Sunday Search: In Flight Questions

I am not someone who flies well. In fact, there have been many times when I have barely been able to open my eyes on the plane. It isn’t really the flying part that gets me it is the taking off and landing that doesn’t play well with my stomach. However, there have been moments from time to time when, for some reason, there hasn’t been even the slightest twinge of queasiness. Ever hopeful, I always have a project or two on hand when I fly with the hope that I will actually be able to remain productive during these unusual moments.

Today was kind of an in-between flight for me. While I was not in a position to start pulling out books and files or flip open my laptop, I was still able to think about some of the questions that still linger in the family tree. Keep in mind that these are topics that I keep on hand, jotted either on a post it note at my desk or, as was the case here, written as a note on my cell phone. Here are the questions that I keep coming back to hoping that I can think of a new angle or a new place to look:

• Why can’t I find any record of Marcellias Nicholas Love prior to his marriage to Laura Belle Redcross in 1889?
• Who was the third Jacob Teaford’s mother? Can this information be found in his service record from the War of 1812?
• Where is the marriage certificate of Paulus Redcross and Frances Beverly?
• When did the original William McKenna immigrate to the United States? Where did he enter?
• Where are the records for Alexander Fulton? Any relation to the Fulton family in Lancaster County?
• Why is there so little information on Mary Eppright? Is the family really tied to the Muhlenberg line?
• Who is John W. Ardis’ father? Was he in the Revolutionary War?
• Where can I find more information on the Yeagle and Corner families?
• Who was John Uttley’s father? What did he do (his son and grandson became Philadelphia Police Officers)?

These are the questions that I am most eager to answer at this point in my research. This is why I keep this list with me nearly everywhere I go. It is a simple reminder that I am sure most genealogists keep on hand not just for when we are sitting among the stacks or at our laptop at home. Sometimes we just need to step away from the inundation of information and just think about the possibilities of where we might find the answers as well as mull over the many theories that we all have regarding our family mysteries. In the end, there are times when these undistracted moments can be the most fruitful. But, for now, for me, they remain questions.

One Day Makes A Difference

Even as I type these words and watch them appear on the screen I still can’t believe that it has already been a year since we met our son for the first time. Our lives changed in an instant and I can still remember the feeling of shock that originally hit me when my wife’s water broke. While I was able to pull myself together, collect most of our things, and drive us down the snow dusted highway to the hospital, that daze didn’t really lift until hours later when our son grabbed my finger for comfort as the nurse cleaned him off.

There are moments from that day, and from the week for that matter, that remain a little hazy having melded together in a jumbled memory but there are also moments, good and bad, that remain clear as if they only happened an hour or two ago. That is what makes this passage of time so unbelievable. And while there have been trying moments to be sure during this first year of parenthood, I wouldn’t never want to go back to the way things used to be. Being a father, sometimes even a good father, is what I enjoy most each and every day.

It has been an interesting year full of first experiences, difficult moments, and challenging situations. It has been a calendar full of change but one that has brought us to a great place in our lives. There have been the funny moments of dodging poo and casting wee rainbows, nurturing times when our son got sick or was overwhelmed during his growth spurts, and adorable moments when he would smile, laugh, or nuzzle in our arms. And the daily joy beaming from his face, some days it is more prevalent than others, is enough to make even the most difficult days disappear.

Of course, we also find ourselves in the unique position of celebrating and mourning at the same time. While our son’s birth and my mother-in-law’s passing technically happened on the same day, this is one of the times that I insist on going by the Hebrew calendar. By doing so our son's birthday, the 26th of Sh'vat, 5775, is separated from the date on which my mother-in-law passed away, 27th of Sh'vat, 5775. Having that single day of separation makes a huge difference at times. It is interesting how faith can be comfort in the most obscure ways in addition to the guidance that it provides during times of struggle.

However, while there are no trips to grandma’s house that our son will remember about growing up, he still knows his grandma and recognizes her in pictures. It hasn’t been easy but there is a bond between the two of them that we both wanted for our children long before our baby became a reality. We didn’t plan on it happening this way but the important thing is that they are connected, our son knows his grandma, and his laugh when he sees her picture eases just a little bit of the pain from that day.

And this is just one of the many ways that our son continues to change how we look at life and the world. At times he has been our sole reason for happiness but mostly he has provided us with the love that permeates every moment of life and makes us remember that the love is what we always need to remember. Whether someone is here or not, the love remains. As I have said before, I will forever be thankful for that gift which our son has given us.

It is a complicated day, couple of days actually, but one that comes down to the most simple of statements… Happy 1^st Birthday my adorable baby boy! Mommy and daddy love you!

Another Month Gone, One Month To Go

It is rather astounding to think about how much has changed over the past month. Even with the few challenges that we have encountered with an ear infection, fever, and multiple teeth making their way to the surface, it was a great month that provided us with a number of amazing transformations. Probably the most interesting have been the awareness and cognition that our son seems to have now in comparison to previous months.

