Sunday Search: Another Reunion!

The family will understand the significance of this photo. 

While we have been planning this weekend for months we have been thinking about it for even longer. Ever since our son was born (especially given the circumstances around his birth) my wife and I have made a conscious effort to preserve our respective family histories that we can one day pass down all of this information to him. Part of this process is making sure that we attend the family reunions whenever we are given the opportunity to do so. Today, and this entire weekend for that matter, we were finally able to introduce our son to my mother-in-law’s side of the family up in New York.

While we have been sharing meals with various family members for the entire weekend, it was nice to have a larger group together for a short time so that we could learn a little more about the family, the different branches, and also the place where many of the roots still thrive. Much like the family reunion last summer, there were people we knew, some we recognized, and others to whom I was introduced for the first time. It was also a great way to introduce our son to an entirely new culture as these family members represented our son’s Italian and New York heritage.

After all, the stories are there, you just have to be there to listen. And when many of the family members weren’t playing with our son they would share their memories with us bringing to the fore both the rawness of recent memory but also appreciation of the time we did have with them. There really isn’t a way to describe that particular experience and that mix of emotions but, in the end, I am glad that we were there and that we are able to provide a connection to this part of the family not just for my wife and I but for our son.

Most importantly, while this was simply another reunion or gathering for some present, it was a means to connect with family for us. Family that shared stories with us that can’t be found in any book but that speak to the character of the family into which I was, once again, warmly welcomed. It was an afternoon and weekend that we will not soon forget and an experience we look forward to sharing with our son many more times in the future. However, next time I just have to remember to not eat for about three weeks prior.

TMI Tuesday: Baby Babble And Toddler Talk

Over the last month our son has been stringing together words faster than we can really keep track. In between those clear and unclear words is usually a string of babble that is definitely supposed to mean something but that we are unable to understand. It is at this point when our son can get frustrated when we don’t hand him the right thing or react the way that he expects. This is usually when he becomes more insistent with both his babble and his gestures as if to ask “Why don’t you understand what I’m saying?”

However, there are the moments when we are able to put together the “words” and gestures offering our son the responses that he expects. Not only is it a nearly indescribable feeling knowing that we are able to communicate but we can tell by his reaction that he is both relieved and excited that we are understanding what he is saying. It is really cute how proud and happy that he gets when we have our brief conversations.

It is amazing to think about how much has changed in this regard as it was only a few weeks ago when his limited vocabulary prevented us from putting the pieces together. Now, with a constantly expanding collection of words, it is becoming easier and easier to understand what he is trying to say. It is actually quite interesting as we have to be careful with what we say because you never know what word will take hold in his ears and play back when we least expect it. This has almost gotten us into trouble a few times.

While he is slowly picking up words and figuring out how to pronounce them, the amazing part of this whole thing is that he comprehends much more than he can currently convey. This has been the case for months as he always seems to understand what we are saying and what is being said around him in general. Now he is picking things up and repeating them with more and more confidence and clarity… this week is a world away from last week and last week was a completely different dimension from the week prior.  

I am curious to hear how things progress but one thing is for sure, he enjoys talking, he enjoys babbling, but, most importantly, he likes being heard and understood. Slowly but surely we are communicating more concisely and we are both doing so with huge smiles on our faces. A smile that seems to say “thank you for understanding me daddy. I’ve been wanting to talk to you for a long time.” Me too my baby boy, me too.

Different But Similar

There have been several occasions when I have heard people compare the first meeting with a candidate with that of a sales meeting. I wholeheartedly disagree with this premise. Meeting with those men interested in becoming masons should never involve any kind of sale whatsoever and should never come across as such. Meeting with a candidate for the first time should be a time to answer questions and start and interesting conversation. At no point during such conversations have I had the goal of getting a petition signed… my objective has always been to have a great conversation.

By approaching the process in this way it allows all the cards to be put on the table. The potential candidate gets to know me and I get to know them. We find our similarities and, sometimes, we discuss our differences. While I do my best to answer any questions they may have about freemasonry and give a very broad overview of the lodge, the fraternity, and the process of becoming a mason, it is a very open and broad conversation as a whole. Right or wrong, this is how I approach these opportunities to meet interesting people from the community.

This was the case last night as I had previously coordinated a time to meet with a prospective candidate last week. After a brief introduction and welcome, we made our way into the hall and sat at one of the dining tables to simply have a conversation and to get to know one another. Over the course of the evening there were a number of other brothers who introduced themselves and joined the conversation and by the end of the night we had discussed a wide range of topics. However, the most important part of the evening was that we were able to learn a little about him and he was able to learn a little about us as individuals, the lodge, and freemasonry in general.

