Too Many Departures

While nothing has been as difficult as the loss that we experienced early last year, there have been moments since then that have forced me to stop for a minute and think about the people that have been a part of my life, large and small, over the years. I found myself going through this process once again when I received an email about the passing of a fellow Rotarian’s wife. Oddly enough, I had just seen him last week and, by the end of the meeting, wondered why I hadn’t asked how his family was doing as I normally would have. I guess even these seemingly inconsequential lapses happen for a reason.

I recall meeting his wife a couple of times in the past at Rotary functions and I recall having some very interesting discussions with her on a variety of subject. It was safe to say that there were a number of topics that we didn’t agree on but I remember having a pleasant conversation during which it was abundantly clear that I was discussing these subjects with a highly intelligent and informed woman. I guess you could say that she and her husband were very similar in that regard.

This loss is only one of many that has happened over the past year or so from those that I remember fondly seeing nearly every day in high school as was the case with the passing of my homeroom teacher and other times there are people that I had either met only a few times or that I had only corresponded with through letters, emails, or over the phone. Each time I was brought back to those discussions and encounters leaving me wondering why I hadn’t picked up the phone or wrote them a letter lately. I guess it is normal to think about the conversations you never had rather than the ones you did.

Of course, then there are the family members who have passed before I had a chance to talk to them or even really got to know them. Admittedly, there is a little selfishness in this thought but it also speaks to the unexpected, and potential, impact of those who have passed. While this has unfortunately been happening for years, it is a regular occurrence even today. However, the same lesson applies here as well… I need to do a better job of keeping in touch and reaching out to friends and family members. After all, as has been proven time and again, you never know how long you really have.

Sunday Search: A Basic List Of Questions

There are many aspects and important factors to remember when researching your family but the most important thing to remember is probably the simplest one… always ask questions. Some are to be directed to certain people while others are After all, this process is about finding answers so it is only natural that we start this process with a list of questions. Surprisingly, many lose sight of this essential aspect to the process and overlook both some of the questions that need to be answered as well as to whom those questions should be addressed.

What I have found in my numerous conversations with genealogists across all experience levels is that there are many basic questions that we assume and never directly ask either ourselves or others. With that in mind, I decided to take a few minutes and create an essential form to reference throughout the research process. These questions are designed so that we can ask ourselves in reference to distant family members as well as something that we can sit down and ask ourselves or others in our family.

• What is your full name?
• Nickname? Why?
• Where and when were you born?
• What is your father’s name? Where and when was he born? Where and when did he pass away?
• What was your father’s personality? What were his interests? What was his occupation?
• What is your mother’s maiden name? Where and when was she born? Where and when did she pass away?
• What was your mother’s personality? What were her interests? What was her occupation?
• Earliest memory of your parents?
• Most prominent memory/memories about your parents?
• What did you talk to your parents about the most when growing up? Older?
• What was your grandmother’s maiden name? Where and when was she born? Where and when did she pass away?
• What is your grandmother’s personality? What were her interests? What was her occupation?
• What is your grandfather’s name? Where and when was he born? Where and when did he pass away?
• What was your grandfather’s personality? What were his interests? What was his occupation?
• Most prominent memory/memories about your grandparents?
• What did you talk to your grandparents about the most when growing up? Older?
• Can you provide details of any additional generations of your family?
• Who are the other family members that played a prominent role in your life?
• Who were you named after?
• Where did you grow up?
• What do you remember most about the town where you grew up?
• What is your religion? What do you remember about your faith during your youth?
• Did you have pets growing up?
• Name/location of high school? College?
• Interests, major, sports, activities while in school?
• What books/movies do you remember?
• What did you want to be when you grew up?
• Who were your heroes? Inspirations? Motivators?
• Did you travel anywhere growing up? Where? When? Memories?
• What family stories/legends do you remember being told? From whom did you hear these stories?
• First job? Second Job?
• Did you serve in the military? Branch? Occupation? Years?
• Where/when did you meeting your husband/wife?
• When/where did you get married?
• Name of your spouse?
• Children?
• What are your interests/hobbies/affiliations as an adult?
• What questions, if any, do you have about your family history?
• Have you ever researched your family history?
• Have you ever discussed your family history with other family members?
• Do you have any photos of the people/events/places previously mentioned?
• Do you have any other family photos that you would like to share?
• Do you have any family documents (birth, marriage, death, naturalization, citations, certificates, etc.)?
• Do you have any items that have been passed down in the family?

