A Gift For Dad

My dad is one of those people that doesn’t really talk about his Army service or his time in Vietnam. Every once in a while I would catch a little bit in conversation but it has taken time to get a relatively complete picture. Because of this, he hasn’t every really been recognized for the sacrifices he made right out of high school. With that said, I have never heard him say that he regretted going into the military. On the contrary, it proved to be a means to obtain an education and it definitely squared him away going from a C student athlete in high school to an accelerated progression through his undergraduate and graduate work.

My dad has achieved a lot in his life but is never one to talk about his accomplishments. While there isn’t much that we can do about this (especially in regard to his professional career), there are some small steps that we have taken as a family in recent years to try and at least acknowledge his military service. This included having my dad at the lodge last year for Veteran’s Night. Not only was it nice to have him sitting in the lodge with me but it was great seeing him recognized alongside his brother and other veterans in attendance for their service in the armed forces. It was also nice seeing him recognized at the Family Reunion over the summer as well. 

However, my sister took it to the next level this year during her Thanksgiving trip down to Washington DC. While at The National Air and Space Museum she inquired as to the steps that needed to be taken to have our dad included in the Wall of Honor memorial which “recognizes those with a passion for flight.” It didn’t take long before I started receiving texts about our dad’s service. Not having my files in front of me, I answered them the best I could remember (I should have more information in the future once my dad gives me a copy of his DD-214 for the family archives). By the time December came around, my sister had pulled together a pretty comprehensive profile to be included in the database. We all worked together to give my dad this recognition, our gift to him this holiday season.

After all, with the Army not recognizing him to the level that I would have liked to see, it is our responsibility to see that my dad is honored for his service. There are still small steps that we can take to do this and hopefully he will, once again, join me at the lodge in the coming year. However, the best thing that I can do at the moment is to keep doing what I am right now, writing and sharing the present and past family history with all those interested. Of course, I am also still trying to rack my brain as to how we can top this year’s gift for dad because, at the moment, I have no idea.

TMI Tuesday: Where Am I?

Before our recent long vacation we had spent a few nights in hotel rooms here and there with our son. Basically, we used those weekend trips to get him used to traveling and sleeping at night in the pack and play. He seemed to be fine for a night or two so we were feeling pretty good about this little adventure. In fact, he enjoyed being out and on the go during those brief periods.

Our Virginia trip consisted of nine nights across four different hotels. A big change from a night or two over the weekend. However, each night he went right to bed with nearly the same effort as at home and every morning he would wake up early looking for mommy and daddy with only the slight hint of “where the heck are we” on his face. Once he caught a glimpse of us he would settle right down and almost seemed eager to begin exploring again.

Of course, those were the mornings and with as many miles as we put on the car (about 2,500 total), it was the car seat that he began getting tired of rather than the sleeping arrangement. Once we got somewhere and pulled him out of the car so he could stretch a little bit he liked to look around and take in the different people and places around him. He still had those same looks on his face of curiosity and wonderment that he did in the morning but as long as he had his mommy and daddy (or grandmom and granddad) he was okay.

Actually, I really enjoyed bringing him to these different places both the ones that I haven’t seen in decades and also the one that I was seeing for the first time right along with him. And the same can be said for all of us on this exploration. Being able to share that rediscovery with my dad going to the different towns and places (both on road and off road) is something that I will never forget. Having my son with me and having my dad share these place with him was one of the highlights of the trip.

In the end, while we were pretty sure of it before. We know for a fact that our son likes to travel. Actually, it was pretty funny when he had that same expression of “where the heck am I” when he woke up yesterday morning in his own bed. I guess we will have to start planning some more trips in the near future.

Baby Shower

It was bitterly cold as I left the house on Saturday morning to get the oil changed at the dealer. My wife and I had planned on meeting up in Wayne later in the day just before her baby shower. However, as soon as I pulled into one of the service parking spots, and saw the crowd in the waiting room through the window, I knew we were going to have to adjust things. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize just how much our plans would change.

My wife picked me up on her way to the late lunch and while in transit I called my dad to have him pick me up at the venue. This was my wife’s day and I didn’t want to stick around too long and get in the way. After chatting with a few people and greeting some early arrivals, it was time for me to head out and wait for both the call from the dealer and the text from my wife.