As we talked about our families and the reasons why freemasonry piqued our interest there were a number of commonalities in our perspectives and in our lives that wouldn’t necessarily be evident to someone who would simply see the two of us talking. The reasons for our interest in the fraternity are nearly identical and we are both interested to learn about our grandfather’s lives within freemasonry. However, he did surprise me by the end of the night by immediately completing a petition on the spot. This surprised me both because I didn’t expect him to do so (I never go beyond handing someone a petition and asking them to think about it) and because it is the same way that I would have reacted had I been given the same situation.

Again, I walked toward the parking lot reinvigorated by the night and excited to have another good man interested in joining our lodge and becoming part of this fantastic fraternity. I consider myself very lucky for having witnessed that same passion and excitement so many times in so many good men over the years (especially over the last several months). There is a lot to be thankful for and a lot to look forward to during the second half of the year.

Something A Little Different At The Office

Every once in a while there is something a little different that happens at the office. Well, not at the office necessarily but with our clients. I’m not talking about anything major just a minor change in the routine. This was the case last week when we took a momentary step back from our usual public relations duties and assisted in the creation of a video case study. For me, this was a first, as in all my years of experience there has been an odd gap in this area… plenty of written case studies but nothing that was committed to film.

Unfortunately, due to a previous obligation, I was not on site for the shooting of the interviews or the organization at work but I have been taking part in about every other aspect of the process from coordination to script creation. Come to think of it, it has been some time since I have been involved in writing for the camera as I believe the last time I ventured into that genre was during a screen writing class in grad school the lessons and techniques from which I am still employing today.

Of course, while some may see the filming as the culmination of our work. It is really on the midpoint at best as there has certainly been plenty of work prior and there is still a multitude of objectives that must be met afterward. This includes editing, dissemination, publication, and making sure that everything is ready to go for a trade show in a couple of months. Additionally, this project might lead to similar projects with a few other customers down the road including the possibility of filming at the aforementioned trade show. It just goes to show that most of the time great work leads to more great work.

In the week since the raw footage was captured, it has been a waiting game as we are all eager to see the resulting product. We pretty much know what to expect but nothing is ever certain until you see it for yourself. In the meantime, many of those other projects are slowly unfolding and there has been a plethora of other projects both for this client and others that have occupied my time and my mind. This includes some upcoming travel and a few things that are finally coming to fruition. All of these things took a considerable amount of time and energy to get done but, in the end, our clients are happy which means we are doing our jobs and exceeding expectations.

A New Furniture Experience

The last time my wife and I bought new furniture was shortly after returning from Israel just before we moved into our apartment in Bala Cynwyd. At that time we didn’t have anything and the selecting was more about what was the best price rather than the quality of the items. In the end we were actually pretty lucky and we were able to find some decent quality pieces for clearance prices at JC Penney.

This time around, our decision to buy furniture was more of a luxury than anything. While many of the items that we already owned still had plenty of life left in them, we wanted to find pieced that we really liked and while we had a budget this time around as well, it was a completely different shopping experience. With a few ideas in mind we stopped at a couple of stores before we ended up at Raymour & Flanigan where we spent hours finding the furniture that would last us for many years and fill our new home.

That was also another driver in our decision to go furniture shopping. We were moving into a much larger place. Bigger than any other place that we have shared since we have been together. It wasn’t about a couple of pieced here and there like our last rental, we had to fill rooms. After all, we were going from a 3 bedroom townhouse where one of the bedrooms served as my wife’s office into a 5 bedroom home with two additional spaces we planned on using for our respective offices. We definitely had our work cut out for us.

What worked in our favor was the fact that we could easily divide our old bedroom furniture to fill two of the guestrooms and with our son taking one of the others and the last one being converted into a playroom with the old family room furniture, we were able to reuse the majority of the furniture we already had. What remained was the new family room, the master bedroom, the kitchen (just a table and chairs), and, after some convincing, my new office. It was a manageable list once we sat down and figured everything out.

We knew what we wanted to get. Well, we at least had a rough idea. And, budget in hand, we worked with one of the sales people at the Exton location and found all the pieces and filled all the rooms with the furniture that we wanted to see in our new home. After picking everything out and finding everything we needed our budget was looking to be in danger but after some friendly haggling we were able to fill our dream home with our dream furniture while staying on budget. It really was the final piece to finally finding our home!

TMI Tuesday: New School

This seems about right... just give him time.

On the day of our settlement last month we also scheduled a few other appointments because it was going to be one of the few days when both my wife and I were free to take care of things. This is why, before we headed over to the house for the walk through, we had an appointment about five minutes down the road to take a tour of a new daycare. We had a number of issues with the Kindercare where we sent our son and it was time for a change.

