TMI Tuesday: Leaving Something Behind

Random photo found online of the old school method.

This past weekend with all the stories that we were told about my wife’s family it made me appreciate a couple of things. The first is that my wife and I have done a lot of research about our families and now know more than we ever did growing up. In fact, it is safe to say, that we have more information, stories, and documents now than at any other point in recent generations. Second, I am so glad that I have so much that I have written down about the lives of my family and my own life as well. All of this will be passed down and, hopefully, our son will carry that knowledge with him and pass it down as well.

While there have been time when I have fallen behind on this blog (like now), today marks the 1200^th consecutive daily post that I have written and posted. This is by far my longest writing project and, honestly, there is no end in sight at this point. There are certain to be slow times again in the future and periods when it is difficult to record my thoughts but they will get out and they will be recorded in these posts.

Life has changed drastically since I made the decision to blog again and while there have certainly been challenges along the way, life keeps getting better (and busier) with each passing post. Looking back there are a lot of things that I would probably change but, at the same time, there are many stories, essays, and rants that I am glad that I took the time to record. After all, those are the posts and opinions, when taken together, that will reveal who I am to my son.

However, there are definitely some things that I still have to work on as many of the things written have been rather pointed, some are poorly written, and others just don’t make any darn sense in one way or another. Of course, this is in addition to the fact that there is a slight (and sometimes not so slight) egocentricity that can be found in a few pieces here and there. Hey, I never said I was perfect and, to a certain extent, I am glad that these flaws are present in my writing.

In the end, this is who I am, what I do, and what I leave behind. Like it or not, take it or leave it, clichéd and creative. If this is the only thing that I am able to leave behind I am okay with that. And, just think, this is only the beginning.  

TMI Tuesday: Daddy Kisses!

A few months ago, while trying to get our son to sound out a few new words, I would pick him up and ask, “Can you say, ‘Daddy, I love you’?” While the first couple of times that I did this there wasn’t much of a reaction and maybe only a few mumbles of a baby babble but, over time, this changed. One morning before sitting him at the table for breakfast, I posed the same question and got a response I wasn’t expecting. He didn’t say anything, rather he leaned over and gave daddy a big, and very wet, kiss on the lips.

This is not something that he had done but only a couple of times previously, before this he simply did not give daddy kisses. This became almost a daily routine for us as I would ask him the same question and our son giving me the same response. Frankly, I kept hoping for the words but was completely happy with the alternative. There were even some instances when, without me saying a word, he would walk over to me in the playroom just to give me a kiss.  

What came as a surprise shortly after this all started was that I didn’t even have to be present for our son to react this way. When driving home from the office one night I asked the question hoping that he may try to sound out the words but, instead, he took hold of the phone and gave it a big kiss and giggled. Again, this has also become part of our weekday routine.

However, a couple of weeks ago the kisses stopped. Our son no longer wants to give hugs and kisses as frequently as he once did. I guess the phase has passed. As we have been told many times over, enjoy the moments when they happen. While the in person affection has slowed, our son has maintained his phone response and continues to kiss and hug the phone when asked the simple question.

In place of the physical responses, now the words are becoming a much more prevalent part of our days with some clearer than others. We still working on the same question we were before, he is now making a more concerted effort to sound it out. While this was the original impetus for my query a few months back I now find myself missing those moments when my son would give me a big kiss as if to say “of course I love you daddy.”

TMI Tuesday: 18 Months

A year and a half (and a day) later and we are still trying to get used to this new life. With all the changes that keep happening and all of the things swirling around in our life right now it is hard to keep track of time. Yesterday, I looked at the calendar and saw that eighteen months has already passed and it is hard to believe how different things are now compared to the life we were living before we became a family.

The day is still etched in my mind, sitting on the surface of memory like it just happened a few days ago. I can still feel my son’s rapid heartbeat as I held him for the first time in the operating room and his tiny pink hand as he gripped my finger for the first time. I can hear the beeping of the monitors faintly filling the background. I can see the words streaming through my phone bringing to the fore both the happy and despicable aspects of humanity. I can see the tears as they silently streamed down my wife’s face both in the joy of the morning and the pain of the evening. However, most importantly, I can see that moment, that first instant, when mother and son embraced one another and began this journey together.