When we walk into another room for a minute he understandably gets upset unless we tell him that we will be back in a minute or we keep talking to him while we grab out phone, clothes, computer, etc. When my wife says that Daddy is home, our son looks toward the door and waits to hear it open. Sometimes he will even crawl into the hallway so he can watch daddy walk in. Either way, it is usually accompanied with him waving hi as I walk through the side entrance.

He is also much more mobile now having gone from sliding backward on his belly to crawling circles around his mommy in the playroom and chasing the train as it sings while traversing the playroom. It is a big difference from just a month ago when he took great pride in showing us that he could sit up all by himself. And an even bigger difference from the days when we were waiting to see the first time he would roll over on his own. Things are changing so fast.

Now we are less than a month away from his first birthday. Eleven months and our lives are completely different. I can’t believe it has already almost been a year. Given all that happened that day it will undoubtedly be a day of mixed emotions but, above all else, one of disbelief as neither my wife nor I can get around the fact that a year has already passed since our lives took such a drastic change. And that was just the beginning of a year that was probably the most hectic that any of us has ever experienced.

So many changes and differences but, when we look at our son, when we see the smile on his face and hear the joy in his laugh, it is all put in perspective. He is our miracle and he has been the one to get us through the tough moments. Watching him change and grow keeps us on our toes but also pushed us out of bed in the morning with a wonder of what is he going to do next that can’t really be put into words. It is an amazing feeling and I can’t believe that we have been waking up to that feeling for over eleven months now.

TMI Tuesday: I Want To Talk To Daddy NOW!

Part of my daily routine is calling my wife while on my way home after work. I have done this for a while and in the past it wasn’t as regular as it has become over the past year. Of course, now my wife and I have little say as to whether my phone is going to ring while I am getting on the highway.

Every day, so I have been told, when my wife picks our son up from work he babbles in the back seat saying “da da” over and over again as if it has become his infant mantra. This usually continues for much of the afternoon (and sometimes into the night) until he finally gets to the point when he reaches for my wife’s phone, says “da da”, and waves. He may only be ten months old but he has no issues getting his message across… I want to talk to dada now!

This is pretty much the same routine regardless of whether he is having a good day or a bad day and sometimes, for some reason, hearing my voice on the phone is one of the few things that will calm him down. However, consider yourself warned, if he is expecting to talk to daddy and you decide to call, he will not readily accept this and will be rather vocal about his displeasure. I am told that it is an interesting site to behold when the voice on the other end of the line is not that of his daddy… basically, imagine being cursed out in baby babble.

Of course, I am of two minds when I think about this routine that we have and the close relationship that I have been able to build with our son. While he knows my voice and he looks forward to seeing me every night, I am usually only able to spend anywhere between 30 and 60 minutes with him per day. And that is if I don’t have anything going on that night. This is why I am happy to have the relationship that we do but, at the same time, I don’t like the fact that I see him for such a small amount of time.

It’s almost as if I can hear Harry Chapin warming up back stage letting me know that I am walking a fine line. He is ready to go and can start singing at any time if I screw up. That is the last thing that I want to happen and why when I am home I give my son as much attention as I am able, play with him, and tell him I love him whenever I am given the chance. It may not be ideal but, so far, it is seems to maintain the strength of our connection.

Baby Hits Double Digits

Our son has officially reached double digits! I have no idea where the last ten months have gone but it is fascinating to think about all the changes that have happened over that time. Our baby is quickly turning into a little boy and all I can think about each day is trying to figure out how to stop time for just a day or two so that I might have an outside chance of catching up and having a moment to breath. But, at the same time, there is little I would change about how the last few months have gone… only one thing really. There have been great moments and difficult nights but, overall, it has been an experience which I wouldn’t change for the world.

These monthly milestones always have me thinking about those first few weeks when I was more concerned about breaking him rather than simply enjoying the quite moments holding my sleeping son. It was a time of light pats trying to get the burps out compared to the firm jostles that actually get the job done. Our son was pretty quiet from the very beginning. It may not have seemed like it at times but we have seen the way that other babies scream in restaurants and other public places. And, yes, our son still gives those kids the stink eye for interrupting his day.

It is amazing to think that only ten months ago he was holding my index finger as the nurse was cleaning him off for the first time. Now, it is hard to get him to stay still and when he does grab my hand it is more out of fascination rather than for comfort. Although it is nice to hear him babble rather than crying being his only means of communication.

So much has changed in our baby boy over the last ten months and so much has changed around him as well. However, the most important things are not the changes that have happened but the simple facts that he continues to be the same happy baby today that he was in the beginning, he still smiles at us in the same innocent, and sometimes not so innocent way, and he still finds comfort in our arms. Our son, and the love that we have for him, is growing so fast. No matter how much we love him at any given moment I know that it will increase exponentially over time (at least until he is a teenager). It may not always be easy but life doesn’t get much better than in those simple moments shared between a father and a son.

Sunday Search: Virginia Discoveries

Not long after the reunion dinner started, those of us in attendance were presented with new genealogical information regarding our family history. This was a revelation to many of those in attendance and I was rather eager to see this new research that was being brought to our attention. Within the blue folder, in front of the directory of those in attendance that weekend, there were two pages (206-207) copied from Joan Wheeler LaGrone’s book “Chronicles of a Nation” detailing the history of the original family surname.

