Sunday Search: The Events Of Each Generation

When researching the lives of my ancestors I am always cognizant of the larger events happening in the world around them. Additionally, I constantly think about the way of life and what would have been part of their daily consciousness during that period of time. Sometimes I am able to find direct connections to those events or ways of life like military service, prohibition, or the expansion and prevalence of the railroad industry.

However, it is important to remember (and sometimes I have to remind myself), that the stories are there we just have to allow our ancestors to tell them. We can't expect to find anything or wish to find a connection to a person or event. We must look at their lives as we do our own and cherish facts (good and bad) like memories. In my opinion, this is a critical in understanding your ancestors and the lives that they lived.

It is this same thought process that is important for us to remember in our own lives as well. While there are many people who have a direct connection to 9/11, there are even more of us that have been impacted by this tragedy in one way or another. Our lives are different because of it and, in many instances, the courses of our lives have been altered by it. Some more so than others.  

This, unfortunately, is an event that has shaped our time similar to how the various events in history have shaped the lives of our ancestors. Not only does this remain a vivid memory but the time in which we live has allowed us to experience it as it happened, in real time, and also relive the horrors of that September morning. This is both good and bad for obvious reasons.

We had instant access to information and readily available (to a certain extent) communication with loved ones. This wasn’t always the case and it actually makes me wonder if previous generations were better off simply not knowing until long after the fact. But, we can’t change the time in which we live, and, similarly, we can ascribe modern technology and thought process to previous generations… a common mistake that I see much too often.

This is life and the world in which we live. While we may not always like it, we have to accept it. And the same can be said for our ancestors. We may not always agree with the common practices or mentalities of the time but those are the realities of the world for that generation. It is difficult at times, but we have to remove ourselves, and our modern perspective, from the lives of our ancestors and let them tell us the stories about their lives.  

Today Is About Listening

There is much more to today than showing our appreciation for the sacrifices made by those who served in the military. Today is about those who gave everything, the most that anyone can give, to this country and to us. Today is about showing our humble gratitude to those who will never be able to read or see our words. Today is about listening rather than speaking.

In between the countless posts and comments streaming across the screen of my laptop confusing Memorial Day with Veteran’s Day there have been a few instances when I paused and simply listened to what was said or stopped to read what was written. Those words were from the men and women who survived, many of whom attest to their survival coming at the cost of the life of another soldier. Others were recollections of the smiles and aspirations of soldiers who never returned home.

At the same time, I see the pictures and faces of families now absent a son, daughter, father, mother, brother, or sister. These are the instances that give me a moment of reflective pause as I think about those with whom I shared a barracks and I wonder how many of those soldiers never posed for another family photo after those sweltering days in Missouri. And I also think about who had to take my place once I departed.

I also think about the leaves in the family tree that never fully developed having been pruned early in life during a time of war. Whether it is my 7^th great grandfather, Rufus Cone, having been captured by the British during the Battle of Long Island he subsequently died aboard a prison ship on August 27, 1776, or my 4th great grandfather, Jacob Teaford, who watched as his fellow militiamen were buried in mass graves in Norfolk, Virginia in the fall of 1814, or my 3^rd great grandfather, Jacob Worth, being entombed in the USS Tecumseh during the Battle of Mobile Bay on August 5, 1864, or many of the cousins, close and distant, that have given all to defend this country. All of these family tragedies and sacrifices remain at the forefront of my mind on this day.

It is because of this, these accounts past and present, that we must always listen to what needs to be said and understand that many of the sacrifices that were made were so we could live the life that we do in a free country. At the same time, there is no telling what would have happened to us had someone not stepped in and paid that price. Past or present, today we must honor the memories of the true heroes of this country.

Setting Aside Networking Time

Every day I try to set aside about 15 minutes simply to send out a few emails or make a couple of calls to people that I have met recently or to reconnect with those that I haven’t spoken to in some time. This is both something that I enjoy doing but also part of my job as networking is essential to my line of work. Investing that nominal amount of time each day is well worth the effort and has proven to be hugely beneficial over the years both personally and professionally.

However, there are a few things that I have found to be essential to this outreach over the years. The first being that you cannot be selling when trying to open or reopen communications with someone. I have fallen into this trap a few times in my life when trying my hand at various occupations related to sales. That being said, I have never claimed to be a salesperson and never will claim to have the skill set necessary for success in that line of work. But it is an aspect that I am still well aware of in my current outreach as I prefer to focus on getting to know people rather than trying to get business from them or persuade them to attend an event.

