Today Is About Listening

There is much more to today than showing our appreciation for the sacrifices made by those who served in the military. Today is about those who gave everything, the most that anyone can give, to this country and to us. Today is about showing our humble gratitude to those who will never be able to read or see our words. Today is about listening rather than speaking.

In between the countless posts and comments streaming across the screen of my laptop confusing Memorial Day with Veteran’s Day there have been a few instances when I paused and simply listened to what was said or stopped to read what was written. Those words were from the men and women who survived, many of whom attest to their survival coming at the cost of the life of another soldier. Others were recollections of the smiles and aspirations of soldiers who never returned home.

At the same time, I see the pictures and faces of families now absent a son, daughter, father, mother, brother, or sister. These are the instances that give me a moment of reflective pause as I think about those with whom I shared a barracks and I wonder how many of those soldiers never posed for another family photo after those sweltering days in Missouri. And I also think about who had to take my place once I departed.

I also think about the leaves in the family tree that never fully developed having been pruned early in life during a time of war. Whether it is my 7^th great grandfather, Rufus Cone, having been captured by the British during the Battle of Long Island he subsequently died aboard a prison ship on August 27, 1776, or my 4th great grandfather, Jacob Teaford, who watched as his fellow militiamen were buried in mass graves in Norfolk, Virginia in the fall of 1814, or my 3^rd great grandfather, Jacob Worth, being entombed in the USS Tecumseh during the Battle of Mobile Bay on August 5, 1864, or many of the cousins, close and distant, that have given all to defend this country. All of these family tragedies and sacrifices remain at the forefront of my mind on this day.

It is because of this, these accounts past and present, that we must always listen to what needs to be said and understand that many of the sacrifices that were made were so we could live the life that we do in a free country. At the same time, there is no telling what would have happened to us had someone not stepped in and paid that price. Past or present, today we must honor the memories of the true heroes of this country.

The Last Words Of The Seder

This was the first time we saw the Jaffe Gate in Jerusalem in June 2009. 

The Passover holiday seems to have snuck up on me this year. We have yet to find a synagogue near us and I haven’t been on Facebook much lately so my awareness of the Jewish calendar is sorely lacking as of late. It is a process at times to keep track of everything and the last month it has been hard to keep track of anything except what needs to be done in the moment. It is almost antithetical to that which we celebrate during this holiday as we look to both the past and the future. For those of you who may be unfamiliar with the holiday, here is a great summary from Chabad.org:

After many decades of slavery to the Egyptian pharaohs, during which time the Israelites were subjected to backbreaking labor and unbearable horrors, G‑d saw the people’s distress and sent Moses to Pharaoh with a message: “Send forth My people, so that they may serve Me.” But despite numerous warnings, Pharaoh refused to heed G‑d’s command. G‑d then sent upon Egypt ten devastating plagues, afflicting them and destroying everything from their livestock to their crops.

At the stroke of midnight of 15 Nissan in the year 2448 from creation (1313 BCE), G‑d visited the last of the ten plagues on the Egyptians, killing all their firstborn. While doing so, G‑d spared the Children of Israel, “passing over” their homes—hence the name of the holiday. Pharaoh’s resistance was broken, and he virtually chased his former slaves out of the land. The Israelites left in such a hurry, in fact, that the bread they baked as provisions for the way did not have time to rise. Six hundred thousand adult males, plus many more women and children, left Egypt on that day, and began the trek to Mount Sinai and their birth as G‑d’s chosen people.

However, what really makes me wonder and forces me to think is the line with which we end the seder… “Next Year In Jerusalem!” Not only does it make me reflect on the story itself but also my own journey through life and it makes me wonder how things would have been different had we stayed, even just a little bit longer, in Jerusalem. And when I think of this I can’t help but hope that one day we will be able to share our love for Israel with our son. We want him to know the land, the people, the history, the meaning, and the heart of Israel. So, maybe, next year in Jerusalem.

Mortgage Monday: The Checks Start Now

With payment book from the bank in hand, the first of our many mortgage payments is due this week. While 30 years is a long time to be making payments at least we now find ourselves with an end date and with every payment we own a little bit more of our home. Of course, we hope that it doesn’t take us 30 years to clear this debt, at least this is the goal, so we are going to be sure to pay a little bit more each month toward principal.

