Showing posts with label Father. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Father. Show all posts

Saturday, March 19, 2016

Book Update: Finally, Some Progress!

One of the goals I set for myself at the beginning of the year was to pull together many of the collections of poems and essays that I have compiled over the years and publish them. I have considered this endeavor in the past but was never able to see it to the end. Well, over the past couple of months, I was finally able to see many of those projects come to fruition. It took some time, a considerable amount of energy, and a few dollars but I was finally able to get four books published through Author House.

The first book that I worked on was a collection of poems that I wrote as an undergraduate student at Endicott College. All of the poems in the collection were written at that time, many of them published both in literary journals and in a limited run I pulled together with a local print shop at the time titled Teaching A Stone To Talk: Nature Poems. I am still grateful for the help that I received from Carol Raiche for the formatting the modest book and putting me in touch with the printer.

Now, accompanied with photos taken over the past decade, these poems are once again available in the collection Paintings In Under A Thousand Words: Nature Poems.


Many of the poems found in these pages are all but memories of experiences that have colored my early life. Some see these moments as glimpses of a time past but I see them as paintings formed in slow deliberate strokes that highlight the details of life that instill the feeling of accomplishment when looking at your past. These images don't need the long drawn out descriptions laden with unnecessary letters, they are flashes quick to flood the mind and equally fast in fading back deep into the gray matter. This is why I see these poems, these memories of my encounters with nature, as paintings in under a thousand words.

The next book to be edited was a project that I started while at Endicott and which later served as my Master’s thesis at Rosemont College. The first sequence of poems was published previously both as individual poems in various literary journals and in my first official chapbook, Kaddish Diary, which was published in 2005 by Pudding House Publications. This small collection has long since been out of print and even one of the anthologies that included a couple of the poems has since gone out of print as well. In the years following the publication of the chapbook, I created two additional sequences based on two other works of holocaust literature. However, this collection also remained nearly forgotten on a flash drive for nearly a decade. Now, I have finally brought this project of passion to light in What Was Not Said: Echoes From The Holocaust.


The Holocaust is a subject all of us are aware of but there are countless accounts that are seldom heard. Based on the diaries, letters, and memoirs of Hertha Feiner, Janusz Korczak, and Filip Müller, these poems describe the life surrounding these writings. Every memoir has something missing. This is not a conscious decision by the author; it is the perspective of the writer filtered through the impermanence of memory. Sometimes it is a forgotten foreshadowing phrase said in passing or what is happening outside when their focus is on the room in which they are sitting. These are the aspects painted in this collection.

The next two collections will be quite familiar to many of you as they are collections of posts from this blog. The first of these books consolidated all of the genealogy posts and is really only the first of many that I expect on this topic. It highlights both the process and the discoveries that I have made over the years and includes many family photos and documents that many in the family may have not seen before. I am glad to finally be able to share many of these colorful leaves with the rest of the family in Out On The Limbs: Searching For Answers In The Family Tree.


This is collection which illustrates how one family tree can give shade to the entirety of American history. Each leaf has a little more to add to my family history just as each piece of fall foliage adds to an autumnal landscape. All different trees offering a different variety of colors but working in unison to tell the same story. These essays offer a cross section of topics which includes recent additions to my family tree, interesting resources or programs, and discoveries that have given greater depth to the lives of my ancestors.

The final project in this initial push is the one that means the most to me. Again, these are posts from the blog which spans the past year and a half. This time around, I collected all the posts about the pregnancy and my first year of fatherhood into a single volume. You could even say that this is a baby book taken to the next level. For me this book is a gift to my son and hopefully something that first time parents, especially fathers, will enjoy. After all, it does tell the reader about The Good, The Bad, And The Adorable: My First Year As A Father.


After my son was born I found myself having conversations with other parents about some of the interesting things that I should anticipate happening during the first year. I had not heard about any of these antidotes before and so I wanted to start writing more regularly about these usually humorous occurrences. Arranged chronologically, this book is a collection of both those early posts of doctor appointments and preparations for arrival as well as the more interesting moments that I experienced during my first year as a father.

Well, that is what has been keeping me busy over the last couple of months and partly why there have been times when I have fallen behind on these daily posts. There are other books that I am currently working on but that is a completely different post for another day. In the meantime, if you happen to read any of these books I would appreciate hearing your thoughts and, hopefully, they proved to be worth the purchase price. Four down and countless volumes to go!