Walking through the school it was a completely different experience than what we had been putting up with over the last few months. Even the friendliness with which we were greeted was a welcomed change. By the time our tour was over and having reviewed the curriculum and talking with the teachers, we knew this was a change that was going to have to happen as soon as possible. With little time left in the morning we wrote a check (for substantially less than what we were paying) and took the application with us.

Yesterday, my wife dropped our son off at his new school. By the time I got home from the office I could tell that things had improved tremendously over the previous place. Gone are the days of only sleeping 20 minutes, not being told what was going on during the day, and being challenged with every request that we made. We could tell that he was happier and, having slept for about an hour in both the morning and afternoon, well rested. They gave him his space to fall asleep and they listened to the couple of requests that we had when we started. A completely different experience for us all.

This morning further demonstrated the vast improvement in where our son was spending his day as we looked forward to finishing breakfast, getting in the car, and going to school. Well, at least after he pooped he was looking forward to it. And my wife and I were looking forward to seeing him again at the end of the day knowing that a meltdown wasn’t lingering just below the surface. However, one thing did stay the same between the last daycare and this one… he has quickly become the most popular child in the building will all the teachers knowing his name and constantly feeding his baby ego by telling him how adorable he is. Actually, I have to correct all those people, he isn’t adorable, he’s frickin’ adorable!

A Reason To Celebrate On Columbus Day

For all the lessons that were drilled into my memory in school while growing up, Columbus Day is not something that I celebrate. Like most people, as I have gotten older, I have learned a lot more about the man who “discovered” this once unknown continent. The more I learn the less interested I am in dedicating this day to the famous European explorer. This is why Columbus Day is just another day on the calendar… we didn’t even close the office.

However, this year there was reason to celebrate on Columbus Day and thankfully it was because of something completely unrelated to the historical figure. Today is also my wife’s birthday. Albeit completely different from all other birthdays she has had in the past. With all that has happened since her last birthday, this year there was good reason to both be sad as well as excited about turning another year older. Of course, I wish I would have done a better job of making the day special… time seems to be getting away from me too often lately.

While there have certainly been a number of tough days this past year, my wife has shown a strength in her that few possess. Even though she may not be able to see it let alone admit it, there were times when it was quite evident when she made the choice to keep pushing forward rather than giving up. That alone is enough to celebrate this day but it is only one of many reasons.

This, of course, is also the first birthday in our small family since the birth of our son. What a change from previous years. With such an amazing gift that we both received it is hard to think of something to give my wife that she would like. And it shouldn’t be a surprise given all the things going on this year and lately in particular that the gift that I did order has yet to arrive (completely my fault as I should have ordered it sooner). I was holding out hope on Friday but by the time I left the office without a package in hand I knew that I was in trouble.

Hopefully I can be forgiven for the late present but that is only the half of it. I found something that I think my wife will like but I need to figure out a way to incorporate something of our son in it. I don’t think that the current idea floating around in the empty space that is my head is going to be enough. I already know that I have some making up to do but I just don’t know how much I am going to have to make up for later. I guess we will have to wait and see.

Returning To The Office

Before our son arrived I had sat down with some of the people at work and we put a plan together as to how many days I would be taking off and how long I would be out of the office. Well, that plan didn’t fit neatly into the schedule that we all had in mind. However, the basic timeline that we had come up with worked out pretty well when the early arrival happened.

For the past week and a half I have been getting up I the morning, sitting at the kitchen table, and doing my best to get all the work done that I would normally take care of at the office. Occasionally I would step away from the computer to change the baby or go to CVS and pick up some essentials absent from our home. It may not have been the most efficient means to get work done but it was completely manageable and I was able to both spend some time with my wife and son and catch up on a few things that needed to get taken care of. The commute was pretty good too.

After two weeks away from the office, I got in my car in the early morning and drove the 40 minutes down the highway. It was both difficult to leave my family and a welcomed return to my routine. However, it didn’t take long before I noticed just how different things were from the time I walked out the door in the middle of the last month. In addition to the many conversations with colleagues and requests for more pictures, I noticed the photo above when I walked into the kitchen to make my first cup of coffee.

I had completed the trifecta of children posted on the fridge over the past year with two of my colleagues posting pictures of their sons when they were born last year. Three men from the office had three sons… the women have a lot of catching up to do. It has almost become a tradition now to post the photos of the new additions to the work family.

