frequently be a major PITA but, for some reason, she sticks with me year after year. Maybe that just makes me interesting or eccentric. I doubt it. But there are times when I am completely serious, a time such as this when I say with all my heart, I love you!

While the last couple of birthdays have not been very good I am glad that I am able to make this year a little better. Not quite where I would like it to be but there is definitely progress being made. I hope that all subsequent birthdays continue to be sweeter or at least until we hit that tipping point when neither one of us knows how old we are or who we are for that matter.

I am incredibly proud of my wife who has pushed through many obstacles, beyond the ones that I have previously discussed, and has been determined to pursue the career that makes her happy (think of it as staying on the yellow brick road). The job that she looks forward to going to every day and that she is darn good at. I am immensely happy that has become a reality.

I am glad that we have spent the time together this year creating memories and seeing the world around up is a different way. There have been many changes this year but ones that needed to happen to bring us to this day and to bring us closer together. Our life seems to finally be getting back on track and that, I think, is the best gift that I could possibly give my wife on her birthday (I still tried using a coupon for it but it didn’t work).  

 

Happy Birthday Samantha! I love you!