Mortgage Monday: Finally Settled After Seven Years

Society Hill Synagogue

Tomorrow is a very special day for me and my wife. Not just because of the commitment we made to one another that day but also because of the memories that we continue to carry with us both during the good times and the difficult ones. While a blur at the time, as the years have passed the memories remain vivid in my mind. Seven years ago tomorrow my wife and I, after a prolonged engagement, ran down the aisle for the first time as husband and wife.

It is especially poignant to think about all of those people who meant so much to us that day, who went out of their way to make the day special and how, while they are no longer with us, they live on in the deep meaning that they brought to that moment in our life. From a friend bringing appetizers into our room during the cocktail reception to friends from Samantha’s synagogue enjoying the opportunity to make new friends. From the joy in my mother in laws face as she spent time with friends and with my wife (and the Salmon and polenta combination helped too) to my grandmother pulling my wife aside toward the end of the night to offer her advice.

All of those memories come back to me in an instant whenever I catch a glimpse of our wedding photos on the wall of our living room and when I see our Ketubah hanging near our kitchen table as I walk in the door. But this is the time of year when they are the most vivid and when I am the most thankful that we have one another. It hasn’t always been easy but the good far outweighs the difficult times and we are much stronger both individually and as a family because of each of those moment even though it doesn’t seem like it at times.

And now we celebrate this day finally settled into a place that we call home. We enjoy our anniversary as a family and we look forward to the years to come more so than we have in the past. I know I haven’t been the perfect husband and my wife continues to say that she hasn’t been the perfect wife over the years but, while it has some wear around the edges, our marriage is as strong as it has ever been. Seven years with decades to go not just as husband and wife but as mommy and daddy. And now we know, and we have the security in knowing, where we will be for all of our future anniversaries.

It’s Official, We’re Exotic Now!

Maybe this is what we will put on the doors next year...

One of the interesting things that we are finding in the new area where we have chosen to live is the fact that there are very few Jews around us. It actually made finding the house during Hanukkah really easy because all someone had to do was look for the only house on the street with a Menorah (Hanukiah technically) in the window. Although, you might be a little confused if you walk up to our door as there is a wreath decorated with mini Magen David on it (thanks mom). Of course, we knew what we were getting into when we decided to move out here so the fact that we are clearly in the minority really doesn’t bother us.

It is actually kind of interesting when I think about the different places we have lived. In Jerusalem it was assumed that we were Jewish and, most of the time, the same can be said about our time in Brooklyn. In Bala Cynwyd we were members of a clear majority in the area and in Metuchen and Chesterbrook we were part of a pretty even mix. Even in Chester Springs there were a number of Hanukkah houses around us but, at that point, the percentage was pretty low. Now, we are one of very few families in the area with a Mezuzah on the doorpost.

We are so far removed from the Jewish communities that our son’s daycare asked us to come in and talk about Hanukkah. Being such a small minority it is pretty safe to say that we are no longer seen as simply Jewish but as some exotic family… and we are fine, and entertained, by that fact. So far, those with whom I have spoken to in the area, especially this time of year, have sincere questions about our faith and hang on to every word in our responses. And this is without us talking about the fact that we are Israeli too.

Obviously, there are other Jews in the area but it has been entertaining thus far being the token Jews in the neighborhood. And as we try to find a local synagogue in the area (local meaning 20+ minutes away) I am curious to see if others have had the same experience. But, what has been important to us here is that our beliefs are ancillary to people getting to know us… the only reason the subject came up was because of the time of year. While being a Jew is an important part of us it is not the only thing that defines us and here we are finding that to be how people look at us.

Wood Anniversary Plus One

While there is no way that we were going to be able to top the wood anniversary from last year, this year was pretty good. It wasn’t because of anything special that we did or place we went, it was nice to celebrate our anniversary this year as a family. No cards, no gifts, just the three of us together. Something obviously a little different this year but the whole day has changed anyway with many of the things that we would normally be doing, dinners we would be having, this time of year no longer possible but forever part of our memory.