Thankfully, I was able to enjoy the moments of coming back to the office after such a long time away and soon found myself getting back into my routine. It was also nice to be around people, around friends, rather than being limited to conversations over the phone. But while it was great to be back it didn’t take long before I was looking forward to going home and holding my son. Yes, things have changed quite a bit.

Bad Tired vs Good Tired

Does Marty experience good tired or bad tired?

There are two kinds of tired in this world – the bad kind and the good kind. We all go back and forth between the two and try to find a balance between the waking hours and the unconscious void. But we have to go into this equation with the acknowledgement that we all have a balance that is unique to each and every one of us. Some only need five hours to be fully functional; a few people need small spurts of sleep; while many require something closer to ten hours a night to perform during the work day.

I have met all kinds of people who require all kinds of sleep and I have lived through different periods where I have had to accommodate various balances. And now I find myself trying to recalibrate the scales so as to get the most out of life without slowly burning myself out as the week progresses. It is a challenge to say the least but one that has brought up another factor in my search for equilibrium.

When I was working the night shift (and at times working two jobs) there were many days that I didn’t get enough sleep which left me sluggish and forgetful during the hours when my eyes were open. However, the days that I was getting enough dreaming hours I still woke up feeling as if I had just closed my eyes. This, I have found, is the definition of bad tired. It is a feeling of never being able to adequately catch up on something we all too often take for granted. It is the feeling of having to push yourself just to function during the day (or night); it is the drain of not looking forward to getting out of bed to put in another eight hours on your time card.

Even now, as I write this blog, I still find myself tired and there are a few things that I just haven’t had the energy to put into as I did before but now it is a good tired. I end my day feeling as if I accomplished something. Some days I feel as if I haven’t gotten enough done but there is still a sense of satisfaction in the effort put forth during the waking hours. While it is still difficult to rise in the morning (I have never been an early morning person), I look forward to the day, getting in the car, and going to work. I feel a renewed sense of purpose and a desire to keep pushing forward.

Now is a very good time and while I am looking forward to finishing up this post and going to bed I am also looking forward to the morning. It’s a very simple thing but it’s something that has been missing for a long time and I have learned to appreciate it unlike I have ever done before. Every day is a gift and I am enjoying the good tired that comes with it.

How Can We Explain Autism To Children?

Ever since my wife and I had the privilege to spend some time with a family with two autistic children a few months back (you may remember that it was one of the first posts on this blog) I have been kicking around the idea of writing another children’s book. The main reason is that I couldn’t find a book about autism geared toward the picture book age. Doesn’t mean there isn’t one out there I just haven’t been able to find it.

As if this project wasn’t hard enough, I am coming from a place where I have zero experience with autism. It made the process both easier and much harder. Easier because I had to focus on the few clear examples but much harder because I am long winded anyway and even more so when I am just learning about a subject. So, after a couple of months of thinking and rethinking and wondering what the heck I was doing I finally got to the point that I was able to put a few words on the page.

Below is the first, and very rough, attempt to tackle the subject. There seems to be something there worth saving but it also needs a lot of work mainly because I can’t see the words yet. It is repetitive but that is completely intentional. I don’t know exactly how I am going to tweak it but I am almost certain that changes will be made often until I can fine tune it.

Abby Knows Best

Abby is like any other little girl.

Abby likes little dogs, she likes watching cartoons, and she has her favorite dark green bear.

Abby was always different.

Abby doesn’t go to the same school as the other kids in the neighborhood.

Abby goes to a school where all the kids are just like her.

Abby is autistic.

Abby likes to visit her own little world where she twists over and over again.

Abby doesn’t talk but she speaks with her hands and through pictures.

Abby is sometimes hard to understand but she understands everything she hears.

Abby can’t read books but she can read people.

Abby doesn’t make eye contact but knows what is going on around her.

Abby shies away from contact but she always knows when you need a hug.

Abby doesn’t like loud noises but she loves the sound of her mother’s voice.

Abby likes playing with her dad and her older sisters.

Abby is happiest with her family.

Abby is a special little girl who knows love.

So, now that you have read the first draft (actually the second draft), what are your thoughts? Is this understandable for both parent and child? Most importantly, for those of you who know much more than I do on the subject, is it accurate?

Please let me know what your thoughts are on this project as I am, like I said before, definitely not in possession of any significant knowledge in this area. I know what I see and what I feel. Sometimes that is enough and sometimes it isn’t. I just want to do my part, as small as it may be, to raise awareness and cast a different light on these children who are not handicapped they just have a different way of life that we can't fully grasp. We are all made differently and we all interact in our own way with one another and the world around us. Different doesn’t mean better or worse it just highlights the uniqueness and individuality of life. That is what I want and what I hope shines through in the story above.