Uncovered During Some Digital Digging

Buried in one of the many old files that have been passed down from computer to computer over the last seven years I stumbled across a small word document containing the notes for a few story ideas that I jotted down back in 2009 while riding the train to work. There are a few interesting ideas and a number of options regarding the directions that these brief glimpses can go. What I find most interesting is I can remember each building, station, and person that I passed when these ideas came to mind. However, there are also many issues and a heck of a lot of polishing that needs to be done in each instance but thought I would share because it is interesting at times to consider the raw idea…

Her neck flexed and vanes protruded as the rope swung forward and back. A dripping lead pipe kept time in the echoes of the opposite corner. In the cool cavernous corner of the basement she pursed her lips for one more breath of musty air. Her body relaxed, she struggled to caress her lungs with one more pollen laden breeze.

She found the staccato of the braided hemp stuttering as it rubbed across the wooded floor support to be soothing. The light shaking reminded her of collecting tickets for the roller coaster at the amusement park on the boardwalk. At the end of the night, with the cool ocean air swollen with the stale smells of caramel corn and hot dogs, she would take the last ride.

She knew every turn, every drop. She sat in the same seat, front right, every night.

Pressing the start button, the hydraulics would hiss, and she would run to her seat. As the car began to climb the spiraled ascent she would pull the lap bar down, cross her legs, smile, and watch as Ocean City went to sleep.

As she neared the top the clicking crescendo echoed across the now empty park. Slowly, the car would tip forward and she would close her eyes and listen for the crashing waves.

The wind filled her lungs and caressed her face as she recalled every turn and dip, side to side, front to back, until the ride was over.

***

What is written by the hand is determined by the mind. The devious script of the foreseeing mind tells all. These hands shall harm no more than paper.

He studied the hand written letters line by line, word by word, letter by letter.

“See here. He Stopped. Like he was thinking. Like he didn’t know what came next.”

“Where? I don’t see it.”

“Right here.” He pressed his calloused finger to the middle of the first sentence. “Right there, as the d trails in the word hand there is a hesitation. The ink bleeds.”

“You’re right. As if he didn’t know what to say. That might explain why it is so cryptic.”

He brushed the note with the tips of his fingers mumbling something that, by his expression, seemed to be a circle of questions.

“What is it?”

“A man who takes so much pride in his writing, in his work, but no signature.”

“Why is that?”

“I don’t know yet.”

***

The elderly man stared out the lower deck window of the arriving New Jersey Transit train.

“I know that walk.”

The half asleep crowd paid no attention to the hunched over man with the long white beard.

“I know that walk!”

Not a single look glanced his way as he pressed his hands against the window trying to grasp the shoes walking past.

“I know that man!”

The train hissed to a quick stop, the doors slid open, and the determined herd hurriedly pressed toward the nearest escalator.

The old man waited for the crowd to pass, slowly pressed himself to his feet, and took slow, measured steps toward the grinding paddles of the moving stairs.

As his eyes passed the horizon of the Penn Station lobby floor he saw those same salt stained brown shoes that passed by his window.

He slowly lifted his head and as his eyes met those of the owner of the brown leather shoes his brow lifted.

Both men stood in silence. They were of similar age and height. The two old me slowed their breathing. Mist pouring from the other man’s clean shaven face while the warm breath rolled from under the old man’s white beard.

The other man strained to stand strait, wincing as he pulled his chest up. In a disbelieving raspy whisper the other man said, “I thought you were dead.”

The old man responded with deliberate words, “I’m surprised you didn’t kill me.”

There may be something to the ideas above… of course, there may not be anything at all. I guess I am going to have to give them some more thought and try to find any notes or outlines that may be scribbled somewhere else. After that, it will all come down to finding the motivation to pursue the stories, develop the characters, and let everything unfold before me without over thinking the process of progression. That has always been the hardest part for me.

Firearms Friday: Time To Ban Trucks!

During what should have been a joyous Bastille Day celebration in Nice, France, the horrors of terrorism were front and center as 84 people were killed and dozens injuries when a truck plowed through the crowd of revelers. Now the second deadliest act of terrorism in the country’s history, this puts, front and center, the real issue that we have in the world and it has nothing to do with firearms. In fact, it was the police on hand that ended the rampage when the 31 year old Tunisian immigrant was shot and killed before he could continue blazing his deadly trail. Of course, that won’t stop some from making that nonexistent connection.

