Too Many Departures

While nothing has been as difficult as the loss that we experienced early last year, there have been moments since then that have forced me to stop for a minute and think about the people that have been a part of my life, large and small, over the years. I found myself going through this process once again when I received an email about the passing of a fellow Rotarian’s wife. Oddly enough, I had just seen him last week and, by the end of the meeting, wondered why I hadn’t asked how his family was doing as I normally would have. I guess even these seemingly inconsequential lapses happen for a reason.

I recall meeting his wife a couple of times in the past at Rotary functions and I recall having some very interesting discussions with her on a variety of subject. It was safe to say that there were a number of topics that we didn’t agree on but I remember having a pleasant conversation during which it was abundantly clear that I was discussing these subjects with a highly intelligent and informed woman. I guess you could say that she and her husband were very similar in that regard.

This loss is only one of many that has happened over the past year or so from those that I remember fondly seeing nearly every day in high school as was the case with the passing of my homeroom teacher and other times there are people that I had either met only a few times or that I had only corresponded with through letters, emails, or over the phone. Each time I was brought back to those discussions and encounters leaving me wondering why I hadn’t picked up the phone or wrote them a letter lately. I guess it is normal to think about the conversations you never had rather than the ones you did.

Of course, then there are the family members who have passed before I had a chance to talk to them or even really got to know them. Admittedly, there is a little selfishness in this thought but it also speaks to the unexpected, and potential, impact of those who have passed. While this has unfortunately been happening for years, it is a regular occurrence even today. However, the same lesson applies here as well… I need to do a better job of keeping in touch and reaching out to friends and family members. After all, as has been proven time and again, you never know how long you really have.

Mortgage Monday: Finally Settled After Seven Years

Society Hill Synagogue

Tomorrow is a very special day for me and my wife. Not just because of the commitment we made to one another that day but also because of the memories that we continue to carry with us both during the good times and the difficult ones. While a blur at the time, as the years have passed the memories remain vivid in my mind. Seven years ago tomorrow my wife and I, after a prolonged engagement, ran down the aisle for the first time as husband and wife.

It is especially poignant to think about all of those people who meant so much to us that day, who went out of their way to make the day special and how, while they are no longer with us, they live on in the deep meaning that they brought to that moment in our life. From a friend bringing appetizers into our room during the cocktail reception to friends from Samantha’s synagogue enjoying the opportunity to make new friends. From the joy in my mother in laws face as she spent time with friends and with my wife (and the Salmon and polenta combination helped too) to my grandmother pulling my wife aside toward the end of the night to offer her advice.

All of those memories come back to me in an instant whenever I catch a glimpse of our wedding photos on the wall of our living room and when I see our Ketubah hanging near our kitchen table as I walk in the door. But this is the time of year when they are the most vivid and when I am the most thankful that we have one another. It hasn’t always been easy but the good far outweighs the difficult times and we are much stronger both individually and as a family because of each of those moment even though it doesn’t seem like it at times.

And now we celebrate this day finally settled into a place that we call home. We enjoy our anniversary as a family and we look forward to the years to come more so than we have in the past. I know I haven’t been the perfect husband and my wife continues to say that she hasn’t been the perfect wife over the years but, while it has some wear around the edges, our marriage is as strong as it has ever been. Seven years with decades to go not just as husband and wife but as mommy and daddy. And now we know, and we have the security in knowing, where we will be for all of our future anniversaries.

Coming Soon: 1100!

It is a rather staggering figure when you think about it… 1100 blog posts in 1100 days. It is actually still amazing that I have been able to find something to write about on each of those days. Of course, there are clearly some days when one can tell that there wasn’t much to write about but sometimes that is what happens. It is a simple matter of having to work with the information given no matter how little that may be. For me, that means life is a lot like work.

On the other side of things, there have been quite a number of days when there are multiple events, thoughts, topics that I would like to write about. This usually has me pulling out my planner and trying to figure out where I can fit some of these subjects into the schedule. At times this is a rather easy problem to fix as the topics fit into some of the weekly themes. Other times, they are beyond the purview of these scheduled posts which leaves only a few days each week where they can be fit in.

I guess you could say that this is sometimes just part of the routine. However, the timeliness of topics can sometimes change things up. Also, the simple desire to write or not to write has to be taken into account. Topics can be a factor in this as there are times when I don’t have any desire to write about a topic that I previously planned no matter how rich the subject matter may be. This means that, for me, this blog is a lot like work.

