Mortgage Monday: Labor Day Labor

While I don’t have work today the ironic thing about this Labor Day is that there is work being done at the house. It seems as though every minute of free time that my brother in law has had lately has been committed to this HVAC overhaul. For the past month (or more, I can’t recall when he started) he has joined us for the weekend forgoing time with his family and taking a break from his already long work week. There is no questioning that we are incredibly lucky to have him devote so much of his free time to not just getting this project done but getting it done right.

This is the part of Labor Day that tends to be overlooked. Many of the people whom we honor with this day are the same ones who would do anything to help their family. The same people that deserve to take a break tend to be the ones that can never stop working.

Thankfully, we are almost done with this phase of the work. A couple more weekends and everything should be complete and the way that we want it and the way that he wants it. There is already a huge difference in the house both with regard to the regulation of the temperature and the cleanliness of the system (the old one was, to put it nicely, nasty). Just a short time longer and we will all be able to enjoy the new system.

In future years we hope to have him at our house again during this particular holiday but this is, hopefully, the last time that we will ask him to do any work on the house. Actually, we hope to have the family join us in the future to relax not to work on the house and enjoy the work that was put into making our home as comfortable as possible. It shouldn’t take long before we start having family over again to enjoy the house.  

In the meantime, we are continuously cognizant of the sacrifices that our brother in law is making to help us out (and my sister and their kids) and we are doing our best to make him as comfortable as possible while he is here. We try to keep the beer fridge stocked, have good food on the table, and a bed made. We also have an open door so that the kid and my sister can come over and spend some time. But, the most important thing right now is that we try and do everything we can to give him back his weekends as soon as possible.

Mortgage Monday: HVAC Overhaul

Well, we are halfway there. While the work weeks were once filled with ongoing renovations, now the weekends are taking the brunt of the workload. Thankfully, as of this past weekend, half of the HVAC overhaul has been completed with the first floor now able to better maintain the temperature that we set on the thermostat. The old unit is still running (surprisingly) but is now only trying to cool the second floor. Now we only have to hope that it lasts until the rest of the work is done.

In total, the boiler and oil tank have been removed, half of the baseboard units have been pulled out, and the propane tank, hot water heater, and complete AC system on the first floor have been installed. It is already a lot of work and we are only at the midpoint of this renovation phase. While it is difficult to go from the work week to the house work on the weekends, we are already enjoying the benefits of what has been completed.

It really is surprising how much of a different some of these things can make regarding the simple enjoyment of our home. And, lately, with how up and down the weather has been it is nice to have some regularity regarding the internal temperature of the house. We knew that the old system was undersized and ineffective but we didn’t really full grasp how bad it was until we got the new system up and running.

The next steps will involve attacking the second floor and completely taking the old unit offline. The weather actually looks like it is going to cooperate this coming weekend but, of course, our schedule is not so forgiving and we will be out of town for much of the long weekend. Thankfully, we have someone whom we can trust doing this work and we also know the quality of work that is being done which will allow us to not have to think about the house while we are away… more on the trip over the weekend.

For now, we are going to enjoy all the upgrades and improvements that we have decided to have done to the house and we are going to brace for the next part of the process which will descend upon us next month. While there should be little overlap between this current project and the next, there is likely to be a short period of time when there will be work going on seven days a week. Thankfully, it two completely different parts of the house. Should be fun!

6,000 Mile Update

VS

A few months ago, following my accident(s) on the Pennsylvania Turnpike, I decided to get a new car. Well, it has been nearly two months and over 6,000 miles since I made the leap from my repaired 2015 Jeep Cherokee Trailhawk to my 2016 Mercedes Benz GLC 300 4Matic and, so far, the results have been great. To do a direct comparison on every aspect of these vehicles would be a disservice to both the Jeep and the Mercedes so I am going to stick to some of the basics based on my experiences.

The hard numbers that we can compare side mostly with the Mercedes with the only exceptions being that of maintenance and fuel costs which are, not surprisingly, higher than that of the Jeep. However, Mercedes has a clear advantage in the other categories. To be specific, I averaged about 23.5 miles per gallon combined in the Cherokee over the course of about 22,000 miles. So far, the GLC is averaging about 27.5 miles per gallon combined over this initial 6,000 mile break in period. Basically, the difference in MPG wipes out, almost exactly, the additional cost of premium versus regular gas. With a bigger gas tank and about 60 more horsepower, the GLC has the clear advantage in both of those categories as well.