This is a tragedy and we should all mourn the loss of innocent lives but many should also consider this a wake up call as to the real dangers that lurk in this world. Terrorism as well as radicalized and mentally unstable individuals are the cause of these killings. They have nothing to do with the law abiding people in these countries. In saying this I refer to those of the Muslim faith who denounce these acts of rage as well as those law abiding gun owners whose stomachs turn when they hear of such killings. Two very different groups that seem to be shouldered with the blame of these mass murders.

Mental health is lacking in this country in particular and around the world in general. Additionally, politically correct security measures are putting us all in harm’s way. Finally, in the United States, the pervasiveness of a false sense of security (i.e. gun free zones) is doing nothing but leaving people ill equipped to protect themselves and, in fact, is offering those with evil intentions the opportunity to fulfill their twisted objectives. We need to empower people to speak up and stand up for themselves without the false accusations of racism or fanaticism.

The United States needs to wake up and the world needs to face reality. Guns are not the problem. Islam is not the problem. People are the problem. People on both sides of this equation… those who commit these acts and those who refuse to address the real cause of their actions. We cannot strip people of their rights, we cannot ban firearms, we cannot ban knives, we cannot ban trucks, and we cannot put a halt to immigration. Unless we change the distorted perspectives that have infected millions of people, these horrific events will continue to plague us. We must empower the law abiding people of this country and this world and learn to fear knee jerk political and social castration as much as we do the actions of deranged individuals.  

Two Years Makes A Huge Difference

My wife and I have been to Jim Thorpe several times in the past. Usually driving up for the day just to walk around the sleepy town near the entrance to the Pocono Mountains. We have always enjoyed our trips up there and we have been planning to return with our son at some point. This weekend we finally took the time and made the plans to travel into the mountains as a family.

Unfortunately, as is the case with many things in life, reality didn’t live up to the memories. That being said, the town itself has changed rather significantly since our last excursion two years ago and, for us, it has definitely not changed for the better. It all began as soon as we approached the valley and we could see the mass of cars and people filling the streets, sidewalks, and parks. It was rather odd seeing the main line atmosphere so far from Philadelphia but that is exactly how the trip unfolded over our two day stay.

While there were a few brief glimpses of what it used to be like in the muted stir of the evening, it seems as though this town is no longer the forgotten destination that it once was and the makeover that it has received recently demonstrates that the town is definitely well aware of its new windfall. But, they are certainly honing in on a certain type of visitor to the town as many of the new shops are more akin to what you would find in the small towns around San Francisco. There are certain demographics that certainly find this appealing but don’t count me as one of them.

Of courses, there were a few aspects to the short trip that didn’t really sit well with me either. In addition to the sheer number of people that had flooded the valley, the attitudes and mentalities of those people was something that I would prefer not to encounter especially when trying to get away and relax. And it seems to have had an impact on the great people that live and work in those small shops along Broadway and Race Street.

In previous trips, the people have always been one of the best parts about the town. Great scenery and great people… that is really what we look for when trying to find a place where we can relax. Now, in this little town, the drastic shift has seemly changed some people, broken others, and driven the rest out of town. The small family shops are nearly gone. The library is half the size that it used to be. Those remaining have a different way about them and a completely different attitude… no more friendly and casual conversations. And there are clearly people who have already gone or are moving because the sale signs are plentiful.

Maybe this is a brief phase for the town and things will change back in the near future. Maybe our perspectives were off those days. Maybe, but it doesn’t look like we will be have any time in the near future as there are so few opportunities to get away and we are not going to risk completely wasting one on a return trip... that is the feeling that we got this time around. I guess some things are best left as memories.

Looking Back On Independence Day

There is one day more than any other throughout the year that I miss being in Israel and sharing in the joy that the people of the country has to offer… Yom Ha'atzmaut. Every year I can’t help but think about all the people that we met and others that we got to know through the internet during our Aliyah experiment. Many of those people I am still in contact with to this day, nearly five years after the fact, and I enjoy seeing the lives that they have built for themselves in our homeland.