All of that being said, somehow I have managed to put up a post for each day and, at least on occasion, these posts have resonated, entertained, of flat out pissed people off. However, more than that, it has started numerous conversations with people from around the world and with a wide variety of backgrounds because we share a common idea, interest, or opinion. Sometimes these communications have surprised me as I received praise for certain stances that I have taken on a variety of topics. Even those whom have disagreed with me have at least brought their own opinions to the fore and opened a dialog on specific topics.

This blog has always been a means of recording life and part of life is the wonderful conversations, experiences, and people that I have been able to meet along the way. So, in essence, this blog has been a means to enhance life and bring about experiences and provide introductions that I would have otherwise never had the opportunity to enjoy. It really is interesting how things come full circle in that regard and makes the time and effort that I have committed to these words worth much more than the modest investment streaming from the tips of my fingers.

Did You Remember That Today Is Armed Forces Day?

Too often, Armed Forces Day is one that is overlooked on the calendar. For whatever reason, that is what happens just about every year. This, in part, is why I try to pay particular attention to these words and why I wanted to share my thoughts on this day. First, let us take a look at how Armed Forces Day came to be established as recorded on the Department of Defense website:

President Harry S. Truman led the effort to establish a single holiday for citizens to come together and thank our military members for their patriotic service in support of our country.

On August 31, 1949, Secretary of Defense Louis Johnson announced the creation of an Armed Forces Day to replace separate Army, Navy, Marine Corps and Air Force Days.

The single day celebration stemmed from the unification of the Armed Forces under the Department of Defense. 

The only thing that I would add to this is that while we cannot express our thanks to them personally, this should also be a day when we reflect upon the service and sacrifice of all those in our family tree. Their service has, in many ways, allowed us to reach this day and made it possible for such a recognition to come to fruition. When looking back in my own family, there are specific generational touch points in every US conflict from the foundation of this country to the present day and touching upon all branches of service.

While anyone familiar with the military knows that there is a certain banter between branches, this is one of the days that unifies all who have served or are serving. While Veteran’s Day primarily focuses on those who have served or are serving at this moment and Memorial Day honors those lost in service to their country, this is a day that tends to give an overarching recognition by honoring the service of all. It is also a day that transcends time not ascribing respect to one generation or another.

This is the primary reason why this day is one that gives me pause as I reflect both on the decision that I have made in my own past as well as those on the decision made by my family members past and present. And while I commonly write in a similar way on Veteran’s Day and Memorial Day, one can never think about the service of others enough. Collectively, those men and women served our country and for that I will forever be grateful.

Back To Rotary: Upcoming Presentations

When I felt my phone vibrate I immediately thought it was one of the usual family or lodge suspects sending me an update or asking me a question. What I didn’t expect to read when I opened up my text messages was a request from the President of the Rotary Club of Bala Cynwyd – Narberth to be a guest speaker at one of the upcoming meetings. While it has been some time since I was last a regular member, I am still proud to hold the title of Honorary Rotarian and it will certainly be a privilege and pleasure to reconnect with the people who have continued to support me despite my long absence. Following our brief conversation, I will not only have one opportunity to revisit this find group but two opportunities to join them for lunch in the coming months.

The first presentation I will be making is on the transforming my everyday experiences into a daily blog and, recently, into a collection of books. I started my blog while still very active with the club and I have continued writing daily posts. Now numbering over a thousand, I have begun the process of transforming those posts into essay collections on individual topics.

The first book to result from this effort is The Good, The Bad, And The Adorable: My First Year As A Father which recounts all the moments from the time my wife and I found out we were having a baby all the way through my son’s first birthday. I guess you could call it a baby book on steroids. The second book, Out On the Limbs: Searching For Answers In The Family Tree, was released at the same time and includes many of the family stories that have been passed down to me as well as the recreations of some of the lives of my ancestors which I have pieced together through years of research. Of course, there are numerous more on the way this year but this gives you a sense of the subject of this presentation.   

While genealogy is a topic that I have discussed before during a meeting this presentation will be completely different than the last one. The second presentation, which was actually the original impetus for the outreach, will be on the research, application process, and joining the Sons of the American Revolution. This has been a goal for several years and now it is finally coming to fruition. During this presentation I will not only talk about the discovery of this family line which was unfamiliar to the family during my youth but the process of researching and ultimately proving this lineage to the point where it will stand up to the scrutiny of an independent third party such as the Sons of the American Revolution. Of course, this is just the beginning and I will also touch upon the repetition of this process that is before me as I begin pulling together the documentation for thirty supplemental applications.

All that is left is to coordinate a day that works in my schedule. Hopefully, this will be a regular commitment as I continue writing and researching… there are certainly enough topics that I can speak on, maybe not intelligently but enough for a presentation. But, for now, I will enjoy the opportunity to visit my club, share my passions, and spend a couple of days with some great friends.

