Making Our Last Words Count

Last Friday, for reasons that we cannot explain, my wife and I decided to tell one person, just one, the name that we had chosen for our son. My mother-in-law, having been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer just before my wife's birthday in October, had not been well for some time was the only one that we wanted to tell. And while she didn’t give an acknowledgement of the news that we had shared, there is little doubt that she heard us.

Our son was the light of the day which was able to pierce the darkest of moments. Having joined the world at 9:14am we were quick to send a photo to family and friends to let us know of the joy that had just been bestowed upon us. Even my mother-in-law who had not been communicative for several days opened her eyes when she was told that a picture of her first grandchild was sent to her. For the first time in days she spoke a single word… wow!

Still in shock from the early arrival of our baby boy, my wife and I were slowly recovering from the day that had just transpired. With all visitors having left the maternity ward for the day we settled into our hospital beds and waited for our son to come back into the room for his next meal. It was at this point about 12 hours since our son entered the world that my wife made a request to the nurse… one that I am sure that they are not used to hearing.

It was a simple act but it was a moment that would immediately become part of family lore. My wife turned to the nurse and asked her to make our son cry while she had her mother’s caretaker on speakerphone next to her mom’s bed. The nurse didn’t question my wife and seconds later his cry was echoing in my mother-in-law’s great room. My wife followed by saying “I love you” and told the caretaker that she would call back in the morning. It was a call that she wouldn't have the opportunity to make. 

What we didn’t find out until later was that mere seconds after hearing the healthy cry of her grandson, my mother-in-law took her last breath. She held on just long enough, and our son arrived just early enough, that she was able to leave this world as a grandmother. The circle of life, in all its joy and pain, mystery and misery, beginning and ending was in full display. In a matter of half a day we were both overjoyed and heartbroken.

Since that moment, we have been experiencing the full range of emotions remembering both the good time and bad, the disagreements and the celebrations, the moments of happiness and sadness. I have been doing all that I can to try and comfort my wife knowing that there is no real comfort that can be given during this time. Only our son can bring solace and help to heal my wife’s heart and the knowledge that the last words that we both spoke to her were the most powerful and comforting things that we could ever say to her in her last moments in the physical world… our son’s name and “I love you”.

Not Just Another Day Out Of The Office

This time last week I left the office in the middle of the day to go to a doctor’s appointment. While the timing was not ideal, it was the only appointment that worked in both our schedules. Fortunately, everyone at my office knows that I only schedule things in the middle of the day if there is no other option available so they were fine with me leaving at two. Honestly, I don’t know how I would have gotten over it if I was not there to see the first pictures of our baby. Yes, you read that correctly, I am going to be a father. Happy wood anniversary to us!

While we had the tests done to confirm the previous week, this first ultrasound was a completely different experience when you see the fast flicker of the heart on the screen. It is an instantaneous bond that most have experienced but no one has been able to accurately express. It is a life changing moment that makes you reconsider your perspective of the world around you. For some, their views change but as for me, to my surprise, that moment solidified every perspective that I have expressed in this blog and in person to many of you. In fact, I am glad that I have continued to write as I want my child to look back and really know who I am (like Michael Keaton in “My Life” except I am not dying anytime soon).

Above all, it is an immense feeling of excitement and fear. I am excited to see our child, teach them about life, share with them the thing that I have learned in my limited years, and make sure that they don’t make the mistakes, of which there are too many to list, that I have in my life. I am also fearful of falling short as a father and for the simple fact that I am now responsible for another human being on this earth and that I must do everything in my power to protect my child and keep them safe. Simply put, I worry that my child will not look at me the same way that I look at my dad.

So, this is the last means of communication in announcing this exciting news. We have seen and heard a wide variety of reactions to this news and we have tried to soak it all up as the experience washed over us like a tsunami. But even though it is sometimes difficult to process moment to moment, it is a time that I will never forget especially when I was able to see my mom’s face when she realized why it would take eight months before her birthday present arrived. And just think, this is only the first of many moments that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Can We Make This Campaign Obsolete?

For many of us, looking back at old class photos and school portraits is not a pleasant experience and for some can be downright disturbing. Those days were not something that I particularly looked forward to and looking at them now that sentiment is quite evident. The same can be said for many instances during the course of one’s life when they sit for a portrait of some form. However, yesterday was not one of those days.

With the assistance from the officers, members of The Rotary Club of Bala Cynwyd –Narberth took turns taking photos for “The World’s Biggest Commercial” campaign to benefit the PolioPlus program. The basis of the campaign is simple, “the world’s largest health initiative deserves the World’s Biggest Commercial”. Since Rotary International has millions of members around the world this should not just be a possibility, it should be a given.