The images of that time remain vivid in my mind. While it seems but an instant in our lives, the moments are more ingrained in my being that many other that have happened before or since. I can recall the uneven stones along the sidewalk as we walked to old city. The warmth radiating from under our feet as the sun disappeared beyond the ancient hills.

I recall many of the moments of getting lost in the alleys and streets both in the daylight and well past the setting of the sun with only the faintest of sounds echoing between the buildings. However, most enduring are the moments when we were welcomed into the homes of others and into the community around us. While we didn’t fully process the companionship that was shared with us during those moments and meals, it is something that remains with me to this day. Only in Israel can you be welcomed in such a way.

Of course, what has become more poignant now is the memory of my wife and me sitting on a bench along King George Street discussion our return to the states. It was at this moment when we finally realized that we were ready to start a family. More accurately, with all the changes that were happening and things that were beyond our control, we realized that there was never going to be the perfect time and decided that it was time. In the end we were a little delayed but that was the moment when we made the decision to start a family.

However, and most will agree with this sentiment, there are two moments that supersede all others when I think of Israel. Both of these experiences were actually on our first trip to Israel during our honeymoon nearly seven years ago. They happened in relatively quick succession the first occurring when we turned the corner walking along the wall around old city (the Ramparts Walk) and saw the Kotel for the first time. We continued toward the wall wide eyes and when I laid my hand and head against the cool stone, the world disappeared around me. I will never forget that feeling.

So, on this Independence Day I celebrate the people, the land, the history, and the faith that makes Israel not just the Holy Land but our Homeland. And when we return it will be as a family and I hope to find that same bench where we had the discussion that would eventually result in our having a son. And, most importantly, I look forward to experiencing Jerusalem and Israel as a whole as a father and I can’t wait to introduce our son to his homeland. Am Yisrael Chai!

Son Of A… Beach

Kiss my seagull arse!

Yes, the title of this post has become quite the cliché especially in recent years. However, it seemed to be the most appropriate collection of words to convey some of the experiences from this past weekend at the shore. While I grew up going down to the New Jersey beaches, as I have gotten older they have become less and less appealing. Some people find the sand and salt air in the southern half of this communist state enjoyable and even relaxing but my experience is definitely at the opposite end of the spectrum. Obviously, heading east from my office is not normally a direction I would chose to travel but my wife and I received a generous offer to spend some time near the beach so off I went.

After a long work week I got in the car and headed over the iron river and into the communist state. Almost as soon as I crossed the halfway point over the bridge and into the dark side, the traffic came to a halt. This seems to be a regular occurrence during my rare travels into the restrictive boarders of New Jersey and would prove to be a pattern throughout our brief time east of civilization. Adding to our relaxing travels was the use of the New Jersey turn signal. As many of you know, this can come in two forms either an imaginary notification to drivers behind them or a single blink halfway through the turn. Either way, it is a marvelous way to drive. As the smell of seagull arse grew stronger, I knew that I was getting close to ending the three hour trek down to the beach.

Finally, people started leaving for the day!

With a night of sleep behind us and the morning coming to an end, we walked out to the car and back on the road to visit the places we frequented during our childhoods. While there were a few similarities to the memories that we continue to carry with us, there are also tremendous differences that we immediately noticed. In addition to the obvious overgrowth near my wife’s childhood vacation spot in Cape May, one of the houses I remember fondly in Ocean City was completely gone. It may not be practical but I guess that is one way to get rid of the streaks left by a dog dragging his butt across the carpet.

However, the one thing that each of those towns had in common was the crowds that filled the streets and sidewalks. Even during the peak times of summer, I don’t remember that many people flooding the shore points years ago. And while these were never cheap places to begin with, the few signs that we did see included a noticeable increase from those days past. I know it has been ten or twenty years since I spent any substantial amount of time there but those prices were well beyond normal inflation over time.