Now we are going to discuss the subjective aspects of the change from one car to the other. This really comes down to personal preference but, for me, the GLC definitely has a more comfortable ride which is to be expected given the two manufacturers. And since 90-95% of my driving is on the highway this is hugely important. But it is not just more comfortable for me behind the wheel, both my wife and my son have noticed a difference in how the car rides and how much more interior space we have in the GLC over the Cherokee. However, I will say that the Cherokee is a superior off road vehicle but, for me and my use, that really is a non-factor at this point.

Bear in mind that, while the perception of these two brands is completely different, when compared with nearly the same equipment in each (obviously the Mercedes has more things that are standard) the price difference is nominal, about $1,000-2,000 more for the GLC. Many of the dimensions are similar as well including height, width, clearance, and turning radius. Both are great cars but my preference is firmly with the GLC and, at this point, I would be hard pressed to switch to another brand in the future. Clearly, given the initial results and experiences, I would recommend the GLC to anyone looking for a midsized SUV.

I Didn’t Like Working From Home…

Every year, I am given ten work from home days to use as I see fit. However, even though I have been given the option to do so I have rarely used more than a couple out of necessity. I have never been a fan of working from home. This has not been a secret and there are a multitude of reasons for my dislike of this arrangement. What it really comes down to is the simple fact that I am not as productive at home as I am at the office. And that is all about the focus that I lack when there are so many distractions around the house.

However, in the few weeks that we have been in our new home, that stance is beginning to waver and, with the office arrangement that I have, I seem to be maintaining my focus better than I have been in the past. On some days it is even better than at the office. While I don’t believe it is one specific thing that has helped me I do know that it is a much more comfortable arrangement.

In the past, my office has either been upstairs or in the basement far removed from anything else in the house. Theoretically, this seems like a good arrangement but in reality it created, over time, an atmosphere that wasn’t conducive to getting work done. Over time I would use these spaces less and less until they eventually remained relatively unused and my laptop and work documents overtook the kitchen table. It proved to be quite the vicious cycle.

The only time that I had an office on the main floor was in our apartment in Bala Cynwyd. It actually worked well for a little while but because of the odd hours I kept, the close proximity to the bedroom which prevented me from typing too loud, and the maintenance issues that proceeded to drip all over the carpet, this too was a short lived arrangement. Of course, it also didn’t help that my wife and I shared the office space and we have completely different ways of working.

Now we have separate spaces on the main floor of the house. While there is still some work that needs to be done so that I can use the space on a more regular basis (i.e. doors put in so the sound doesn’t travel up the stairs at night and wake up our son), it is already proving to be an excellent place to get things done. I think I have completed more projects in this office over the past month than I did sitting in the basement in our last rental. So, now working from home might not be so bad which is a good thing because the roads might not be as friendly in our current location.

One Keurig At A Time

Lately there have been a lot of things that we have looked to move around at the lodge. Some are simply plans that we hope to follow through on in the future while other projects are well underway and will hopefully be completed by the end of the year. Of course, one space where a lot of moving around needs to be done is in the office… this is something that falls under both the former and, time permitting, will soon be a part of the latter. Frankly, I am not concerned with the space itself, although there have been talks regarding the moving of the office itself, it is more of a matter of all the stuff that has accumulated in that half of the basement.

Know in the middle of my own packing and sifting at home, I am really not looking forward to the monumental undertaking that will be required at the lodge. It really isn’t about how much stuff that needs to be moved as the room isn’t all that big. It all comes down to the fact that we have to go through each and every item, ever sheet of paper, and basically get approval to dispose of all the items that are unnecessary. At least at home I can, for the most part, take care of this pretty quickly as I know almost immediately what stays and what goes… the lodge is another story altogether.

I guess a bonus for my own move is the fact that there are a number of things that we have either replaced, plan to replace, or simply don’t need any more at the new house. While many of these things have been donated over the last couple of months (primarily shoes and clothes) there are a few other items that I am happy to donate to the lodge and some of the brethren. I always enjoy this part because it is a means for me to bring a little comfort to the lodge for all of us that use the space. While computers are completely practical and do a lot to accomplish this, having a Keurig in the new kitchen should be that little extra for some of us that makes it that much more comfortable.

