Next Book Projects

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about the books I was finally able to complete this year and get into print. Still don’t know how I was able to do it but I got it done. However, those books are only the beginning of what I plan on being a very busy year of publishing. Unfortunately, those four books were the first to be completed because they were the easiest to get done. I only have one more ‘easy’ book to get done and that has been delayed in editing for the past month because of a variety of events that have conspired against me sitting down at the computer and proof reading.

The next book, the one that is in process right now, is another fun one that really is a snapshot of a time in my life when I was finally able to connect with my community. “Once A Rotarian, Always A Rotarian” is a collection of posts about some of the speakers I met, events I attended, and other thoughts about being a Rotarian. The lessons from which I still carry with me to this day even though my participation has been lacking over the last couple of years.

Follow the completion of that book, I will begin working on my collection about my first three years as a Mason. Again, this is a book dedicated to one aspect of my life that has profoundly changed me for the better. The working title for this book is “Three Years After Three Degrees: How Freemasonry Made Me A Better Man”. I guess we will just have to see if that title sticks and how exactly I want to arrange the essays (that could be the most time consuming part).

Another book I guess you could say is in progress would be the children’s book that I am working on. The text is done… it is a very short picture book so that didn’t take much time at all especially considering the fact that I wrote it nearly a decade ago. However, I still have to conduct the input and supervise the creation of the illustrations for the book. That will definitely be a first for me. This one might be the book that I am most excited and nervous about finally seeing in print.

From there my attention will be focused on creating an adult picture book as there are numerous essays from my travels (especially across Pennsylvania and Virginia) and hundreds of pictures that I have selected to accompany those words. There is a bit of editing that needs to be done to the text but the photos are pretty much ready to go. However, in the end, if there is a book pushed back it might be this one simply based on the cost of production and eventual cover price.

Lastly, the year wouldn’t be complete unless I took some time to annoy some people which is why I am going to pull together all of the ‘polarizing’ posts into a single collection. I also expect this to be the longest book of the year coming in between 400-500 pages. That is a lot of politics and firearms. While I am fairly certain how to organize the book, I am still at a complete loss for a title so, at this point, I invite you to submit your idea. The prize pack includes recognition for your contribution in the acknowledgements of the book as well as a free signed copy once I have it in hand. So, ready through the posts on this blog that fit the subject matter and let me know what you come up with.

So, four books done, two in process, and three more planned for the year. Well, that is at least the plan at the moment. If life continues in the same manner that it has over the past month, I might be lucky to get one or two more out. If things calm down, I should be able to have nine books in print by the end of the year. And, if it turns out to be particularly cold down south this year and I am able to find some time, I might just get some more done. No pressure!

One Day Makes A Difference

Even as I type these words and watch them appear on the screen I still can’t believe that it has already been a year since we met our son for the first time. Our lives changed in an instant and I can still remember the feeling of shock that originally hit me when my wife’s water broke. While I was able to pull myself together, collect most of our things, and drive us down the snow dusted highway to the hospital, that daze didn’t really lift until hours later when our son grabbed my finger for comfort as the nurse cleaned him off.

There are moments from that day, and from the week for that matter, that remain a little hazy having melded together in a jumbled memory but there are also moments, good and bad, that remain clear as if they only happened an hour or two ago. That is what makes this passage of time so unbelievable. And while there have been trying moments to be sure during this first year of parenthood, I wouldn’t never want to go back to the way things used to be. Being a father, sometimes even a good father, is what I enjoy most each and every day.

It has been an interesting year full of first experiences, difficult moments, and challenging situations. It has been a calendar full of change but one that has brought us to a great place in our lives. There have been the funny moments of dodging poo and casting wee rainbows, nurturing times when our son got sick or was overwhelmed during his growth spurts, and adorable moments when he would smile, laugh, or nuzzle in our arms. And the daily joy beaming from his face, some days it is more prevalent than others, is enough to make even the most difficult days disappear.

Of course, we also find ourselves in the unique position of celebrating and mourning at the same time. While our son’s birth and my mother-in-law’s passing technically happened on the same day, this is one of the times that I insist on going by the Hebrew calendar. By doing so our son's birthday, the 26th of Sh'vat, 5775, is separated from the date on which my mother-in-law passed away, 27th of Sh'vat, 5775. Having that single day of separation makes a huge difference at times. It is interesting how faith can be comfort in the most obscure ways in addition to the guidance that it provides during times of struggle.