Mortgage Monday: A Means To Reconnect

There has been an unexpected benefit to moving into our own house that we have enjoyed over the past several months. Since the day the movers unpacked our furniture and belongings at our new address, we have been able to get together with a number of people with whom we have lost contact over the last couple of years. With all that has transpired we, for lack of a better term, closed ranks for a while just trying to get through some of the tougher moments that we have encountered. Since moving we have been able to open up and reconnect with a myriad of people that have been nothing but supportive and understanding of all that has gone on.

Recently, we were able to invite our Rabbi and his wife to our new home for lunch. I personally owe this man a lot for helping me become who I am today most notably in serving as my mentor during my conversion. My wife and I owe them both a great deal for providing us with the support and guidance over the years specifically during a rather interesting Aliyah experience. We were lucky to have them close by when we were living in Israel and were able to meet with them on several occasions to help us with our difficult decision to return.

As I mentioned previously, this has also been the impetus, or at least one of the contributing factors, in motivating us to restart our family newsletter. It is reassuring to know that in future years these annual reports will always be coming from our home… there is no longer the question of from where the newsletter will be sent. And we no longer have to include a section about moving. By the way, after a few unexpected delays, they are finally in the mail!

Most importantly, over the past few months, our home has been a means to reconnect with people. As I have admitted before, I am not the best person at keeping in touch with others. This has proven to be a great way to restart long dormant conversations and a means to discuss updates with friends and find out what they have been up to. Of course, now the goal is to keep myself from reverting back into old habits and putting forth the effort, and finding the time, to have substantive conversations with friends and family that I truly enjoy talking to and with which I continue to have great conversations.  

Achieving The Improbable!

When I first started this daily blog I had what I thought was a rather far fetched goal. I had never kept a daily blog before (heck, even my old journals have days missing here and there) and I knew that it was going to be a challenge but I still wanted to set a milestone that was possible even if it wasn’t probable. We all have these kinds of goals stored in the recesses of our minds many of which are forgotten regardless of whether they are actually achieved. Well, I clearly haven’t forgotten and now the improbable has happened as I find myself writing my 1000^th post.

Obviously, things have changed quite a bit since those first words were made public and the title of the blog has gone from descriptive to ironic but, overall, the basic purpose of the blog remains the same… honest reflections and reports about my life including my thoughts on topics and current events that piqued my interest. With that said, I have held myself to the basic guidelines of 400+ words per post which will be posted every day (although there are a few times I have had to play catch up). It has certainly been trying at times but, looking back, I am happy with the overall content that I have been able to produce and the ability that this blog affords me to look back at the details of certain moments in my wife especially those surrounding the birth of my son.

Not only has this blog served its basic purpose of pushing me to write but it has also forced me to pay closer attention to the world around me, the experiences that I have had, rework some of my long forgotten creative projects, keep in touch with people (family, friends, and followers), and simply appreciate all that has happened in my life. This is a record of my life which I can now pass on and while I started this for more selfish reasons I am now motivated to keep writing so that my son has something to look back on. This is now his life too.

One of the other ideas that developed in my mind as this milestone inched closer over the years is what I was going to do to celebrate this achievement. Well, sometimes the best way to celebrate the present is to revisit the past. Prior to this month, the last time that I published a book was in the summer of 2005 and now I have two additional books that have been resurrected from my hard drive, Paintings In Under A Thousand Words: Nature Poems and What Was Not Said: Echoes from the Holocaust. Both of these collections where compiled years ago and relegated to the confines of a small USB sitting in my desk. Now, having found the motivation in keeping this daily blog, they are finally in print.

However, that is just the beginning of the celebration as I am also turning many of the posts found on this blog into collections. They will, of course, be compiled based on topic and should be published throughout the year. The first two of these books are currently in the editorial process (I had forgotten how much “fun” there was in reviewing a galley proof), Out On The Limbs: Searching For Answers In the Family Tree and The Good, The Bad, and The Adorable: My First Year as a Father. These should be available within the next month. Again, those are just the first two with other collections from the blog to follow soon after as well as a few other creative projects unrelated to the blog that I have been working on.

So, I will end this post in much the same manner that I have concluded other milestone entries by offering my thanks to all of you who continue to read these simple words, those who continue to support this endeavor, and the family, friends, brothers, and colleagues that make these posts possible. Here’s to you. Here’s to the first thousand. And, here’s to the thousands that are to follow! It is only going to get better from here!

What Would You Do With $1.5 Billion?