While we chatted about work, planning for the year, and other things the dealer finally called about 2-3 hours after I first walked through their doors. It turns out that my car needed more than just an oil change as the front brakes needed to be replaced and the slow leak that I had them check on the front tire was actually a bent rim… I guess I won’t be seeing my car for a few more days. Well, things happen and thankfully my wife was having a much better day than I.

The shower was a small gathering of family and friends all of which brought overly generous bags and boxes. We had put a lot of things on the registry but simply to offer a variety of both items and prices thereof, we didn’t expect so many items to be purchased. When I got the text from my wife, I was glad to read that things had gone well and that she was happy. Everything else didn’t really matter at that moment… my wife had a good time and everything had gone as smooth as possible.

We met up at the tail end as the last guests were walking out the door. The bags and boxes seemed never ending as we walked back and forth between the restaurant and a few cars. Thankfully we had some help from my family as well as a bigger place to live in which to fit all of this new stuff. The help continued later in the evening as my sister and brother-in-law (along with the kids) helped us get everything in the house and move around the furniture that I was unable to get up the stairs previously.

It was a long and tiring day for both of us but a great day and one that will serve as a happy memory for us and many of our family members. And now we will wait for our son to arrive so that we can start using all the new items that will soon be organized in his room… which is another project all together. I guess that is going to have to be the new project.  

A Lodge Meeting With My Dad

I had been looking forward to last night all year. Not because it happened to be my birthday but because it was a night that I was going to be able to share with my dad. I knew that the stated meeting at the lodge in November was going to be Veterans Night and I wanted to make sure that my dad was there to be recognized for his service (a recognition that he has certainly earned but has seldom received).

As seems to be the nature of things, I was looking forward to last night so much that all of the things that are beyond my control (i.e. traffic, accidents, detours, weather, etc.) did everything to delay me. While I had left the office with plenty of time to make it to the lodge before everything began I walked through the doors with little time to breath let a long enjoy dinner with my dad. I would have liked to spend more time with him and my uncle that night but I know he understood that I have responsibilities and a job to do that night.

Once I was able to let my dad know that I had finally arrived, I proceeded to make my usual rounds around the room greeting my brothers and welcoming the guests to the lodge. Of course, I never made it more than a step or two in any direction before someone would stop me for one reason or another. That might be the most enjoyable and frustrating part about being Secretary. It was in the midst of this flurry of action that I realized something for the first time in my life… I have memories of my father doing the same thing that I was while I would sit at a table and talk to a few people. Tonight our roles were reversed. Hopefully this means that I am turning into my dad.

After dinner and right after I finished all my last minute duties, we all headed up to the lodge room to begin the open portion of the night and recognize those veterans in attendance. While there have been numerous times that I have felt the same way, when I heard my dad give his name, branch, and years of service I was proud to be my father’s son. This was just another reason why I take great pride in the name that I have been given and the family from with I come. It might have been the best birthday gift that I have ever been given!

Not Just Another Day Out Of The Office

This time last week I left the office in the middle of the day to go to a doctor’s appointment. While the timing was not ideal, it was the only appointment that worked in both our schedules. Fortunately, everyone at my office knows that I only schedule things in the middle of the day if there is no other option available so they were fine with me leaving at two. Honestly, I don’t know how I would have gotten over it if I was not there to see the first pictures of our baby. Yes, you read that correctly, I am going to be a father. Happy wood anniversary to us!

While we had the tests done to confirm the previous week, this first ultrasound was a completely different experience when you see the fast flicker of the heart on the screen. It is an instantaneous bond that most have experienced but no one has been able to accurately express. It is a life changing moment that makes you reconsider your perspective of the world around you. For some, their views change but as for me, to my surprise, that moment solidified every perspective that I have expressed in this blog and in person to many of you. In fact, I am glad that I have continued to write as I want my child to look back and really know who I am (like Michael Keaton in “My Life” except I am not dying anytime soon).

Above all, it is an immense feeling of excitement and fear. I am excited to see our child, teach them about life, share with them the thing that I have learned in my limited years, and make sure that they don’t make the mistakes, of which there are too many to list, that I have in my life. I am also fearful of falling short as a father and for the simple fact that I am now responsible for another human being on this earth and that I must do everything in my power to protect my child and keep them safe. Simply put, I worry that my child will not look at me the same way that I look at my dad.

So, this is the last means of communication in announcing this exciting news. We have seen and heard a wide variety of reactions to this news and we have tried to soak it all up as the experience washed over us like a tsunami. But even though it is sometimes difficult to process moment to moment, it is a time that I will never forget especially when I was able to see my mom’s face when she realized why it would take eight months before her birthday present arrived. And just think, this is only the first of many moments that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Reflections On Father’s Day

My dad with my grandfather (my mom's dad) from before I was born.

