Mortgage Monday: Finally Settled After Seven Years

Society Hill Synagogue

Tomorrow is a very special day for me and my wife. Not just because of the commitment we made to one another that day but also because of the memories that we continue to carry with us both during the good times and the difficult ones. While a blur at the time, as the years have passed the memories remain vivid in my mind. Seven years ago tomorrow my wife and I, after a prolonged engagement, ran down the aisle for the first time as husband and wife.

It is especially poignant to think about all of those people who meant so much to us that day, who went out of their way to make the day special and how, while they are no longer with us, they live on in the deep meaning that they brought to that moment in our life. From a friend bringing appetizers into our room during the cocktail reception to friends from Samantha’s synagogue enjoying the opportunity to make new friends. From the joy in my mother in laws face as she spent time with friends and with my wife (and the Salmon and polenta combination helped too) to my grandmother pulling my wife aside toward the end of the night to offer her advice.

All of those memories come back to me in an instant whenever I catch a glimpse of our wedding photos on the wall of our living room and when I see our Ketubah hanging near our kitchen table as I walk in the door. But this is the time of year when they are the most vivid and when I am the most thankful that we have one another. It hasn’t always been easy but the good far outweighs the difficult times and we are much stronger both individually and as a family because of each of those moment even though it doesn’t seem like it at times.

And now we celebrate this day finally settled into a place that we call home. We enjoy our anniversary as a family and we look forward to the years to come more so than we have in the past. I know I haven’t been the perfect husband and my wife continues to say that she hasn’t been the perfect wife over the years but, while it has some wear around the edges, our marriage is as strong as it has ever been. Seven years with decades to go not just as husband and wife but as mommy and daddy. And now we know, and we have the security in knowing, where we will be for all of our future anniversaries.

Sunday Search: Digital Digging And Rediscovering

Toward the beginning of the year I was finally able to start sorting through many of the items that I tossed in my desk in an initial effort to get everything put away shortly after we moved into our new home. While there were countless pens that needed to be organized and old power cords and technology that needed to be tossed, there were also a number of digital storage devices that piqued my attention as I rescued them from the grips of the office clutter.

Once I consolidated everything into a couple of plastic sealable bags (one for SD cards and the other for flash drives), I shoved them into a pocket in my work bag with the plan of scanning the contents later in the week. A few days and then a week passed without even a single look. Then, having accidentally pulled one of the bags out by the corner while retrieving my laptop, I unsealed both bags and slid the first of about a dozen SD cards into my computer.

I was actually quite surprised when I found absolutely nothing. However, that was the only empty card as each of the others contained the photos from all of our summer trips from the past several years. Great items to hold on to for the current twigs of the family tree but nothing much more than that. Thankfully when I plugged in the first, and the oldest, flash drive into my computer, there were a multitude of documents that I hadn’t seen in at least a decade (not really a surprise given that I remember this 256kb card being the first I ever used). And as I loaded more and more into my computer, I was able to pull older photos, documents, and the entire digitized genealogy binder that my great aunt put together.

Not satisfied with these rediscoveries I tried to think of all the other means of digital storage that I have utilized over the years… this lead me to pulling out my wife’s old external hard drive as we both used this 1TB monster for many years and it primarily served as our joint computer backup in the past. Well, on this I found even more photos and documents that I had long since forgotten about including the random pieces that I had come across years ago… items that I still don’t know if they are relevant to our family tree.

The digging was almost done as there was still a group of pictures that I had yet to find. Well, actually, I had found them some time ago stored on Shutterfly but only in low resolution. I wanted the originals, I wanted to see the memories from our wedding and honeymoon the way that I remember them… as clear as the moment they happened. A few boxes and CDs later and these too where added to our story, our small leaves in our ever-growing tree. It’s nice to have most of the pieces together for at least one generation.