For much of the week the entire country was obsessed with the Powerball jackpot which, by the time of the drawing on Wednesday night, had climbed to $1.5 Billion. Yes, there is a ‘B’. It didn’t matter what your line of work or where in the country you called home, the lines at the local gas stations, 7 Elevens, and any place that sells lottery tickets were long and the stacks of tickets that people were buying were high. Even those who seldom gamble, and that is what this is, disregarded the long odds and bought tickets. And I was one of them because ‘eh, what the heck.’ Actually, I got two for myself and contributed two dollars to the office pool as well.

One of the interesting things that happens to anyone when they get a lottery ticket in their hand, especially with such a high potential payout, is that you can’t help but think about how you would spend the money should your numbers match. Most of the people I have talked to over the years and what seems to be common in the stories that you read about or watch on television is that a new house, car, and some outrageous vacation are where at least some of the money goes. Well, while tempting and at the same time not eliminating the possibility, it is not what I have on my list. When looking at the $1.5 Billion payday, here are some of the things that came to mind. Here is how some of my initial expenditures broke down in my mind:

·         $10 Million as emergency funds for my employer.

·         $2 Million to each of my 10 coworkers (under the condition that they continued working).

·         $10 Million each to various family members (siblings, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, etc.).

·         $20 Million to my parents.

·         $20 Million to my lodge.

·         $10 Million to the Grand Lodge of Pennsylvania.

·         $5 Million to my masonic district / district school.

·         $1 Million to each of the other lodges in the district.

·         $5 Million to Help for Heroes Fund.

·         $1 Million to various friends (we have a list).

·         $1 Million into college funds for our son and each niece and nephew.

·         $10 Million to each of our undergrad and graduate colleges.

·         $2 Million to the NRA.

·         $10 Million to the Rotary Club of Bala Cynwyd – Narberth.

·         $3 Million to pay off all debt and for some intense splurging throughout the rest of our lives (houses, cars, vacations, etc. would have to fall into this).

·         $20 Million Trust Fund for our son.

·         $10 Million each to Nefesh B’Nefesh and the Jewish Agency for Israel.

·         $10 Million to each of the Synagogues that have welcomed us and supported us over the years.

·         $5 Million to cancer research.

·         $1 Million for hiring genealogists to research all family lines.

·         $5 Million to the Monacan Indian Nation.

Adding all of these up it comes out to approximately $350 million. So, if you do a little calculating, it breaks down in the following way. When you look at the $1.5 Billion Powerball Annuity Jackpot, the lump sum option was approximately $900 million. Out of that $900 million you have to assume that you are going to lose about half to various taxes leaving you with $450 million. Once you subtract the $350 million in distributions above these leaves a total of approximately $100 million in the bank. It would be nice to sit back and relax never having to worry about finances again (especially without debt and with splurging already included into the budget).

Firearms Friday: The First Resolution

This will not be one of thee guns taken to the range!

Of the many plans that I made for the past year (and the years prior) one of the things that I never seemed to be able to make time for was heading to the range. The opportunities are few and far between these days. Heck, there are even other build projects and reviews that have been put off for month and those are just the things that I can think of off the top of my head. So, given that the holiday falls on a Friday, I guess one of the first resolutions that I will make is a very simple one… get to the range more often.

Given where we now live, the traveling logistics should be much easier. And now that things are slowly, very slowly, settling down, I might be able to find a little bit of time here and there for some range meditation. Of course, let me be clear that there is little chance that I can find a regular routine for this and I don’t expect to get out a lot but it would be nice get on the firing line more than a couple times over the course of the year.

Not only do I need to regain some proficiency but it will also allow me to assess what I need to work on (both new issues and old glitches). This applies to both my own shooting but also some of the builds and modifications that I have done over the past couple of years. It will hopefully allow me to get some training in while also working in some time for evaluations. If so, expect to be reading some reviews in the weeks and months to come. I am not going to say what I am going to write about but it is safe to say that many of these items have been mentioned before and many of the parts can be found in some of the lists that I have compiled over the years.

There are several AR parts and platforms that need some rounds down range. There are also some interesting (and not so interesting) handguns that need to be tested. And there are a number of people with whom I need to catch up and one of the best places (at least with that motley crew) to meet would be at the range. However, most importantly, I need to have that peace behind the trigger that allows me to forget the world for a few seconds as I focus on putting rounds on target. Maybe, put maybe, I can regain the proficiency that I once possessed.

Seeing Faces To Forget

Throughout this season there have been too many gifts to specifically remember any individual surprise. Actually, this year has been full of generosity from friends, family, and coworkers alike. It has been at times overwhelming but appreciated each end every time that an unexpected box or envelope has been put in our hands. However, since I have written about the many gifts that we received earlier in the year, I will stick with those that we have gotten over the last month or two… basically during the holiday season.