While many saw this as an expansion of the family tree, when I read through the short excerpt I realized it was more like a collection of leaves that had fallen to the ground. We know which tree they came from but we can’t be certain yet as to from which branch they fell. However, it is great information to have and while I was familiar with the New Jersey connection (they retained a surname that more closely resembles the original), I was unfamiliar with the history of the surname as well as the more recent Civil War era stories that were relayed in the book.

While that new information satisfied the curiosity of many, there were many other opportunities throughout the week that really provided additional color to the leaves on my tree. Many of these revelations occurred during a conversation I had with a Monacan woman at the living history exhibit at Natural Bridge. It was from this conversation that I learned of John Redcross’s participation at the Battle of Yorktown during the Revolutionary War. While I previously knew of his general service and the company to which he belonged, I was unfamiliar with his participation at this celebrated victory.

This conversation also put some pieces together for me as I found out that many Monacan families moved to Eagle Rock at the same time as my ancestors. I was always curious as to why they chose to move there and this provided me with a logical explanation… they were part of a group that moved rather than as an individual family. Finally, when discussing additional details regarding the documents needed to prove our ancestral claims, she provided additional guidance as to what documents to use and where we should look for other supporting information. Thankfully, we already have many of the documents that were discussed.

The following day, as has been recorded on this blog, we traveled to the Monacan Indian Museum in Amherst County. Once again, the woman there to greet us was warm, inviting, and seemed genuinely excited to discuss our pursuit of membership in the tribe. In addition to the advice that was generously bestowed upon us (and my Aunt a few days prior), I came across a book on display in one of the cabinets that offered a couple of pieces of missing information… the death dates for Preston Johns and his wife Louisa Terry (my third great grandmother – mother of Marcellias Nicholas Love).

With so much new information, advice, and connections made I am definitely looking forward to putting a few more pieces together as well as filling in the application I picked up for tribal membership. While this entire trip was a revelation of place, these moments were a revelation of knowledge. All of these things – people, places, events, information, connections, etc. – make up who we are and I am looking forward to retelling this story to everyone but most especially my son.

Wood Anniversary Plus One

While there is no way that we were going to be able to top the wood anniversary from last year, this year was pretty good. It wasn’t because of anything special that we did or place we went, it was nice to celebrate our anniversary this year as a family. No cards, no gifts, just the three of us together. Something obviously a little different this year but the whole day has changed anyway with many of the things that we would normally be doing, dinners we would be having, this time of year no longer possible but forever part of our memory.

Ass I have said many times before, we have had great years and difficult times in our time together but we always stuck by one another knowing that this was just a simple fact of marriage. This past year was indicative of that cliched roller coaster. There have been times when we have had to just walk outside for some air and other times when you couldn’t pry us apart. However, throughout it all the love remained stronger than ever and now we have our son… our baby… the one who will forever be the symbol of our love and marriage.

Each year has brought something a little different. Sometimes it has been where we were living while other times it has been about where we were planning to go. I guess some of that will always be a part of our annual celebration but things are so much different than they were in the past. However, the constant thing that has remained is that I love my wife now more than I did the day we ran down the synagogue aisle and into the limo.

We have already had quite the journey and, as this year has shown us, things are only just beginning. There are so many things that we have to look forward to, plan for, and sometimes brace ourselves for. We have done so much and planned so many things with life surprising us in new ways each and every time. Throughout it all we have had each other and now we have our family.

Now this day no longer belongs to the two of us. This is a day when we can celebrate the life that we have built, the love that we have, and the family which we cherish. It is a day best described by the unwavering love that we have for one another and our son… the best anniversary gift that we could have ever hoped for. Now try and find a card that says all of that!

Sunday Search: New/Old Records On Ancestry

Birth Certificate of my great grandfather Harry Gilmore Teaford

While I would like to be on the site more often, I am only occasionally able to check Ancestry.com for updates to the various databases that are available online. Recently, I have had less time than usual to browse the site but was able to do so today. There are always new data sources and updates made but, especially lately, few have caught my attention like the ones I found today.

This past week, birth, marriage, and death records from Virginia were posted. While the date range is limited and they are by no means comprehensive collections, I was still able to find some new records as well as digital copies of records that I haven’t had the chance to upload. While the latter may not be new information, given the current disarray of my office, this was a welcomed discovery.

Death certificate of my great great grandfather Roy Harrison Teaford.

Death Certificate of my great great grandmother Sallie Clapsaddle. 

With these databases now available, I was able to explore a little more and find a few of the missing documents that I had been wanting to find including my great grandfathers birth certificate (albeit a registration from 1958), my great great grandfathers death certificate (I had found this information listed but was unable until now to find the actual record), the death certificate for my three times great grandfather, and the elusive Love and Redcross death certificates which I got copies of last summer but are sitting in a box next to my desk. It is interesting to go through these documents and confirm the parents (especially the mother’s surname)… I really didn’t expect to see Nicholas’ mother listed as a Terry. However, what was particularly striking was the fact that Laura and Nicholas Love’s death certificates were only a number apart from one another with them passing away only days apart from influenza (with some other contributing factors). It was just sad to see Nicholas listed as a widower when you know that Laura died only a few days prior.