However, while there are no trips to grandma’s house that our son will remember about growing up, he still knows his grandma and recognizes her in pictures. It hasn’t been easy but there is a bond between the two of them that we both wanted for our children long before our baby became a reality. We didn’t plan on it happening this way but the important thing is that they are connected, our son knows his grandma, and his laugh when he sees her picture eases just a little bit of the pain from that day.

And this is just one of the many ways that our son continues to change how we look at life and the world. At times he has been our sole reason for happiness but mostly he has provided us with the love that permeates every moment of life and makes us remember that the love is what we always need to remember. Whether someone is here or not, the love remains. As I have said before, I will forever be thankful for that gift which our son has given us.

It is a complicated day, couple of days actually, but one that comes down to the most simple of statements… Happy 1^st Birthday my adorable baby boy! Mommy and daddy love you!

Sunday Search: Familiar Faces

When my mom and I were looking through some of the family photos last weekend there were a number of times when we could easily see some other family members in the faces of the ancestors who have long since left us. And it was interesting as to when it would hit us as there was really no guarantee whether the person’s name or the current counterpart would be thought of first. At the same time, there wasn’t any certainty as to which one of us would make the connection either.

In some instances my mom would tell me who someone was in the photo and then follow up with something along the lines of “I didn’t realize how much your cousin looks like her.” There were other times when I would see either an aunt, uncle, or cousin in one of the people and as soon as my mom told me who they were it made complete sense. And, of course, there were various combinations of this throughout our time with the album on the table in front of us.

While it is certainly clear to those who know my family, I get much of my looks from my father’s side of the family. However, in looking through the photos with my mom I could see a little piece of myself in some of the pictures. I noticed a couple of little things like my hair line and posture but what really stood out to me, which I knew of before, was the handwriting that was on the backs of many of the photos. While my looks may be predominantly from my dad’s side, my handwriting is, without question, from my mom’s side.

Sometimes these ties are really what make looking through old photos in particular so interesting. On the surface you are putting faces to names but on a completely different level you are finding yourself and many of your other family members in little pieces of the past. It just goes to show that your family, your whole tree, plays a big role in who you are regardless of what you might think. This, of course, is in addition to the obvious genetic traits that we carry. Sometimes it is in the simple things like looks but sometimes it can be in other ways like handwriting, the way you hold yourself, and your demeanor.

For better or worse, I kind of have a mix of all those things. There are little pieces from both sides that I carry with me every day. And I am certain that there are many other similarities that I have yet to discover with some of my ancestors. So you can look at genealogy as pulling together the family history or you can look at it as finding pieces of yourself. For me, it is definitely a little of both.

Sunday Search: Putting Names To Faces

When my wife and I were figuring out our schedule for the weekend we knew that we wanted to get together with my parents before they left for a little warm weather vacation next week. Fortunately, despite some other changes to our plans, everything worked out and we spend yesterday afternoon together. More importantly, our son spent some time with his grandparents.

It was supposed to be one of our usual get togethers over lunch and then back at the house to catch up on things (even though I talk with them every few days). It is a nice relaxing time. However, I decided to change things up a bit yesterday when, because the thought popped into my head, I decided to pull out the photo album sent to me months ago (maybe over a year at this point) and flip through the pages with my mom. We did a quick scan before lunch noting some of the relatives I knew, many that I didn’t, and, oddly, some that I recognized but my mom didn’t.

This was a long overdue project and after lunch, toward the middle of the afternoon, we revisited the photos but this time we took a closer look and I had post it notes in hand to record the names. After flipping through a few of the pages and not being able to put a name to a face on a few occasions, we peeled back the plastic and carefully pulled up the pictures from the paper in the hope that there might be some information on the back. While this didn’t always work, there were a few times when it did and it allowed us to put a few more pieces together.