Having already made an early payment it is a little disconcerting at first seeing the principal reduced by so little with every check. But, again, it is still giving us more equity each month compared to the simple evaporation of funds that we have experienced over the last several years. Now that is a disheartening number to think about. Even if your average monthly rent was $1200, over the course of five years you will have ended up paying $72,000 and have absolutely nothing to show for it. In the end, given the places that we have lived and the years that we have been renting, it is safe to say that our total is probably just north of $100,000. Seeing that principal going down by so little doesn’t seem that bad anymore.

Of course, now with us owning our home, we are also responsible for the maintenance of the house and surrounding property. A few other expenses should be expected and even with major repairs, it is still better than renting… and more cost effective given the amount of space that we now have. Each check brings us a little closer to what continues to be our goal… being debt free. While credit cards were the culprit in the past, at least now the debt is something tangible and something worthwhile.

And I will finish with this simple notion that seems to no longer be simple. While it is nice if our house increases in value over the years, all I want is the stability. If the value of the property were to stay the same I would be happy in the end. What is now seen as investment should be, once again, seen first and foremost as a home. That is how things used to be and how I view our new home. Paying interest is the price of being able to buy a home and have that stability. Our limited funds are now being applied toward a goal, something of value, and stability unlike the month to month uncertainty of the past. Now, each month, we can settle a little bit more.

Sunday Search: Pulling Together My Own Story

Whenever the topic of family history enters the discussion we are always talking about the past… when we came over, who fought in what war, interesting occupations, etc. Anyone interested in genealogy is familiar with the cadence of these conversations and knows that it doesn’t take long before a common thread is discovered between two families… although sometimes it is also interesting to discuss the differences. We, as family historians, are always digging into the past to try and find those additional details that have previously eluded us or find new information seemingly lost to the family for generations.

That seems to be the pattern and the routine with which we are intimately familiar. However, while this may be the bulk of our research, there are other areas of family history that are too often overlooked. The first is something that I have written about before which is to talk to those relatives who are still with us and learn what you can about what they know about the family as well as learning about their own life. We spend all this time trying to fill in gaps and too often the generations that are still with us are overlooked and, when they are gone, we will be back at the beginning trying to put the pieces together.

This covers the vast majority of the family history but there are still pieces that are usually left in the box. Our own lives, while not as interesting to us as the lives we have spent so many hours dissecting, are also an important part of the family tree. Since we are cognizant of the process and the details that are so important to the complete pictures of generations, we are in a position to ensure that our generation is represented. For me, part of my story is in the pages of this blog but that is only a recent snapshot with occasional glimpses into my own past.

We have a duty to our own family and to future generations to ensure that all the stories are told, across the generations, including our own. It may seem self-centered or even egotistical and pretentious to some but this is not something that we do to brag about this or that, it is a means to keep a complete history of the family. So, the next time you sit down to explore a few more data bases, take a few minutes and write down a couple of facts about your own life and, when you get a chance, write down questions that you can send to your siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, etc. Before you know it, you will have a pretty long list to include in the annals of your own research.

Closing Out The Year

The checks are on the way. 

There are always conversations after the stated meeting that get cut short when someone happens to look at their watch. Those discussions are usually followed up on the following week when we all converge on the lodge for fellowship. This week that was definitely the case as there were numerous tasks that needed to be completed and ideas followed up on after the meeting. But, unlike those meeting nights, these weeks in-between are much more relaxed and, because we’re not trying to do 15 things at once, we are usually able to knock out a number of things on our respective lists.

There is still a back and forth among many of the brothers about moving spaces around the lodge, cleaning up and cleaning out certain areas, and other things related to the building usually come up over the course of conversation. This has been a relatively reliable pattern for the first half of the off nights. And while those mini meetings did take place this week, that was not the primary reason for setting aside the time and driving to the lodge last night.

With schedules already hectic and time running short this month, it was time to sit down with both the outgoing Treasurer and Worshipful Master to take care of the final checks for the year. Some were new, some were rewritten for one reason or another, but all of them had to be completed last night. This included the checks that I was looking forward to signing… those to the residents of the Masonic Villages. I tend to take a little extra time in inscribing my name on those checks as they serve, in part, as a means to let our somewhat distant brothers (and widows) know that we are thinking about them and that we are always here to help.

