Too Many Departures

While nothing has been as difficult as the loss that we experienced early last year, there have been moments since then that have forced me to stop for a minute and think about the people that have been a part of my life, large and small, over the years. I found myself going through this process once again when I received an email about the passing of a fellow Rotarian’s wife. Oddly enough, I had just seen him last week and, by the end of the meeting, wondered why I hadn’t asked how his family was doing as I normally would have. I guess even these seemingly inconsequential lapses happen for a reason.

I recall meeting his wife a couple of times in the past at Rotary functions and I recall having some very interesting discussions with her on a variety of subject. It was safe to say that there were a number of topics that we didn’t agree on but I remember having a pleasant conversation during which it was abundantly clear that I was discussing these subjects with a highly intelligent and informed woman. I guess you could say that she and her husband were very similar in that regard.

This loss is only one of many that has happened over the past year or so from those that I remember fondly seeing nearly every day in high school as was the case with the passing of my homeroom teacher and other times there are people that I had either met only a few times or that I had only corresponded with through letters, emails, or over the phone. Each time I was brought back to those discussions and encounters leaving me wondering why I hadn’t picked up the phone or wrote them a letter lately. I guess it is normal to think about the conversations you never had rather than the ones you did.

Of course, then there are the family members who have passed before I had a chance to talk to them or even really got to know them. Admittedly, there is a little selfishness in this thought but it also speaks to the unexpected, and potential, impact of those who have passed. While this has unfortunately been happening for years, it is a regular occurrence even today. However, the same lesson applies here as well… I need to do a better job of keeping in touch and reaching out to friends and family members. After all, as has been proven time and again, you never know how long you really have.

Arriving And Departing

Reenactment of a 1857 Masonic Funeral Service
by Jordan-Martin Lodge No. 673  in Allentown, Pennsylvania.

I was a little pressed for time as I arrived at the lodge on Thursday night. Everything was ready for the meeting, and had been ready for a few days, but other commitments and, of course, traffic kept me from having a few minutes to spend some time with the brethren at the dinner table before the meeting. There have been so many other projects, both personal and at the office, that arriving on time and being able to take a breath have been luxuries that have eluded me for much of the year. So why should this meeting be any different.

As I sorted through the pile that I had dumped on my desk, it was nice to see that dues were already coming in as well as a few correspondences from the brethren. These are the two kinds of mail that I actually look forward to receiving so that I can update the ledger and also have some words to share with the brethren at the meeting along with the usual business items. Actually, the only thing that would be better is when I receive a new petition to be read… it has been way too long since I read one during a meeting.

The rest of the meeting was both a continuation of the program from last month by providing some additional information about other appendant bodies and also a new slate of lessons for the new brethren and reminders for the longer standing members. It was interesting to hear about some of the experiences that various brothers have had visiting other lodges in different districts, jurisdictions, and countries. Some of the processes may vary but there are many that are closely tied together which makes the examination process of a visitor an interesting topic of discussion.

The other discussion that we had was on the Masonic funeral and memorial services. While these are open to the public, I have yet to witness let alone participate in either beyond handling some of the preparations required beforehand. This was a hugely important lesson as it is a means to pay respect to a brother who has been called off from labor. It also reminded me to update my form so that if I should pass, my family knows who to contact to arrange for the service… I have seen too many deaths go unnoticed in the lodge because we were never notified having to discover their passing during an annual membership audit.

All of these programs were reviews of information that most of us already know. However, there are some new brothers unfamiliar with these aspects of Freemasonry and the rest of us were definitely due for a reminder. Like many things in the fraternity, we possess the knowledge somewhere in our minds but it is always a good idea to reexamine some of those topics and rituals. We are bound to forget certain details and there is always the possibility of learning something new whether it be the proper way of doing something, the meaning behind it, or simply a different perspective from another brother. After all, we can never know it all and, without practice, we tend to lose what we once learned.