Ass I have said many times before, we have had great years and difficult times in our time together but we always stuck by one another knowing that this was just a simple fact of marriage. This past year was indicative of that cliched roller coaster. There have been times when we have had to just walk outside for some air and other times when you couldn’t pry us apart. However, throughout it all the love remained stronger than ever and now we have our son… our baby… the one who will forever be the symbol of our love and marriage.

Each year has brought something a little different. Sometimes it has been where we were living while other times it has been about where we were planning to go. I guess some of that will always be a part of our annual celebration but things are so much different than they were in the past. However, the constant thing that has remained is that I love my wife now more than I did the day we ran down the synagogue aisle and into the limo.

We have already had quite the journey and, as this year has shown us, things are only just beginning. There are so many things that we have to look forward to, plan for, and sometimes brace ourselves for. We have done so much and planned so many things with life surprising us in new ways each and every time. Throughout it all we have had each other and now we have our family.

Now this day no longer belongs to the two of us. This is a day when we can celebrate the life that we have built, the love that we have, and the family which we cherish. It is a day best described by the unwavering love that we have for one another and our son… the best anniversary gift that we could have ever hoped for. Now try and find a card that says all of that!

Baby Bucket List

As the days fly by and our son keeps getting bigger and bigger, the list of things that I want to do with him keeps getting longer. Actually, it is not just about things I want to do with him, it is also about the milestones that I am looking forward to witnessing. While by no means my complete list of scribbles, here are a few of the things that I am looking forward to as our son grows up:  

1. First Words – He is already proving to be quite the vocal child and while he is already making a sound similar to that of saying ‘Hi’ when I come home from work, I am looking forward to hearing that first distinct word. I am hoping that it will be either mommy or daddy (or something similar) but I am not completely ruling out the possibility that we could have a similar instance than that seen in “Meet The Fockers”.

2. Crawling./ Walking – He has surprised us at this point by standing with little help from either of us (we are mostly there for stability) but he also has no interest in laying on his tummy so I am curious to see how this progresses. While a whole new host of issues arise once he becomes mobile, I am looking forward to the day when he demonstrates this little kernel of independence.

3. Pool / Swimming – This one is more for my wife. We haven’t taken him to a pool yet. This should be an interesting experience. Hopefully he likes the pool as much as he enjoys his bath (at least the first half of the bath).

4. Baseball – Now we are progressing a little further in his development. While he has already shown an interest in throwing things and watching baseball on TV (made for a quiet dinner at Fox & Hound last week), I am looking forward to putting those two things together. I just hope he got his grandfather’s athletic ability because it definitely skipped me.  

5. Lodge Events – While we have taken him to the lodge once I am looking forward to the future events both at my lodge as well as other masonic events in the area (and outside the area like our trip to Pittsburgh coming up). There are a lot of us with young kids and I really want to see all of us get together for an experience far different from those on meeting nights.

6. Synagogue – We are a little behind on this one. While there isn’t much that he will comprehend early on, we want our son to be used to going to synagogue and make it part of his routine. We need to get moving on this search.

7. First Day of School – Again, looking into the future. This is a milestone that I think every parent looks forward to happening. I will be there the day that this happens (mixed emotions and all). Hopefully he proves to be a better student than his father.

8. Family History – My wife and I have spent a lot of time learning about our families and we want to share those histories with our son. We want to make sure that he knows where he comes from and learns all about the people we come from both more recent and in the distant past. Hopefully, I can find some answers along the way and share these discoveries with him. After all, he is a continuation of both our families.

9. Family Reunions – This is something that my wife and I agreed is incredibly important for us as a family. We are starting this year with my side of the family (I will be writing extensively about our trip to Virginia this summer) followed by my wife’s family next year. We plan on going back and forth every year. Again, we want our son to know his family and family history.