While this is by no means a comprehensive list, it should be a good start when really putting together complete profiles of the current and past generations of your family. Obviously, the ideal situation would be that someone would answer these questions for themselves but one can also apply these questions (obviously not all of them) to ancestors across the centuries. You may be surprised at how much information you have, how the pieces fit together, and how motivating some of these basic questions can be to try and find these answers. However, as I have said before, don’t put forth all of this effort without going through the process yourself. Make sure you have your answers and you are represented in your own family history.

The Progress Is Palpable

With a full notices comes a busy meeting and our stated meeting this month certainly lived up to that. It was a long night, both the meeting itself and the conversations after, but there was a heck of a lot accomplished during the night. It actually made me wish that I had been in attendance last month as there is a palpable difference in the way that the meeting flowed from beginning to end. This year is certainly a welcomed change and I am looking forward to many of the issues that we faced in the past to completely evaporate.

The evening was also full of information of which I was previously unaware. I knew about many of the items discussed but there are always details that are absent from discussions that happen outside of the meetings. Actually, I am not really used to this being the case. Many times, I am the one with the details which usually leads to the dozens of brief conversations before and after the sound of the gavel.

It was obvious that there are things that we still need to work on with regard to the memorization and actual mechanics but there was a huge amount of progress that was on display for both the other members of the lodge as well as a roster of guests in attendance. It is a testament to the work and outright effort that has been put forth by many of the officers between the meetings and I am looking forward to seeing and experiencing the progression of ritual throughout the year.

For the first time in a while, I found myself interested again in learning more about the lodge and some of the other offices… I can only sit as Secretary for so long before I want to start progressing through the chairs and I might as well be prepared for when the time comes because I don’t want to have to cram in order to move throughout the lodge room. And I also know that my memory is not my strength so it might take a while to get everything down cold or at least good enough to pass. But, for now, I have a job to do.

For a while I was filling in some of the holes in the East and, honestly, it really tired me out. The last couple of months have remained hectic but in a completely different way as there have been brethren removing the weight on my shoulders and bags from my eyes. If anything, the way we have started the year has served us well as it immediately brought us together to square everything back to level. There is still work to be done but we are all pulling in the same direction and we are slowly gaining ground.

It All Begins With A Discussion

Since I had to leave the lodge earlier than expected last Thursday I was unable to sit down and get to know a petitioner that I had arranged to meet with during dinner. Thankfully things have since calmed down and the evening worked in everyone’s schedule so I was able to set aside the time last night and finally have a great conversation with our new petitioner. This is the first step, the most important step in my opinion, which is too often overlooked which is a shame because for me it is the most enjoyable part of the process. There is nothing like seeing that fascination and anticipation in the eyes of a candidate.

That was only the first of many productive conversation that I was able to have last night with various brothers as attendance at this particular fellowship was the highest that it has been in some time and a welcome sight for sure. Once the candidate was on his way, I soon transitioned to coordinating a few items with the Worshipful Master. There are a number of additional items that need to be included in the notice and some paperwork that needs to be prepared for the next meeting that I really don’t want to fall behind on. Ten minutes of productive dialogue is sometimes all it take to ensure that projects will be done on time.