I remember the anxiety and excitement as I pulled the car around to the front entrance, loaded the items that had been accumulating for the past several days into the trunk, and buckled my family into the car. It was a slow ride back to our townhouse and one during which I couldn’t help but think about all the people who would be at the house to greet him and the one that wouldn’t be there. It was a ride that moved us forward as a family but also one during which I wished I could hit eighty eight and drive to the past.

Time has moved so quickly since our son came into our life at 9:14 am and when I look at him it is hard to believe that he was once so small. He has already learned so much and he keeps surprising us every day with how much he knows and understands. Most importantly, even with some of the chaos that has swirled around us, we have protected our son and he remains as happy as ever. While I still enjoy the quiet moments, there is nothing better than coming home to the excited sounds from my son saying “Daddy!”

Driving Down To Media

This morning I decided to give my wife a small respite. Following breakfast and a short stint in the playroom to get some early morning energy out, I packed everything up in the diaper bag and strapped my son in his car seat. It was time for a little road trip to someplace new. I had been thinking about driving my son to the main line for some time now to show him a new place but also somewhere where he could walk. I also wanted to test something out.

As we passed the sights that our son has seen dozen of times before he was rather talkative and wanting to play peekaboo with daddy from the back seat. While on the highway he also wanted to hold my hand as we coasted past the slower cars. Eventually we made it to some unfamiliar roads and his demeanor changed. Like his daddy, he wanted to see as much as he could and was glued to the window of the car taking in each new sight, street, and intersection.

It was actually rather interesting for me as well since it had been a long time since I had driven down these roads and some of the things that I remember passing were no longer part of the suburban landscape (like the Granite Run Mall). Surprisingly on schedule, we made it to Media shortly after ten and, shockingly, found a legal parking spot along the street about a half block from the surprise I had planned for that morning. Similar to during our drive, he was wide eyed as we walked passed all the new buildings, turned the corner, and slowly climbed the steps.

Inside he was mesmerized by the small shiny disks lining the cases and gladly kept browsing as he finished his morning snack. Given my sons previous interest in pocket change and, more so, in paper money, I knew that this would be something to hold his interest and it wasn’t surprising when he decided to meticulously analyze each of the coins in the display case through the glass. This also allowed me to catch up with the proprietor of the store whom I had not seen in years. When I had finished catching up and my son had finished his snack, I finally asked for what I had hoped to pick up while we were there… wheat pennies.

I guess you could say that this is something that I am passing along from my youth as I remember sorting through bags of them and filling in the empty spots in the folders. It is also a way to connect our families as we have a few that have been passed down from my wife’s grandfather that I want to make sure that our son has in the future. They’re inexpensive and every coin shop has them making it easy to pick them up from time to time. What did surprise me this time around was that the store owner handed over a full bag and refused payment saying that my son was “the most well behaved that that has ever been in the store.”

We gratefully accepted and parted ways that morning with my son eyeing his bag of treasure all the way to the car where we locked them up for the remainder of the morning. After strolling up and down the street a few times we returned to the car (with time left on the meter) and made our way back home pretty close to schedule. Tracing back through the same streets and excited from our time out, the baby babble was much more intense on this leg of our excursion and I enjoyed every minute of it.

TMI Tuesday: Baby Babble And Toddler Talk

Over the last month our son has been stringing together words faster than we can really keep track. In between those clear and unclear words is usually a string of babble that is definitely supposed to mean something but that we are unable to understand. It is at this point when our son can get frustrated when we don’t hand him the right thing or react the way that he expects. This is usually when he becomes more insistent with both his babble and his gestures as if to ask “Why don’t you understand what I’m saying?”