Today I was once again out of the apartment. Usually I don’t like to be out and about two days in a row but there was a darn good reason to get back on the road. This time it was a short trip to my parent’s house about 15 minutes down the road so that I could spend time with the best man I have ever known, my father.  

Father’s Day is commonly seen as a compliment to Mother’s Day and the history of the day expounds upon that progression. A good summary, as is commonly the case, can befound on Wikipedia which outlines the history of Father’s Day in the following way:

Father's Day was inaugurated in the United States in the early 20th century to complement Mother's Day in celebrating fatherhood and male parenting.

After the success obtained by Anna Jarvis with the promotion of Mother's Day in the US, some individuals, such as Sonora Dodd, wanted to create similar holidays for other family members, and Father's Day was the choice most likely to succeed. There were other persons in the US who independently thought of "Father's Day", but the credit for the modern holiday is often given to Sonora Dodd of Central Methodist Episcopal Church, who was the driving force behind its establishment.

Father's Day was founded in Spokane, Washington at the YMCA in 1910 by Sonora Smart Dodd, who was born in Arkansas. Its first celebration was in the Spokane YMCA on June 19, 1910. Her father, the Civil War veteran William Jackson Smart, was a single parent who raised his six children there. After hearing a sermon about Jarvis' Mother's Day in 1909 at Central Methodist Episcopal Church, she told her pastor that fathers should have a similar holiday honoring them. Although she initially suggested June 5, her father's birthday, the pastors did not have enough time to prepare their sermons, and the celebration was deferred to the third Sunday of June. Several local clergymen accepted the idea, and on 19 June 1910, the first Father's Day, "sermons honoring fathers were presented throughout the city."

However, in the 1920s, Dodd stopped promoting the celebration because she was studying in the Art Institute of Chicago, and it faded into relative obscurity, even in Spokane. In the 1930s Dodd returned to Spokane and started promoting the celebration again, raising awareness at a national level. She had the help of those trade groups that would benefit most from the holiday, for example the manufacturers of ties, tobacco pipes, and any traditional present to fathers. Since 1938 she had the help of the Father's Day Council, founded by the New York Associated Men's Wear Retailers to consolidate and systematize the commercial promotion. Americans resisted the holiday during a few decades, perceiving it as just an attempt by merchants to replicate the commercial success of Mother's Day, and newspapers frequently featured cynical and sarcastic attacks and jokes. But the trade groups did not give up: they kept promoting it and even incorporated the jokes into their adverts, and they eventually succeeded. By the mid-1980s the Father's Council wrote that "(...) [Father's Day] has become a Second Christmas for all the men's gift-oriented industries."

A bill to accord national recognition of the holiday was introduced in Congress in 1913. In 1916, President Woodrow Wilson went to Spokane to speak in a Father's Day celebration and wanted to make it official, but Congress resisted, fearing that it would become commercialized. US President Calvin Coolidge recommended in 1924 that the day be observed by the nation, but stopped short of issuing a national proclamation. Two earlier attempts to formally recognize the holiday had been defeated by Congress. In 1957, Maine Senator Margaret Chase Smith wrote a proposal accusing Congress of ignoring fathers for 40 years while honoring mothers, thus "[singling] out just one of our two parents". In 1966, President Lyndon B. Johnson issued the first presidential proclamation honoring fathers, designating the third Sunday in June as Father's Day. Six years later, the day was made a permanent national holiday when President Richard Nixon signed it into law in 1972.

More and more there are moment in my life when I notice that I am beginning to sound or act like my dad (not in the Harry Chapin sort of way) and I couldn’t be happier about that fact. It throws my wife off every once in a while when she notices these things but whenever she points them out I just smile, nod, and think to myself how appreciative I am of that fact. Even the times when my dad and I discuss things we seem to think along the same lines and the discussion progresses quickly… we can summarize the problems of the world rather quickly when we get on a roll.

I wouldn’t trade any of the moments that I have had with my father for anything and I am grateful for all that he has taught me both when instructing me in how to do something, supporting me when things aren’t going well, and the lectures he gave me when I screwed up (I know, your shocked that I’m not a perfect angel). While it may not have been obvious at the time, each of those kinds of moments shaped me into who I am today. Not perfect but much better off for having such a mentor in my life.