Monday, July 13, 2015

Don’t Mind The Cannon Fire


I can’t recall the last time that I took an entire week off from work like I did last week. While I did work from home and been out of the office for an extended period of time I was nevertheless still working. It was quite the shock to the system getting up this morning and having to drive to the office rather than the next place to visit. It was equally a drastic change to leave my son for the day after being able to spend a week and a half together.

However, I can’t say that I complete cut out work for the week. While I didn’t receive the deluge of emails that I usually sift through each day, I still had to reply to a number of requests as well as keep current on the plethora of projects always in the rotation in one form or another. And, of course, there were the calls that I had to either listen in on or provide direction on certain weekly campaigns. Thankfully no one seemed to mind the cannon fire in the background. I may have been on vacation but, as it turns out, I was still able to put in a fair amount of hours into each of the accounts.

Thankfully, I was able to schedule much of the needed work activity into small breaks throughout the week or while walking from one place to another. That is really the only way to do it as this was first and foremost, family time and I wasn’t going to ruin it for everyone else because of my corporate addiction. What really struck me about this was a conversation I had with my dad toward the end of last week when I had to stop and answer a few emails before dialing into a weekly call. In response to apologizing for the distraction his said “been there”. As if I needed the proof… I have finally turned into my father.

While it was a bit of a pain jumping back and forth at times, it paid off today as I was up to speed in about an hour rather than falling a week behind. The other benefit is that I am reaping the rewards of taking those calls and reading those emails because I am able to resume keeping work at the office and focus all of my attention when I get home on my wife and son. It may still be far from ideal and the whole thing may not seem like its balanced but it actually is working out well. 

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Common Questions

I guess it is just a baby centric week for me. When the week started I had a few topics that I was thinking about writing something but sometimes you just have to go with what you are motivated to write about. All it takes is seeing my son, watching him smile at me, and his infectious laugh and I really have no other option than to write another post about him.

Every other day it seems I am asked the questions of “how are you adjusting to being a dad” or “what it is like to be a father” or some other similar query. Well, there have been times when I have wanted to pull my hair out when I am either inundated with texts at the office or I am unable to comfort him. While there is nothing better than seeing him smile, there is nothing worse than watching that bottom lip slowly protrude. What can I say, I’m a sucker.

Things have certainly changed over the past year. Our schedules have changed, our lifestyle has been greatly altered, and are priorities have shifted. I am spending more time at home and making sure to spend as much time as I possibly can with our son. Sometimes, I admit, it has been to the detriment of spending quality time with my wife. This is something I am still working on.

It has been a great motivator knowing that we are the ones to care for and raise a child. I begin the day (still not a morning person) with greater purpose but also do my best to minimize the amount of work that I bring home with me. It is a complete shift in how I used to go about each day. I still work a lot but I try to segregate that time and get those other things done after he has gone to bed for the night.

It really is an amazing feeling seeing my son in the morning and being the first one he sees some days as he turns his head and rubs his eyes. Again, that smile is the best way to start the day. It is hard to leave in the morning and say goodbye but I also have a family to look forward to seeing as the sun slowly sinks behind the trees in the evening.

Each and every day, there is something else that I look forward to sharing with my son. It varies each day. Sometimes I see something interesting, find a family document, visit or remember a picturesque place, or even something as simple as going to lodge or attending some other event. We have the plans in place already to share these things with him but the list keeps getting longer and longer as our memories are collected on paper. And this weekend (and this summer), we will continue sharing those experiences with him.

So, to go back to the question, I think I am adjusting pretty well to being a father. Sometimes I just have to hold on and enjoy the ride but there are moments when I am able to collect myself and make necessary changes. There are a number of things that I still have to work at but I hope to do a better job as both a father and a husband as time goes by. After all, there are a lot of things that we have to cover in a short period of time (which is already going by way too fast).


Friday, November 7, 2014

A Lodge Meeting With My Dad


I had been looking forward to last night all year. Not because it happened to be my birthday but because it was a night that I was going to be able to share with my dad. I knew that the stated meeting at the lodge in November was going to be Veterans Night and I wanted to make sure that my dad was there to be recognized for his service (a recognition that he has certainly earned but has seldom received).