However, there are the moments when we are able to put together the “words” and gestures offering our son the responses that he expects. Not only is it a nearly indescribable feeling knowing that we are able to communicate but we can tell by his reaction that he is both relieved and excited that we are understanding what he is saying. It is really cute how proud and happy that he gets when we have our brief conversations.

It is amazing to think about how much has changed in this regard as it was only a few weeks ago when his limited vocabulary prevented us from putting the pieces together. Now, with a constantly expanding collection of words, it is becoming easier and easier to understand what he is trying to say. It is actually quite interesting as we have to be careful with what we say because you never know what word will take hold in his ears and play back when we least expect it. This has almost gotten us into trouble a few times.

While he is slowly picking up words and figuring out how to pronounce them, the amazing part of this whole thing is that he comprehends much more than he can currently convey. This has been the case for months as he always seems to understand what we are saying and what is being said around him in general. Now he is picking things up and repeating them with more and more confidence and clarity… this week is a world away from last week and last week was a completely different dimension from the week prior.  

I am curious to hear how things progress but one thing is for sure, he enjoys talking, he enjoys babbling, but, most importantly, he likes being heard and understood. Slowly but surely we are communicating more concisely and we are both doing so with huge smiles on our faces. A smile that seems to say “thank you for understanding me daddy. I’ve been wanting to talk to you for a long time.” Me too my baby boy, me too.

TMI Tuesday: Walking To Daddy!

Our son has been cruising the furniture for well over a month now and he has been able to pull himself to his feet for quite a while but he has remained hesitant to walk on his own. In May he finally got the courage to take a step or two from the table to the couch. Of course, we helped him a bit by spreading them apart. And, soon after, he was confident enough to hold my hand and make his way across the play room with his irregular gait.

All of that changed a couple of weeks ago when I was walking our son to the kitchen. He had been strangling our fingers for a couple of weeks as his off balance sway staggered his steps but, this time, he had a loose grip on my index finger as we made our way across the room. When we turned the corner behind the couch, he let go and with both hands in the air took five or six steps all by himself before falling to his bottom with an audible thump.

Last week, having cancelled my plans for the evening to spend the night with my family, we were all sitting in the play room when our son decided to crawl over to the family room. This was nothing unusual as he likes to scurry about the house. However, this time was different, this time he was determined to walk. As he cruised along the chair and back into our view he had a wide smile on his face with a light chuckle echoing across the room.

This is when he let go of the chair and slowly made his way, step after step, across the room and into my arms. After an excited laugh and happy hug, he turned around and made his way back to the chair to repeat the same milestone again and again over the next twenty minutes. Each time he is getting a little better, a little steadier, and a little faster. And now he is even able to catch himself when he gets a little off balance and he can even turn around and change directions when the mood strikes him. Of course, some of those detours and changes in direction aren’t completely voluntary.

He is now comfortable walking both at home and while we are exploring a new place. It is actually pretty entertaining watching him push his own stroller down the sidewalk. He is gaining more and more confidence each time that he is on his feet and he enjoys practicing as much as possible leaving no opportunity lost to walk across the room, down the sidewalk, or around the property. All the while with the same wide smile across his face that we saw with that initial voyage across the room.

Next Book Projects

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about the books I was finally able to complete this year and get into print. Still don’t know how I was able to do it but I got it done. However, those books are only the beginning of what I plan on being a very busy year of publishing. Unfortunately, those four books were the first to be completed because they were the easiest to get done. I only have one more ‘easy’ book to get done and that has been delayed in editing for the past month because of a variety of events that have conspired against me sitting down at the computer and proof reading.

The next book, the one that is in process right now, is another fun one that really is a snapshot of a time in my life when I was finally able to connect with my community. “Once A Rotarian, Always A Rotarian” is a collection of posts about some of the speakers I met, events I attended, and other thoughts about being a Rotarian. The lessons from which I still carry with me to this day even though my participation has been lacking over the last couple of years.