Hanukkah was early this year and it was fun surprising both our son and my wife with gifts for each night… and then some. What I got in return was better than anything that I handed out as the faces that they made were something that I am already looking forward to seeing again next year. However, my wife and I agreed, long before the holiday and prior to settlement on the house, that my gift was a new set of office furniture. Of course, my wife also got me a cordless drill during the holiday which I didn’t expect. All of these things I am going to use for years so I pretty much made out like a bandit.

Toward the end of the month I received my preferred gift, a few times over in fact, of a gift card to a few places that I can make that money stretch as far as possible. In all, between friends, family, and coworkers, we probably received close to $200 in plastic. This was on top of the small gifts and has nothing to do with the horde that our son received. Although he probably would have been just as happy with the boxes and tissue paper. More about that later.

However, like the reactions I received from my wife and son, the best part of the holiday season has been the looks on people’s faces when I hand them an unexpected box or envelope. Many of the brothers at the lodge seemed to refuse reality, my coworkers were shocked, and family members were surprised. For me this is what the holiday season is about regardless of your faith. It has been a great season and a difficult one at the same time but seeing those glimpses of joy allow me to focus only on what is good and happy about this time of year.   

Time To Party: Part I

Last weekend, after a long day at the lodge blood drive and only spending a couple of hours at home, I took a short walk through the woods between the houses and met our neighbors for the first time. I wasn’t sure about attending given our schedule that weekend but I am certainly glad that I made the time. I liked our house and the area before I had a chance to meet anyone and now I am even more appreciative of having found our home in this neighborhood. As a bonus, there is only one neighbor that owns a cat which may not seem like a big deal to many but for us it allows us to be more welcoming to our fellow neighbors in our home.

That wasn’t the first time we had met some of the neighbors. A few weeks ago, shortly after we moved into our new home, our next door neighbor rang the doorbell and gave us a wonderful pot of soup and an invitation to their holiday party. I was out at the time but my wife had a very nice conversation with her and the soup was definitely appreciated as it provided us with an additional meal that we didn’t have to prepare that weekend. The invitation was a bit unexpected but a pleasant surprise. Almost immediately, with that single encounter, we felt welcomed in our new neighborhood.

It was interesting learning about all of our neighbors who seemed more eager to meet me than I was them. We are an interesting little collection of people with a variety of backgrounds and a diverse collection of occupations. However, the common thread among all that I spoke to at the party was that each of them wouldn’t want to live anywhere else. And this is coming from a group that included someone who has lived on the same street his entire life (50+ years) to those that used to be the new people on the block having moved in about a year or two ago.

With our son down for the night and my wife doing her best to relax and stay awake at home, I had to cut the evening short and was heading back home about an hour after arriving. It is safe to say that, so long as we get another invitation, we will both be attending the party next year. In the meantime, I am looking forward to getting to know all of our neighbors and making the time to visit each of them. This is something that we have been search for and an aspect of finding our home that we are grateful for and will certainly enjoy.

Thy Will Be Done!

Before our son was born my wife and I had the conversation that we should really consider getting a basic will put together. It is a subject that has come up from time over the past year but there was always something that would come up to take our attention away from what needed to be done. Finally, at the last stated meeting, I was able to pull one of the brothers aside, who happens to be an estate attorney, and got his contact information. Again, it was a very simple will that we were looking for but something that we now, finally, had the time and opportunity to complete.

The impetus for getting this done really had nothing to do with our financial situation or the possibility of us owning a home in the near future. The motivation was much simpler, we want to make sure, should anything happen to us, that our son would be taken care of by those people that we believe would raise him right and would have his best interests in mind. That is really what we wanted to legally put in place leaving no question as to where he would go and who would take care of him.

The process was actually much easier than we were anticipating as my masonic brother was able to pull everything together in less than a week following my email to him with all the information (names, addresses, special requests, etc.) that were required for these basic drafts. Actually, we had two wills drawn up, one for me and one for my wife. Each mirrored the other as we have been in agreement ass to the contents from the beginning. The only difference being that, motivated by previous discussions at the lodge, I specifically requested a masonic service.

Given how easy it was, the fantastic rate which we were charged, and the simple fact that this brother will go above and beyond to assist us and offer us advice, I have already recommended is services many times over to both friends and family. So now the next stop is to the safe deposit box so that we will not have to worry about misplacing the originals. And I must say that it feels great to have this important document now completed and the worry about what we hope will never happen has now substantially subsided. We are now at ease knowing that, should something happen, our son will be taken care of and will be raised the right way.

A Look You Never Forget…

Firearms Friday posts will resume next week!