Wood Anniversary Plus One

While there is no way that we were going to be able to top the wood anniversary from last year, this year was pretty good. It wasn’t because of anything special that we did or place we went, it was nice to celebrate our anniversary this year as a family. No cards, no gifts, just the three of us together. Something obviously a little different this year but the whole day has changed anyway with many of the things that we would normally be doing, dinners we would be having, this time of year no longer possible but forever part of our memory.

Ass I have said many times before, we have had great years and difficult times in our time together but we always stuck by one another knowing that this was just a simple fact of marriage. This past year was indicative of that cliched roller coaster. There have been times when we have had to just walk outside for some air and other times when you couldn’t pry us apart. However, throughout it all the love remained stronger than ever and now we have our son… our baby… the one who will forever be the symbol of our love and marriage.

Each year has brought something a little different. Sometimes it has been where we were living while other times it has been about where we were planning to go. I guess some of that will always be a part of our annual celebration but things are so much different than they were in the past. However, the constant thing that has remained is that I love my wife now more than I did the day we ran down the synagogue aisle and into the limo.

We have already had quite the journey and, as this year has shown us, things are only just beginning. There are so many things that we have to look forward to, plan for, and sometimes brace ourselves for. We have done so much and planned so many things with life surprising us in new ways each and every time. Throughout it all we have had each other and now we have our family.

Now this day no longer belongs to the two of us. This is a day when we can celebrate the life that we have built, the love that we have, and the family which we cherish. It is a day best described by the unwavering love that we have for one another and our son… the best anniversary gift that we could have ever hoped for. Now try and find a card that says all of that!

Three City Friendship

Our old lunch spot half a block from the office in New York City. 

After not having seem one of my best friends in nearly four years we have now had the chance, however brief it may have been each time, to get together twice in the mast couple of months. This time I was able to introduce him (and his welcoming parents) to our son who actually has the same name. It is still a little odd considering that we used to see one another nearly every day when we both worked for the same PR agency in Manhattan years ago. After having made the time on a business trip to Chicago in late March, he was in the Philadelphia area for a wedding this past weekend.

Since those days of long lunch breaks (mostly at Ben’s on 38^th Street) and lengthy conversations after work while we walked to the train there have been a lot of changes that have happened in each of our lives. And I’m not just talking about geography. It is really interesting to think about how our perspectives have shifted since then and the experiences that we have both had that have brought each of us to this point in our lives.

While my wife and I have moved around quite a bit finally settling back in the area where we grew up, my friend has done the opposite by moving away from family and now enjoying a successful career in the middle of the country. Since the day that we first met at the office we have each gotten married (and were groomsmen at each other’s wedding) with my wife and I taking the next step by starting a family and my friend finally breaking free from a wife that, to put it nicely, epitomized the greed and self-centeredness that seems to becoming more pervasive in the younger generations. While completely different journeys we are both happy with where we are now and what seems to be just beyond the horizon.

Even with everything going on, good times and bad, we have always remained in contact and did our best to keep things in perspective for one another. I can’t stress enough the importance of having a friend that offer this when you need it. We have each had some great times and some difficult times of the years and it has been nice getting together lately to talk about the positive changes that have happened and the optimism that is now part of our daily routines. Even when we shared a common company this was not always the case.

Hopefully, the visits will become less sporadic in the future as we continue to enjoy life and the different paths we chose to take. If anything, it is interesting to hear about the different turns and detours that life can take us on. Regardless, we will be certain to talk on a regular basis (not always a guarantee with me as many of you know) and keep one another up to date as to the great changes and experiences that come our way.

Baby Errands

On Sunday my wife and I had to get out of the apartment. With everything that has been going on lately we haven’t had much time to run a few errands… they just kept getting pushed back week after week. Finally we made it to the mall and started hopping from store to store picking up the items we need. Nothing fancy just a few items of clothing, a very important pillow, and some additional footwear.

The largest part of our outing was our trip to Babies “R” Us which ate up about two hours of our afternoon. While we did find a few items that we could purchase (clearance combined with coupon was a deal we couldn’t pass up) the primary purpose of our store visit was to fill out our baby registry (which is not fun if you try and do it online). That’s right, for the first time since our wedding, we walked up and down the aisles, scanner in hand, doing our best to spend other people’s money (no, we didn’t run into Danny DeVito).