As seems to be the nature of things, I was looking forward to last night so much that all of the things that are beyond my control (i.e. traffic, accidents, detours, weather, etc.) did everything to delay me. While I had left the office with plenty of time to make it to the lodge before everything began I walked through the doors with little time to breath let a long enjoy dinner with my dad. I would have liked to spend more time with him and my uncle that night but I know he understood that I have responsibilities and a job to do that night.

Once I was able to let my dad know that I had finally arrived, I proceeded to make my usual rounds around the room greeting my brothers and welcoming the guests to the lodge. Of course, I never made it more than a step or two in any direction before someone would stop me for one reason or another. That might be the most enjoyable and frustrating part about being Secretary. It was in the midst of this flurry of action that I realized something for the first time in my life… I have memories of my father doing the same thing that I was while I would sit at a table and talk to a few people. Tonight our roles were reversed. Hopefully this means that I am turning into my dad.

After dinner and right after I finished all my last minute duties, we all headed up to the lodge room to begin the open portion of the night and recognize those veterans in attendance. While there have been numerous times that I have felt the same way, when I heard my dad give his name, branch, and years of service I was proud to be my father’s son. This was just another reason why I take great pride in the name that I have been given and the family from with I come. It might have been the best birthday gift that I have ever been given!

Thursday, November 6, 2014

“Happy” Birthday!?!

Happy Birthday Daddy!
This year is proving to be a little different than previous ones when it comes to my birthday. There have been some great things that have happened over the past year and some pretty crappy ones as well (especially lately). But, overall, it has been a great year and one that has offered tremendous clarity in my life.

What started off as a year still full with uncertainty and questions is coming to an end with some security and very specific goals. I don’t know what the future may hold but I have a core of beliefs, priorities, objectives, family, and friends that have proven, beyond any doubt, to be the foundation on which I can continue to build my life. Thankfully, there have been a few rough situations and conversations that have occurred over the past year and they have allowed for the culling of the less desirable portions of life that have at times prevented me from fully appreciating all the gifts that I have been given. By doing this most the toxicity has been remediated and the uncertainty has subsided. There are still questions that remain but, for the most part, it will simply take time before the answers are available. To many of those people I say “Thank you and goodbye!”

My birthday this year is one that is filled with love for both the people in my life and my son who will be able to celebrate with me next year. It is this shift that has allowed me to embrace those around me, which at times has bit me in the bum, and know who I can trust, who I can believe, and who I want as not just a part of my life but my wife and my son’s life as well. To those people that have embraced me, in spite of my numerous faults, I just want to say “Thank you!”

This is the first year that I can celebrate my birthday as a father and for those that are unfamiliar with that feeling it is pretty much impossible to describe. I know now that my priorities have to be as a father, husband, son, sibling, nephew/cousin, and friend/brother in that order or else my life will become unfulfilling. There are certainly many changes, most of which I will be unable to control, that are going to happen and now I can say with confidence that I am happy to show my son the kind of man that I am during this next year, this next stage, of my life. So, for those reasons, this is certainly turning into a very happy birthday!

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Trade Deadline


Based on a few previous posts and the other daily blog that I have, it should be no surprise that I am a baseball fan. I always have been and always will be even when things aren’t looking so good for the Phillies. This season has been a perfect example of the latter. It has been a means for me to bond with my dad, mom, and grandmother throughout the years and was one of the primary means of forming friendships during my childhood.

It is a game that I understand the ins and outs where, at least until recently, there have been few rules changes and alterations to the game. For the most part it has remained a game unchanged and while there have been alterations recently, the general strategy and gam play involved remains intact. Every pitch is thrown purposefully with every player, at least the great ones, knowing how to consider the numerous factors at play with every ball thrown from the mount, thwack of the bat, and kicking up of dirt from the base runner. Of course, that might just be from my time on the mount and behind the plate.

One of the more interesting days during the season is going on right now… the major league trade deadline. It is a time when measurable and intangibles are at play in deciding what players will be changing uniforms. It is a time to push for a ring, cut losses, or plan for the future. With the Phillies completely out of the race, I have been anticipating a flurry of moves today but, like much of this season, I am heading into this evening disappointed.