10. Family Vacations – In addition to bringing our son to some of the places that my wife have been and enjoyed over the last several years both local (i.e. Jim Thorpe, Gettysburg, Knoebels, etc.) and not so local (i.e. Florida, Massachusetts, London, Israel, etc.), we are also looking forward to exploring new places and destinations with him. While we have no idea where those places will be at this point, it is still fun to think of the possibilities.  

As I previously mentioned, there are countless other things that I am looking forward to but this at least gives you an idea of some of the things that I am eagerly anticipating. There are a few things that I have already been able to check off (cooing, smiling, first weekend trip, etc.) but the list is growing much faster than we are able to take things off. I guess this is also a part of parenthood… the annoying, slightly OCD, impatient part.  

So I now turn things over to you: What does your list look like? What have you already checked off? What are some of the things that you wish you had done?

Waking Up To Terrorism

Don't believe everything you read!

This morning I woke up to an all too familiar stream of posts on Facebook as there were ‘news’ reports and updates from friends in Israel letting me know of the terrorist attack that had taken place while I was sleeping. Some reports were accurate while others were, at the very least, skewed. After reading through many of the comments and condolences, I finally pulled up the Reuters article which summarized the events that took place within the first sentence, “Two Palestinians armed with a meat cleaver and a gun killed four worshippers in a Jerusalem synagogue on Tuesday before being shot dead by police, the deadliest such incident in six years in the holy city.”

Reuters reported the news while other agencies made their attempts at relaying the ‘news’ to their audiences. CNN was the first to demonstrate a lack of judgment and proper editorial oversight by including a headline that inferred that the terrorists were also victims during the attack. Later in the morning they also referred to the Orthodox synagogue where the murders took place as a mosque. I understand the rush to deliver the story but these kinds of things are not acceptable.

While over the top, one friend in Israel asked how people would have reacted had the 19 terrorists been included as killed during 9/11. Again, he took it a little too far but the message was clear. Also, I give him a lot of leeway as he was one of the first responders at the twin towers.

Of course, over in the UK, The Guardian decided to omit the mention of Palestinians altogether. They took the Reuters story and omitted all evidence of Palestinian involvement. This would be understandable if there were still some questions revolving around what had happened but events did not leave anything to interpretation. This was simply a means of not entering into the debate and placing blame on those who deserve it.

Even with all those ‘stories’ rife with inaccuracies, misleading statements, and omissions, what really bothered me once I finished reading through all of the articles was the Reuters story. In it, the publication included a quote from a statement released by President Obama in which he stated, "I strongly condemn today's terrorist attack on worshippers at a synagogue in Jerusalem, which killed four innocent people, including U.S. citizens Aryeh Kupinsky, Cary William Levine and Mosheh Twersky, and injured several more." There is nothing to disagree with here, the President said what needed to be said and condemned the actions of the terrorists.

However, when speaking to reporters, the President’s words fell far short of reason. On a day when innocent Israelis were slain in their own place of worship, their own sanctuary, the President called for “both sides to lower tensions.” Really? During a time when Israel is the victim of heinous acts of terrorism (there have been a lot recently this is just the latest), Israel is put on equal footing as the cause of these horrendous events? That is, by far, a greater insult than that which was misrepresented in the media.

I’m Feeling Kind Of Woody Today

Five years ago today my wife and I nervously paced around the synagogue waiting for everyone to arrive. We had just finished taking the family pictures on the stairs, signed the ketubah to the right side of the bimah, and we were now anxiously waiting for the time to get started. What seemed forever to wait for, including the two and a half year engagement, was over in what seemed like seconds. While a memory that seems like a blur in time, the moments are as vivid as the world currently surrounding us.  

We frequently look back on that day, flip through the pictures, and find ourselves still amazed that it has now been five years since we became husband and wife (the gift for this year is wood). While there have been a few moments here and there since that day that we would have done differently or wished had gone better, we are here today stronger and closer than we have ever been. With life getting busier and busier by the day, I look forward to heading home for the night to be with my wife.