The second essential aspect to effective outreach for me has been to forego social media. While these sites have undoubtedly proven useful in making the basic connections with people and to learn a little bit about them, they should not be used as a means of communication. Personal emails are much more effective in opening up a dialogue but still have limits. Connecting over the phone provides a personal touch and demonstrates that you are taking the time and putting forth the effort to not just talk but to listen and learn about the other person.

The third and final piece of the puzzle is the easiest of them all… listening and learning. Don’t just blankly reach out to people; learn all you can about them before writing that email or picking up the phone. This is where social media should be leveraged. See what they have posted, liked, commented on. Find their birthday, dates of life events, work anniversary, previous places of employment. Essentially, find that commonality that you share with them and use that to start the conversation. Networking is not about business, it is about getting to know people and finding things in common with the people you know is a great way to strengthen your network.  

Finally, familiarize yourself with pictures. There have been countless occasions when I have been at business and social event when I have seen a familiar face. Many connections have started in the virtual world but, by knowing what many of my connections look like, I was able to properly introduce myself in the midst of a large crowd. Most of the time, this is what truly separates you from the countless other connections that someone has made in the virtual world. In the end, never forget the importance of meeting someone face to face… networking can only survive and thrive in the real world.

Sunday Search: Holiday Opportunities

The holidays are always a great opportunity to get together and simply enjoy the company of friends and family. While we may not be completely conscious of it at the time, it is a means to strengthen the bonds that we have with one another and take stock of the changes that have happened in our lives since the last time that we all gathered together. The most important thing about these times is to be in the moment and to spend time with those you love but there are opportunities that come about naturally from time to time that we, as family historians, must remain cognizant of and remember not just for ourselves but for the family as a whole the for the future when things have a tendency to be forgotten.

It is inconsequential how one gets to a subject but there are moments when we must be opportunistic and learn a little more about those around us. Furthermore, if we are able to ask questions we must do so to fill in some of the details that may have been glossed over. At the same time, when possible, we must be ready to recall what we know in order to offer that information in the hopes of jogging someone else’s memory or adding dimension or perspective to the story being told.

For some, including myself, this is sometimes the hardest part of trying to find out everything I can about the family. There is a fine line between conversation and investigation which we must respect during the holidays because, again, this is a time for family not about family. After all, we are all guilty from time to time for focusing more on the past than the present. Sometimes it is during occasions such as this while other times it is about not taking the opportunity, setting aside the time, and talking to family members about their own history and about what they know about others in the family.

Today I learned a few more details and was given a few more documents. Thankfully, I learned a lot with little effort. It was more about being in the right place and keeping my ears open to the conversations taking place. I knew some additional details and I asked a few questions but it was part of the natural flow of the dialog. Maybe I have finally found some kind of balance to this holiday conundrum. Of course, it helps that everyone knows about my passion for the family history and the respect that I have for our history. That can sometimes be the difference between being given, entrusted, with personal information and histories and not ever being told what happened.

A Look You Never Forget…

Firearms Friday posts will resume next week!

Over the years I have met quite a few men who were prisoners of war. Obviously, these weren’t long discussions but there were moments when the topic somehow came up and there were a few brief glimpses into what they experienced. It is during these 30 second clips that seems to last for days when you can see all they want to tell you in the way they squint and stair right through you one second and seem like they are in another world far from the reality of the present the next instant. The exact details each time may vary but those looks remain constant.

These are the moment in life when you can’t say anything, you can’t relate, you can’t really help. All you can do is listen. That is all that is needed at that point. As I have been told many times over, ‘sometimes there just needs to be someone there to listen. Not to offer their opinion or sympathy. Just someone who takes the time, pays attention, doesn’t judge, and just listens.’ Thankfully I have never once forgotten that and I have applied this to many other situations when the trauma is evident in the face and eyes of the person with whom I am speaking.

I have seen this look in the eyes of family, friends, and one of the few people with whom I have a shared (albeit brief) military experience. It is a look that has become all too common and I sometimes wonder what ever happened to the men and women from my platoon. It has been over 13 years and I keep thinking about whether this day is honoring some of those with whom I spent a summer in Missouri. Actually, it really isn’t a question of ‘if’, it is a question of how many does this apply to.

There are countless people who fought to stay alive as prisoners and more that are still missing. These are good men and women who fought for what they believed to be right and they fought for the soldiers beside them. We honor them on this day, National POW / KIA Recognition Day, especially the ones who fought to rescue a soldier who many believe to be a traitor. It is rather ironic that the Bergdahl trail is going on as this day presents itself on the calendar. Many men were KIA trying to rescue a deserter who, while seen as many as a traitor, was also seen by others as a POW. However, for now, this day is NOT meant to honor you Bowe!