Over the years I have met quite a few men who were prisoners of war. Obviously, these weren’t long discussions but there were moments when the topic somehow came up and there were a few brief glimpses into what they experienced. It is during these 30 second clips that seems to last for days when you can see all they want to tell you in the way they squint and stair right through you one second and seem like they are in another world far from the reality of the present the next instant. The exact details each time may vary but those looks remain constant.

These are the moment in life when you can’t say anything, you can’t relate, you can’t really help. All you can do is listen. That is all that is needed at that point. As I have been told many times over, ‘sometimes there just needs to be someone there to listen. Not to offer their opinion or sympathy. Just someone who takes the time, pays attention, doesn’t judge, and just listens.’ Thankfully I have never once forgotten that and I have applied this to many other situations when the trauma is evident in the face and eyes of the person with whom I am speaking.

I have seen this look in the eyes of family, friends, and one of the few people with whom I have a shared (albeit brief) military experience. It is a look that has become all too common and I sometimes wonder what ever happened to the men and women from my platoon. It has been over 13 years and I keep thinking about whether this day is honoring some of those with whom I spent a summer in Missouri. Actually, it really isn’t a question of ‘if’, it is a question of how many does this apply to.

There are countless people who fought to stay alive as prisoners and more that are still missing. These are good men and women who fought for what they believed to be right and they fought for the soldiers beside them. We honor them on this day, National POW / KIA Recognition Day, especially the ones who fought to rescue a soldier who many believe to be a traitor. It is rather ironic that the Bergdahl trail is going on as this day presents itself on the calendar. Many men were KIA trying to rescue a deserter who, while seen as many as a traitor, was also seen by others as a POW. However, for now, this day is NOT meant to honor you Bowe!

The Gifts Keep Coming

It felt like this for a while. 

During the course of the year we have received countless gifts from friends, family, and coworkers for our son. Having now lived through this, I can say that this is the time in life when you see the greatest amount of generosity. The first couple of months of the year saw the greatest deluge of packages and envelopes, but there is still a light trickle of gifts even as we head into the fall. It is pretty amazing the amount of items we have received over the months and we continue to be thankful for each and every item that we receive (even the ones that we return or exchange).

Admittedly, it can be a little daunting at times with the amount of stuff that has accumulated in our house but, in the end, it is all stuff that we have had to purchase anyway. It is interesting to think about the number of things and boxes that we originally moved into the apartment four years ago, the increased amount of stuff that we moved from the apartment to our current house, and the volume that will have to be packed and moved to our next home. And I am sure that the accumulation won’t stop there either.

I wish that I was as thoughtful as many of the people that we have in our life. Time and again, I have been presented with the same or similar opportunities and for one reason or another (usually finances or forgetfulness) too long a time passes and the opportunity is gone. I certainly have to get better at this as it is also a time to pay it forward and show the same generosity that has been shown to us. Hopefully there are many more opportunities coming up.

Sometimes I forget about just how great many of the people in our life are and this experience has been a clear reminder of quality of people that we have in our life. And don’t get me wrong, it is not about the numbers. Some of the greatest (and many time most useful) items have been the small thoughtful things that served us well during this learning process. Sometimes it wasn’t even a gift. There have been many times when the help or a willing ear have meant a great deal when we needed them. The gifts have only proven even more how much others car about us and our son. That is what it is all about and that is what we try to convey to our son each and every day.

TMI Tuesday: Holding Back

Our son is one of those babies that enjoys being out of the house. He likes being in the car (for the most part), visiting new places, and being around most people. It is nice to see him be so outgoing and we try to get him out of the confines of our house and around other people as often as we can. The simple fact that our son is so outgoing made it just a little easier when we decided to put him in daycare.

Today was his first day and while his personality made it a little easier for him, it was still hard for my wife and me to leave him there for the day. He didn’t shed a single tear or really seem phased by this new environment as his curiosity had him looking around the room and searching for other babies with which to “talk”. It was kind of a surreal experience that left us wondering where the last six months had gone and how our son could already have gotten so big.

While we have left him in the care of family in the past to watch him, this was the first time that we parted ways and entrusted his safety to strangers. We had met them in the past but not for very long. However, we were familiar with the daycare and knew of others who have their kids there so we made the decision to ensure that he is able to socialize while my wife and I are at work. Of course, that didn’t keep us from wondering and worrying throughout the day and making a couple of calls to check in on him.

At the end of the day we were both able to pick him up (I spent the day home from work with a headache probably caused from stress and a lack of sleep). As soon as our son heard our voices we could see the smile overtake his adorable face. Again, no crying or fussing, he was just happy to see mommy and daddy again after spending a day with his new friends.