Follow the completion of that book, I will begin working on my collection about my first three years as a Mason. Again, this is a book dedicated to one aspect of my life that has profoundly changed me for the better. The working title for this book is “Three Years After Three Degrees: How Freemasonry Made Me A Better Man”. I guess we will just have to see if that title sticks and how exactly I want to arrange the essays (that could be the most time consuming part).

Another book I guess you could say is in progress would be the children’s book that I am working on. The text is done… it is a very short picture book so that didn’t take much time at all especially considering the fact that I wrote it nearly a decade ago. However, I still have to conduct the input and supervise the creation of the illustrations for the book. That will definitely be a first for me. This one might be the book that I am most excited and nervous about finally seeing in print.

From there my attention will be focused on creating an adult picture book as there are numerous essays from my travels (especially across Pennsylvania and Virginia) and hundreds of pictures that I have selected to accompany those words. There is a bit of editing that needs to be done to the text but the photos are pretty much ready to go. However, in the end, if there is a book pushed back it might be this one simply based on the cost of production and eventual cover price.

Lastly, the year wouldn’t be complete unless I took some time to annoy some people which is why I am going to pull together all of the ‘polarizing’ posts into a single collection. I also expect this to be the longest book of the year coming in between 400-500 pages. That is a lot of politics and firearms. While I am fairly certain how to organize the book, I am still at a complete loss for a title so, at this point, I invite you to submit your idea. The prize pack includes recognition for your contribution in the acknowledgements of the book as well as a free signed copy once I have it in hand. So, ready through the posts on this blog that fit the subject matter and let me know what you come up with.

So, four books done, two in process, and three more planned for the year. Well, that is at least the plan at the moment. If life continues in the same manner that it has over the past month, I might be lucky to get one or two more out. If things calm down, I should be able to have nine books in print by the end of the year. And, if it turns out to be particularly cold down south this year and I am able to find some time, I might just get some more done. No pressure!

Common Questions

I guess it is just a baby centric week for me. When the week started I had a few topics that I was thinking about writing something but sometimes you just have to go with what you are motivated to write about. All it takes is seeing my son, watching him smile at me, and his infectious laugh and I really have no other option than to write another post about him.

Every other day it seems I am asked the questions of “how are you adjusting to being a dad” or “what it is like to be a father” or some other similar query. Well, there have been times when I have wanted to pull my hair out when I am either inundated with texts at the office or I am unable to comfort him. While there is nothing better than seeing him smile, there is nothing worse than watching that bottom lip slowly protrude. What can I say, I’m a sucker.

Things have certainly changed over the past year. Our schedules have changed, our lifestyle has been greatly altered, and are priorities have shifted. I am spending more time at home and making sure to spend as much time as I possibly can with our son. Sometimes, I admit, it has been to the detriment of spending quality time with my wife. This is something I am still working on.

It has been a great motivator knowing that we are the ones to care for and raise a child. I begin the day (still not a morning person) with greater purpose but also do my best to minimize the amount of work that I bring home with me. It is a complete shift in how I used to go about each day. I still work a lot but I try to segregate that time and get those other things done after he has gone to bed for the night.

It really is an amazing feeling seeing my son in the morning and being the first one he sees some days as he turns his head and rubs his eyes. Again, that smile is the best way to start the day. It is hard to leave in the morning and say goodbye but I also have a family to look forward to seeing as the sun slowly sinks behind the trees in the evening.

Each and every day, there is something else that I look forward to sharing with my son. It varies each day. Sometimes I see something interesting, find a family document, visit or remember a picturesque place, or even something as simple as going to lodge or attending some other event. We have the plans in place already to share these things with him but the list keeps getting longer and longer as our memories are collected on paper. And this weekend (and this summer), we will continue sharing those experiences with him.

So, to go back to the question, I think I am adjusting pretty well to being a father. Sometimes I just have to hold on and enjoy the ride but there are moments when I am able to collect myself and make necessary changes. There are a number of things that I still have to work at but I hope to do a better job as both a father and a husband as time goes by. After all, there are a lot of things that we have to cover in a short period of time (which is already going by way too fast).

