Mortgage Monday: Finally Settled After Seven Years

Society Hill Synagogue

Tomorrow is a very special day for me and my wife. Not just because of the commitment we made to one another that day but also because of the memories that we continue to carry with us both during the good times and the difficult ones. While a blur at the time, as the years have passed the memories remain vivid in my mind. Seven years ago tomorrow my wife and I, after a prolonged engagement, ran down the aisle for the first time as husband and wife.

It is especially poignant to think about all of those people who meant so much to us that day, who went out of their way to make the day special and how, while they are no longer with us, they live on in the deep meaning that they brought to that moment in our life. From a friend bringing appetizers into our room during the cocktail reception to friends from Samantha’s synagogue enjoying the opportunity to make new friends. From the joy in my mother in laws face as she spent time with friends and with my wife (and the Salmon and polenta combination helped too) to my grandmother pulling my wife aside toward the end of the night to offer her advice.

All of those memories come back to me in an instant whenever I catch a glimpse of our wedding photos on the wall of our living room and when I see our Ketubah hanging near our kitchen table as I walk in the door. But this is the time of year when they are the most vivid and when I am the most thankful that we have one another. It hasn’t always been easy but the good far outweighs the difficult times and we are much stronger both individually and as a family because of each of those moment even though it doesn’t seem like it at times.

And now we celebrate this day finally settled into a place that we call home. We enjoy our anniversary as a family and we look forward to the years to come more so than we have in the past. I know I haven’t been the perfect husband and my wife continues to say that she hasn’t been the perfect wife over the years but, while it has some wear around the edges, our marriage is as strong as it has ever been. Seven years with decades to go not just as husband and wife but as mommy and daddy. And now we know, and we have the security in knowing, where we will be for all of our future anniversaries.

No, Really, This Is Something Completely Different…

Last year the notices that I put together for the lodge were pretty light. There wasn’t much information that needed to be relayed each month and there were even times when I had to find content to fill some of the empty space left after all updates were included. This month that was definitely not the case and given what is on the horizon, I don’t expect to have any ‘light’ notices this year.

In addition to two petitioners being listed (the first in quite some time), the passing of a brother, and the full calendar of events to begin the year there was also a portion of the notice dedicated to the raising of our dues. This is a democracy and everyone has a vote so everyone needs to be informed before the meeting. This was all before I put in the Worshipful Master’s brief message and I wrote my rather long letter to the brethren.

It took some work to make everything fit together but, in the end, the notice was completed and put in the mail last night along with a few dues cards for some brothers who sent in late checks. But while I write this and thing about all that has to be done and the event that have happened and that will be happening at the lodge, I am also reflecting on the day itself. Today is one of reflection for a couple of reasons for me.

Today is actually International Holocaust Remembrance Day. Honestly, it had slipped my mind until I looked at the calendar this morning. However, I think I knew that this was the day as I am finally returning to the work that I created years ago. It is something that I dread reading but also take pride in its completion. Similar feelings that simmer in me on this day. Today is one when we not only remember in sorrow the lives lost but we also should rejoice in the simple fact that we survived. And while the world is far from perfect, we are a part of it and we are thriving in today’s society as a people.

And that joy is only matched by the fact that I am able to look back in my own life and celebrate that singular moment of surprise when I proposed to my wife on this day in 2007. While the store may no longer be there, the images and memories that we have will always remain vivid and the evening, having picked up my grandmother from the house and taken her to dinner to celebrate, is a great moment that makes me smile every time… especially when I recall telling my grandmother that she wasn’t allowed to kick until after the wedding (which was two and a half years from that day). Her smile in response is just one of many smiles that I will always remember.

Sifting Through The Forgotten Cards

There are a few boxes on my office bookcase that I rarely look in. They are usually tucked below the boxes that receive more regular perusals which contain the loosely sorted family photos that I have accumulated over the years and the one with the random office supplies that always seem to come in handy every now and again. These other boxes are frequently added to when certain items are deposited into the mail box but that is the most interaction I have with the box… stuffing some of the cards and invitations under the lid to be seldom seen again.

However, while continuing my organizational endeavor, I opened these boxes just to see what I had put in them over the years. It is actually a great way to reminisce about some of the past family events, recall fond memories with friends, and look back on some of the holidays that have passed. It is interesting to look at the different kinds of cards that people have given me over the years. Some serious, some touching, and other funny. It is a pretty wide variety.

There are items within these boxes that made me pause for a minute and think about all that has changed over the years. All these cards and invitations are things that have already happened and with so much to look forward to in the future, it is a unique dichotomy when you hold these items in your hand. And, of course, there are some items, some cards that have taken on an entirely new meaning as I have gotten older like seeing my grandmom’s signature on a holiday card. I still miss getting those cards every year.

There are also the items that I am glad that I have held onto rather than simply pitching shortly after receiving them. I guess it is part pack rat and also part knowing what has become important to me when putting together the family history. Some of these types of things, the simple cards and notes, are more often than not lost during the course of life. These things are really what bring the memories back, sometimes more so than pictures. Being able to hold these items and see the handwriting of my grandmom, my parents, and my wife are what can trigger the memories of great times in my life. I should really open this box more often.

Sunday Search: Putting The Pieces Together

Picture taken during my visit to Leverington Cemetery in 2003. 

In recent months I have made a little bit of progress on the family tree tracing back a number of lines a couple of generations and finding out a few additional details of some of my ancestors. One line that I keep coming back to lately is that of my great great grandfather, John Uttley. While I never knew much about this line growing up (and I still kick myself for not talking to my grandmother about genealogy when she was alive), there has been a lot of progress made in finding out some of the details.