I am sure that there are other things that would be beneficial to the lodge (there are definitely more important and pressing needs) but sometimes it is nice to satisfy that need for creature comforts. After all, we want the brethren to feel comfortable in the space. We want our families to feel comfortable in the space. And we want all of our guests to feel welcomed in our space. The lodge consists of the men who are members of the community with a common meeting place, the building is not just a home for those brethren but also a part of the community as a whole. By providing a welcoming lodge, we support a welcoming community.

So Long DSW!

Over the years, I have bought and replaced countless pairs of shoes. Many of those pairs were purchased at the crap shoot known as DSW where the prices are usually pretty good (at least in the clearance section) but the durability can sometimes be questionable. In reality, most of the shoes that have any kind of longevity for me have been ones that aren’t usually found on the discount or clearance shelves.

My most recent workhorses were a couple of pairs of Johnson & Murphy dress shoes which I surprisingly found on clearance at Macy’s for about $40 a pair. The brown shoes met their maker a few years ago while the black ones held on until just recently. In the past, I had a pair of Allen Edmonds loafers that put up with daily abuse for over four years before finally giving up on me… holes in the soles are never fun when you step in a puddle. These were also the most comfortable shoes that I have ever owned and I hoped to once again buy a pair but the price has always been prohibitive running about $400+.

With my work and lodge shoe choices dwindling and few stores carrying wide sizes, I spent some time a few weeks ago trying to find some decent shoes at a good price. After having a few options returned to Amazon due to foot strangulation issues, I decided to see if I could find any of the Allen Edmonds shoes on sale somewhere at a price that I could at least justify. My thought process was rather simple… I currently spend about $50-75 on a pair of shoes that last me a year so if I can find a pair of Allen Edmonds for $200-250 that last me four years (like my last pair), I am basically breaking even.

So I started my search scanning the numerous Amazon sellers, sifted through the Nordstrom Rack website, and quickly clicked on and backed out of Shoebuy. All of them had limited selection, prices that were still too high, and didn’t carry the right size for me. I had just about given up on trying to find this unicorn when I clicked on one more link to a website that I didn’t recognize. This is when I found the Shoe Bank, Allen Edmonds' factory seconds website. It didn’t take long before I came to the realization that the site met all the criteria that I was looking for including prices that were far lower than I was expecting… basically at the same price point as lesser quality brands found at DSW. And I am fine with a small blemish that prevented it from passing quality control but that no one else is able to find.

The only aspect of the buying process that may prevent some people from taking advantage of these prices is the fact that there is no e-commerce capabilities to be found on the site. While the current stock and prices are listed, you have to call the store to place an order. Not an issue for me, I was on the phone within 30 minutes and had the receipt emailed to me shortly thereafter. A week later and my feet are once again enjoying the comfort of a luxury shoe. And now, a few weeks later, and nearly all my shoes have been replaced with the only holdovers being my work and combat boots.   

So, if you find yourself in the same position, definitely take advantage of the prices and quality offered at the Shoe Bank. You will not find the same quality for these prices anywhere else and, if you go through shoes like me, it is going to save you a heck of a lot of money in the long run. One big category checked off the shredded wardrobe overhaul list… on to the next.

Knowing Your Neighbors

Don't be this guy!

Growing up I knew all the neighbors especially the few other kids on our small street. It was nice being able to go from house to house, yard to yard, and know that I could always be reached if I was needed at home (this was before cell phones). It really was like having a giant front yard where we could play, go sledding, or ride our bikes. Everyone knew everyone.

While I still make a point to introduce myself to our neighbors, I am not as diligent on making sure I meet each one. I guess there is something about the impermanence of renting that just makes it seem like there are better ways I could spend my time. This is rather selfish, I admit, but, oddly enough, it has also allowed me to spend the time getting to know more people. Rather than going out of my way, I let things happen and eventually, I am able to meet everyone and find out a little bit about those who live and work around me.

I just let things happen and when we have a chance to meet I do my best to engage in an interesting conversation. Of course, those of you who know me also know that when you get me talking it is almost always going to be a lengthy discussion regardless of the topic. So, in the end, I guess you could call this passive aggressive networking. So far it has worked for me (at home, work, and lodge) and I have gotten to know some great people this way.