As soon as we left the building we knew that our son was holding back all day as the gas and poop flowed freely now that he was back home. I guess he already knows not to burp and fart in public. Having spent the day apart they were welcomed sounds as we held our son although I could still go without the smells. One day down and a new routine started.

Well, That Was Useless!

The learning curve is steep when you have your first child and there are many instances when you are scrambling to find the answers to questions that seemingly pop out of nowhere. Sometimes you reach out to family and friends who have kids to see what advice they have and chose from one of the many options that have inevitably been offered. Other time you reach out to the professionals and either call the doctor or, as we did a number of times early on, ask the doula. Each time we listen to the advice from those people who have “been there, done that.”

Thanks to social media, we can get a plethora of opinions and answers to our questions in a very short amount of time. At least that is what I have seen on my wife’s Facebook feed as I have usually just picked up the phone or asked someone in person when I run into them. While my approach may take longer and seem outdated by many, it is how I prefer getting the answers and advice that we need. It also eliminates the “other opinions”.

I have had countless conversations and have heard the many humorous anecdotes from family and friends who used social media (mostly Twitter and Facebook; these aren’t LinkedIn conversations) when they first became parents. While they received the helpful hints, tips, advice, and answers that they were looking for they also got the opinions of those who don’t have kids but “read somewhere that this is the best thing to do” or passed along the half of the conversation that they heard 5 years ago when their friend was considering having a child. Basically, useless information… I actually heard of someone saying that you should hold your newborn upside down and lightly shake them if they get hiccups. Wow, just wow. Either they don't have kids or they're in jail. 

While I have an opinion on just about everything (I know, you’re shocked) there are certain things that I will not offer second hand advice on. This includes parenting. And I still hold fast to that as we are only 6 weeks in so I can’t really speak from experience on anything. If specifically asked, either by phone or in person, I will gladly share my experience but I can’t give advice especially when there are general posts made on social media. Maybe after we have done this more than once I might offer my opinion but I doubt it.

Returning To The Office

Before our son arrived I had sat down with some of the people at work and we put a plan together as to how many days I would be taking off and how long I would be out of the office. Well, that plan didn’t fit neatly into the schedule that we all had in mind. However, the basic timeline that we had come up with worked out pretty well when the early arrival happened.

For the past week and a half I have been getting up I the morning, sitting at the kitchen table, and doing my best to get all the work done that I would normally take care of at the office. Occasionally I would step away from the computer to change the baby or go to CVS and pick up some essentials absent from our home. It may not have been the most efficient means to get work done but it was completely manageable and I was able to both spend some time with my wife and son and catch up on a few things that needed to get taken care of. The commute was pretty good too.

After two weeks away from the office, I got in my car in the early morning and drove the 40 minutes down the highway. It was both difficult to leave my family and a welcomed return to my routine. However, it didn’t take long before I noticed just how different things were from the time I walked out the door in the middle of the last month. In addition to the many conversations with colleagues and requests for more pictures, I noticed the photo above when I walked into the kitchen to make my first cup of coffee.

I had completed the trifecta of children posted on the fridge over the past year with two of my colleagues posting pictures of their sons when they were born last year. Three men from the office had three sons… the women have a lot of catching up to do. It has almost become a tradition now to post the photos of the new additions to the work family.

Thankfully, I was able to enjoy the moments of coming back to the office after such a long time away and soon found myself getting back into my routine. It was also nice to be around people, around friends, rather than being limited to conversations over the phone. But while it was great to be back it didn’t take long before I was looking forward to going home and holding my son. Yes, things have changed quite a bit.

When The Surreal Becomes Reality

Chapel of Peace at West Laurel Hill Cemetery

My wife and I (my wife more than I) have spent the last week trying to prepare ourselves for today. Throughout the week, my wife was fielding daily texts and phone calls from family asking for her opinion on how things should be arranged. I was asked on one occasion but, being that I didn’t feel it was appropriate for me to decide anything, I respectfully declined to offer my opinion. With everything going on and all preparations being made there was still nothing that we could have prepared us for this moment this morning.

We arrived at the cemetery a few minutes after 10 finding one of the last remaining spots near the entrance to the chapel. The baby was quiet the entire ride over and we were expecting him to get a little fussy when we finally made it inside and found a few seats. The room was already beginning to fill up with family, friends, and former coworkers so we found a place off to the side and prepared for the noise to erupt from below the car seat cover.

While I was sitting watching the baby my wife was greeting those who walked over to offer their condolences and congratulations while I just kept thinking about this whole surreal experience. The people and memories kept coming... I can’t imagine what it was like for my wife. By the time the service started there were well over 100 people there listening to my wife’s uncle conduct the service… a role his is very familiar with even if this was not the kind of conducting with which he was familiar.