What we couldn’t figure out immediately was the handwriting on the backs of the photos until one of the last pictures had the simple words inscribed on it “My Mother” which means that my grandfather labeled many of the photos that we had been looking at over 30 years ago. It was one of those things that we didn’t expect but glad that we figured out. What was also nice was the fact that I have done so much on the family tree because there were a few times when only first names were known or ‘that was her or his daughter.” By having much of the tree completed, I can write down the bits of information now and put the pieces together later.

Hopefully, this is the first of many times when I can sit down with my mom and put faces to names. There are a number of other loose photos and albums stored in drawers at their house and I am eager to flip through them and finally pull together a visual history of the family in addition to the information that we already have. Who knows, maybe I can even discover something new. But, for now, it is back to the current album where I can now write (with an archival pen of course) on the backs of the photos the names of the faces on the front.   

Sunday Search: Another Generation Of Baby Photos

Each month that passes, we do our best to take a picture of our son so that we can record his growth over time. Sometimes we manage to get the picture taken on the exact day of the month while other times we might be off by a day or two. Each time we think about the pictures that we have seen of ourselves and it is hard to believe that we are now on the other side of the lens. This time, however, I didn’t look back at some of my baby pictures, I looked back much further and sorted through some of the much older family photos that I discovered over the summer. They were actually included in the same group that I wrote about last month.

My great grandmother, Helen Fulton, was only 30 when she passed away from a stroke but there are numerous pictures from her life both from before she married my great grandfather, William Jacob McKannan, and throughout their 10 year marriage. The first picture, which prompted this post, is from about 1893 or 1894 when she was just a baby...

A few years later, we have a photo of her as a little girl taken in about 1900 (I can actually see my niece in this photo)…

By 1910 (according to the census), my great grandparents were living next door to one another. My great grandfather was living with his uncle (along with his mother and sister) while my great great grandfather was working for the Pennsylvania Railroad while my great grandmother’s family moved in with her grandmother. Some things can be written off as coincidence while other situations, like this one, seem to be fate. My great grandparents married two years later which is around the time when we can surmise that this picture was taken…

A few years later, both McKannan children were married and my great great grandmother, Susan Laura Corner, was still holding her own at home while the railroad continued keeping my great great grandfather away from his family. It was during this time, in the mid-teens (I surmise early 1914 since my grandfather was born in October 1914), when this family photo was taken with my great great grandmother in the middle surrounded by her growing family…  

As I have written before, by the end of 1922 my great grandfather was left a Widower caring for his two sons having lived through the loss of his wife and two daughters over the past two years. But the photos and memories remained allowing the family to remember her, what she looked like, and the happiness that filled her brief life. You never know how life progresses or when life will come to an end but the images continue to maintain the vibrant details, from birth to death, of the family history. It is a great feeling to be adding another generation of details to our tree with every passing month.

Chocolate, Flowers, And A Full Hotel

As I mentioned in my post yesterday, my wife and I took our son on a little getaway this past weekend. With everything that has happened, we wanted to do something special and get away from everything for just a night. We didn’t want to go too far and we wanted somewhere family friendly were we could walk around. After all, this was his first trip and night away from home so we wanted something a little easier on all of us. That list of simple criteria lead us to Hershey.

Even though I was a little late in scheduling the trip, I got lucky and found a room available at the Hershey Lodge for Saturday night. With the hotel booked, we headed out late Saturday morning amidst the mist enveloping the highway. Just over an hour later and we were checking in at the front desk as the cocoa aroma flowed through the lobby. After a quick lunch at the Bear’s Den (decent burgers but I suggest you have the salt ready) we walked out front, hopped on the free shuttle, and made our way to Hershey Gardens (free tickets included with our room).

Not the greatest view.

The gardens proved to be a nice little walk despite the overcast sky. However, having spent more time at much larger places (i.e. Longwood Gardens) we covered the entire grounds pretty quickly. While not as impressive as many other horticultural attractions it was still a nice walk with a decent variety of plants, paths, and views. Here are just some of the pictures that I took with my phone during our walk (also the one at the beginning of the post):

Now much later in the afternoon, we walked back to the shuttle and enjoyed a nice conversation with the driver as we made our way back to the lodge. After unpacking everything in our room and taking a little break, we spent some time outside with our very happy baby.

It was nice to have the quite time to enjoy the cool breeze and people watch as prom goers and military officers convened at the same time to attend their respective events (this is in addition to the countless little cheerleaders scurrying about the building).