Still Staying Home But Getting Some Lodge Work Done

One of the things that I have yet to catch up on has been all the emails and other things that I need to get done for the lodge. I have been able to take care of a few things here and there but, overall, there is a mountain of ongoing and monthly projects that haven’t been checked off the list. Even my attendance at the usual weekly fellowship has been put on hold for the remainder of the month (at least there is a darn good reason for it).

Even some of the simple things like keeping current on the email have been on hold as any ‘work time’ that I have had has been dedicated to catching up on other work. Sometimes the lodge activities have to be moved down the list so that other things can get done. No that the backlog from the office has been completed and I am running through only current projects, I was finally able to get back to the lodge work that has been piling up.

Email was the first thing that I had to tackle and when I pulled up my account I was surprised to see that the unread messages still numbered less than a couple of dozen. After deleting the spam, I slowly went through each one by one, reading and answering when appropriate, from oldest to newest, until they were all taken care of. Thankfully, there was nothing too urgent and nothing that made me scramble to get something else done right away.

Next I started going back through my calendar trying to figure out all the events that were coming up and if I was going to be able to attend and/or participate. While the weekly fellowship has been put on the back burner, that doesn’t mean that everything was going to be put aside. With the Secretary Seminar a no go for this weekend (thankfully my new assistant was able to attend) it was time to look at March to see what was going to be manageable.

The stated meeting is the one thing that I don’t want to miss (still some work to do there) and the extra meeting should be fairly short this month so I want to keep that on the calendar as well. Everything else seems to be up in the air. There are many things that I don’t want to miss but I really have to get this new balance right. Now is the time to make sure my priorities are right so it is going to be a very careful process… one that I have a week to figure out. After all, I don’t want to end up like a Harry Chapin song.

Quality Time Away From The Lodge

Already working on his degrees!

It should be no surprise that I wasn’t at the lodge last night. Instead we were still in the maternity ward with our son maintaining the annoying face mask boundary. While in the past I may have been annoyed that I wasn’t there to support my brothers in their education, I was much happier supporting my wife and son as they both recovered. And while I may not have been able to spend time with my lodge brothers last night, I was able to introduce my brother to his new nephew which proved to be one of the highlights of the day.

As soon as my wife woke me up early Sunday morning I knew that my schedule (in addition to our lives) would be just a little different this week so it didn’t take long before a sent a mass text to some of the usual attendees letting them know of my joyous absence. I wrote the following and sent it to about a dozen members of the lodge: “Due to the arrival of my future mason, I will be unable to attend lodge this week. Feel free to call if you need me for anything.”

Since sending that message I have received a flood of support from my fellow brothers. It was one congratulatory text after another to the point that my phone seems to be getting a little tired of having to chime and vibrate so often. Family comes first is not just something that we say because it sounds good, every brother in the lodge lives by that simple saying and supports those masons who also embrace that way of thinking and living.

These immediate gestures are what I hope to share with my son when he comes of age. It is a bond, a fellowship, and a true brotherly love that cannot be matched in any other civilian organization. It is something that I hope to share with my son as he gets older and now is the time that I am building the groundwork so that he can join the fraternity with a long standing connection with the brotherhood. After all, the next generation is reliant on the current generation especially when it comes to continuing a family legacy.

I may not have much to offer my son at this point but I am going to work hard each and every day so that he will look at me the same way that I see my own father. He will know from where he comes (both my family tree as well as my wife’s) and he will be able to build upon what has been achieved before him in every generation. This includes my duty as a mason and instilling in him the faith, character, and virtues that we all hold as brothers of the craft.

A Little Early

About 30 minutes after birth and a quick cleaning... he quietly squeezed my finger the entire time.  

When my wife woke me up in the middle of the night saying that she still wasn’t feeling well I did my best to comfort her even though I was still half asleep. Having just been to the hospital, her flu was something that needed to be watched but sometimes my wife can be a little more overzealous in her monitoring. However, even having been woken up a few times before and still suffering from a week long lack of sleep, there were a few words that my wife uttered that immediately got me up and out of bed… “I think my water just broke.” That will wake you up faster than the strongest cup of coffee the world has ever known.

