While
we had the tests done to confirm the previous week, this first ultrasound was a completely different
experience when you see the fast flicker of the heart on the screen. It is an
instantaneous bond that most have experienced but no one has been able to
accurately express. It is a life changing moment that makes you reconsider your
perspective of the world around you. For some, their views change but as for
me, to my surprise, that moment solidified every perspective that I have expressed
in this blog and in person to many of you. In fact, I am glad that I have
continued to write as I want my child to look back and really know who I am
(like Michael Keaton in “My Life” except I am not dying anytime soon).
Above
all, it is an immense feeling of excitement and fear. I am excited to see our
child, teach them about life, share with them the thing that I have learned in
my limited years, and make sure that they don’t make the mistakes, of which
there are too many to list, that I have in my life. I am also fearful of falling
short as a father and for the simple fact that I am now responsible for another
human being on this earth and that I must do everything in my power to protect
my child and keep them safe. Simply put, I worry that my child will not look at
me the same way that I look at my dad.
So,
this is the last means of communication in announcing this exciting news. We
have seen and heard a wide variety of reactions to this news and we have tried
to soak it all up as the experience washed over us like a tsunami. But even
though it is sometimes difficult to process moment to moment, it is a time that
I will never forget especially when I was able to see my mom’s face when she
realized why it would take eight months before her birthday present arrived. And
just think, this is only the first of many moments that I will carry with me
for the rest of my life.
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