Death certificate from March 9, 1939 of my great great grandmother Laura Redcross. 

Death certificate from March 16, 1939 of my great great grandfather Nicholas Love. 

Just like when the Pennsylvania records became available, I keep searching my family tree to find those that fit into the time frame. There are a few that I have been unable to find as the rural records are a little slower when it comes to digitization and there are also the ancestors who died just before the time frame of data available. Those are usually the ones that the parents’ names need to be confirmed. Also an interesting means of confirmation with these documents is that it tells you not only where they have been buried but also who the informant was at the time of death or who witnessed the birth as in the case of my great grandfather.

Death certificate of my 3x great grandfather George W. Clapsaddle.

Such is the ebb and flow of ancestry when the new sources are added followed by an extended wait and then more databases are added that are pertinent to your family research. In between is the time for digging, organizing, and finding all the more obscure sources and documents which are usually still exclusively in the physical (not digital) world. It is this back and forth multi-source process that continue to provide the results. Of course, Ancestry DNA should provide for some interesting insights as well but that is for a future post (when I get the results).

Looking Back On The Last 2 Months

It is hard to believe that it has already been two months (and a day) since our son was born. There have been a lot of changes that have occurred, both for better and worse, with each of them bringing us to this point, two months later. While there is still a little disbelief in our eyes when we watch him sleep, my wife and I are enjoying this new phase in our life (even if we don’t readily admit it when our baby is screaming in the middle of the night).

The memories are still so vivid going all the way back to the moment when we found out about our pending arrival. Each and every moment we will carry with us: the reactions when we told our parents, the first time we saw him on the ultrasound, the first time he breathed the same air as us, and all the details surrounding each of those moments and days. We will never forget them.

All of the tiring and trying moments seem to have faded leaving just those moments that remain seared into our memory: his first smile, the first time he found his thumb, the first time that he cooed at us, the first time he rolled over, his first car ride, and countless other moments. These are the times when I don’t need a picture to see his smile and I don’t need a recording to hear his coo. They are forever carried with us so that we can look back at the cuteness when he gets older.

It hasn’t been an easy couple of months but seeing him grow and slowly become more aware of his surroundings is something that I can’t really describe… all the parents reading this know what I am talking about. And the love that you have for your child is something that remains indescribable as well. There are already so many great moments and memories to look back on and so many things that we are looking forward to. Before we know it, they will all be memories.  

While time has flown as our baby had grown, we remember each time he grew just a little bit. Now he is nearly 12 pounds and will soon be too big for the bassinette. It will be another interesting adjustment for us not having him beside the bed. But it is also going to be another memory to look back on… the look of a peaceful sleep that occurs when he doesn’t have to listen to daddy snoring on the other side of the room.

Reflections On This Day

As has been obvious to anyone watching or reading the news, over the past year (especially during the last six month) there has been a tremendous amount of racial discourse. There have been many instances when the protests have been thoughtful and thought provoking while there have also been numerous occasions when the messages have been lost in the rage and rampage both physically and verbally. There have been calls for peace as well as race baiting accusations. Overall, the dichotomy has been tremendous especially considering that each has called on the memory of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. to support their actions.

In the majority of these instances, the verdict was declared before a pursuit of justice could even begin. On more than one occasion, those who sought to tell the truth were threatened with their lives… some came forward but too many remained silent. It makes me wonder how those who seek to prevent justice view this holiday when we remember a man who spent his life and gave his life in the hope that justice, freedom, equality, and peace could be embraced by all regardless of race, religion, or nationality. As Coretta Scott King wrote in “The Meaning of The King Holiday”:

On this day we commemorate Dr. King’s great dream of a vibrant, multiracial nation united in justice, peace and reconciliation; a nation that has a place at the table for children of every race and room at the inn for every needy child. We are called on this holiday, not merely to honor, but to celebrate the values of equality, tolerance and interracial sister and brotherhood he so compellingly expressed in his great dream for America.

It is a day of interracial and intercultural cooperation and sharing. No other day of the year brings so many peoples from different cultural backgrounds together in such a vibrant spirit of brother and sisterhood. Whether you are African-American, Hispanic or Native American, whether you are Caucasian or Asian-American, you are part of the great dream Martin Luther King, Jr. had for America. This is not a black holiday; it is a peoples’ holiday. And it is the young people of all races and religions who hold the keys to the fulfillment of his dream.

We commemorate on this holiday the ecumenical leader and visionary who embraced the unity of all faiths in love and truth. And though we take patriotic pride that Dr. King was an American, on this holiday we must also commemorate the global leader who inspired nonviolent liberation movements around the world. Indeed, on this day, programs commemorating my husband’s birthday are being observed in more than 100 nations.