Last year, through online research, reading through a variety of books, sorting through brief mentions in the local newspaper, and calling various city offices, I was able to piece together a few facts about John Uttley and his career in the Philadelphia Police Department. It wasn’t much but I was able to find out that he was appointed to the police force by Mayor Stokley on May 6, 1876 and assigned badge #596. After over five decades on duty, he retired from the force in 1931 having reached the rank of Sergeant. Because the official records for the police department have long since been destroyed, this is all of the information that I could find on the career of the man who helped raise my grandmother.

The same record that provided me with his retirement year, his death certificate, also listed some very important information… the names of his parents. While I am still search for additional information on the Uttley line, his mother’s tree proved to be more fruitful. John Uttely obviously got his longevity from his mother, Charlotte Noblitt (also found at Noblit, Noblett, and Noblet), as they both died as nonagenarians. In fact, according to her obituary, she was believed to be the oldest living resident in Manayunk at the time of her death at age 93 in 1903.

While death certificates in 1903 don’t provide the same valuable information as later official forms, her obituary did offer some additional leaves as her father, Thomas Noblitt, was mentioned as having served in the War of 1812. This is always great information to find so, with those new details I started looking for his pension application. Days of searching and nothing was found. Could it be that the information in the obituary was wrong?

This happens more often than people realize, when obituaries are written, especially those authored by non-family members, there are assumptions made. Maybe Thomas was older than the reporter realized. Maybe it he wasn’t in the War of 1812. Once I made this adjustment to my search criteria, I found the answers I was looking for. The pension application and supporting documents from the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania confirmed his service in the Revolutionary War. Charlotte was actually conceived later in life long after Thomas Noblitt’s military service… longevity it obviously part of the Noblitt legacy.

Recently, I also made an interesting discovery to expand the branches out further in this line. While attempting to learn more about this line I came across a book, Genealogical Collections Relating to the Families of Noblet, published in 1906 by John Hyndman Noblit. The surname was close enough that I had to take a look inside these digital pages and found that this was our family. Not only does the book contain the basic information that you would find in any family tree but it also has reproductions of the actual documents from the countries where the name was once prevalent. While it doesn’t have everything, it has given me a lot more information to sort through, digest, and add to this part of my family history. And, just think, this all started with a desire to learn more about a single leaf.

From Home To House

Today I couldn’t help but think about my grandmom’s old house in Ocean City, New Jersey. I remember visiting her multiple times every summer and, on occasion, staying in the extra bedroom. When time came to sell the house, I remember not wanting to even drive by there anymore. It wasn’t the same without her there. It was nothing more than a simple structure. The memories are what made a special place.

While today was a completely different situation altogether, I couldn’t keep that memory from coming to the surface. I also couldn’t help but think about the many times my wife and I would drive up the hill to her mother’s house and begin walking down the path waiting for the dogs to start barking. It is interesting the memories that are the most vivid. Of course there are others but some memories need to be kept inside for a while before sharing them as stories.  

This was just my thought process. Throughout my work day I kept thinking about my wife and all that she has had to deal with over these last several months. I can’t imagine what was going through my wife’s mind today. It is one of those times when saying “I know how it feels” or “I know what you are going through” would be wildly inappropriate. I have no idea what this has been like and I have no inkling of what memories have been brought to the surface today.

The only think that I know is that a place that was once part of our normal weekly routine has become a memory. What made that place special lives on in our minds but, for me, the place itself is now just a house. Maybe this seems cold to some but it is how I deal with it. It is a process that works for me regardless of how imperfect it may be. It is also one that I can’t expect will work for others. This is why I will not drive by the house just for the heck of it.

With that said, I look at that house in my mind and wish that our son was able to experience the same happiness that once filled the vast space within those walls. However, those memories will certainly live on in the stories that we will be telling our son throughout his life. But, for now, those memories will remain in my mind as we continue through this whole process. Besides, I’m not the right person to be telling him those stories anyway.

Unexpected Generosity

Yesterday started early as I had to make my way to Ollie’s to pick up the couch for which I had arranged transport yesterday. Since the E-Z Pass situation remained unresolved, I was running just a few minutes behind schedule (about the time it takes to pay and get change at the toll), but made it there only a couple minutes after my Masonic brother and his pickup truck. After a few passes through the aisles to put a few needed items in my cart, I made my way to check out, paid for the new selections, and had the three foot square box brought out to the curb. About 40 minutes later and everything was offloaded and in my office. All the while, my brother refused any and all kinds of compensation for his kindness.

Now that this task was done, my wife and I relaxed by unpacking a few more boxes before we headed out the door early in the afternoon. It was party time! Off we went to Bryn Mawr for another family holiday party where we could catch up with those we haven’t seen since the same time last year. Of course, this year was a little different as my wife walked through the doors in an obvious state.

What we found out when we arrived was that there was other news circulating around the house in that one cousin was also expecting and another just got engaged the previous week. It really was a time to celebrate all the good news which we both needed with everything else that is going on. So we made the rounds knowing what the introductory topic was going to be with each relative.

Later in the evening, while the grandmom shots were being poured and passed (this is what happens when you find an unopened bottle of Southern Comfort at the family party), my cousin (the one who is also my brother) walked up to me with a small box in hand. He had said in the past that he had something for me but I had honestly forgotten about it. As it turns out, I can now wear something representing both sides of my family at each lodge meeting… my grandfather’s ring (from my mom’s side) and cufflinks from my cousin (my dad’s side). While I have received many gifts this season sometimes it is the unexpected ones that really surprise you and appreciate the bonds that you have with family and brothers.