While I don’t expect to ever accomplish all that my father has in his life I am trying every day to at least come close. Of course, I doubt that this will ever happen as he still works hard every day and, for the most part, refuses to retire. I just wish that he would stop working one of these days and enjoy all that he has worked so hard for in his life. With that said, I don’t plan to ever stop working either. So, I will end this simply by saying Happy Father’s Day Dad. Thank you for all the help and support that you have given to me over the years without ever asking for anything in return.

From Brunch To Dinner

Today was a good day. The original plan was that I was going to stay home during the afternoon and get a few things done for work. They never got done so, in that respect, it wasn’t that good but everything else was better than expected. But, with my schedule, I have learned that you can’t always plan everything because if you try to affix every moment on a calendar life is simply going to pass you by. In other words, heed the advice of Ferris Bueller (actually John Hughes to be precise).

Just before noon my dad gave me a call and asked if I wanted to have lunch. Any time I can get out and spend some time with my dad immediately makes my day a little better. Maybe it is the kid in me but I love spending time with my father and just talking about everything that is going on at the time (and other things that may be annoying us that particular day). What makes it even better is the fact that I now have something substantive to talk about (even though this blog doesn’t reflect that substance).  

These are the moments that I just enjoying being rather than thinking about all the other things that are going on or things that have to be done or projects that are fast approaching. Throughout lunch as well as our time chatting in the lounge at Tinderbox, it was just nice to spend time with him. I would have stayed longer and talked about a plethora of other topics with him and some of the people we happened to meet but I also had another commitment to keep.

So, from spending time with my dad, I rushed back to the apartment and got ready to have dinner with my father-in-law, someone who has a completely different demeanor and way about himself. Once my wife got back from her afternoon engagement, we headed eastbound for Philadelphia to have dinner at Zahav. Having made good time, it was good to have a few minutes with my wife before we were sitting at the table and talking about everything that has changed in the past several months.

Throughout the courses and conversation, it was interesting to hear how one thing led to another and how the conversation too on a life of its own. While interesting, it is still not the same as the broader topics that my dad and I discuss but it was unique and entertaining in its own way. I guess it is all about perspective and experience but nothing was going to overshadow the time I spent with my dad. That is what happens when you are as fortunate as I am and able to look up to your dad not just as your father but as someone you respect for who they are as a man and what they have accomplished in life.

Sometimes my wife tells me that I am slowly turning into my father and I am perfectly fine with that. I just hope I am lucky enough that her supposition becomes reality because I would be damn fortunate if that were the case. Let’s just hope my follicles remain in denial.

Finding Wisdom At The Playground

Oddly enough, this is the hardest post I have tried to write thus far. It’s not the best written piece but, hopefully, you can understand what I am trying to say without too many words cluttering the screen. In fact, it is a very simple sentiment but it is something that I don’t say enough and needed to finally be put down on the page.

I consider myself very lucky that I take after my father (even the fact that we both attract horrible drivers). I may not be as smart, I may not be as hard of a worker, I may not have any of the athletic ability, I may not be as outgoing but I strive to make myself better. I am thankful that I have someone I can look up to that has shown me how to be a great man and how to be a great father.

I know I haven’t always been the easiest son, I haven’t always made the best decisions, I haven’t always shown how grateful I am but my father has always supported me despite these shortcomings. In times of success and of failure he has always been there for me. And during times when nothing seems to be going my way, like now, I know he is behind me.

I am proud to say that many of the men in my family are the same way. I know that my brother and my brother-in-law would do anything for their kids and, in many instances, have done the same for the rest of the family. I hope that someday I can hold myself in equal measure.

We all have things we can work on and we all have things we wish we could change but, even though it may not always be obvious, we know that family comes first and that is the foundation to our improvement. We all look out for one another even when our own lives may be hectic. We all support one another even when the challenges are difficult. We all want the best for one another especially when it comes to the kids.  

So, make sure to take the time to appreciate your father today and think about how he has shaped your life. Maybe you didn’t have the best father but you can appreciate the fact that it makes you want to be a better parent because of that fact. Or, maybe you’re fortunate to have a great father and you live every day trying to reach that high standard. Either way, take the time to remember.

But also keep this in mind, while many of you may hold the same feelings toward your own fathers I have come to the same realization, which is true during every Father’s Day, that in this instance the playground ascertain from childhood holds true, “my dad is better than your dad!” I know this to be true because my father is the greatest man I have ever known.