When we walked over to the Hershey Grill afterward, we were nearly turned away by the hostess. Given the busy weekend there was limited seating and we were about to turn around when the manager escorted the three of us to the patio and sat us at a very nice table near the ducks playing in the water fountain. The meal that we had here was excellent… I suggest the mushroom bruschetta, the smoked trout lettuce wraps, and the eggplant parmigiana (a little different than what we were expecting but good nevertheless). Tired and full we slowly meandered back to the room so that we could put our feet up, and put out baby down, for the night. Thankfully, he slept through the night in the strange room.

A Long Day Away From Baby

Given how things played out last year, I expected things to be busy today at the trade show. What I didn’t expect was sheer volume of people that would be attending the show. What had taken me 20 minutes to go from getting on the bus to the booth, was now an hour voyage through the sea of attendees and exhibitors. Thankfully, I had left early enough that I still made it to the booth with plenty of time to spare before the first appointment that I had booked for the day.

As the day flew by you could tell who had been at the show for both days walking up and down the aisles. Sore feet and slow moving legs were apparent. And, of course, there was the larger than life crowd… the ones that made me look like the after picture from a weight loss commercial. It was a constant fluffy wave that made you think twice when you took a lunch break or went over to the cart to get a cup of coffee.

While our booth was busy throughout the day with only a handful of moments when we were left to ourselves, there were other companies when the exact opposite was true. It was rather odd to see the lack of interest that they were inciting especially in a room where there were more than a few niche companies and products that were constantly talking to customers all day. Makes me glad that some of our previous discussions never panned out but also make me wonder how we could have made the show different for them.

Even during the numerous humorous and busy moments, I couldn’t help but think about what I might be missing back home. I kept thinking about my wife and son and hoping that he wasn’t missing me too much. While he may not be aware of everything he does know when I am out late and I am certain that he knew I was gone.

Those times were tough but it was also nice getting those pictures and videos from my wife and sharing them with those around me. While I may not have been able to talk to him, I could at least talk about him. That was my way of getting through the times when I missed him most and the best way that I was able to relate to those around me who all had kids. That is how I got through today!

Reconnecting In A New Way

It has been a bit crazy lately with everything that has been going on. If you look back at the most recent crop of posts you can easily figure out why. Adding to all of this is the fact that I am hearing from people on Facebook that I haven’t had conversations with in quite some time. If it happened at any other point it would seem odd but the simple fact of the matter is that as soon as you post the first picture of your new baby (which we keep to a minimum) people come out of the woodwork.

This influx of communications has been great. It has been the perfect excuse to restart conversations and see how people are doing. As many people, family and friends, can attest I am not the greatest when it comes to staying in touch. I am rather sporadic in reaching out to people as there is usually one thing or another that comes up and steals my attention. I am not nearly as bad as I used to be but I am by no means where I would like to be. This is proving to be a tremendous opportunity to fix that at least a little bit.

Social media has always been an issue for me as it is part of my daily work routine so by the time I get out of the office I am kind of done with it. As has been evident, much of my usage of Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter has been largely one way rather than the dialogue that it is meant to be. This is why I included the screen shot at the top of this post. This is what social media is supposed to do… it is an alternative means of communication.

With that said, it is still difficult to combine the work and personal and social media is one of those places where I still see it as work. Maybe it is for this reason, or the fact that I am still a traditionalist, that I prefer talking to someone on the phone or writing a letter (an actual letter not email). Those are the places where I can disconnect from work even though I still use each of them during the course of the day.

Social media is where I still have the issue of being able to disconnect but the recent discussions I have had have gone a long way to alleviate that issue. In the end, don’t be surprised if I am not as responsive as most people on social media… I spend too much time on it getting work done for clients and by the end of the day I tend to ignore those sites. Plus, I have seen the good and bad sides of these social sites and I tend to limit much of what I put on there (believe it or not). This is now particularly true as it pertains to my son. However, if you want to catch up and/or talk about the baby feel free to give me a call, write a letter, or send an email.

That’s My Child!

Helloooo Baby!

Early this morning I couldn’t help but quote the Big Bopper when I saw the picture come into focus. Before our eyes, we saw the profile of our baby slowly take shape as the woman moved the ultrasound around my wife’s stomach. What a drastic change from what we saw just five weeks ago!