With memories of our wedding excursions resurfacing in our minds, we were not looking forward to the process. However, once we started scanning, we couldn’t help but enjoy the idea that we were picking things out not for ourselves but for our son. That was the turning point in the whole process as we kept on finding item after item that we wanted to buy for our baby.

Of course, there were a few things that weren’t as simple as point and scan and there were a couple of items that we will have to research further before adding to the list. Strollers and car seats took some time while monitors were put off for another day. And while we chose some outfits, there is still a lot of clothes that need to be added before that could even come close to being a complete list. Toys were another item (except for a couple stuffed animals) that we are holding off on.

By the end of the registry marathon, we had made a pretty big dent. All the furniture has been selected, travel items were put on the list, and every other category in the store supplied checklist had at least a few items selected (including a crap load of diapers - pun intended). Also added were the handful of items that we purchased that day… always remember to do this as you enjoy the registry benefits on things that you are purchasing namely cash back.

So my son should have a pretty good start and this should prevent us from having to bring back piles of merchandise to return and/or exchange. That is the theory. And now my wife and I no longer have the aversion to registries that we previously had as things are different now that we are no longer picking out items for ourselves (okay some of them we kind of are). While we aren’t quite ready for our son to be born we are at least making progress and feel like we have made one more preparation for his arrival.

I’m Feeling Kind Of Woody Today

Five years ago today my wife and I nervously paced around the synagogue waiting for everyone to arrive. We had just finished taking the family pictures on the stairs, signed the ketubah to the right side of the bimah, and we were now anxiously waiting for the time to get started. What seemed forever to wait for, including the two and a half year engagement, was over in what seemed like seconds. While a memory that seems like a blur in time, the moments are as vivid as the world currently surrounding us.  

We frequently look back on that day, flip through the pictures, and find ourselves still amazed that it has now been five years since we became husband and wife (the gift for this year is wood). While there have been a few moments here and there since that day that we would have done differently or wished had gone better, we are here today stronger and closer than we have ever been. With life getting busier and busier by the day, I look forward to heading home for the night to be with my wife.

So today we mark the first five years of our marriage with all the love that we have shared during the past half-decade. Our bond has taken us from Pennsylvania to Brooklyn to New Jersey to Jerusalem and back to Pennsylvania. We have each experienced various levels of employment and kept a wide variety of work hours. We have seen sickness and we have experienced health. We have struggled financially but we live in the wealth of our connection to each other.

We have seen one another at our best and at our worst. We have traveled around the state and around the world. We have lived a life at varying degrees of observance. Throughout those journeys and those different points in our life, we have continued to stand by on another, grow as a couple, and, eventually, find what works best for the two of us.

I am grateful each morning to have you by my side (even when you are trying to shake me awake as you yell at me to turn my alarm off), thankful for you constantly supporting me no matter how insane my schedule gets, I appreciate you keeping me grounded and forcing me to hold back at times when I try to do too much, and I’m amazed that you put us with me day after day after day. Thank you for the first five years of marriage. I will do my best to improve a few things during the next five years. Happy Anniversary! I love you!

Rabbi Akiva, Bar Kokhba, And The Zohar = Party Time!

I remember when my wife and I were planning our wedding that one of the first things that the Rabbi checked was if the date we wanted fell within the counting of the Omer. It just added another consideration to the date selection. Fortunately, our preferred date was one that fell just beyond the Omer so we were able to proceed without changing a date that just happened to work out for us.

Today we celebrate the day within that period, Lag Ba’Omer, when there is a short respite during this period of mourning and reflection. For those of you unfamiliar with this period on the Jewish calendar, here is a little information (about the holiday, significance, and observance) from the Judaism section of About.com:

Lag Ba'Omer is a minor Jewish holiday that falls between the holidays of Passover and Shavuot. "Lag" is a combination of two Hebrew letters: lamed and gimmel. According to Hebrew numerology, lamed stands for the number thirty and gimmel stands for the number three. These two numbers are significant for Lag Ba'Omer because it is celebrated on the 33rd day of Counting the Omer.