And while it was great to meet with a candidate and have a petition in hand to read at the next stated meeting, I was greeted with an additional surprise when a seconded completed petition was discovered in my folder. However, this one came with a few questions and so my next conversation was with the first line signer of the petition. There are a few questions that still remain but there is a plan in place to address any and all concerns that I have moving forward so while there may be an additional step in the process it is a rather simple solution.

My final interjections for the evening was with a few of the other brothers who had convened to discuss the upcoming building committee meeting. There are a lot of projects that need to be undertaken both immediately as well as a few years from now and the list that was reviewed reflected exactly that dilemma. It will actually be interesting to see how this upcoming meeting is run as the roles overlap significantly with some of the other responsibilities of other brothers in the lodge namely the Trustees. I am hoping that this can be resolved quickly so that each can move in the right direction… the same positive direction that the membership is moving in.

So, while I may have missed the stated meeting last week and there are undoubtedly a number of things that I am still missing, I managed to get up to speed on just about everything that needed to be taken care of this week. It won’t be long now before the next meeting is upon us and then it will be back to the monthly routine. In the meantime, I am sure that there will be plenty of discussions, debates, and projects started. It is going to be a busy year but the good kind of bust this time around.

Arriving And Departing

Reenactment of a 1857 Masonic Funeral Service
by Jordan-Martin Lodge No. 673  in Allentown, Pennsylvania.

I was a little pressed for time as I arrived at the lodge on Thursday night. Everything was ready for the meeting, and had been ready for a few days, but other commitments and, of course, traffic kept me from having a few minutes to spend some time with the brethren at the dinner table before the meeting. There have been so many other projects, both personal and at the office, that arriving on time and being able to take a breath have been luxuries that have eluded me for much of the year. So why should this meeting be any different.

As I sorted through the pile that I had dumped on my desk, it was nice to see that dues were already coming in as well as a few correspondences from the brethren. These are the two kinds of mail that I actually look forward to receiving so that I can update the ledger and also have some words to share with the brethren at the meeting along with the usual business items. Actually, the only thing that would be better is when I receive a new petition to be read… it has been way too long since I read one during a meeting.

The rest of the meeting was both a continuation of the program from last month by providing some additional information about other appendant bodies and also a new slate of lessons for the new brethren and reminders for the longer standing members. It was interesting to hear about some of the experiences that various brothers have had visiting other lodges in different districts, jurisdictions, and countries. Some of the processes may vary but there are many that are closely tied together which makes the examination process of a visitor an interesting topic of discussion.

The other discussion that we had was on the Masonic funeral and memorial services. While these are open to the public, I have yet to witness let alone participate in either beyond handling some of the preparations required beforehand. This was a hugely important lesson as it is a means to pay respect to a brother who has been called off from labor. It also reminded me to update my form so that if I should pass, my family knows who to contact to arrange for the service… I have seen too many deaths go unnoticed in the lodge because we were never notified having to discover their passing during an annual membership audit.

All of these programs were reviews of information that most of us already know. However, there are some new brothers unfamiliar with these aspects of Freemasonry and the rest of us were definitely due for a reminder. Like many things in the fraternity, we possess the knowledge somewhere in our minds but it is always a good idea to reexamine some of those topics and rituals. We are bound to forget certain details and there is always the possibility of learning something new whether it be the proper way of doing something, the meaning behind it, or simply a different perspective from another brother. After all, we can never know it all and, without practice, we tend to lose what we once learned.

Knowing Your Neighbors

Don't be this guy!

Growing up I knew all the neighbors especially the few other kids on our small street. It was nice being able to go from house to house, yard to yard, and know that I could always be reached if I was needed at home (this was before cell phones). It really was like having a giant front yard where we could play, go sledding, or ride our bikes. Everyone knew everyone.

While I still make a point to introduce myself to our neighbors, I am not as diligent on making sure I meet each one. I guess there is something about the impermanence of renting that just makes it seem like there are better ways I could spend my time. This is rather selfish, I admit, but, oddly enough, it has also allowed me to spend the time getting to know more people. Rather than going out of my way, I let things happen and eventually, I am able to meet everyone and find out a little bit about those who live and work around me.