The King Holiday celebrates Dr. King’s global vision of the world house, a world whose people and nations had triumphed over poverty, racism, war and violence. The holiday celebrates his vision of ecumenical solidarity, his insistence that all faiths had something meaningful to contribute to building the beloved community.

The Holiday commemorates America’s pre-eminent advocate of nonviolence — the man who taught by his example that nonviolent action is the most powerful, revolutionary force for social change available to oppressed people in their struggles for liberation.

This holiday honors the courage of a man who endured harassment, threats and beatings, and even bombings. We commemorate the man who went to jail 29 times to achieve freedom for others, and who knew he would pay the ultimate price for his leadership, but kept on marching and protesting and organizing anyway.

Every King Holiday has been a national “teach-in” on the values of nonviolence, including unconditional love, tolerance, forgiveness and reconciliation, which are so desperately-needed to unify America. It is a day of intensive education and training in Martin’s philosophy and methods of nonviolent social change and conflict-reconciliation. The Holiday provides a unique opportunity to teach young people to fight evil, not people, to get in the habit of asking themselves, “what is the most loving way I can resolve this conflict?”

In Dr. King’s memory, I hope that we can all seek peace during this tumultuous time and seek truth and justice rather than assume guilt simply based on whether the person is black or white. To strive to accomplish any less in his memory would be to contradict all that he fought and died for. Remember, his dream was that ALL men are created equal!

Taking Turns

Yes, I am using this post as an excuse to include another picture of our baby boy!

 With everything that is going on lately with the move, work, lodge, and other things, I was looking forward to going to the next doctor appointment to check on our baby. That’s right, I actually had a reason to look forward to a doctor appointment. With our scheduled checkup a little later in the evening, I left the office a little later than usual and called my wife during the commute. It has been, to say the least, a little chaotic for her lately as well and she too was looking forward to hearing our son’s rapid heartbeat.

In the past we have endured prolonged periods in the waiting room so as the first flakes of precipitation brushed across our cheeks we walked into the office a little early and settled in for what we expected to be another long evening. Thankfully we were wrong as before we could even get settled, and certainly to the displeasure of those who were already waiting, we were escorted back to an examining room. Once all the basic vitals were checked, it was time for my wife to lay down and let the baby take over the moment.

As many of you know and have experienced before, hearing your child’s happy heartbeat takes over the moment allowing for everything else that may be going on in your life to disappear for a brief moment. Last night it couldn’t have come at a better time as that one instant, that fleeting flutter of a moment, made much of the thoughts from the previous few days, weeks, and months disappear from our thoughts. It didn’t last long of course but it was enough to get us through the rest of the day and into the night.

In the end, our baby remains healthy and slightly ahead of schedule. That is really all that we want. It just happens to be a bonus that he is already starting to listen to us, sleeping when we need to sleep, and shifting into a different position when needed. Even if he didn’t do any of those things we would still love him just as much as we do now and that, our new reality as parents, continues to be what is getting us both through many tough moments lately. Essentially, baby is already helping to take care of us know before we have to start taking care of him.

And now we wait for the next appointment. While we just had the most recent checkup last night, we are already looking forward to the next one. Before long he will be here and that is when our lives will really change but, for now, we are enjoying the change that he has already had on our lives.

Why This Day?

Like most religious holidays, especially ones that have become a piece of commercialized pop culture, it is interesting to look at the roots of the Christmas holiday and basically how it came to fall on this particular day in December. It seems that almost from the very beginning, the selection of this date has been a marketing play to ensure the success of the holiday and the spread of the religion. And you can’t really blame the early church for doing this because of the simple fact that it works. This theory is summarized on Wikipedia in the follow passage:

One theory to explain the choice of 25 December for the celebration of the birth of Jesus is that the purpose was to Christianize the pagan festival in Rome of the Dies Natalis Solis Invicti means "the birthday of the Unconquered Sun", a festival inaugurated by the Roman emperor Aurelian (270–275) to celebrate the sun god and celebrated at the winter solstice, 25 December. According to this theory, during the reign of the emperor Constantine, Christian writers assimilated this feast as the birthday of Jesus, associating him with the 'sun of righteousness' mentioned in Malachi 4:2 (Sol Iustitiae).

An explicit expression of this theory appears in an annotation of uncertain date added to a manuscript of a work by 12th-century Syrian bishop Jacob Bar-Salibi. The scribe who added it wrote: "It was a custom of the Pagans to celebrate on the same 25 December the birthday of the Sun, at which they kindled lights in token of festivity. In these solemnities and revelries the Christians also took part. Accordingly when the doctors of the Church perceived that the Christians had a leaning to this festival, they took counsel and resolved that the true Nativity should be solemnised on that day." This idea became popular especially in the 18th and 19th centuries.

It is interesting in the origins and evolution of the holiday that the, for lack of a better term, mood of the holiday has changed so drastically back and forth over the centuries. What was once a means of celebration to rival that of a pagan holiday transformed into a day of reverential awe. Now we find ourselves, regardless of our own particular faith, surrounded by the sights and sounds of the season which are downright joyous. And while it is no longer my holiday of choice the messages of peace, love, family, appreciation, and joy are universal and should be embraced by all. And for everything else there is always Festivus!