I enjoy working with people on a daily basis and find that this approach allows me to treat others as friends more than just someone who lives or works near me and I have treated these relationships accordingly. And the mutually beneficial aspects have been fantastic. We all have different networks of people and sometimes we can connect others either because of business or common interest. While I have given business to others, a number of people have introduced me to contacts that have, in turn, saved me a heck of a lot of time and money.

What I am trying to say is don’t just learn someone’s name. Get to know those around you. Know what your neighbors do for a living (I will try to do a better job of this when we are in a place that we own). Know what your colleagues’ interests are and those in neighboring businesses. Know the occupations and interests of your fellow brethren (or those members in an applicable club, religious institution, etc). You will almost certainly be surprised to find that you have more in common with the people around you than you realize and there is a tremendous opportunity to help those around you and they will usually return the favor in kind. Plus, it is just nice (and comforting) to know the people around you.  

TMI Tuesday: Power Outage

As I was getting ready for bed last night I could hear the wind screaming against the windows and doings it’s best Jethro Tull impression with our chimney. I guess we were on the wrong end of the thirty percent chance of rain. The wind continued with relentless gusts as my wife and I recounted the day and not long after we both shut our eyes the room went completely dark. With echoes of thunder and strobes of lightening filling every corner of the house, we knew that this was going to be one storm that our son was not going to be able to sleep through. Just as we finished vocalizing that thought our son proved us right.

He was already having some issues staying asleep lately and this meteorological front was the final piece in ensuring that he completely woke up from his peaceful slumber. We could hear him rustling in his crib between the rumbles and as the rain pelted the roof and the waterfall filled the windowsill, he became more and more vocal. As soon as the crying overpowered nature, we knew it was time to comfort him so we got up, rummaged in the nightstand for a flashlight, and prepared for the long night.

As soon as we walked into the room and began trying to sooth him he calmed down and went back to sleep (well, maybe the second time). What ended up getting him was the fact that the electric decided to start stimming, turning on for a second or two every five or ten minutes for about an hour… just enough to wake him up. The other thing that wasn’t helping was the fact that our son was beginning to overheat. He is a little space heater and needs to be kept cool so he was stripped down to a single layer for the night.

Surprisingly, PECO was actually pretty close to their estimate from earlier in the evening as power was restored two hours later. At that point we could all rest a little better and home that we would be able to recover relatively quickly in the morning. It was already going to be a long day for us and now we just added lack of sleep to the mix. It looks like it is going to be a late morning and early night for all of us… it was actually the first morning that I can remember our son not greeting me with a wide smile. Instead, I got a nearly silent snore.

The Shoe Is Back

You can have your travel shoes... we'll take the traveling shoe. 

As I mentioned last week, it is that time of year again when many of us from Ardmore descended upon another lodge in the district. For me, I have attended this particular visitation in Conshohocken every year since becoming a mason. It has been an interesting trifecta of meetings with something different at each and every one.

The first year that I attended I was one of only a handful from my lodge sitting in the room. In fact, all of us in attendance from my lodge had only been masons for a couple of months at the time. We all wanted to be there and we were all striving to meet the requirements early on for the Master Builder Award. Someone had to stand up and represent the lodge so I found myself standing and speaking for the first time at a lodge meeting.

Last year was completely different. By then I was serving as secretary and had spent the previous few weeks making calls and trying to get as many brothers to attend as possible. For the second year in a row there was a reward at stake but this time it was far more important… this time we were all coming together to support and represent our lodge. By the time we left we had the traveling shoe in hand and the points in the books for the Grand Master’s Award.

This year we are doing all that we can to repeat our previous performance. Unfortunately, I don’t have the same amount of time that I did previously to be on the phone for a couple hours each day but we were all still able to come together. And it was a truly representative mix of brothers from the lodge as there were masons who had only been raised a few months ago and another who was celebrating 66 years of masonic service this month. Officers and non-officers alike were in attendance, working together, and walking out with the shoe as a lodge and with the much need points to possibly repeat in receiving the Grand Master’s Award this year.

It was also interesting this year compared to others in that there was more of a celebratory atmosphere in the lodge room last night. These official visitations can sometimes be a little rigid but this time around all the officers were very familiar with one another and have come to exemplify brotherhood. This allowed for a more relaxed but also more personal experience that brought in all the brothers in attendance as an inclusive peek into the close comradery that exists among worshipful masters in the district.