I just let things happen and when we have a chance to meet I do my best to engage in an interesting conversation. Of course, those of you who know me also know that when you get me talking it is almost always going to be a lengthy discussion regardless of the topic. So, in the end, I guess you could call this passive aggressive networking. So far it has worked for me (at home, work, and lodge) and I have gotten to know some great people this way.

I enjoy working with people on a daily basis and find that this approach allows me to treat others as friends more than just someone who lives or works near me and I have treated these relationships accordingly. And the mutually beneficial aspects have been fantastic. We all have different networks of people and sometimes we can connect others either because of business or common interest. While I have given business to others, a number of people have introduced me to contacts that have, in turn, saved me a heck of a lot of time and money.

What I am trying to say is don’t just learn someone’s name. Get to know those around you. Know what your neighbors do for a living (I will try to do a better job of this when we are in a place that we own). Know what your colleagues’ interests are and those in neighboring businesses. Know the occupations and interests of your fellow brethren (or those members in an applicable club, religious institution, etc). You will almost certainly be surprised to find that you have more in common with the people around you than you realize and there is a tremendous opportunity to help those around you and they will usually return the favor in kind. Plus, it is just nice (and comforting) to know the people around you.  

Progress And Questions

Don't let this be your last question!

With the notice having gone out at the beginning of the week, I felt much better heading down to the main line to take care of a few things before the stated meeting this Thursday. I got to the lodge a little later than usual last night having had to run a few errands after work. By the time I arrived, the lights were on, the doors unlocked, and the brethren were already hard at work moving a few of the heavier items out of the kitchen. As soon as I walked into the small space I knew the best thing that I could do is stay out of the way and sort through the freshly collected mail.

The kitchen has been the primary lodge improvement project while we have been away during the summer and things seem to be progressing nicely. Actually, the space is looking completely different having been gutted, painted, and upgraded thanks to many of the brothers who have campaigned tirelessly to get the work done. It is the first of many on a long list of improvements that need to be made and, thankfully, the trustees have a schedule already formed as to when all the items will be checked off the list.

Once the heavy lifting was completed, I was finally able to catch up with a few of the brethren whom I haven’t seen all summer. We have all been at the lodge at various times but never at the same time until last night. There was a long list of things that we needed to talk about and it was nice to finally have the time to discuss many of the situations that we dealt with throughout the summer. This was also a time that afforded me the opportunity to discuss some potential projects with brothers who know what the heck they are doing rather than someone (me) who doesn’t have the background to go beyond the idea stage. This is only the latest of such situations/conversations.

And this is something that we sometimes lose sight of during the course of the year. The brothers with whom we spend time with every month (or every week) are not just family, they are professionals from all different lines of work. While certainly far from the focus of our fraternity, it is important to remember that there are always brothers with different experiences, occupations, backgrounds, and training who are willing to help no matter if it is personal, work, or lodge related. All you have to do is ask. Sound familiar?

Returning To Normal

The last couple of month have been a little odd at the lodge with a rather testy meeting taking place in February and a postponement of the stated meeting in March. Thursday was a welcomed return to normalcy even if I was still running a little behind schedule in my duties… most notably in getting the monthly notice in the mail which I would much rather have sent off a week prior rather than a few days before.

Of course, I wasn’t sure if this would be the case as I was rather pointed in my message this month in the notice. It wasn’t about calling anyone out, it was simply a means to try and get everyone back on the same page so that we work together as a lodge rather each person pulling the rope in a different direction. Sometimes things need to be said and thankfully, as it turns out, it was received in the way that it was intended.

The meeting itself ran smoothly with the agenda run through quickly and the discussions limited to updates and information. There weren’t any of the unpleasant tones that existed in previous meetings. Progress is being made on most fronts and the projects that at one point looked like they might be stymied, are once again moving forward.