Final Month

I can’t believe that we are already in the final month of 2014. I have no idea where the year has gone and it is surprising to look back and see where things started and where we are now. And with so many changes that are scheduled to take place in the beginning of 2015 it is amazing to think what things are going to be like at this time next year.

Work has been great with things always happening to keep me busy and clients that value the work that we have done but there are changes that have happened and are going to take place over the next month. There have been great placements and lost opportunities. We have lost a few accounts and brought some in. We have seem contracts go to other firms and we have had companies come directly to us. I have seen new colleagues come in and I have seen a few pack up their things. All of these things are, unfortunately, part of the industry and we already know of changes that will take place sooner rather than later.

The lodge, as you know, has been hectic with events, both scheduled and unplanned, causing us to work a little harder than usual to keep things running smoothly. It has been a year of growth and good work as our numbers continue to rise (both membership and attendance) and the list of events that we have scheduled more comprehensive than the previous year. And it has been a challenging time as I have done my best to keep up to date on all of my duties in my first year as Secretary (while trying to balance everything else in life). One more month, one more meeting, and then we do it all again.

I have been able to keep up on the blogs but it really has been a struggle at times. Not just in trying to figure out what the heck I am going to say (hence this post) but sometimes just finding the time to write. My list of things to do on a daily basis seems to be getting longer and longer and the makeup days that once existed have long since been booked with other things. But I am going to keep pushing forward with both the current set up and with a few things that I am working on to hopefully relieve a little of the work load.

With all those things going on, the most important changes have been with regard to my, growing, family. Not only has this been an adjustment as of late but there are many more things that will be happening at the beginning of the year. There are many great experiences that I will forever remember from this past year and some that while I would prefer to forget I have no choice but to remember. There is a lot more that we have planned for this month as a family and hopefully it will be a month full of nothing but good things. All we can do is live and love and that is what I hope encapsulates this final month of 2014.

Gobble Gobble: Part Two

Growing u we always had Thanksgiving dinner at home and while at the time I didn’t think about this annual routine now it has become something that I think back on and enjoy. The last several years, with all of us getting married, having kids, and moving around those dinners have shifted around. Most years our day would consist of a few stops and this year was no different with a couple of stops during the day. Each time it has been a slightly different schedule but the biggest difference had been that we would no longer go to my parent’s house for the holiday.

Thankfully, my wife and I were able to revisit those memories a little bit and have a post-Thanksgiving meal with my parents tonight. It was just the four of us but it allowed us to spend time with them, eat, chat, and just enjoy being there without having to rush out the door to go somewhere else. We have had many meals with my parents as we enjoy being there and catching up on all that is going on, receive great advice, and sometimes plan for the things just around the corner. It really is a home for both of us.

Tonight made me miss a little bit the simpler Thanksgivings without the commotion and the running from place to place when we could just show up and pick up conversations as if we had just seen them earlier that day. I guess you could say that one of the things that I am most grateful for is the relationship that my wife and I have with my parents and the support and guidance that they have always given us. Some may not be able to relate to this statement at all but I consider myself privileged to have been born into my family.

That is something that I hope that we will be able to pass on to our son. I want him to have those memories of family holidays filled with family and know that we are always there for him. I guess you could say that is one of my greatest fears… that he will not look back at Thanksgiving and other family gatherings with the same love and appreciation that I do now. Maybe that is why I am so excited not just to meet our son but to introduce him to his family.

Changes We Can’t Control

Every once in a while my wife and I will be driving down the street and think about some of the stores that used to be part of the towns across the main line. All the places that we remember going to as kids and even some of the stores that we would shop at when we were in high school. Those places are becoming harder and harder to find the more we drive up and down the local roads.

We were reminded of this fact when we made our way to the King of Prussia mall this past weekend. We had, no surprise, a few errands to run and a baby registry to complete (finally). It was during this trip that we decided to stop by the newly opened Dick’s Sporting Goods (their prices are still too high). Afterward, we couldn’t help but walk next door and head down the escalator to see what we could find during the final days of the Sears store being open.

I can’t recall how many times that I have been to Sears (this location in particular) over the years but it basically has been a place that I would occasionally find myself walking around throughout my life. This trip was completely different and, unfortunately, all too familiar. With the liquidation of stock in full swing, the department store had been consolidated to a small fraction of a single floor. This was, most likely, the last time that I would be walking up and down those aisles.

While I can’t really complain about getting 60+% off on items, it is still a little sad to be in the midst of forced change. The shelves were nearly barren and racks of clothes sprawled across the middle of the floor in haphazard organization. They even had prices on the shelves themselves along with the carts and displays. The world is changing around us and there is no better example of this than the retail shift that we see every day.

It always seems as though it is the places that had the best selection and prices that are closing up and moving out. From Strawbridge’s, Wannamaker’s, and Sears to Borders, Sam Goody, and Blockbuster, all the places that we remember going to on the weekends are nothing more than a memory. And now we can’t help but think of how the same kinds of changes will continue… what are the places that our son will remember from his childhood that won’t be around when he is an adult?