So today we mark the first five years of our marriage with all the love that we have shared during the past half-decade. Our bond has taken us from Pennsylvania to Brooklyn to New Jersey to Jerusalem and back to Pennsylvania. We have each experienced various levels of employment and kept a wide variety of work hours. We have seen sickness and we have experienced health. We have struggled financially but we live in the wealth of our connection to each other.

We have seen one another at our best and at our worst. We have traveled around the state and around the world. We have lived a life at varying degrees of observance. Throughout those journeys and those different points in our life, we have continued to stand by on another, grow as a couple, and, eventually, find what works best for the two of us.

I am grateful each morning to have you by my side (even when you are trying to shake me awake as you yell at me to turn my alarm off), thankful for you constantly supporting me no matter how insane my schedule gets, I appreciate you keeping me grounded and forcing me to hold back at times when I try to do too much, and I’m amazed that you put us with me day after day after day. Thank you for the first five years of marriage. I will do my best to improve a few things during the next five years. Happy Anniversary! I love you!

Turning Off The World And Relaxing

Lately my wife and I have been struggling with turning our minds off and allowing ourselves to relax. It’s an interesting juxtaposition in that as soon as we started slowing down on the weekends and spending more time at home “relaxing” we started having issues taking it easy. And it hasn’t been for a lack of trying but sometimes what worked in the past doesn’t necessarily work now.

My issue has always been that I need to have something to keep my mind busy in order for my mind to relax. At the same time, I need to take some time off during the weekend from the daily tasks of the week so my mind is left to fend for itself. Of course, posting on this blog and the Phillies blog keep me busy every day but that still leaves a large chunk of time unaccounted for.

Occasionally, television is a good refuge but it is becoming increasingly difficult with the poo that is smeared across the dial. Some days it seems like every channel has some form of Honey Boo Boo or Obama Boo Boo on it and I have no other choice than to turn the darn thing off. Even the History channel, normally a reliable fallback, seems to have more and more content focused on ghosts and aliens.

Books provide a pleasant respite from the noise of the world but even that has become a difficult endeavor as either it is too quite which allows my mind to enter into the fray or my eyes are too heavy to focus which is usually the situation during the week. I have only been able to escape into the pages of historical volumes for fleeting moments when the larger task at hand is centered on coloring in the leaves of the family tree. Those are the brief and intense moments that are both tiring and refreshing as everything else around me disappears. It’s like taking a nap in the middle of the day… it will get you through the next couple of hours but it can’t replace a good night’s sleep.

To, hopefully, address this issue there are a few things that I will be reintroducing in the next week or so which hopefully will satiate my need to relax and recharge all of which revolve around one simple task… getting the frick out of the apartment. Traveling and returning to the synagogue for regular weekly services is what we both need to do to keep us going, keep us relaxed, and keep us grounded. We can do these things together and enjoy the common experiences. However, there is one thing that I need to do by myself (because I can’t convince my wife to go)… I need to get to the range.

Just the thought of that makes me feel better. Some people look forward to the relaxation of playing a round of golf or competing with their friends on the basketball court but that is not for me. I enjoy competing with myself, and frequently with those around me, by seeing who is the best at putting holes in paper. For many of you this may seem like a crazy concept but this is honestly one of the most effective ways for me to relax.

If you take your time, respect the firearm, and focus acutely on hitting the bulls eye the world around you disappears and all your attention is on the task at hand. Regardless of skill or ability, I have seen everyone reach that state of complete focus. This is the only sport where I have felt a complete sense of peace and calm. This is my respite in the midst of a chaotic week.

So, that is how I relax. What works for you?

Don't Waste Time

“...In the seventh month, on the tenth day of the month, you shall afflict your souls, and you shall not do any work ... For on that day he shall provide atonement for you to cleanse you from all your sins before the L-RD.” – Leviticus 16:29-30

At sunset, Yom Kippur will begin. For Jews, this is our “Day of Atonement” for the sins that we have committed against G-d. It is on this day that we have the opportunity to change the judgment entered into the books of life and death in which G-d inscribes all names. It is our last appeal before these books are sealed. This is our day to demonstrate our repentance and make amends for all the transgressions that have stained our lives this past year.  