We were still a little dumbfounded as they began measuring and checking all that they could in the image to make sure that the little one was progressing normally. Given their parents, this might be the only time in their life that they are considered normal. After these initial still shots, it was time for baby to have a little fun. Yes, it turns out that baby likes to mess with people just like their daddy.

Throughout the process, the baby was moving around and having fun in their little rent free dwelling. When it came time for some more pictures that required the baby to be in a certain position that is when it decided to do their own thing… we could hear the doctor talking, asking the baby to lay on its back followed by a slight nudge with the scanner.

Baby did exactly what you think it did, it rolled onto its belly. It took numerous attempts and a few minutes before the baby rolled all the way around. This is when we could really see the profile and see the face of our child. Five or six still frames later the doctor was almost done but baby had enough. Baby raised their arm, either to wave bye or make their first attempt at giving someone the finger, and rolled over again. That’s my child!

That was the end of our visit for today and I will say that this was the best reason to roll out of bed early. Even groggy, it was an exciting morning for the two of us and another day that we will never forget (at least until we are old and senile). Now we just have to wait for some blood work and come back for some more family photos in a couple months… I guess my wife knows what she is getting for her birthday this year!

Twelve weeks in, the baby is healthy and the reality is really starting to settle in. While I was never in denial, seeing a much more developed picture of our child really hit home and has me both a little concerned about our living and financial situation but also eager to meet him or her (I still think it is a boy). It has been quite an early morning and a really long day of thinking.

I’m Feeling Kind Of Woody Today

Five years ago today my wife and I nervously paced around the synagogue waiting for everyone to arrive. We had just finished taking the family pictures on the stairs, signed the ketubah to the right side of the bimah, and we were now anxiously waiting for the time to get started. What seemed forever to wait for, including the two and a half year engagement, was over in what seemed like seconds. While a memory that seems like a blur in time, the moments are as vivid as the world currently surrounding us.  

We frequently look back on that day, flip through the pictures, and find ourselves still amazed that it has now been five years since we became husband and wife (the gift for this year is wood). While there have been a few moments here and there since that day that we would have done differently or wished had gone better, we are here today stronger and closer than we have ever been. With life getting busier and busier by the day, I look forward to heading home for the night to be with my wife.

So today we mark the first five years of our marriage with all the love that we have shared during the past half-decade. Our bond has taken us from Pennsylvania to Brooklyn to New Jersey to Jerusalem and back to Pennsylvania. We have each experienced various levels of employment and kept a wide variety of work hours. We have seen sickness and we have experienced health. We have struggled financially but we live in the wealth of our connection to each other.

We have seen one another at our best and at our worst. We have traveled around the state and around the world. We have lived a life at varying degrees of observance. Throughout those journeys and those different points in our life, we have continued to stand by on another, grow as a couple, and, eventually, find what works best for the two of us.

I am grateful each morning to have you by my side (even when you are trying to shake me awake as you yell at me to turn my alarm off), thankful for you constantly supporting me no matter how insane my schedule gets, I appreciate you keeping me grounded and forcing me to hold back at times when I try to do too much, and I’m amazed that you put us with me day after day after day. Thank you for the first five years of marriage. I will do my best to improve a few things during the next five years. Happy Anniversary! I love you!

I Ain’t No Spartan!

Hard to believe but we have already reached 300 blogs. Whether there has been 300 things to write about is a different story but somehow we managed to get through it. It is almost like an odd curiosity this blog. There are times when the posts reflect the things that happened during the day while there are other times when I just rant.

Writing every day has not been the easiest thing to do at times (just ask my wife) but it has kept me writing which was the whole objective of this endeavor. While there has been a lot of posts put up that I really wouldn’t miss if they happened to disappear, there are a few articles that I am glad that I took the time to record the day, my thoughts, stories from my family, or pictures from our numerous trips throughout the past 300 days. All of these things pretty much sum up me. The good and the bad. The interesting and the boring (boring is kind of tipping the scales at this point though).