It is going to be interesting to see how things evolve over the next couple of decades and I wonder if it will be faster or slower than what we have already seen. While it would be nice to have these things remain a stable part of everyday life that simply is not the reality of life. Things change and all we can do is enjoy the memories and hope to make even better ones for our son. We may not be able to control the word around him but we can control how much we love him. Everything else doesn’t really matter.

“Happy” Birthday!

Thought my wife would enjoy this one. 

When it comes to my birthday I look at it as simply turning another year older… actually you’re only turning a day older. However, I enjoy celebrating birthdays of family and friends. Today I was able to do just that as my wife’s birthday snuck up on the two of us.

While she has always had mixed emotions during her day, this year was particularly bipolar as there is a lot of things swirling around our life right now and a huge amount of uncertainty, nervousness, and trepidation concerning the future. However, there were moments today that transcended all the things around us and floating above our heads. Those are the moments that will forever make this birthday one to remember.

It all started with the simple transition from yesterday to today as I was able to turn to her and think about the fact that, unlike in our previous years together, she is not just a wife, she is a mother to be. While not being toted around in her arms, she is able to celebrate this birthday with our child. Having just marked 20 weeks, we know that while baby is still freeloading, it can hear the happiness and the celebration.

Of course, recent news has curbed the joy of the day but there were moments, however short they might have been, when we were all able to enjoy the present. There was a few times when that little wrinkle of worry would fade, eyes would brighten just a little, and we were all temporarily focusing on our present actions. Yesterday and tomorrow were fleetingly pushed out of our minds.

Reality is kind of funny that way. While there is that which is immediately around us, there is also that which transcends that place and time. In the moment, we were shopping for maternity clothes, trying on shoes, and enjoying a tasty (and very large) meal at Cheesecake Factory talking about all the changes that have happened over the past year, memories of previous birthdays, and looking forward to life with the new baby. But that was only part of the reality.

We were all thinking about the unpleasant things in life and the pending hardships to be faced. Throughout the day, my wife was stronger than I think I have ever seen her. And while it is not how anyone expects to spend a birthday, there were those moments that you can’t help but remember and smile. It was a good day and sometimes that is the best gift that can be given. So, with all that said, I want to devote the last words to my wife…

While I wish I could give you the gift of an alternate universe where your sadness doesn't exist, I hope that this day with its moments of happiness will suffice. I love you and I look forward to many more birthdays in the future (especially when I can help baby pick out a gift for you)! Stay strong and know that I am always here for you.

Finding The Strength

While I can’t disclose many of the details, yesterday was a horrible day. After hearing from one of my friends that he lost a grandson over the weekend, I thought the day was bad enough. I couldn't imagine such a loss. However, things seemed to drop off a cliff shortly after that when I got a call from someone in my own family. The news sounded bad and, what’s worse, we don’t really know all the details and don’t know what the future holds. With that said, let me be clear by letting you know that the baby is fine. A bit of a pain in the butt at times, but fine.

Again, I won’t get into the details, but the news really came as a shock to me and, more especially, my wife. It is a battle that the family has faced many times and now it seems as though we must keep fighting. We have seen it come into our lives in many guises and we know what it is capable of but that doesn’t mean that we are without hope. Thankfully we are all incredibly stubborn and we are ready to fight so there is a chance that the outcome will be better than expected. This has been beaten before and can be again.

Such is the balance, or should I say unbalance, of life. Just as things seem to be calming down and there is a little bit of breathing room to be found, something like this happens. While the pessimistic side of me is always preparing for something like this to happen (maybe that is why I am unable to fully relax most days) this is still shocking and leaves us feeling unprepared to deal with what lies on the horizon. These moments leave us to reassess our priorities and put the now unimportant things aside so that we can be in the present and do all that we can to get through today, tomorrow, and the next day.

At the same time, these moments bring back the memories that we have put to the backs of our minds. We remember the battles fought and we recall the strength of those people that we love. That might be why this post has taken so much time and energy to write. While moments like this are trying for everyone in the family, we will all come together with all the strength and love that we have and do whatever we can to help. Sometimes it may not be much but, in times like these, even those little things mean a lot when we put our hearts into them.

Great Conversations And Unwanted “Advice”

Ever since we announced that we were having a baby there have been dozens and dozens of family and friends offering us advice based on their experience. I am a firm proponent of gathering as much information as possible from as many people as possible especially from those who are parents. We have already had a variety of great conversations and have received a tremendous amount of excellent advice since the announcement and we are constantly receiving little bits of wisdom every now and again. It is amazing how much love and support that we have received and we are grateful for those people in our life. Yesterday was one of those days when we felt that warmth as family continuously approached us, offered their congratulations, and chatted briefly about how my wife is holding up. But it was not our day and we all wanted to enjoy the party, the real reason why we were all together.