Breaking Even

 

One of the things that I complete every month when I pull together the lodge notice is our membership numbers since the turning of the Masonic calendar to the new year. While I would like to report that our numbers keep going up, so far this year we are breaking even. Being Secretary, putting these numbers in is both a great moment and one that I dread heading into every new month. This month has been a prime example of this particular dichotomy.

While we had someone petition the lodge, saw many degrees conferred, and even had someone’s transfer come through, we also lost two Brothers. In each of these situations I was the primary contact. I don’t mind filling out the forms and answering questions but, needless to say, it is easier to discuss the first steps or even next steps in a Masonic journey rather than discussing the final masonic request of a brother called off from labor.

Last week I found myself in a, what was for me, a unique position. I was contacted by a family that was arranging for the funeral of their grandfather. While he had been living in Florida for the past several years, he was originally from the Philadelphia area and so the family reached out to the lodge that they thought was the one this departed Brother belonged. Not having the complete member list memorized, I quickly checked our records but could not find this brother in our records.

I immediately got back to the family and let them know that I couldn’t find his record but that I would do everything I could to help them find the right lodge. This email was soon followed by a request sent to all lodges to check their records and get in touch with the family if they found this brother. About three hours later I got word that their grandfather’s lodge had been located and that arrangements were being made for a Masonic service.

It just goes to show that it is only though our collective efforts as a unified fraternity that we can accomplish many of the most important tasks. That is the real power behind tracking the lodge membership month after month. We all look after one another and we need to know the names of our brothers, young and old, whether they have been a mason for 5 days or 50 years. We are all a unified fraternity, we are brothers, this is what makes it so difficult to record the passing of a brother and also so rewarding to note the addition of a new member to our lodge.

The Last Trip Through The Lobby

Working the graveyard shift is one that generally doesn’t bother me. I'ts quiet and I can get a decent amount of work done on the computer in the middle of the night. It has sapped some of my sleep but I am still able to get most of what I need to get done during the day so long as nothing pops up. It is a bit of a bother but nothing that can’t be overcome.

Sleep is something that can be made up, I certainly have on many of my days off, and after a couple of good night’s sleep the tiredness is soon forgotten. However, there is one thing that I can’t fully forget and, given the demographics of our building, something that I am most likely to see again. I can’t seem to get the last trips that some residents take through the lobby in the middle of the night.

Unfortunately, during a particularly unpleasant period over the first four months of the year I watched as this happened three times. Each time I said good bye without the expectation of a response. One of the residents I knew well while the others I only knew by name. Either way, it is something that is very difficult to witness and something that lingers with you during the overnight hours when you know there are people up stairs that are in worse shape than those who have passed.

These departures were so regular that it had gotten to the point that I recognized the medic that worked the same shift that I did whose job it was to check vitals and confirm time of death. About 30-40 minutes after this unpleasant declaration, the funeral home would arrive, recognize me behind the front desk, and head over to the elevator. The next time I would see them was when the elevator came back down, the doors opened, and they accompanied the resident through their last trip across the lobby.  

What might have been more difficult than that period of time was that in the months prior to the changing of the calendar I was asked to check on a resident who wasn’t doing well but still insisted on living alone. Each night, I would head up to his floor, open the unlocked door, and quietly walk down the hall and peek around the corner to make sure he was breathing. Every time I walked through the threshold I was terrified by what I might find. It wasn’t so much the fact that I might find that the resident had passed peacefully in his sleep and was no longer in pain it was more that I didn’t want to have to cause his children pain by informing them of his departure.

A couple months into the New Year, he also made his final journey through the lobby. A stark contrast to the man I met shortly after my wife and I moved into the building whose personality was barely contained by the concrete walls. That night in particular is the one that I will never forget.

During the night, when nothing is supposed to happen, it is these moments that are the most difficult but also the ones that motivate me to continue pushing forward. They also make me a more pleasant and tolerant person as I still say good morning and good night to everyone that passes through on my shift no matter what their response, or lack thereof, is going to be. But, more importantly, it motivates me because I dread the night that I witness this again and, I admit a little selfishly, I don’t want to be there when it happens.