Knowing that I will be recording my daily life has made me focus on what is going on around me and has motivated to do more rather than let the days just pass by unceremoniously. While that doesn’t always guarantee that I will be out and about going from one place or event to another, it has at least required me to stop and think. And while it may not be evident in some of the ramblings that you have encountered over the past 300 days, I have had to organize my thoughts on a daily basis in order to move on to the activities of the following day.

So what am I planning to write about for the next 65 posts? I have no idea. Like many of the previous posts, and this one, I don’t know what I will be posting. I don’t even know if I will continue posting on a daily basis once I have his the one year mark. Although I am pretty sure that my creative OCD won’t let me take a day off. Maybe there is something that you want to read about, maybe you are curious about my thoughts on a subject or places that you would like to see pictures of (keep it local people). Well, I have just over two months of guaranteed content that I have to fill so don’t pass up the chance.

And now, because it’s Friday and I can, I leave you with a drunk monkey!

 

Talk to you all tomorrow.

Thank You For The Accurate Forecast

Once again the Weather Channel was spot on predicting the precipitation for the day. What was originally going to be an inch or two is now approximately five inches sitting on top the cars in the parking lot. I think Carnac would have been more accurate. Adding to the fun is the fact that there is a nice thin coating of ice on everything including the unplowed pavement. Given that drivers lately have had a difficult time in clear road conditions, this should make for an interesting commute in the morning.

 

The afternoon was filled with the sounds of a winter preview as the flakes fell by the window and rode on the occasional breeze across the rows of cars and onto the train tracks running behind our building. Occasionally we would hear the crunch of the snow packing beneath someone’s feet as they walked to their car or the creek of solidifying snow under the tires of residents returning. But, for the most part, it was quiet. The kind of quiet that only snow can bring to the world.

With the snow falling steadily all day, my wife and I hunkered down and enjoyed a day to ourselves in the apartment. We took care of some cleaning (the dishes were more stubborn in their occupation of the kitchen than those people who decided to clog up the cities a few years ago) and finally settled down to watch a couple of movies we had been meaning to view for some time now. I guess the day wasn’t a complete loss but it would have been nice to get out and get a few other things done like getting a long overdue haircut. However, these kinds of days are good for us. Whether you like the snow or not, it forces you to slow down for a little bit and take a break from your usual daily or weekend routine.

I firmly believe that this is only the beginning of an impressive winter of heavy snow and frigid temperatures. The past couple of years have given us casual winters where there were only the occasional reminders of the season. In just a couple of weeks the winter will officially take hold of the calendar and the smell of snow will fill our nostrils for months rather than the infrequent wafts that have passed by our noses up to this point. But maybe that is the kind of year that we need… maybe we need a season when we take time to enjoy life by just slowing down every once in a while. I don’t know, maybe that is the plan G-d has for us. Either way, it is going to be a year of interesting morning commutes.

 

Go Google Yourself!

I use Google on a daily basis for numerous reasons but mostly as a means to find photos for this blog, tracking mentions of various companies, and finding news about different subjects. It is a great tool that makes the daily tasks a lot easier than it used to be. I’m sure I am not the only one who remembers using a card catalogue and flipping through pages and pages of useless information. Well, maybe not completely useless as it has done wonders for my random knowledge over the years. In fact, much of my recent genealogy work has more closely resembled this method rather than the modern instantaneous gratification that we have all become accustom to.

Every once in a while I take advantage of this modern convenience and see what happens to be floating around out there that is tied to my name. It is quite the interesting exercise and, to a certain extent, a little disconcerting. Have you ever done a Google search of your own name?

It’s a given that all your social media accounts play a prominent role in the search results but there is also, at least for me, a lot of other information that surfaces. From mentions in articles, old corporate blog posts, press releases, reading announcements to, if it so applies, any piece of information that is part of the public record including your address, phone number, and pictures of your friends and family. If you are a writer, you can also find some class assignments based on your work (this was both surprising and entertaining).

Such is the time in which we live. Whether you like it or not, your name is out there for everyone to see. While I am a pretty open and outgoing person, some others don’t have the same perspective. This is why I am constantly conscious of what gets posted, what pictures are taken, and the people and organizations with which I associate. Everything is out there for anyone to find and you don’t want that random picture to surface that was taken immediately prior to you blacking out.