Of course, over the past couple of weeks, there have also been a few people that keep popping up and offering lectures of what we should be doing and what we are currently doing wrong. They have also offered their pessimistic views on what they “hope doesn’t happen” while mixing in monologues about how we can avoid unrelated problems that they know absolutely nothing about. This is usually followed by “offers” to gain some additional practice in the coming months because we have obviously never been around infants and know nothing about some of the unpleasant aspects which they proceed to outline in great detail.

These people have a commonality, they are the center of the world. It is not a dialogue, it is a matter of they know what is best and we need to do it that way or we are wrong. This characteristic also encompasses a few people that are not excited about the good news because that means that we are not able to give them as much of our attention anymore. Did I mention that these people are over five years old? Keep in mind that we prefer to have the quick conversations and move on to another topic. There are too many great things happening to many fantastic people in our life to focus on ourselves or any other single person.

This is a very special time in our life and we want to embrace all the positive energy, unique experiences, and great people in our life. While, for various reasons, we can’t get rid of all the negative people and energy, we will do our best to minimize them and focus on the love and support. At the same time, we are going to continue living life and celebrating the amazing events and milestones of our friends and family. Of course, we won’t turn down great advice now and again!

I’m Feeling Kind Of Woody Today

Five years ago today my wife and I nervously paced around the synagogue waiting for everyone to arrive. We had just finished taking the family pictures on the stairs, signed the ketubah to the right side of the bimah, and we were now anxiously waiting for the time to get started. What seemed forever to wait for, including the two and a half year engagement, was over in what seemed like seconds. While a memory that seems like a blur in time, the moments are as vivid as the world currently surrounding us.  

We frequently look back on that day, flip through the pictures, and find ourselves still amazed that it has now been five years since we became husband and wife (the gift for this year is wood). While there have been a few moments here and there since that day that we would have done differently or wished had gone better, we are here today stronger and closer than we have ever been. With life getting busier and busier by the day, I look forward to heading home for the night to be with my wife.

So today we mark the first five years of our marriage with all the love that we have shared during the past half-decade. Our bond has taken us from Pennsylvania to Brooklyn to New Jersey to Jerusalem and back to Pennsylvania. We have each experienced various levels of employment and kept a wide variety of work hours. We have seen sickness and we have experienced health. We have struggled financially but we live in the wealth of our connection to each other.

We have seen one another at our best and at our worst. We have traveled around the state and around the world. We have lived a life at varying degrees of observance. Throughout those journeys and those different points in our life, we have continued to stand by on another, grow as a couple, and, eventually, find what works best for the two of us.

I am grateful each morning to have you by my side (even when you are trying to shake me awake as you yell at me to turn my alarm off), thankful for you constantly supporting me no matter how insane my schedule gets, I appreciate you keeping me grounded and forcing me to hold back at times when I try to do too much, and I’m amazed that you put us with me day after day after day. Thank you for the first five years of marriage. I will do my best to improve a few things during the next five years. Happy Anniversary! I love you!

Mother’s Day Isn’t Limited By The Calendar

There are some holidays that just seem to get overlooked. No matter how much effort we put into celebrating the day, it just doesn’t seem to be enough. I have always felt that way about Mother’s Day as there is so much that my mom has done for me and so much support that she has given to me and my siblings that I don’t know if there is anything that we could do to really show how much I appreciate everything that she has given to me and the love that has never wavered no matter how crazy my life plans tend to be.

While we have this day that is prepackaged to honor our mothers, the origins of the day really show the love that most of us feel and the kind of honor that we wish to bestow upon the wonderful women that raised us. When you read about the founding of the holiday on Wikipedia you will get my point:

The modern American holiday of Mother's Day was first celebrated in 1908, when Anna Jarvis held a memorial for her mother in Grafton, West Virginia. Her campaign to make "Mother's Day" a recognized holiday in the United States began in 1905, the year her beloved mother, Ann Reeves Jarvis, died. Anna’s mission was to honor her own mother by continuing work she had started and to set aside a day to honor mothers, "the person who has done more for you than anyone in the world." Anna's mother, Ann Jarvis, was a peace activist who had cared for wounded soldiers on both sides of the Civil War and created Mother’s Day Work Clubs to address public health issues.

Due to the campaign efforts of Anna Jarvis, several states officially recognized Mother's Day, the first in 1910 being West Virginia, Jarvis’ home state. In 1914 Woodrow Wilson signed the proclamation creating Mother’s Day, the second Sunday in May, as a national holiday to honor mothers. In a thank-you note to Wilson, Jarvis wrote of a “great Home Day of our country for sons and daughters to honor their mothers and fathers and homes in a way that will perpetuate family ties and give emphasis to true home life.” Jarvis became critical, however, of the commercialization of the day.

So, while I will do what I can on this day to show my mom how much I love her and appreciate her, I will keep working every day to make sure I convey that beyond the confines of a single block on the calendar. I know too many people who rely on holidays and only reach out when there is another reason to call their mom. I don’t ever want to end up like one of those people (although I think there were times in my life when I did). There really doesn’t need to be a reason to talk, to make sure you remain connected, and to let you mom know (even if it is not directly stated) that you love her.