Throughout the service, I couldn’t help but think about all the times that we would meet somewhere for dinner or stop by the house and she would be ranting about something or someone. There were times when the two of us would argue about things but with each of us always ending up coming to the conclusion that we simply had slightly different views. She was someone that I always respected for both her opinionated nature and intelligence. This was something that was reciprocated time and again.

It is hard to think that those times are but memories at this point and that our son will only know her through pictures and stories. But he will know who she was and the family from which she came. And while she may not be able to hold him like his other grandparents, there is no doubt that she is looking over him… maybe that is why he was so quiet and calm throughout the morning. Quiet and calm despite some of the things I am sure she was saying about the service and some of the people there. I am sure she had a few things to say about the snow which began to fall shortly before the service ended as well. 

Busy Seems To Be An Understatement

Yep. The clock pretty much looks like that right now.

Every day I try to take a few minutes either at the office or at home to just breathe. This is especially true during the weekend when I really don’t want to think about all that needs to be done both around the house and at the office. Of course, the housework can’t be pushed back especially with so little time left. However, lately the same has been true with work as more and more projects and tasks have piled on top of the regular schedule.

Those few moments during my week have been absent as of late with every moment accounted for during the waking hours (and some while I am trying to sleep). Just as one thing begins to fade into the background two or three more come raging to the forefront leaving both my wife and I trying to scramble to just get through the day. This is one of the big reasons why I hate it when people change their schedules or let us know of commitments at the last minute. With all that we are dealing with right now, we need all the support that we can get and sometimes it is lacking.

While we see many of our friends and family taking time to travel, eat out, and sometimes simply relax our days, especially weekends, have been filled with places that we have to be and last minute dinner decisions. On Saturday we finally found the time to sit down and have a dinner out… while Five Guys is not the fanciest place, it was quick and allowed us to get back home and take care of a few more things. There is no time left in the day for anything nicer or travelling much further.

It seems like each night we discover something else that we need to add to our list. Sometimes it is a simple phone call while other times we have to get in the car and either run a few errands, drop things off, or quickly pick up something that we had previously overlooked. Other trips are more regular lately and cannot be put off as we need to visit with family and keep our regular doctor appointments both of which are becoming much more frequent.   

Time being the commodity that it is, this is the poorest that we have ever been. But we have gotten through these things before. While not nearly as difficult as the current situation, we have the strength both in ourselves and our marriage to make it through the days, weeks, and months. While there is no question that we will not be the same after these trials, we will be stronger, healthier, and have a greater appreciation for the life we have and all the memories that can never be taken away.

Baby Shower

It was bitterly cold as I left the house on Saturday morning to get the oil changed at the dealer. My wife and I had planned on meeting up in Wayne later in the day just before her baby shower. However, as soon as I pulled into one of the service parking spots, and saw the crowd in the waiting room through the window, I knew we were going to have to adjust things. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize just how much our plans would change.

My wife picked me up on her way to the late lunch and while in transit I called my dad to have him pick me up at the venue. This was my wife’s day and I didn’t want to stick around too long and get in the way. After chatting with a few people and greeting some early arrivals, it was time for me to head out and wait for both the call from the dealer and the text from my wife.

While we chatted about work, planning for the year, and other things the dealer finally called about 2-3 hours after I first walked through their doors. It turns out that my car needed more than just an oil change as the front brakes needed to be replaced and the slow leak that I had them check on the front tire was actually a bent rim… I guess I won’t be seeing my car for a few more days. Well, things happen and thankfully my wife was having a much better day than I.

The shower was a small gathering of family and friends all of which brought overly generous bags and boxes. We had put a lot of things on the registry but simply to offer a variety of both items and prices thereof, we didn’t expect so many items to be purchased. When I got the text from my wife, I was glad to read that things had gone well and that she was happy. Everything else didn’t really matter at that moment… my wife had a good time and everything had gone as smooth as possible.

We met up at the tail end as the last guests were walking out the door. The bags and boxes seemed never ending as we walked back and forth between the restaurant and a few cars. Thankfully we had some help from my family as well as a bigger place to live in which to fit all of this new stuff. The help continued later in the evening as my sister and brother-in-law (along with the kids) helped us get everything in the house and move around the furniture that I was unable to get up the stairs previously.

It was a long and tiring day for both of us but a great day and one that will serve as a happy memory for us and many of our family members. And now we will wait for our son to arrive so that we can start using all the new items that will soon be organized in his room… which is another project all together. I guess that is going to have to be the new project.