The Significance of Lag Ba'Omer

Lag Ba'Omer is a joyous holiday but no one is sure what it celebrates. The Talmud mentions a plague that is thought to have killed 24,000 of Rabbi Akiva's students during one Omer, and some have suggested that Lag Ba'Omer is celebratory because the plague abated on the 33rd day. Others have suggested that Lag Ba'Omer is connected to Rabbi Akiva's support of Simon Bar Kokhba, a Jewish rebel leader against Rome. The Romans responded to Bar Kokhba's revolt with incredible brutality, but perhaps Lag Ba'Omer was a day when either the Jews won a victory or there was a brief respite from the violence. (Ultimately, Bar Kokbha's rebellion failed.) The military connection is supported by the tradition of taking children to open fields to play with toy bows and arrows on Lag Ba'Omer.

Observing Lag Ba'Omer

Lag Ba'Omer is a time during the Counting of the Omer when people can celebrate. While the Omer is a time of mourning, on Lag Ba'Omer marriages can be performed, children are taken to parks to play, and people often gather for large bonfires. The fires represent the light of the Torah.

Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai, the author of the Zohar (an important Kabbalistic text), also died on the 33rd day of the Omer. In Israel many people commemorate his death by visiting his grave in the northern town of Meron. The anniversary of his death is a day for celebration because it is believed he revealed the secrets of the Torah to his students before he died.

While this is not one of those clearly defined holidays found on the calendar, it is still an interesting one to consider. The counting of the Omer is a period unto itself during the year and a time when many people step back and take stock of what they have in this life. The days of celebration immediately before and after this block of time are ones that invoke change in the family and in the community. Lag Ba’Omer is a day of celebratory solace when life continues to progress, unions are celebrated, and, in many communities, children take an important step in their life with their first haircut. While it may seem small to some, it is an important day on the calendar and one that should be made to stand out among the other days of the Omer.

So, while the bonfires burn, and the piles of ash continue to grow, remember the joy and the hope that this day represents. Also remember the period in which this holiday falls and embrace the changes that have, are, and will occur on this day. It is an island of joy among a sea of sorrow with faith guiding us to the shore of this remote paradise. Tomorrow the counting of the Omer continues but with the peace and hope of the day still fresh in our minds and hearts. And soon, like all times of mourning, this period will pass, life will continue, and celebrations, large and small, will fill our days.

Home Alone

Freaky Friday might be a more appropriate metaphor as I am usually the one out and about on the weekend but this time I am the one home alone as my wife is in California to attend her sister’s wedding. I would have gone with her but when the wedding was announced my schedule was still up in the air and, now, I don’t think I would be able to take the time off to fly over there and recover for a day after getting back.

While I enjoy traveling and seeing different places there are times when I am glad to just be at home and doing nothing, at least close to nothing. My weekend had actually freed up by Thursday night as my lodge commitment was moved to next weekend and I was looking forward to relaxing and taking care of a few projects that are particularly difficult to accomplish when my wife is around and studying in the office on the weekend. However, those plans, those plans which I had been looking forward to, changed this morning when my phone began to vibrate on my night stand.

It began with a text around 11 am as I was just lying in bed enjoying doing nothing. As soon as I saw the word tomorrow I knew that my weekend was going to end a bit early. Essentially, some issues that have manifested themselves over the last couple of weeks need to be addresses as soon as possible and that translates to a few of us meeting at the office tomorrow morning. I guess it is a good thing that I am home alone this weekend as I am sure that this development would not have made my wife happy.

Of course, this just goes to show how much things can snowball at the office if you let your guard down. In the end, this weekend, while productive and relaxing in some respects, is actually going to leave me even more tired than I usually am during the week and I am sure my mood for the next few days will reflect that. Hopefully a little time in the office, some relaxation hobby time at home, a trip to the airport, a couple blogs, and a glass of scotch won’t completely drain me. However, I doubt it and expect to be half dead and sick by the end of the week. It’s a vicious cycle but someone has to do it. Good night all.