For as much as we have been focusing on the present and the future throughout the past year, we need to remember the past and those who put in the time and sweat to make our lodge what it is today. After all, without their efforts, there is no guarantee that we would still have a lodge to meet in every month. And that is what we need to take away from these meetings and informal fellowship nights… while things may not be perfect, they may not be exactly how we want them to be, they are still here because of the work of all the brothers before us. We are only the most recent in a long line of men who strived to make themselves and others better. And that is what we should strive to do every day as well.

A New Year, A New Perspective, A New Prayer

I am both happy and sad to see this year come to a close and the next one begin. There have been some great times of celebration and also moments that I wish we could forget. It has been a year of polar opposites that has left many of us tired and longing to begin anew… to have a fresh start… to enjoy another chance at seeing the calendar change with only joy filling the previous months. Next year, I hope.

Interestingly, the Rosh Hashanah holiday contains the same paradox as that which I feel when looking back over the year. As is posted on the Aish website:

“The holiday of Rosh Hashanah contains a paradox. On the one hand, we are taught that Rosh Hashanah is the judgment day of mankind. The righteous are granted another year of life, the wicked are slated for destruction, and the average are given until Yom Kippur to mend their ways and merit another year (Talmud Rosh Hashanah 16b).

“We should be begging G-d for another year of life in the hope we can influence our judgment for the better. G-d’s court is convened. Our books are open. This is our big chance to pray for life.”

In addition to restarting the relationships we have for others through the admission of our faults, sins, and wrongdoings, we also make the same plea to G-d for forgiveness. While I can’t honestly say that I am one to give a clean slate to some people, I do my best to admit my mistakes and try my hardest to move past the wrongdoings of others. This is definitely easier said than done.

However, one of the things that has become more apparent to me over this past year in general and over the past couple of weeks in particular is the need that we have, my wife and I, to reconnect with G-d and the Jewish community in general. We need to do this not just for ourselves but, more importantly, for our son. We want him to know the world and his creator, we want him to understand and embrace all the aspects of faith, family, love, and life that make him who he is and make him such a precious gift in this world. After all…

“The purpose of the world is that mankind recognizes G-d and makes the world a reflection of His glory. G-d judges each of us on Rosh Hashanah not just based on our deeds, but based on how much we were a part of that grand mission. By identifying with and praying for G-d’s kingship to be revealed, we demonstrate that we want to be a part of the world’s purpose. We restart our relationship with G-d and redevote ourselves to Him. True, we might not have been perfect this past year, but we know what the world is about and we want to be a part of it. We want another year of life. We want to make the world a better place.”

Basically, I want him to not have the long list of things at the end of the year for which to ask for forgiveness like his father. I want him to not only have every opportunity in life but the confidence, conviction, faith, love, and support to take advantage of those opportunities. I want him to forever be a gift unto the world regardless of the path he chooses to take in life. I just want him to be a better man than I have thus far proven to be in this life and not look back with the same regrets. This is what I hope this and every new year brings.

Searching For An Assistant

 

While the summer is pretty quiet at the lodge I consider it a great time to get things done, having meetings with other officers, and make plans for next year. Since no one was expected to be at the lodge last night, I thought it would be a great opportunity to have an informal meeting with the assistant Secretary about 2015. Essentially, all I wanted to do was to see if he was able to stay on in the same role next year and, if so, if he would be able to step in to my chair during a meeting if needed. With the way that my schedule has been this year and with an anticipated increase in the craziness next year, I just need to know that someone can sit in the chair, without question, when I am not there. This is all that I ask the assistant Secretary to do… he is my emergency backup.

Understand that my assistant for my first year has been a huge resource as he previously served as secretary and also advised my predecessor… let’s just say that he knows his stuff (probably still a lot more than me). Of course, this is in addition to being a great man and mason as well. So I headed into the meeting with the hope that I would be hearing the news of this brother securing permanent employment in the area that allows for a great amount of flexibility during the evenings so that he would have no issues attending lodge. What can I say, hope isn’t always a reality.