After another call to the doctor to let them know that we were coming in, we packed everything up, jumped in the car, and made our way back to the hospital. We were still in shock by the quick turn of events but there was an odd calm in the car despite the bitterly cold winds blowing the snow all over the roads. By 5am we pulled up to the labor and delivery entrance to Bryn Mawr Hospital. Not surprisingly, the doctor confirmed what we had suspected, what my wife had surmised an hour prior and we knew that the by the time the day ended we would have a small addition to our family.

With family already beginning to arrive, we were escorted into the operating room where I was able to peek over the curtain and see my son being born. As many of you know, when your child is first born they look like a cross between an alien and a miniature member of the blue man group but that doesn’t make you think twice about wanting to reach over and hold him. At 9:14am our son, John Louis, was born and our priorities forever changed. If only the post office delivered packages this early we would never have a problem with the postal system again.

Unfortunately, since my wife was diagnosed with the flu less than 24 hours prior, we are confined to gowns and masks for the duration of our stay in the hospital. With that said, that hasn’t deterred us from holding him every chance that we have had today and just looking in awe at the beautiful boy that we have brought to this world. Now the real work and the real worry begins as I hope to be a good father in addition to being a good husband. However, the second that I saw him I knew in that instant that I would do anything for him.

Happy Birthday My Beautiful Baby Boy!

Not Much Longer Now…

Enjoying the quiet while it lasts!

I really don’t know where the time has gone. It feels as though we had just surprised the family only a short time ago with the announcement but it has now been eight and a half months and our son’s arrival is fast approaching. On the one hand I wish that we had more time to prepare the house and ourselves but on the other hand I can’t wait for the day when we can meet our baby.

The emotions have been running high lately with the stress even higher. The one constant during this time has been the comfort that our child brings when I feel him moving beneath my hand. Having him already starting to bond with me in that small way has made many days and countless moments bearable and the world just a little bit better. It is interesting to think that his arrival will make things so much more complex but at the same time simplify things like we have never experienced before.

Both of us have our moments of eagerness, times of stress, and instances of panic and nervousness. There are times when we want the birth to happen right then and there and other moments when we wish we had just a couple more weeks. With so many things that have been going on I wish we had more time to enjoy the anticipation and excitement. Those moments have been too few and far between.

Looking back there are moments that I will forever cherish... remembering the moments when decisions were made, furniture was slowly constructed, and the times when I was able to stand back for a few minutes and watch my wife fold baby clothes and put them away. I will never forget those moments that the two of us shared. They will remain prominent right there with the moments when we told our parents, the first time we saw our son and heard his heartbeat, and the even going back to the instant when we both agreed that we were ready to start a family many years ago sitting along King George Street in Jerusalem.

It has been a long time coming and while it may not have seemed like it was moving along so quickly in the moment, time has moved so fast and I wish we could just slow things down so we could enjoy the moments, minutes, and seconds. So many things have changed since that instant when we found the strength to become parents and all the trials since that discussion have continued to prepare us for what is just over two weeks away. While I still question whether I will be a good father I know that we will be a great family. Or, at the very least, an interesting one.

Office Meetings And Decisions

Every once in a while we have a client come to our office to meet with the team that works on their account. More often than not, we travel to the client’s office but today we welcomed them to our little space for the first time. Needless to say, my day was dominated by the meeting and other internal sessions before his arrival.

While I have worked with many clients that I honestly dreaded whenever they were in the area and would hope that they would either somehow forget where our office was or not have the time to stop by, today was the complete opposite of that scenario. I thoroughly enjoy working for this client and we always have a great conversation whenever we are either on the phone or happen to meet face to face. That simple fact makes it very easy to work hard for the company.

Of course, when such a relationship is in place there are always conversations, brief as they may be, that have nothing to do with the company or work in general. It is those interesting times when we catch up about family, vacations, and even the random discussion that have previously popped up earlier in the day like your top ten movies that everyone should watch (he definitely got some bonus points for thinking of Hot Fuzz and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and putting them on his list). All in good fun and even better since we all share a similarly dry sense of humor.