I’m A Nudist And I Don’t Like It!

A couple months ago I made a drastic decision and shaved my beard. It was the first time that my face had seen daylight in nearly a decade and the first time my wife had ever seen me without one. While it may seem odd, not a day goes by that I don’t miss it. I guess you could say that my beard was my blanky.

It is also a source of memory for me as it has been a part of “my look” for so long. When my wife and I got engaged, my beard was neatly groomed for the pictures.

Engagement Beard (January 2007)

By the time our wedding came around I had gained a considerable amount of weight but still kept the beard looking good for our big day.

Wedding Fat Beard (June 2009)

Between our wedding and my wife’s birthday the following year I had lost a significant amount of weight and gain a number of inches on the beard.

Back to Nature Beard (October 2010)

Israel saw probably the best beard to date as I had lost some more weight and had everything trimmed with just the right amount of length.

Israeli Beard (July 2011)

Last summer we took a family vacation to Disney World where things got a little scraggly because, hey, we were on vacation.

Tired Disney Beard (July 2012)

And here I am recently at Crystal Cave, naked and fluffy.

Naked Spelunking (July 2013)

So, I am frequently asked, why did I do it? The reason is simple; beards are not seen as professional. I don’t agree with it but there is the reality of the situation. I had put it off as long as possible but I could no longer risk losing potential employment opportunities because of the way I look.

However, I think I look better with a beard and I know I feel, for some reason, more comfortable with one. Contrary to popular perception, my wife misses my beard as well and asks almost daily when I am going to grow it back. This leaves me to pose the following question every morning: to shave or not to shave?

The only thing I can say for certain is that it will be back. I don’t know when but it will most certainly be back. I miss my blanky.

When Is The Last Time You Wrote A Love Letter?

Photo by Liz Warnek

Every journey has to start somewhere and ours did when, four years ago today (this hour actually), my wife and I were running down the aisle, out the synagogue doors, and into a limousine on our way to our wedding reception overlooking Independence Hall. It will forever be one of the best days of my life even though we didn’t have a chance to enter the dessert room. I am sure my wife will be reliving our wedding day through photos on her blog so I am going to go about this post another way.

As most of you know I am very easy to get along with most of the time but other times I am a pain in the butt and my wife has had to put up with all of it. The latter of the two is guaranteed not to be much fun to live with but, when you think about it, the first part is not easy either. I enjoy talking to people and it doesn’t matter where we are I can find someone to strike up a conversation with. On top of all this, she has to deal with a “creative type” but I guess that falls under the pain in the butt category.  

My wife is different… she is an astounding woman and my best friend (translation: I love her but she can sometimes be a pain in the butt too). I have seen her struggle and I have seen her succeed and I am constantly amazed by what she has accomplished and I will always be proud to be called her husband. From Chesterbrook and Brooklyn to Metuchen and Jerusalem to Bryn Mawr and Bala Cynwyd we have stuck together, leaned on each other, and gotten through it all still in one piece.

There have been good days and bad, easy and hard times, healthy and downright scary moments, and we have weathered them all side by side. We’ve had our disagreements and we’ve made many big, and sometimes shocking, decisions with all of them bringing us to this day when I can honestly say that even though she pisses me off sometimes I love her more than the day we were sentenced by the Rabbi.

While we both have changed in many ways, grown at different rates and, sometimes, in different directions, we continue to strengthen our bond and reach toward the dreams that sometimes seem so far but get closer to our grasp every day. We have gotten a lot of opinions over the years with some voices being louder than others. Thankfully, none of them have been from within our own heads… I think. We have found our way, we have discovered what works for us, we know the kind of life we want and this is the kind of life we will live.

If you’re married, I hope you have what we have. If you’re single, good luck because not many people are this lucky.