Since1985, Rotary’s commitment to End Polio Now has resulted in the immunization of more than 2 billion children worldwide against polio decreasing the number of those affected by more than 99 percent (from approximately 350,000 reported cases every year in the beginning to fewer than 700 new cases reported in 2011). Of course, this success would have not been possible without the efforts of Rotarians worldwide as well as the generous partnerships that have been formed over the years including those from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, PhRMA’s contribution to this campaign, and many others over the years. We truly are This Close.

What is needed now is for Rotary leaders to motivate their membership and make your contribution to the eradication of this paralyzing disease. Take action and show your support. Go to the website and follow the simple instructions: Snap a photo of yourself making the This Close sign and upload it into the commercial. Show it to your friends and family and ask them to do the same. Your involvement will help convince world leaders that support for polio eradication is global.

How much do you value life? How much do you value the 60 seconds it takes to contribute to this effort? This is truly a once in a lifetime, once in a generation, the one opportunity we have to ensure future generations are lifted of this burden. Our goal is to see that this program becomes obsolete. Help us to close the gap and make polio are part of the past rather than the future.

FU Peace?

The quote for this week is not a matter of words it is something a little different. Earlier this week I saw a photo posted on Facebook and I immediately commented with the following, "That's a bit of a mixed message when the person at the top is giving you the finger." It's one of those pictures that just sticks with you and makes you think a little too much. Well, maybe that's just me but thinking too much is how I am able to blog on a regular basis. 

Cultural differences are one of the things that makes us each unique but sometimes there are little things that miss the mark when translated. Sometimes a very pleasant picture can be accented but a distinct gesture as is the case in the humorous photo above. It is a wonderful sentiment with a unique twist.

But, you know what, sometimes you have to say FU Peace… like when “Palestine” says that they are a “peaceful” nation that is being victimized by Israel. Along those same lines, the same can be said regarding the UN. Additionally some of the positions that this body has adopted have been, in the long run, against peace. Sometimes the big FU from the UN leaves you asking WTF you SOB?

Contrary to reality, this picture is nothing more than a miscommunication between cultures. That finger is not a universal symbol contrary to what many western countries would have you believe. This is simply an innocent picture with a strong punctuation. Or is it?

So Your Legs Do Work

WTF at RU

Given the time of year we find ourselves currently in and the patriotic feeling that permeates the country at this time I thought it was about time to record my thoughts on something that happened earlier this year. However, before proceeding I would like to warn you that this blog post contains both bitterness and hostility (but only implied foul language). Reader discretion is advised.

Back in mid May my wife and I attending the graduate graduation ceremony at Rutgers University in New Brunswick, New Jersey. We were happy to see the culmination of our friend’s hard work as she received her doctorate and I'm glad we made the exception to travel into New Jersey for the occasion. The event was similar to any graduation commencement with squirming kids, friends and family jockeying for pole picture positions, and speakers that made you develop OCD by checking your watch every five minutes.

Everything followed the normal routine except there was one occurrence that pissed me off at the time and has bothered me ever since. In fact, it bothers me every time I encounter one of these individuals. I guess you can just add another group of people to my list of those who raise my blood pressure.

Sitting in the row in front of us was what seemed to be a very nice family. My wife and I had gotten to our seats early so we saw them walk down the aisle (unassisted), move the chairs around, take their seats, and occasionally stand up to wave at one of the graduates. The ceremony began and the first speaker asked the audience to please rise for the National Anthem. So what happened? Everyone in my view stood up except for the woman sitting in front of me.

Keep in mind that the audience was a mix of all races, religions, nationalities, ages, and physical abilities. All of which stood up, including the ones with walkers and canes, except this one person. WTF?

Now there are many things in this country as well as certain politicians and parties that piss me off to no end but there is no reason to disrespect the National Anthem and this country. I can understand people forgetting to take their hats off and I know that some people simply can’t stand but I saw this woman walk in without assistance, without a limp, without a grimace. She had no excuse or reason to be sitting.

At the time I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe there was some physical limitation that suddenly flared up (rare but it happens). So I sat there for the rest of the ceremony and focused my attention on the people who made the day truly important. However, my understanding was misplaced when as hats were being tossed this woman began climbing the chairs, walking across the aisle, and contorting her body in order to get a better angle for a picture.

As any respect I had for this woman evaporated I was left shaking my head and asking the question “WTF, lady? WTF?”