How Is Time Moving So Fast?

It has been an amazing month watching our son learn new things, grow, and begin to understand more of the world around him. There have been a few instances that have tested our patience especially with regard to the reflux but, overall, we couldn’t have asked for a happier or loving baby. And seeing him in the morning and when I get home at night are what really completes my day. Seeing that smile on his face when I walk in the door, seemingly saying “hi daddy”, never gets old and lets me forget about anything that may have been bothering me during the day.

While he is not yet found any interest in rolling over (or being on his belly for that matter), he is still doing things that are still amazing when I think about the fact that he is only 4 months old today. In addition to his enjoyment of being on his feet with little support from mommy or daddy, he also just started sitting up by himself. They may only be for a few seconds at a time but it is much more than many babies his age.  

He has found a new interest in the various toys that have been sent to us or that we have picked up over the past few months. While he still prefers his ball which we have tethered to his car seat, he is also enjoying the car keys and some of the other things that we have bought. Unfortunately, he has also figured out how to throw things. He also enjoys pushing the buttons on mommy’s cell phone when she is talking to daddy. The big toys are proving to be very useful as well as we can now put him in the exersaucer where he is perfectly content playing with everything around him and making the train go around the track.

While I have had to tell him for months whether or not I would be home late in the evening, he is now responding to more and more of what we are saying. He knows his name (he will learn the importance of his name later) and is able to respond to some of the simple requests that we make like to hold on when we pick him. He is now a fully interactive child (not like the creepy one in AI) with each day more interesting than the next.

I am sure that I have forgotten a variety of things that have happened and developments that have occurred over the past month but that should give you a basic idea. It is quite the ride that we are on and one that keeps getting better with every dip and turn. And even though there is a lot of puking and crapping of pants, it is still a ride that we are so glad and thankful that we got on. Happy 4 months baby!

PS – Sorry in advance for the shots at the doctor’s office tomorrow.

Taking Turns

Yes, I am using this post as an excuse to include another picture of our baby boy!

 With everything that is going on lately with the move, work, lodge, and other things, I was looking forward to going to the next doctor appointment to check on our baby. That’s right, I actually had a reason to look forward to a doctor appointment. With our scheduled checkup a little later in the evening, I left the office a little later than usual and called my wife during the commute. It has been, to say the least, a little chaotic for her lately as well and she too was looking forward to hearing our son’s rapid heartbeat.

In the past we have endured prolonged periods in the waiting room so as the first flakes of precipitation brushed across our cheeks we walked into the office a little early and settled in for what we expected to be another long evening. Thankfully we were wrong as before we could even get settled, and certainly to the displeasure of those who were already waiting, we were escorted back to an examining room. Once all the basic vitals were checked, it was time for my wife to lay down and let the baby take over the moment.

As many of you know and have experienced before, hearing your child’s happy heartbeat takes over the moment allowing for everything else that may be going on in your life to disappear for a brief moment. Last night it couldn’t have come at a better time as that one instant, that fleeting flutter of a moment, made much of the thoughts from the previous few days, weeks, and months disappear from our thoughts. It didn’t last long of course but it was enough to get us through the rest of the day and into the night.

In the end, our baby remains healthy and slightly ahead of schedule. That is really all that we want. It just happens to be a bonus that he is already starting to listen to us, sleeping when we need to sleep, and shifting into a different position when needed. Even if he didn’t do any of those things we would still love him just as much as we do now and that, our new reality as parents, continues to be what is getting us both through many tough moments lately. Essentially, baby is already helping to take care of us know before we have to start taking care of him.

And now we wait for the next appointment. While we just had the most recent checkup last night, we are already looking forward to the next one. Before long he will be here and that is when our lives will really change but, for now, we are enjoying the change that he has already had on our lives.

Face Value

While there are some trying personal situations going on lately, I have been doing my best to stay as objective as possible, offer the few tips that I have to make things a touch easier or prepare those a little better, and, in some instances, just stay the heck out of the way. More often than not it all comes down to the “shut up and listen” mentality. However, there have been a few moments when I have attempted to make things a little easier by letting people know of a few things that they need to keep in mind.

Recently I did just that and, just like in previous instances, it was a complete mess. While I will not get into details or divulge any names, let’s just say that the reaction that I saw made me second guess the motives of some individuals. Furthermore, it confirmed that those people don’t trust me whatsoever and believe that I have an ulterior motive with everything that I say. While that perception is not in line with the reality of my words, the fact that things were so heinously skewed makes me question the motives of the person with whom I spoke.

