Sunday Search: A Local Family Reunion

In recent years I have gained a greater appreciation for our annual family gatherings. While it was a little different this year with regard to both place and time of year, it was still a great time catching up and simply seeing everyone in one place. Yesterday we gathered together and took the opportunity to talk and, more importantly, to listen about all that was going on in the family and all the unique experiences that each of us has had over the past year (and a half). It is interesting because we are actually quite the diverse group.

This year I was able to bring more than food to the ‘reunion’ as I had recently completed pulling together all of the information needed for my supplemental Sons of the American Revolution application. Thankfully, I was able to print out an extra copy before leaving the office on Friday which allowed me to go page by page, generation by generation, when explaining our patriotic lineage. This is another part of the process that I really enjoy as I could see their faces when I was able to uncover each piece of information and name of which they were previously unaware. It was the same look that I had when I originally discovered the information.

However, that was only secondary as it was family time to both talk about our lives and also remember some of the past times when we all got together for a day or two. This is the most important part and I have become more aware and appreciative of this particular aspect. After all, we can talk about the past and ancestors whose lives have long since been completed but it is the current, ever changing, lives that we lead which are what makes our family dynamic. Events such as this allow us to enjoy both sides of the equation.

While we all lead very different lives with different experiences, professions, and opinions, we are all part of one family with a common ancestry. Different branches, different leaves; same trunk, same tree. We live in the present but are always cognizant and respectful of the past. I enjoy sharing what I know, what I have been able to uncover, but I truly enjoy hearing about the family history and simply listening to the stories from the current generations. After all, documents will (usually) always exist but the stories will not always be told and are often lost amongst the generations. And a reunion is a perfect opportunity to listen.

I Got A Response From @Montel_Williams

Every once in a while I get a little surprise on social media as much of the content I produce is simply caste into the vacuum to never be heard from again. Bear in mind that this is primarily due to my lack of correspondence through these sites. I really need to work on that. But, sometimes, someone catches one of my posts and comments, likes, retweets, or responds to what I wrote. Sometimes they agree and other times there is not a grain of agreement to be found.

The truly surprising part is when I recognize the name with these likes, shares, and responses. Most of the time these come from friends or family while other times they come from people whom I have never met before like back in June when Montel Williams responded to my post following the massacre in Orlando. The response was simple but addressed the core of what I was addressing in my blog. Frankly, I was just surprised that he took the time to respond which does say a lot about how he chooses to engage with people as a whole.

Bear in mind that I fervently disagree with many of the comments and confrontations that can be found when browsing through his account but he takes the time to listen and respond. Additionally, he takes the time to share his opinions and I have to respect someone who is willing to be vocal about what they believe whether or not I agree with them. However, there are many people with whom I disagree, many friends and family in fact, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t respect their opinion. Although some opinions are so far out there that I can’t respect them. But there are also times when we find a common ground like I did with Mr. Williams in our brief exchange over Twitter.

And this is the main point that I want to drive home with this post. There have been numerous people that have tested my patience and temperament through various social media sites in recent years and especially in recent weeks. And, honestly, I am sure that I have done the same through many of the things that I have posted. However, I have also invited many people to have a dialogue knowing full well that we will probably never come to an agreement on many topics. I don’t unfriend or unfollow people when I disagree with them and I don’t leave visceral comments to posts. I try to engage with them outside of the public forum.

We have to remember that we all possess different views colored by a diverse collection of life experiences. Many times there will not be any common ground to be found but, every once in a while, we find something in common… sometimes it is how similar events in our lives have taken us in drastically different directions while other times it is the surprise when we find ourselves agreeing on a topic despite our differences. This is a time for discussion not divisiveness but also a time when we cannot be afraid to share our views and opinions.

So, when you read much of what I write remember that I am open to discussing just about anything. You may not like what I have to say and I may not like what you have to say but that doesn’t mean that we can’t talk and it doesn’t mean that we will disagree on everything (although that is a possibility). How does that sound Mr. Williams?

Setting Aside Networking Time

Every day I try to set aside about 15 minutes simply to send out a few emails or make a couple of calls to people that I have met recently or to reconnect with those that I haven’t spoken to in some time. This is both something that I enjoy doing but also part of my job as networking is essential to my line of work. Investing that nominal amount of time each day is well worth the effort and has proven to be hugely beneficial over the years both personally and professionally.

However, there are a few things that I have found to be essential to this outreach over the years. The first being that you cannot be selling when trying to open or reopen communications with someone. I have fallen into this trap a few times in my life when trying my hand at various occupations related to sales. That being said, I have never claimed to be a salesperson and never will claim to have the skill set necessary for success in that line of work. But it is an aspect that I am still well aware of in my current outreach as I prefer to focus on getting to know people rather than trying to get business from them or persuade them to attend an event.