Well, things didn’t really work out that way. As it turns out, there is a bit more uncertainty headed his way at the end of this year as he is expecting his first child in December. Add the job uncertainty to the equation and we both agreed that it might be a good idea for me to look for another brother who would like to step into the assistant position. I will certainly continue looking to him as an advisor as well as a hugely valuable resource and I am still hoping that he will be able to stay on as assistant but I will now begin the task of looking for another Mason willing to step into the role of emergency meeting stand in.

There are a few brothers I have in mind but, as many of you know, it is one thing to know of someone who would be a good fit for the job and a completely different matter to know someone who is willing to take on the responsibility. I guess you could say that the fun part of all of this is finding someone who is willing to learn… fun because of the simple fact that I miss teaching and I enjoy seeing people learn something new in freemasonry. With this in mind, I think I will begin my search with the newer masons and work my way through the membership according to fit, availability, willingness, and, to a certain extent, eagerness to learn. As always, I will let you know how the search turns out.   

Inevitable Appointments

For the first time since I can’t remember when, I think it has been about a year, I made time to see the doctor. Actually, I have been to two doctor’s appointments in the past week. I think that is enough at least for a little while. Don’t worry, it is nothing that is to be concerned about, they were just a couple of checkups. The first was with the regular doctor and the second was basically a double check.

Fortunately, I have the flexibility at work to set appointments that are otherwise not possible… this was an issue when I was working hourly and either didn’t have the time or I was just too darn tired during the normal waking hours to get myself to the office. But now, I have the time, and I am able to make sure I get to the checkups. Maybe I should make this a regular thing just to make sure that nothing does come up.

While I am not a fan of how the health insurance industry if forced to operate these days, it still works, and I really don’t know if such appointments would be possible without it. There have certainly been issues lately with coverage, specifically with getting my wife covered, but that has all been taken care of now. Things seem to be back to usual at the moment.

One thing that I have really come to appreciate in the last couple or few years is the importance of having a doctor that works for me. The office I go to is a very small husband and wife team that harkens back to the neighborhood doctor. Actually, my father grew up with him and he, after medical school, took over his father’s practice and bought the house in which he grew up. He can have a bit of an abrupt demeanor at times but it is always with a sense of looking out for what is best for me. On top of that, these days, with referrals a requirement, this office makes the process easy. It truly is the epitome of a family practice.

While these kinds of offices are slowly disappearing, the recent healthcare legislation seems to be speeding up their disappearance at a staggering rate. The family practice and the attention one receives from such offices, will soon be nothing more than a memory. But until that day comes, even with his shortcomings, I will continue to see my family doctor and do my best to listen to what he says. I’ll at least try.

Crafting Perspective

Everyone can look back at different points or events in their life and say what if. We all have the lingering regrets that surface if we dedicate too much thought to the past. I don’t care who you are, you know that you have had moments when those thoughts would run through your mind wondering if things would have gone differently if you had made a different decision. While most days these thoughts are nowhere to be found, I have the occasional day when the memories linger like a heavy fog on a cool humid morning.

Regrets, in the right amount, are a healthy part of life. It is the time when the analytical and creative minds meet at a common point and time in your past and try to figure out the scenarios that could have played out. It is actually a fascinating process if you remove yourself from the decision… basically, by taking an objective view of the situation you are able to enjoy the projections and story lines that can be created. It’s like a chose your own adventure book (remember those?) but with a vividness and reality that is seldom achieved through the words on a page.

Of course, in order to do this you have to come to terms with your past decisions. Sure there are moments that you may not be proud of or that may piss you off. Some things were completely in your control and others you had now control over the situation… regardless of the situation you have to leave it in the past. Besides, the clichéd little chestnut is true, all of those events and moments in your past have made you who you are today. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I am pretty darn happy with who I am and where I am at this point in my life. There are some things that I wish were a little different but nothing that I would really change.

If you are able to keep things in perspective the creative logic that is applied to your own past can provide you with pages of content and hours of entertainment. I have created many stories and scenes by leveraging my own past and tweaking it to create an alternative timeline to fit the needs of the character and story. As a bonus, once you put a different name in the situation and build an entirely different story arch it, for the most part, removes that trajectory from your own mind and therefore eliminates a avenue of regret.