It will be interesting how subsequent generations react to such openness and whether or not the barriers remain between personal actions and professional consequences when the moments of youth live on in perpetuity on the internet. For me, I remain cognizant of what is posted and what is said. I do my best to minimize the censoring of my opinions and perspectives in an effort to remain completely transparent and honest with those who may come across these words and I enjoy the fact that I am able to record my own life and maintain an ongoing record for future generations. Good or bad, this is who I am and this is one of the main things that will show up in a Google search.  

Be Obsessed With Life and Hoard Memories

I have always been a collector. From as far back as I can remember I always remember being surrounded by things that I had hoarded. It seems as though that is just part of my personality and something that I will continue to wrestle with. For some reason, I am always looking for more stuff.

Don’t worry, you don’t have to call TLC for an intervention. There are things that I have done in recent years to curb this need. Actually, I haven’t really stopped collecting I just shifted my attention and I have chosen different things to collect.

What began with toys (Mask and G.I. Joe in particular) turned into Coins, comic books, baseball cards, movies, music, books, and other tactile objects from various years of growth has now transformed into a mission to collect memories and capture them in the best way that I can. From visiting different places and meeting new people to enjoying the simple things of a cold day and falling leaves. I want to remember as much as I can.

Of course, this has led to my hoarding of photographs and blog posts but at least it takes some time for those to come to fruition. I am always afraid of the memories that may be lost and the details that could fade into the smearing of ink on a calendar. Memories are what makes us who we are and I don’t want to feel lost again.

After all, isn’t that the root of the problem when it comes to most hoarders and collectors (there actually is a difference)? Things giving a sense of meaning and being. Things represent the memories and people in someone’s life. They can give a sense of belonging and can serve as the means of forming a home for many.

My memories, my writing, my photographs are my being. Literally, they are recordings of my life, from my perspective, and provide me with a great sense of accomplishment before the pen hits the paper or my finger clicks the shutter. My life isn’t reliant upon my collecting but my collecting is dependent on my living life.

One moment, good or bad, should propel us to the next and combined create the flawed mosaic that represents us. While our pieces may be similar and sometimes nearly identical, they are shaded in a way that is unique to each of us making no two collages the same. We have control of that life, life forms our memories, and our memories should color our passions.  

Day and Dusk Meditation

I have spent the last few days looking over all the pictures that I have taken over the summer. Some are pretty good and, overall, I am happy with the way they came out. Others not so much. Taking a second look this morning there were a couple of the photos that stood out from the rest. Not because they were anything special individually (the same can be said for all the photos I have taken) but because I happened to take the same photo twice without noticing it until now.

The first time I reached for my cell phone I was focused on the red rust of the beams and the angles of the wires as they stretched along the train tracks that run behind our apartment building. I always find angular patterned and geometric scenes interesting. It was early in the day and, as I recall, one of the few clear days we had in some time so I took the shot and I was pretty happy with how it came out. It was just one of those times when it was one spontaneous picture with my iPhone.

Months passed when I found myself in the same exact spot in the parking lot. Walking back from taking the garbage to the dumpster I happened to look up and see the rich colors saturating the sky. As usual, I had my phone on me so I pulled it out and tried to find the right angle where I could get as much of the cloud laced spectrum in frame. As it turns out, I am now looking back and I can see that I was in almost the same exact spot from when I took the first photo.

Making this discovery now instead of weeks or months ago, I have better appreciation of the play between the two photos. Perspective is everything in life. Sometimes you can see the big picture, the sky burning at dusk, while other times your focus is on the things that are much closer to you, things you can touch and understand like the structure that surrounds the SEPTA line. It is all a matter of perspective and time.

If you take the time to see not only what is in front of you but what awaits you just behind it allows you to be open to what G-d has in store for you and the beauty that the future brings beyond the confines of your immediate surroundings. Give it time and things will change for the better. Life isn’t always cold rusted steel in front of a cool pale blue. There is fire on the horizon that no matter how brief the colors may flow through the sky, it is a brilliant sight to behold and one that change your perspective for the following day. It is the fleeting, but also cyclical, beauty of this life and this world that elevates the sometimes monotonous tasks of our everyday lives. It is the daily gift that is waiting for us if we open our eyes and look to the horizon for hope.