The second essential aspect to effective outreach for me has been to forego social media. While these sites have undoubtedly proven useful in making the basic connections with people and to learn a little bit about them, they should not be used as a means of communication. Personal emails are much more effective in opening up a dialogue but still have limits. Connecting over the phone provides a personal touch and demonstrates that you are taking the time and putting forth the effort to not just talk but to listen and learn about the other person.

The third and final piece of the puzzle is the easiest of them all… listening and learning. Don’t just blankly reach out to people; learn all you can about them before writing that email or picking up the phone. This is where social media should be leveraged. See what they have posted, liked, commented on. Find their birthday, dates of life events, work anniversary, previous places of employment. Essentially, find that commonality that you share with them and use that to start the conversation. Networking is not about business, it is about getting to know people and finding things in common with the people you know is a great way to strengthen your network.  

Finally, familiarize yourself with pictures. There have been countless occasions when I have been at business and social event when I have seen a familiar face. Many connections have started in the virtual world but, by knowing what many of my connections look like, I was able to properly introduce myself in the midst of a large crowd. Most of the time, this is what truly separates you from the countless other connections that someone has made in the virtual world. In the end, never forget the importance of meeting someone face to face… networking can only survive and thrive in the real world.

Firearms Friday: Grips

When practicing my pistol grip the other day I started thinking about all the other sports when I found myself in this routine. It really is interesting when you think about the commonalities that can be found across three completely different sports… golf, baseball, and shooting. Of course there are drastic difference between the three as well but for the sake of this post I will focus my thoughts, as I did the other day, on the grips.

Like most kids growing up I played baseball every year and over time I picked up more and more techniques and learned the proper way to do things including many of the basics including how to properly hold a baseball and, as it pertains to this stream of consciousness, how to grip a bat. While most see a bat and simple grab it there is actually a method to the grip to maximize bat speed. Basically, you start the bat at the tips of your fingers and roll the bat toward the palm. For some the knob is part of the grip to capitalize on the leverage gained by the additional circumference. By gripping the bat this way you completely free up your wrists allowing for full extension during your swing.

Gripping a golf club is completely different from holding a baseball bat but it also brings us a little closer to a handgun grip. While you want your wrists to be as free as possible when swinging a bat, your wrists should be locked when holding a golf club. This is why you place the club in your palm and you’re your fingers around it with both your thumbs in line pointing at the ball. Strength is also not your friend when it comes to golf as you should have a firm grip on the club but only enough to keep it in your hand. Any more and you risk tilting the head and sending your shot right or left. You can see this at the range all the time.

That last part sound familiar, doesn’t it? When working on my pistol grip there is actually more commonalities with a golf club grip than that of a baseball bat. I do my best to get a high purchase, line up my thumb just below the slide, bring my support hand with my fingers at a 45 degree angle along the front pulling toward my body and down, and line up my thumb just under the other. The part I am really working on is that support hand angle as this is what is really locking in my wrists, forcing the recoil into my shoulders, and allowing me to be firm but not flex with my other hand. This allows for relaxed initial engagements, quick follow up shots, and little in the way of pushing or pulling the trigger. Again, you can see this at the range all the time.

Understandably this is a very basic overview but it was an interesting chain of thoughts that I wanted to share. I am sure I am not the only one that has had this slinky moving through their mind and it just goes to show how closely muscle memory and actual memory are tied together. If we can tap into that it might be a little easier to retrain yourself at the range… you never know. It might work.

Sunday Search: Pulling Together My Own Story

Whenever the topic of family history enters the discussion we are always talking about the past… when we came over, who fought in what war, interesting occupations, etc. Anyone interested in genealogy is familiar with the cadence of these conversations and knows that it doesn’t take long before a common thread is discovered between two families… although sometimes it is also interesting to discuss the differences. We, as family historians, are always digging into the past to try and find those additional details that have previously eluded us or find new information seemingly lost to the family for generations.

That seems to be the pattern and the routine with which we are intimately familiar. However, while this may be the bulk of our research, there are other areas of family history that are too often overlooked. The first is something that I have written about before which is to talk to those relatives who are still with us and learn what you can about what they know about the family as well as learning about their own life. We spend all this time trying to fill in gaps and too often the generations that are still with us are overlooked and, when they are gone, we will be back at the beginning trying to put the pieces together.

This covers the vast majority of the family history but there are still pieces that are usually left in the box. Our own lives, while not as interesting to us as the lives we have spent so many hours dissecting, are also an important part of the family tree. Since we are cognizant of the process and the details that are so important to the complete pictures of generations, we are in a position to ensure that our generation is represented. For me, part of my story is in the pages of this blog but that is only a recent snapshot with occasional glimpses into my own past.