However, there is one area where we seemed to have stalled. With no petitions having been received so far this year, we will not be having an extra meeting until September at the earliest. This is the complete opposite of last year when the petitions were plentiful and the extra meetings frequently consisted of multiple candidates. Not a good time to hit a lull but it happens.

Thankfully, the new brothers that have made up the most recent wave are continuing to remain active and we are continuing to move forward with award applications for those first year masons. While I may not have been able to make it to the lodge every week, each one of them has been present and has learned both from one another and from the more experienced masons that join them for the evening. While the petitions may not be flowing in like they once were, the quality of the new brothers that have joined us is outstanding and their continued involvement is exactly what every lodge wants to see.

Now that we have returned to the quick and uneventful, it is time to prepare for next month as I refuse to fall behind once again. We expect a packed lodge due to it being both our official visitation as well as first responders night. It is a lot of work but, as was proven last year, it is well worth the effort and a meeting that I have been looking forward to for months. I guess I could say the same thing about most meetings.

Not A Good Sound To Hear At Lodge

I arrived at the lodge last night a little earlier than usual as there were a number of things that needed to be done and everyone has places that they needed to go later in the evening. It was a relatively quick meeting with everything taken care of, or so we thought, and we soon found ourselves discussing some of the event that we have going on over the next few months and those that we need to work on for next year. In the end, there was more progress made with regard to scheduling than any of us had anticipated. Great, fewer details that we have to take care of later.

With other brothers arriving the conversations quickly became varied and we found ourselves jumping from topic to topic just enjoying the fellowship of the night. With only a couple minor tasks that still had to be addressed I adjourned to my office in the basement, pulled out the books, and finished up my weekly tasks. That is when I heard the sound that I have become all too familiar with over the last couple of years.

The dripping was constant and could be heard prominently in the small space once the rustle of papers calmed. I first looked at the ceiling to see if I could see any stains but didn’t find any discoloration. My attention then shifted to the windows where I again found nothing. But, out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of the buckling wainscoting right next to the window. It didn’t take much more than a gentle breath to cause the particleboard to fail and crumble onto my desk. And right above it was the steady drip that was echoing throughout the small basement space.

As I have said before, there are some things that I am able to fix, either temporarily or permanently, but plumbing is not one of them. Thankfully I could hear a couple of the brothers talking in the entryway who have professional experience with such issues and so I ran across the basement and up the stairs before they could walk out the door. After an extensive minor investigation, we couldn’t find much let alone the primary cause of the slow flow but we managed to move everything out of the way, unplug the electronics immediately in front of the water feature, and made the calls to get it taken care of in the morning.

While I could have been out the door moments after those few tasks were finished in the office, the leak took up a little more time than I was expecting and I found myself shutting off the lights and locking the door with enough time to get home by 10:15pm. While usually not for situations like the one last night, this is why my wife and I don’t expect me home early on Tuesday evenings. So far, that is the only plan that seems to be working on lodge nights as everything else remains fluid.

Reflections On Father’s Day

My dad with my grandfather (my mom's dad) from before I was born.

Today I was once again out of the apartment. Usually I don’t like to be out and about two days in a row but there was a darn good reason to get back on the road. This time it was a short trip to my parent’s house about 15 minutes down the road so that I could spend time with the best man I have ever known, my father.  

Father’s Day is commonly seen as a compliment to Mother’s Day and the history of the day expounds upon that progression. A good summary, as is commonly the case, can befound on Wikipedia which outlines the history of Father’s Day in the following way:

Father's Day was inaugurated in the United States in the early 20th century to complement Mother's Day in celebrating fatherhood and male parenting.

After the success obtained by Anna Jarvis with the promotion of Mother's Day in the US, some individuals, such as Sonora Dodd, wanted to create similar holidays for other family members, and Father's Day was the choice most likely to succeed. There were other persons in the US who independently thought of "Father's Day", but the credit for the modern holiday is often given to Sonora Dodd of Central Methodist Episcopal Church, who was the driving force behind its establishment.