It was a perfect example of the fact that no two meetings are exactly the same and while lodges may be close in geography it can be a completely different experience in both. This is what really keeps me coming back and looking forward to attending meetings at different lodges. We all have our differences as individuals and as lodges but we are all part of one fraternity, a unified brotherhood. Some of us now just have an extra shoe.

Making Our Last Words Count

Last Friday, for reasons that we cannot explain, my wife and I decided to tell one person, just one, the name that we had chosen for our son. My mother-in-law, having been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer just before my wife's birthday in October, had not been well for some time was the only one that we wanted to tell. And while she didn’t give an acknowledgement of the news that we had shared, there is little doubt that she heard us.

Our son was the light of the day which was able to pierce the darkest of moments. Having joined the world at 9:14am we were quick to send a photo to family and friends to let us know of the joy that had just been bestowed upon us. Even my mother-in-law who had not been communicative for several days opened her eyes when she was told that a picture of her first grandchild was sent to her. For the first time in days she spoke a single word… wow!

Still in shock from the early arrival of our baby boy, my wife and I were slowly recovering from the day that had just transpired. With all visitors having left the maternity ward for the day we settled into our hospital beds and waited for our son to come back into the room for his next meal. It was at this point about 12 hours since our son entered the world that my wife made a request to the nurse… one that I am sure that they are not used to hearing.

It was a simple act but it was a moment that would immediately become part of family lore. My wife turned to the nurse and asked her to make our son cry while she had her mother’s caretaker on speakerphone next to her mom’s bed. The nurse didn’t question my wife and seconds later his cry was echoing in my mother-in-law’s great room. My wife followed by saying “I love you” and told the caretaker that she would call back in the morning. It was a call that she wouldn't have the opportunity to make. 

What we didn’t find out until later was that mere seconds after hearing the healthy cry of her grandson, my mother-in-law took her last breath. She held on just long enough, and our son arrived just early enough, that she was able to leave this world as a grandmother. The circle of life, in all its joy and pain, mystery and misery, beginning and ending was in full display. In a matter of half a day we were both overjoyed and heartbroken.

Since that moment, we have been experiencing the full range of emotions remembering both the good time and bad, the disagreements and the celebrations, the moments of happiness and sadness. I have been doing all that I can to try and comfort my wife knowing that there is no real comfort that can be given during this time. Only our son can bring solace and help to heal my wife’s heart and the knowledge that the last words that we both spoke to her were the most powerful and comforting things that we could ever say to her in her last moments in the physical world… our son’s name and “I love you”.

Where To Go? What To Do?

 

I have been having the constant debate with myself lately of whether or not we should move once our lease is up or whether we should stay where we are with the hope of saving enough money to buy our own place next year. I know which one makes the most sense but I also know what the best thing is for both of us. However, even with both of those considerations, it is not a clear cut decision as it would seem upon initial glance.

Where we are now is not a place where we are comfortable… we don’t enjoy the community that is around us and it leaves us needing to escape whenever we can by getting in the car and going somewhere else. The rent is great and the people we encounter in our own building are nice but the congested location and overall discomfort that we feel in the area doesn’t allow for us the relaxation that a ‘home’ should have. We know the area and it is close to family and friends but there is only so much that can tie us to a place where we are not comfortable.

We have looked for a place to move, somewhere that checked the majority of the boxes on our lists of what we are looking for in a community and a home. It has been a time consuming project that has occupied our minds and has put a number of miles on the car but it seems as though we have finally found a location for serious consideration north on Route 309. The prices are reasonable and the land, overall, seems less densely packed, both positives in our view. It is also close to all the stores that we would need on a regular basis which my wife prefers.

In the times we have visited is seems to be a comfortable area and also a location that meets our commuting requirements. While it keeps my wife’s commute the same, maybe a little shorter, it cuts my commute by nearly a third. However, when it comes to driving to work there are many more alternate routes for the two of us in comparison to our current location. As a bonus, there is at least one range about 5-10 minutes down the road which my wife is indifferent to by a definite perk for me.

What is overlooked time and again by many people is the simple cost of moving. We want to move north and be somewhere that is comfortable and convenient for both of us but it would seriously put a dent in our home owning aspirations and delay that goal by at least an additional year. But, the most important thing about a going home at the end of the day is being comfortable and looking forward to walking through the door. For that reason, it may be the most prudent to delay homeownership and move somewhere where we are comfortable and feel like we are at home.