We have a duty to our own family and to future generations to ensure that all the stories are told, across the generations, including our own. It may seem self-centered or even egotistical and pretentious to some but this is not something that we do to brag about this or that, it is a means to keep a complete history of the family. So, the next time you sit down to explore a few more data bases, take a few minutes and write down a couple of facts about your own life and, when you get a chance, write down questions that you can send to your siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, etc. Before you know it, you will have a pretty long list to include in the annals of your own research.

Can You Smell The Hamentashen?

I just realized earlier today as I was thinking about this post that I haven’t written about Purim for a few years. The last time I wrote about this joyous Jewish holiday was at a completely different point in my life as my wife and I were in the midst of the Aliyah process. Obviously there were different things on my mind and events surrounding our life but much of the post remains relevant even with things having changed so drastically over the years.

In fact, it is rather poignant given the speech that we heard yesterday and what is happening in the region as I write these words. So instead of trying to write the same thing over again, I am simply going to include most of that blog content below. After all, we still need to make some noise!

The joyous, and sometimes raucous, celebration is a community act. No one acts alone. Everyone works together and supports each other, to turn the voices of many into one to make one collective noise.

However, beyond these community gatherings of support and joy, the voice of the Jewish people is shattered. I am not talking about the differences between the Reform, Conservative, Orthodox, etc. communities but of a more fundamental and deeper chasm… supporting Israel.

Purim is a time when we should recognize what we can do as a people. We can’t just sit around and stuff ourselves with Hamentashen, we must rally to support our homeland, we must speak with one voice, we must stomp our feel and blot out the accusations being made against our home. Whether it is by writing, by praying, by making Aliyah, make your voice heard!

We all need to regularly show our admiration for those who live in the land that G-d has granted to us, support for those in the IDF who protect us and defend our right to exist as a people and our right to a homeland, and respect for the holy men who pray for us all and carry on the traditions that many take for granted.

We live many different kinds of lives but we are one people with one home. We all want peace and we will all fight for peace because no one should live in a home being torn apart by conflict or partitions. We must ensure that we will not be cast out into the Diaspora again to be gripped with the longing to return and the inability to do so. We need to ensure that we and all our future generations have a place to call home! We need to make some noise!

Scout Night

Growing up I was not a Boy Scout and I can’t recall ever having the desire to be one. I remember a few of my friends coming to school in their uniforms but never gave it a second thought. However, while I may not have participated in my youth that doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate the dedication and commitment that is displayed by those who don the uniform… including those who have been involved for 60+ years.

On Thursday we had an open program to recognize a few of the scout troops in the area as well as those brothers that continue to be involved in scouting. It was a program a little different from others that we have had in the past, at least those that I have been present for, and it was nice to see the bonds that these boys had with one another through an organization. Sounds a little familiar, doesn’t it?

For those of us who only have the faint memories of childhood to color our perspective on the Boy Scouts, it was a welcomed introduction to what motivates those boys who choose to be members. For those who have and maintain those ties to their respective troop, it was a means to share a little bit about themselves with the brethren. Additionally, it was great to see the two dozen or so scouts be recognized for the values that they hold in front of their families.

For the lodge, it was a means to share the similarities of Freemasonry with the youth so familiar with the character and commitment that we have in common. While we don’t expect them to become masons when they come of age it was a means to show them that there are other organizations out there that hold their members to the same high standards. They all recognized the shared morals and attributes that Masons and Scouts have and it was a way to demonstrate that there are other places where they can turn to find people with the same make up beyond scouting.

The night was a great introduction for all of us… Masons to scouting and Scouts to Freemasonry. And it was a perfect night to recognize those brothers who continue to embrace both with the same zeal that they possessed upon their first introduction to each. Hopefully this turns out to be only the first of many evenings when we can share our common bonds, goals, and those things that make each and every one of us a little bit better. The scouts turn boys into good men and freemasonry takes good men and makes them better.

Exploring Other People’s Homes

With costumes filling the racks, bags of candy piled on the shelves, and dark shows and movies dominating the television stations it is impossible to look around and not realize that Halloween is quickly approaching. I remember when the treats and decorations would just now be getting put out for sale but these days we have been walking by them for weeks. The preparations and time from may have changed but some things have not.

I think back to those nights after school walking up and down the streets of developments thinking about what treats may be hiding behind the door. However, what I remember more are those moments when the doors opened and I could see the recently cleaned entry to the home. It was an interesting evening to peek into the homes of others and see where they lived. What was even better was when we were invited in to the foyer so that we were able to see just a little bit more of the house. It’s interesting to think about those times years later.

As I scroll through the pages on the real estate websites I get that same feeling of peering into the homes of others. Sometimes you see a beautiful home from the outside but one you open the doors, or click on the additional pictures, you can see that someone took great pains to polish a turd. Other times, the outside looks a little run down but the interior is spotless and looks nearly brand new. It is the same experience that I remember having when I was going house to house with my friends on Halloween night.