I take great offense when my offer of assistance, however minor it was in this instance, is viewed in such a manner. And frankly, I am done in trying to help certain individuals. There are other caught in this same situation for which I would do anything I possible can but then there are the others. I wasn’t even expecting acknowledgement of this tip so if nothing were to be said I would continue to offer the little I have from my experiences to assist. However, to be confronted in this way… I am done. Thomas Hardy said it best and for those incurables there is little that can be done to change their prognosis.

So while I am finished with those who revel in the conspiracy of their on minds and searching for a different meaning behind advice that does not exist, I will continue to listen, process, and do my best to relay any helpful information to those that will take it in the way that it is intended… a simple offer to ease the process in any minute way that I can. And with all that is going on we can’t say with any certainty about what is going to happen in the future but some things are coming into focus and we are able to plan for the inevitable. Until then most of the time I will simply shut up and listen and help those who take my offer at face value.

Knowing When Not To 'Help'...

When given the opportunity I try to help people whenever I can. Sometimes it works out, other times I am absolutely no help at all. I really don’t know if this is a good trait or a bad one but it is part of who I am and I do my best to make things better for people in tough situation. However, I will say that sometimes my humor can get in the way at times and so I try to pay particular attention to that and curb those comments to the best of my ability.

In my various roles and duties across the numerous jobs I have and positions I hold, this desire to help has proven to be quite an asset. With that said, I have had to focus hard on my limitations and know when it really isn’t a good idea to interject or assist. I have written about one aspect of those boundaries before when I discussed some of the requests that I have received while at the office. That is just one place, one job, and one small part of this whole equation.

Countless times, especially lately, there have been times where something needed to be done, some assistance needed to be offered, but I was definitely not the one who could help. In some of those cases I just wasn’t equipped to satisfy the needs of the situation while other times the situation was just out of control and there wasn’t really anyone who could change what was going to happen. It is during these humbling times of helplessness that all I could do is hope and pray that everything was going to work out. At most, I could be an attentive ear but no words or actions would offer any solace, it would just be BS.

Those are the times when being a person willing to help is the most difficult. Equally agonizing is when there are challenges that someone you care about is facing and you know that any proactive steps that you may take would only make things worse so all you can do is sit back, grind your teeth and wring your hands. Selfishly, I would much rather be the person facing the challenges so that I could go full bore into the situation and forcibly clear any obstacles, nuisances, and threats that try to get in my way. Patience was never something that I was good at but I guess it is something that I have to embrace at times. So, for now, I am going to complete this rant and shut the heck up.

Not In The Job Description

 

Most of the people we work with on a daily basis understand the parameters of our job. However, there are a few people that we come across that really have no idea what it is that we do. Every once in a while I check my email only to find request after request for things do be done that do not fall under my job description nor does it fall under the services that my company provides. This is an all too common (usually from the same people over and over again)... we are seen as he corporate catch all when there is a shift in the in house marketing staff. Usually, when there is a vacuum in the marketing and sometimes sales side, we are for some reason the ones that they turn to.

As is probably clear by some of the things that I have written over the past year, I am not one to shy away from work. Frankly, I enjoy working and I am always looking for something that is a bit of a challenge, something that I may have never worked on before. But those are the things that I do in my free time. When a client is paying us for the work that we do, it is not in anyone’s best interest for us to attempt to complete a project, taking away time from the things that we are paid to do, without assurance that we would do the best job at it.

We know what we are good at and we know what we have much less experience with. This seems to keep getting lost in the communication no matter how clearly or bluntly it is stated. It just goes to show that sometimes communication is only as good as how much someone listens. We are all guilty of not listening and letting assumptions dictate our perceptions. Let me put it a different way…

We have all made calls to customer service for one reason or another. But, let’s be honest, usually it is because we have a complaint. The majority of the time we begin losing a little reality and assign authority or jobs to the person on the other line. We don’t really stop to think if they will be able to rectify the problem. We decide what their job description is without asking what they are able to do.

However, there are times when we call, listen, and have a conversation knowing full well that they may not be able to answer all our question or find a solution on the spot. And you know what… when you don’t make assumptions you might be surprised at the results. Comcast did that last week when I called to clarify my bill. Basically, I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t going to go up any more and, if need be, see if I could lock in the current rate. By the end of the call, after a nice conversation with Deb, I hung up with my bill reduced by about 40%.

So, before you call or email, be ready to listen to the response. Don’t assume the job description of the person on the other end. And even when someone us unable to get the project done, think about where there efforts will be focused and the results that will come from concentrating their efforts on what they are paid to do. When you work toward your strengths, maintaining within the prevue of your job description, your efforts will match the outcome.