Father's Day was founded in Spokane, Washington at the YMCA in 1910 by Sonora Smart Dodd, who was born in Arkansas. Its first celebration was in the Spokane YMCA on June 19, 1910. Her father, the Civil War veteran William Jackson Smart, was a single parent who raised his six children there. After hearing a sermon about Jarvis' Mother's Day in 1909 at Central Methodist Episcopal Church, she told her pastor that fathers should have a similar holiday honoring them. Although she initially suggested June 5, her father's birthday, the pastors did not have enough time to prepare their sermons, and the celebration was deferred to the third Sunday of June. Several local clergymen accepted the idea, and on 19 June 1910, the first Father's Day, "sermons honoring fathers were presented throughout the city."

However, in the 1920s, Dodd stopped promoting the celebration because she was studying in the Art Institute of Chicago, and it faded into relative obscurity, even in Spokane. In the 1930s Dodd returned to Spokane and started promoting the celebration again, raising awareness at a national level. She had the help of those trade groups that would benefit most from the holiday, for example the manufacturers of ties, tobacco pipes, and any traditional present to fathers. Since 1938 she had the help of the Father's Day Council, founded by the New York Associated Men's Wear Retailers to consolidate and systematize the commercial promotion. Americans resisted the holiday during a few decades, perceiving it as just an attempt by merchants to replicate the commercial success of Mother's Day, and newspapers frequently featured cynical and sarcastic attacks and jokes. But the trade groups did not give up: they kept promoting it and even incorporated the jokes into their adverts, and they eventually succeeded. By the mid-1980s the Father's Council wrote that "(...) [Father's Day] has become a Second Christmas for all the men's gift-oriented industries."

A bill to accord national recognition of the holiday was introduced in Congress in 1913. In 1916, President Woodrow Wilson went to Spokane to speak in a Father's Day celebration and wanted to make it official, but Congress resisted, fearing that it would become commercialized. US President Calvin Coolidge recommended in 1924 that the day be observed by the nation, but stopped short of issuing a national proclamation. Two earlier attempts to formally recognize the holiday had been defeated by Congress. In 1957, Maine Senator Margaret Chase Smith wrote a proposal accusing Congress of ignoring fathers for 40 years while honoring mothers, thus "[singling] out just one of our two parents". In 1966, President Lyndon B. Johnson issued the first presidential proclamation honoring fathers, designating the third Sunday in June as Father's Day. Six years later, the day was made a permanent national holiday when President Richard Nixon signed it into law in 1972.

More and more there are moment in my life when I notice that I am beginning to sound or act like my dad (not in the Harry Chapin sort of way) and I couldn’t be happier about that fact. It throws my wife off every once in a while when she notices these things but whenever she points them out I just smile, nod, and think to myself how appreciative I am of that fact. Even the times when my dad and I discuss things we seem to think along the same lines and the discussion progresses quickly… we can summarize the problems of the world rather quickly when we get on a roll.

I wouldn’t trade any of the moments that I have had with my father for anything and I am grateful for all that he has taught me both when instructing me in how to do something, supporting me when things aren’t going well, and the lectures he gave me when I screwed up (I know, your shocked that I’m not a perfect angel). While it may not have been obvious at the time, each of those kinds of moments shaped me into who I am today. Not perfect but much better off for having such a mentor in my life.

While I don’t expect to ever accomplish all that my father has in his life I am trying every day to at least come close. Of course, I doubt that this will ever happen as he still works hard every day and, for the most part, refuses to retire. I just wish that he would stop working one of these days and enjoy all that he has worked so hard for in his life. With that said, I don’t plan to ever stop working either. So, I will end this simply by saying Happy Father’s Day Dad. Thank you for all the help and support that you have given to me over the years without ever asking for anything in return.