Things are a little different now both in the digital wall that now exists but also in my perspective. Things are no longer good and bad. Okay, maybe there are a few exceptions to that rule. Most of the time it is either discovering the aspects that we would want in a home or trying to see the potential in the property. It really is a balancing act between what you want to have in a home and what the realistic expectations that we have for our first home.

Of course, sometimes it is fun going through neighborhoods and peering into the homes we will most likely never be able to afford. That is the commonality that has transcended the decades… opening the door and stealing a glance at the homes of others. Some things don’t change.

Distractions On The Screen

As was mentioned in a previous post, we were discussion what some of our favorite movies are in the office this past week. It came about from the simple fact that there are a few people in the office that had not seen what many of us thought were some of the better movies. So, with that in mind the mass email was sent to see what movies everyone considered ‘must watch’ options. Not necessarily the best movies ever made but the ones that we thought everyone should view at least once.

For me, having watched too much television and seen too many movies in my life, this was a particularly difficult task. Actually, many of the movies I first thought of are the ones that inevitably steal hours from me when I can’t help myself from watching them. The original email sent out asked us to list our top ten and that was quickly becoming an impossibility after about ten seconds of consideration. So, instead of sticking within the numeric confines, I pulled together a much longer list. Despite its length it comprised about 5-10 minutes of thought.

Many of the movies on my list are simply great movies and are recognized as such by countless top movies ever made or award winning films lists. Others are not as obvious but because I can’t help but watch at least 10 minutes of the movie when I am skimming through channels I had to put them on the list. And there are others, this is where many of the historical and documentary movies come in, that tell a story that should be heard.

So, here in no particular order is the 100 movies that, for one reason or another, I think that people should watch. Actually, that’s not true. I have put the movies in a very rough four tier system with every 25 or so movies in a rough groups (they are color coded below).

1.      Gettysburg

2.      Schindler’s List

3.      My Life

4.      Fargo

5.      Rudy

6.      Quiz Show

7.      Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

8.      The Departed

9.      National Treasure

10.  Super Troopers

11.  Talented Mr. Ripley

12.  The Chosen

13.  Hitler’s Children

14.  Good Will Hunting

15.  Saving Private Ryan

16.  All The President’s Men

17.  The War Room

18.  Heat

19.  Holy Land Hardball

20.  You’ve Got Mail

21.  84 Charring Cross Road

22.  The Good Shepherd

23.  Chaplin

24.  Uprising

25.  Patton

26.  Wag the Dog

27.  Arthur

28.  Gravity

29.  Righteous Kill

30.  RED

31.  Bourne Identity

32.  Forrest Gump

33.  Sideways

34.  A Beautiful Mind

35.  Yentl

36.  Munich

37.  Rocky

38.  Catch Me If You Can

39.  Cabaret

40.  Defending Your Life

41.  Wall Street

42.  Back to the Future

43.  My Big Fat Greek Wedding

44.  Serpico

45.  Office Space

46.  Apt Pupil

47.  There Will Be Blood

48.  American History X

49.  Groundhog Day

50.  Deconstructing Harry

51.  Sarah’s Key

52.  Somewhere In Time

53.  Open Range

54.  TAPS

55.  Argo

56.  Gandhi

57.  A Few Good Men

58.  JFK

59.  Silence of the Lambs

60.  Dances with Wolves

61.  The Grey Zone

62.  The Dark Knight

63.  Gladiator

64.  Raiders of the Lost Ark

65.  Citizen Kane

66.  Au Revoir Les Enfants

67.  Gangs of New York

68.  Titanic

69.  Star Wars

70.  Fiddler on the Roof

71.  Stand By Me

72.  Wizard of Oz

73.  Goodfellas

74.  The Godfather

75.  Life Is Beautiful

76.  Paper Clips

77.  Braveheart

78.  Shawshank Redemption

79.  The Fugitive

80.  Unforgiven

81.  Scent of a Woman

82.  Awakenings

83.  Dead Poets Society

84.  The Sixth Sense

85.  National Lampoon’s Vacation

86.  Ghostbusters

87.  Monty Python’s Meaning of Life

88.  What Dreams May Come

89.  Hunt For Red October

90.  Glory

91.  Top Gun

92.  Interview with a Vampire

93.  Seven

94.  Limitless

95.  Major League

96.  The Aviator

97.  Police Academy

98.  Glengarry Glen Ross

99.  Bella

100.                      Any Given Sunday

Well, that is the list that I have now. It will certainly change as I put more thought to it and, in fact, it has changed several times from when I started writing this post until now. While I may have cut them or have yet to think of them, what movies are missing from this list? What are some of your favorites and/or the ones you can’t help but watch whenever you see come across it when channel surfing? And, of course, what movies would you eliminate from the list above? Make your own list and maybe do the same thing in your office. Who knows, you may have a movie or two in common as I found out with a few of my colleagues.