Purim Hangover

Given all that has happened over the past month and the reminders that I feel every morning, the joy of Purim was a welcomed respite from the daily worries and work. Having taken the holiday off, I was able to finally take some time away from the office without anything that needed to be done during the day. While we have plans for future years marking the celebration of the day with our son and the community this year there were no such plans made. Right now, sometimes the greatest joy can be found in not having to do something or be somewhere.

However, we were able to take advantage of the day as my wife was also off from work and, for the first time in too long, we had a quite lunch. Just the two of us as we brought our son to the daycare that morning. Thankfully, the new sushi place that we had found was actually pretty good and we were able to relax for the afternoon just spending an uneventful meal together. We made sure to take separate cars to the restaurant so that I could run some errands (rarely do I have time to do these during the week) and my wife could pick up our son on time. Nice to have a few things done early so we aren’t running around throughout the weekend.

When I returned home our son eagerly scurried across the floor not expecting to see me for another few hours. That smile and that laugh still get to me. After washing up and holding our son for a few moments and giving him plenty of hugs, it was time to simply get on the floor and spend some time as a family. This is the pure joy that this day has brought to us. Obviously not in the usual way but it is the joy of family and the unconditional love for a child, an open willingness to give or give up anything for them, that drives the meaning of this day home.

Since then there has been a bit of a Purim hangover. While neither of us had to return to work the following day and our son was home with us, there is something different about the extra bonus time that we have together. Maybe it is because of the simple fact that I was personally reflecting on the holiday during the waking hours but it was a different day. This Purim, the freedom and joy of this day, is something that we can build upon and truly make the meaning and joy of this holiday a part of our son’s life and faith. Hopefully without the hangover.

Three Months!

It seems like I just posted the two month blog yesterday but here we are just over three months since our son was born (three months and three days to be exact). There have been good times and hard times throughout the last month as our son has become aware of more and more of the world around him. He is slowly learning little pieces here and there and now communicates in his own way with us (especially when daddy comes home from work). That moment when he turns his head and smiles at me is, by far, the highlight of my day.

Everyone said that these days go by fast and while there are certainly times when time seems to move very slowly, I really don’t know where the last three months have gone. It is a blur of work and baby with a few memories from lodge meetings and other events. Everything seems to have faded into unimportance while the specific moments of seeing my son do things, see things, react certain ways, and sooth us remain vivid in my mind. Even some of the unpleasantries that have been experienced are quarantined into the recesses of memory. It is a hard thing to explain but many of you know exactly what I am talking about.

There are times when I have come through the door after a particularly long day at the office and everything seems to just fade away. Other times I have come home later than usual knowing I have to get some more unavoidable work done but lacking the energy to do so… sneaking up to his crib and watching him sleep is all I need to keep going and keep working that night. And when I am at work and my mind begins to drift, I think about my son and I get back on task knowing that if I don’t finish things up during the week, I am going to have to spend some time away from him on the weekend tethered to my computer… I have managed to avoid working on the weekend for some time now.

It has been an interesting and quick adventure so far. There has been a lot of poop and a lot of laughs, many headaches and numerous giggles, a few hard days and countless beautiful moments. All the while we have watched him grow still not quite believing that he is here and that we are a family of three. Things have changed so much and as he understands a little bit more of the world around him we are eager to introduce him to new places and experiences and that is exactly what we have planned for the next three months.

First Mother’s Day

My wife and I have both been looking forward to today and dreading it at the same time. There has been a lot that has happened since the last time that the calendar noted this holiday. There is a lot that we have to celebrate and a lot that we are missing on this day. To my wife’s credit, which says a lot about her strength, she decided to focus on the joy of the day and I did my best to make that a reality (even in the face of a few trying moments). Like many things these days, time is moving both fast and slow. It seemed to take forever for this day to come but it also caught us a little off guard.

For the past couple of months we had been anticipating the good and bad of the day. In an effort to focus on the former we decided to get away for a couple of days. I nearly dropped the ball on this one but managed to make it happen by booking a room early last week (more on the trip itself in my next post). It was also late in the week when I was finally able to order flowers for my mom (for which we got a call when they were delivered yesterday)... ProFlowers.com kind of saved me on that one. We both owe a lot to our mom’s and now that we have a son we understand even more the importance of this day.

We were a little apprehensive about the overnight stay at a hotel with the baby given that this was his first night away from home but, in the end, the entire trip went better than we could have ever hoped. There wasn’t a single moment of crying for much of the getaway and he seemed to be happy to explore a new place and simply spend time with his mommy and daddy. Of course, it could be that maybe our son is already learning that you don’t mess with mommy on Mother’s Day.