So, while I usually detest meetings that dominate my day, this one I didn’t mind at all and the meeting moved along rather quickly. In fact, time was moving so fast that I nearly forgot that I had an appointment early in the evening to check and see if the baby is still normal (surprisingly, more so than its parents still). So, while I hauled bottom to make the appointment on time, the rest of them headed north for a nice long night. Those are the best kinds of meetings when everyone is happy/content and the work day is done and I wish I had the time to go but family comes first and I am not going to start missing my child’s events this early in their life.

While I am sure there will be times now and again when I will miss something I will do my best to avoid those instances. I don’t need Harry Chapin rising from the grave saying “I told you so!”. I guess I have already started to change… even if it’s just a little bit… and preparing for the inevitable. With that said, don’t expect everything to change!

Not Just Another Day Out Of The Office

This time last week I left the office in the middle of the day to go to a doctor’s appointment. While the timing was not ideal, it was the only appointment that worked in both our schedules. Fortunately, everyone at my office knows that I only schedule things in the middle of the day if there is no other option available so they were fine with me leaving at two. Honestly, I don’t know how I would have gotten over it if I was not there to see the first pictures of our baby. Yes, you read that correctly, I am going to be a father. Happy wood anniversary to us!

While we had the tests done to confirm the previous week, this first ultrasound was a completely different experience when you see the fast flicker of the heart on the screen. It is an instantaneous bond that most have experienced but no one has been able to accurately express. It is a life changing moment that makes you reconsider your perspective of the world around you. For some, their views change but as for me, to my surprise, that moment solidified every perspective that I have expressed in this blog and in person to many of you. In fact, I am glad that I have continued to write as I want my child to look back and really know who I am (like Michael Keaton in “My Life” except I am not dying anytime soon).

Above all, it is an immense feeling of excitement and fear. I am excited to see our child, teach them about life, share with them the thing that I have learned in my limited years, and make sure that they don’t make the mistakes, of which there are too many to list, that I have in my life. I am also fearful of falling short as a father and for the simple fact that I am now responsible for another human being on this earth and that I must do everything in my power to protect my child and keep them safe. Simply put, I worry that my child will not look at me the same way that I look at my dad.

So, this is the last means of communication in announcing this exciting news. We have seen and heard a wide variety of reactions to this news and we have tried to soak it all up as the experience washed over us like a tsunami. But even though it is sometimes difficult to process moment to moment, it is a time that I will never forget especially when I was able to see my mom’s face when she realized why it would take eight months before her birthday present arrived. And just think, this is only the first of many moments that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Change Is Good Even With Gray Hairs!

Thursday night was a mark in time that I will never forget. I was able to watch my oldest niece graduate from High School (with Honors). I can’t really explain why but I watched from the stands with a great sense of pride as she walked across the stage (preceded and followed by intense periods of boredom). I am very happy for her and for my sister… it was a long journey for both of them and they damn well deserve this time of celebration.

This was also a night that really pointed out the fact that I am getting old. I have no idea where the time has gone and I can still clearly remember sitting with my little five year old niece on the couch one summer afternoon when I was babysitting and watching all three original Star Wars movies in a row on VHS (I think that was the last time I have seen any of them). It’s amazing how we take those simple moments for granted and how things tend to get away from us as we get older.

I’m glad that I was able to experience this before having children of my own. The last thing I want is to have my life resemble the chorus from a Harry Chapin song. By taking the time now, by understanding and embracing the importance of family, and by supporting one another during these times of celebration I hope that I am setting myself up to, eventually, being a good father.

For the time being all I can do is focus on what I have… an amazing wife, a wonderful family, and great nieces and nephews. This will continue to be my focus until things change and my wife and I are in a better position to start our own family. But events like the one on Thursday make me look forward to the future and all the experiences that are yet to come (even the ones that force my hair line to retreat).