Like most seasons, there have been plenty of moves made throughout the sport but none of the trades had anything to do with the Phillies beyond eliminating trade partners. While it is one thing to watch a team falter on the field for over half a season, during those years of less than spectacular play, the young talent brought up and the new faces brought in have, in many instances, offered some hope for the spring. The Phillies front office remained stagnant leaving the quality of play to fester on the field and the horizon that is spring to become covered with the storm clouds of another tumultuous season ahead.

So, disappointedly I wait for the next game to begin hoping that the waiver wire is soon filled with players that I had such high hopes for at the beginning of the year. Maybe, just maybe, the spring clouds will clear and next season will be filled with anticipation of the performances of prospects and newly acquired talent. Of course, we are talking about Ruben Amaro so I’m still going to bring an umbrella with me to Spring Training.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Inevitable Appointments


For the first time since I can’t remember when, I think it has been about a year, I made time to see the doctor. Actually, I have been to two doctor’s appointments in the past week. I think that is enough at least for a little while. Don’t worry, it is nothing that is to be concerned about, they were just a couple of checkups. The first was with the regular doctor and the second was basically a double check.

Fortunately, I have the flexibility at work to set appointments that are otherwise not possible… this was an issue when I was working hourly and either didn’t have the time or I was just too darn tired during the normal waking hours to get myself to the office. But now, I have the time, and I am able to make sure I get to the checkups. Maybe I should make this a regular thing just to make sure that nothing does come up.

While I am not a fan of how the health insurance industry if forced to operate these days, it still works, and I really don’t know if such appointments would be possible without it. There have certainly been issues lately with coverage, specifically with getting my wife covered, but that has all been taken care of now. Things seem to be back to usual at the moment.

One thing that I have really come to appreciate in the last couple or few years is the importance of having a doctor that works for me. The office I go to is a very small husband and wife team that harkens back to the neighborhood doctor. Actually, my father grew up with him and he, after medical school, took over his father’s practice and bought the house in which he grew up. He can have a bit of an abrupt demeanor at times but it is always with a sense of looking out for what is best for me. On top of that, these days, with referrals a requirement, this office makes the process easy. It truly is the epitome of a family practice.

While these kinds of offices are slowly disappearing, the recent healthcare legislation seems to be speeding up their disappearance at a staggering rate. The family practice and the attention one receives from such offices, will soon be nothing more than a memory. But until that day comes, even with his shortcomings, I will continue to see my family doctor and do my best to listen to what he says. I’ll at least try.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Finding Wisdom At The Playground

Oddly enough, this is the hardest post I have tried to write thus far. It’s not the best written piece but, hopefully, you can understand what I am trying to say without too many words cluttering the screen. In fact, it is a very simple sentiment but it is something that I don’t say enough and needed to finally be put down on the page.

I consider myself very lucky that I take after my father (even the fact that we both attract horrible drivers). I may not be as smart, I may not be as hard of a worker, I may not have any of the athletic ability, I may not be as outgoing but I strive to make myself better. I am thankful that I have someone I can look up to that has shown me how to be a great man and how to be a great father.

I know I haven’t always been the easiest son, I haven’t always made the best decisions, I haven’t always shown how grateful I am but my father has always supported me despite these shortcomings. In times of success and of failure he has always been there for me. And during times when nothing seems to be going my way, like now, I know he is behind me.

I am proud to say that many of the men in my family are the same way. I know that my brother and my brother-in-law would do anything for their kids and, in many instances, have done the same for the rest of the family. I hope that someday I can hold myself in equal measure.

We all have things we can work on and we all have things we wish we could change but, even though it may not always be obvious, we know that family comes first and that is the foundation to our improvement. We all look out for one another even when our own lives may be hectic. We all support one another even when the challenges are difficult. We all want the best for one another especially when it comes to the kids.  

So, make sure to take the time to appreciate your father today and think about how he has shaped your life. Maybe you didn’t have the best father but you can appreciate the fact that it makes you want to be a better parent because of that fact. Or, maybe you’re fortunate to have a great father and you live every day trying to reach that high standard. Either way, take the time to remember.

But also keep this in mind, while many of you may hold the same feelings toward your own fathers I have come to the same realization, which is true during every Father’s Day, that in this instance the playground ascertain from childhood holds true, “my dad is better than your dad!” I know this to be true because my father is the greatest man I have ever known.