While we did our best to think of all the good things that have happened and the fact that it is the first Mother’s Day that we have celebrated with our son, I couldn’t help but think about the one thing that I couldn’t give my wife today. I didn’t buy a card or flowers as there wasn’t really anything that I could find that made sense… at least not this year. I could have bought a “First Mother’s Day” card but it was also a first for another reason… one that I couldn’t change. It was a hard day but a great day as well. I just wish that I could have given her the gift that she really wanted today.

Why This Day?

Like most religious holidays, especially ones that have become a piece of commercialized pop culture, it is interesting to look at the roots of the Christmas holiday and basically how it came to fall on this particular day in December. It seems that almost from the very beginning, the selection of this date has been a marketing play to ensure the success of the holiday and the spread of the religion. And you can’t really blame the early church for doing this because of the simple fact that it works. This theory is summarized on Wikipedia in the follow passage:

One theory to explain the choice of 25 December for the celebration of the birth of Jesus is that the purpose was to Christianize the pagan festival in Rome of the Dies Natalis Solis Invicti means "the birthday of the Unconquered Sun", a festival inaugurated by the Roman emperor Aurelian (270–275) to celebrate the sun god and celebrated at the winter solstice, 25 December. According to this theory, during the reign of the emperor Constantine, Christian writers assimilated this feast as the birthday of Jesus, associating him with the 'sun of righteousness' mentioned in Malachi 4:2 (Sol Iustitiae).

An explicit expression of this theory appears in an annotation of uncertain date added to a manuscript of a work by 12th-century Syrian bishop Jacob Bar-Salibi. The scribe who added it wrote: "It was a custom of the Pagans to celebrate on the same 25 December the birthday of the Sun, at which they kindled lights in token of festivity. In these solemnities and revelries the Christians also took part. Accordingly when the doctors of the Church perceived that the Christians had a leaning to this festival, they took counsel and resolved that the true Nativity should be solemnised on that day." This idea became popular especially in the 18th and 19th centuries.

It is interesting in the origins and evolution of the holiday that the, for lack of a better term, mood of the holiday has changed so drastically back and forth over the centuries. What was once a means of celebration to rival that of a pagan holiday transformed into a day of reverential awe. Now we find ourselves, regardless of our own particular faith, surrounded by the sights and sounds of the season which are downright joyous. And while it is no longer my holiday of choice the messages of peace, love, family, appreciation, and joy are universal and should be embraced by all. And for everything else there is always Festivus!

“Happy” Birthday!

Thought my wife would enjoy this one. 

When it comes to my birthday I look at it as simply turning another year older… actually you’re only turning a day older. However, I enjoy celebrating birthdays of family and friends. Today I was able to do just that as my wife’s birthday snuck up on the two of us.

While she has always had mixed emotions during her day, this year was particularly bipolar as there is a lot of things swirling around our life right now and a huge amount of uncertainty, nervousness, and trepidation concerning the future. However, there were moments today that transcended all the things around us and floating above our heads. Those are the moments that will forever make this birthday one to remember.

It all started with the simple transition from yesterday to today as I was able to turn to her and think about the fact that, unlike in our previous years together, she is not just a wife, she is a mother to be. While not being toted around in her arms, she is able to celebrate this birthday with our child. Having just marked 20 weeks, we know that while baby is still freeloading, it can hear the happiness and the celebration.

Of course, recent news has curbed the joy of the day but there were moments, however short they might have been, when we were all able to enjoy the present. There was a few times when that little wrinkle of worry would fade, eyes would brighten just a little, and we were all temporarily focusing on our present actions. Yesterday and tomorrow were fleetingly pushed out of our minds.

Reality is kind of funny that way. While there is that which is immediately around us, there is also that which transcends that place and time. In the moment, we were shopping for maternity clothes, trying on shoes, and enjoying a tasty (and very large) meal at Cheesecake Factory talking about all the changes that have happened over the past year, memories of previous birthdays, and looking forward to life with the new baby. But that was only part of the reality.

We were all thinking about the unpleasant things in life and the pending hardships to be faced. Throughout the day, my wife was stronger than I think I have ever seen her. And while it is not how anyone expects to spend a birthday, there were those moments that you can’t help but remember and smile. It was a good day and sometimes that is the best gift that can be given. So, with all that said, I want to devote the last words to my wife…

While I wish I could give you the gift of an alternate universe where your sadness doesn't exist, I hope that this day with its moments of happiness will suffice. I love you and I look forward to many more birthdays in the future (especially when I can help baby pick out a gift for you)! Stay strong and know that I am always here for you.