It may seem odd but it works. This is what makes the creative process so personal at times and why many of us invest so much in the stories that we tell. It is a part of us, a part of our past, a part of our reality… it allows the possibilities of the past contribute to who we are today in a positive and productive way. In the end, embrace the past, good and bad, as well as the realities that did happen and possibilities that never materialized. All of these things are what feed your mind it is up to you weather that is a good thing or bad thing.

Perspective From The Rightleft Side Of My Brain

I came to the realization tonight that I time has passed much too quickly for my liking. It used to be when I watched television shows that the characters were portraying the life that was ahead of me (in some parallel universe) but now I watch the same kinds of shows and they are my age. Or, more accurately, I am their age. Now it truly has become a means of looking into parallel lives.

However, unlike the past. I watch not in want of anything that they have but with an appreciation for the path I have taken and where I am now. There are certainly directions that could have proven more advantageous in various ways, particularly financially, not I don’t know if I would necessarily be better off. It is possible that could be the case but I am happy with where I am wand what I have right here, right now.

There are little things that I need to work on to improve myself but everyone has things that they either want to change or improve. There are times that I wish I had gotten more done or produced more work but I don’t know if that still would have led me to this moment, writing these words. There are a lot of moments where things could have been different but a lot of subsequent moments that could have been lost if things didn’t happen exactly as they have happened in my life.

And while I watch the television shows and the live depicted on the screen it is entertaining to see how my generation has developed and how much it has changed over the years. I think I may finally be comfortable with my generation. Well maybe not all of them but at least some of them. There is still a certain disconnection I feel with my peers but the chasm is not nearly as vast as it was five or ten years ago.

Of course, that may not really be a generational thing. Maybe it is just a matter of being different, about not fitting in with any particular group or population. While I have always been more of a critical, some would say mathematical, thinker I have always embraced the arts and thrived in a creative environment. I have always had the two sides of my brain functioning, and sometimes fighting, at the same time forcing me to embrace and reject certain generational characteristics.

The creative mind remains young while the critical mind has always been in a premature advanced age. Maybe that is why I have written things that are vibrant and optimistic at times while at other moments I have gone on long rants about various topics and opinions. But that is what you get with me. A struggle between the two sides of my mind and the views that they provide to form a perspective that is uniquely mine. Whether you like or not that is what you get.  

I Know Something You Don’t Know!

No! I'm not going to outright say the cliche. Deal with it!

Today was quite the interesting day. Nothing was any different through about noon but during a meeting with my boss something interesting happened. It is something that I am not going to share at the moment but I will write about later in the month. Let’s just say that I will be able to return to a previous topic covered extensively on this blog.

My day was long but didn’t seem like it. Noon helped with that a bit but my day wasn’t dependent upon it. It is getting really busy around the office but in a really good way that makes you look forward to the next day and the following week. It drives you to get things done and see how much you can accomplish by the end of the week. I think I am a little behind this week but that could just be the particular reflection I see.

Before I knew it the day was over and I was in the car on my way to the lodge. It is Tuesday night after all and I was awake this week. That was another interesting time. It is the most future focused meeting at the lodge that I have had up to this point. It was refreshing to hear about the goals that some of the brothers have for the lodge and the building in general.

There is a lot of work that needs to be done but nothing that can’t be overcome with some thought, effort, and a significant amount of funds. I hope the money tree yields a good harvest this year. All kidding aside, if the changes are implemented correctly it would be a long term windfall unseen in this small band of brothers.

Fourteen hours after leaving for work, I pulled back into the parking lot and walked into the dark apartment with my wife sound asleep in the bedroom. While I enjoy the time we have now to talk at night it was a nice change, especially as of late, to see her peacefully sleeping. We are both overdue for some much needed rest.

So I am going to wrap this up and head to bed. While not conveyed well in this post it was an exciting day and one that you will better understand in a couple of weeks. I will just leave you with the final thought/teaser… I not only have a new job but for the first time I am feeling like an adult in the wide working world. It is amazing how two jobs in the same industry can differ so greatly. Stay tuned!