But, really, it is still up in the air as I am sure my mind will go back and forth many times every 24 hour period. So, you are going to have to keep reading to find out if the move happens or if I will continue to write from the same apartment where this all started. What would you do in this situation?

Mail Call!

Wouldn't it be ironic if you could order these on Amazon?

 

As the emails from Amazon flood my inbox, I am beginning to realize just how bad of an idea the whole drone delivery idea is and how much of an annoyance the whole program could be. Having placed a single order on Amazon, I am now going to receive a half dozen boxes over the next week or so with a few arriving on the same day. Just imagine a flock (or would it be a gaggle) of drones flying toward your house, each carrying a single five dollar DVD. Doesn’t seem like it would be a pleasant sight to see although it might be cause for some twelve gauge fun. Even the Vice President thinks so... 

 

 

The other side of the equation is the fact that I enjoy getting mail. I like getting letters. I look forward to seeing what is waiting for me (especially when I am not expecting anything. There is also the fact that when you live in an apartment building as I do, getting the mail can be cause for a social occasion. You never know who else is going to be in the lobby when you go to your mailbox. Additionally, on the rare occasion when the mailman is sorting through everything, it is nice to chat with him.

Thinking back, I can recall our old dog, Laddie, who also looked forward to seeing the mailman on a daily basis. Of course, he wasn’t in it for the mail, he was merely obsessed with chasing the Jeep as it pulled away from the mailbox and headed up the street. Even in the latter part of the dog’s life, unable to move his tail (car + dog = limp tail) he would still chase the truck as his tail spun in circles like a pinwheel. Kind of a sad sight the first few times you see it but funny as heck looking back.

 

I don’t know, things naturally change over time but there are some things that, through their familiarity, bring us some semblance of comfort to our daily lives. The USPS is one of those services. While physical mail seems to be less and less common (especially with postage around the cost of a Kennedy), it is still a necessity and going to something along the lines of drones is a change that will drastically change the perception of mail and the comfort that this, what some consider antiquated, service provides.

Changes such as this recent proposal will have and an overarching effect on the postal service and soon the notion of the mailbox along the street will be a rusty memory. Sadly, this is already becoming a reality as I recall the dilemma a former coworker faced when they had to ask me how to address an envelope. If things have already changed this much how long is it really going to take before everything is turned upside-down?

Perspective From The Rightleft Side Of My Brain

I came to the realization tonight that I time has passed much too quickly for my liking. It used to be when I watched television shows that the characters were portraying the life that was ahead of me (in some parallel universe) but now I watch the same kinds of shows and they are my age. Or, more accurately, I am their age. Now it truly has become a means of looking into parallel lives.

However, unlike the past. I watch not in want of anything that they have but with an appreciation for the path I have taken and where I am now. There are certainly directions that could have proven more advantageous in various ways, particularly financially, not I don’t know if I would necessarily be better off. It is possible that could be the case but I am happy with where I am wand what I have right here, right now.

There are little things that I need to work on to improve myself but everyone has things that they either want to change or improve. There are times that I wish I had gotten more done or produced more work but I don’t know if that still would have led me to this moment, writing these words. There are a lot of moments where things could have been different but a lot of subsequent moments that could have been lost if things didn’t happen exactly as they have happened in my life.

And while I watch the television shows and the live depicted on the screen it is entertaining to see how my generation has developed and how much it has changed over the years. I think I may finally be comfortable with my generation. Well maybe not all of them but at least some of them. There is still a certain disconnection I feel with my peers but the chasm is not nearly as vast as it was five or ten years ago.

Of course, that may not really be a generational thing. Maybe it is just a matter of being different, about not fitting in with any particular group or population. While I have always been more of a critical, some would say mathematical, thinker I have always embraced the arts and thrived in a creative environment. I have always had the two sides of my brain functioning, and sometimes fighting, at the same time forcing me to embrace and reject certain generational characteristics.

The creative mind remains young while the critical mind has always been in a premature advanced age. Maybe that is why I have written things that are vibrant and optimistic at times while at other moments I have gone on long rants about various topics and opinions. But that is what you get with me. A struggle between the two sides of my mind and the views that they provide to form a perspective that is uniquely mine. Whether you like or not that is what you get.