Many of us have taken the past week to ask forgiveness from others, I could have done a better job of that, but now is the time that we ask for G-d’s forgiveness of our sins. There are many of these transgressions that can be found in the thoughts and prayers of Jews around the world and across generations. Maybe we didn’t go to services enough, maybe we haven’t read Torah and studied Talmud enough, and maybe there are more serious offenses that we ask to be forgiven.

Those are, for the most part, commonalities that we all share during this Holy time of year but there is something for which I am certainly going to ask to be forgiven which is commonly overlooked. How many hours each year do we spend watching television or aimlessly surfing the internet? How many times have you found yourself zoning out on Facebook reading posts and looking at pictures that you are only going to forget about later? How much time do we waste on an annual basis?

That is what I will make sure to include in my prayers and in my pleas… I am asking to be forgiven for wasting life. There is so much that I can be doing with the time I have to make a difference rather than spending hours doing something that has no lasting impact or meaning. If you find yourself in this situation and such action, or inaction as it were, has affected the life or lives of others you must also ask for their forgiveness. The same can be said for the sin of judgment. We have all judged others to varying degrees whether it is because of how someone looks, their level of observance, the job they may have, etc. Hopefully you have already asked them for forgiveness, but we must also ask G-d for forgiveness for unfairly casting judgment on His creation.

This is the time to learn from our reflections this past week, recognize our shortcomings, and ask G-d not only for His forgiveness for what we have done wrong but for the strength and wisdom needed to prevent us from committing them in this new year. This is a time for transformation. It is a time that allows us to wake up and see the world through G-d’s eyes. This is a time for change.

When Is The Last Time You Wrote A Love Letter?

Photo by Liz Warnek

Every journey has to start somewhere and ours did when, four years ago today (this hour actually), my wife and I were running down the aisle, out the synagogue doors, and into a limousine on our way to our wedding reception overlooking Independence Hall. It will forever be one of the best days of my life even though we didn’t have a chance to enter the dessert room. I am sure my wife will be reliving our wedding day through photos on her blog so I am going to go about this post another way.

As most of you know I am very easy to get along with most of the time but other times I am a pain in the butt and my wife has had to put up with all of it. The latter of the two is guaranteed not to be much fun to live with but, when you think about it, the first part is not easy either. I enjoy talking to people and it doesn’t matter where we are I can find someone to strike up a conversation with. On top of all this, she has to deal with a “creative type” but I guess that falls under the pain in the butt category.  

My wife is different… she is an astounding woman and my best friend (translation: I love her but she can sometimes be a pain in the butt too). I have seen her struggle and I have seen her succeed and I am constantly amazed by what she has accomplished and I will always be proud to be called her husband. From Chesterbrook and Brooklyn to Metuchen and Jerusalem to Bryn Mawr and Bala Cynwyd we have stuck together, leaned on each other, and gotten through it all still in one piece.

There have been good days and bad, easy and hard times, healthy and downright scary moments, and we have weathered them all side by side. We’ve had our disagreements and we’ve made many big, and sometimes shocking, decisions with all of them bringing us to this day when I can honestly say that even though she pisses me off sometimes I love her more than the day we were sentenced by the Rabbi.

While we both have changed in many ways, grown at different rates and, sometimes, in different directions, we continue to strengthen our bond and reach toward the dreams that sometimes seem so far but get closer to our grasp every day. We have gotten a lot of opinions over the years with some voices being louder than others. Thankfully, none of them have been from within our own heads… I think. We have found our way, we have discovered what works for us, we know the kind of life we want and this is the kind of life we will live.

If you’re married, I hope you have what we have. If you’re single, good luck because not many people are this lucky.