However, there are some things that stay the same. Most notably is the inconsiderate atmosphere that still proves pervasive during tourist season. There are too many examples to cite here but I am sure that many of you know what I am talking about… especially those who have spent time at the Jersey shore. Much of this stems from congestion and, given the increased number of people flooding the beaches, it is only going to get worse. Combine that with the entitlement that fills the air and this destinations along the coast are far from relaxing. This is probably why we were more wiped out after a few days at the shore than we were after 10 days and 2500 miles traveling throughout Virginia. I think we will continue sticking with the mountains.

That is so flat it's disturbing!

TMI Tuesday: Where Am I?

Before our recent long vacation we had spent a few nights in hotel rooms here and there with our son. Basically, we used those weekend trips to get him used to traveling and sleeping at night in the pack and play. He seemed to be fine for a night or two so we were feeling pretty good about this little adventure. In fact, he enjoyed being out and on the go during those brief periods.

Our Virginia trip consisted of nine nights across four different hotels. A big change from a night or two over the weekend. However, each night he went right to bed with nearly the same effort as at home and every morning he would wake up early looking for mommy and daddy with only the slight hint of “where the heck are we” on his face. Once he caught a glimpse of us he would settle right down and almost seemed eager to begin exploring again.

Of course, those were the mornings and with as many miles as we put on the car (about 2,500 total), it was the car seat that he began getting tired of rather than the sleeping arrangement. Once we got somewhere and pulled him out of the car so he could stretch a little bit he liked to look around and take in the different people and places around him. He still had those same looks on his face of curiosity and wonderment that he did in the morning but as long as he had his mommy and daddy (or grandmom and granddad) he was okay.

Actually, I really enjoyed bringing him to these different places both the ones that I haven’t seen in decades and also the one that I was seeing for the first time right along with him. And the same can be said for all of us on this exploration. Being able to share that rediscovery with my dad going to the different towns and places (both on road and off road) is something that I will never forget. Having my son with me and having my dad share these place with him was one of the highlights of the trip.

In the end, while we were pretty sure of it before. We know for a fact that our son likes to travel. Actually, it was pretty funny when he had that same expression of “where the heck am I” when he woke up yesterday morning in his own bed. I guess we will have to start planning some more trips in the near future.

Returning To The Office

Before our son arrived I had sat down with some of the people at work and we put a plan together as to how many days I would be taking off and how long I would be out of the office. Well, that plan didn’t fit neatly into the schedule that we all had in mind. However, the basic timeline that we had come up with worked out pretty well when the early arrival happened.

For the past week and a half I have been getting up I the morning, sitting at the kitchen table, and doing my best to get all the work done that I would normally take care of at the office. Occasionally I would step away from the computer to change the baby or go to CVS and pick up some essentials absent from our home. It may not have been the most efficient means to get work done but it was completely manageable and I was able to both spend some time with my wife and son and catch up on a few things that needed to get taken care of. The commute was pretty good too.

After two weeks away from the office, I got in my car in the early morning and drove the 40 minutes down the highway. It was both difficult to leave my family and a welcomed return to my routine. However, it didn’t take long before I noticed just how different things were from the time I walked out the door in the middle of the last month. In addition to the many conversations with colleagues and requests for more pictures, I noticed the photo above when I walked into the kitchen to make my first cup of coffee.

I had completed the trifecta of children posted on the fridge over the past year with two of my colleagues posting pictures of their sons when they were born last year. Three men from the office had three sons… the women have a lot of catching up to do. It has almost become a tradition now to post the photos of the new additions to the work family.

Thankfully, I was able to enjoy the moments of coming back to the office after such a long time away and soon found myself getting back into my routine. It was also nice to be around people, around friends, rather than being limited to conversations over the phone. But while it was great to be back it didn’t take long before I was looking forward to going home and holding my son. Yes, things have changed quite a bit.

Leaving Things Unsaid

Replacement posts are an interesting thing to write as you try and look back at what was said and find a different (sometimes completely different) way of getting your point across. I guess this is one of the issues that I have in trying to keep a daily blog… I have to produce so much that sometimes things aren’t handled in a proper manner. The things said may be true but there was a better way that they could have been said. In the end, it is my fault. So here is a different, more reserved, take:

As I have written before, the moment my son was born was the greatest moment in my life. I will never forget seeing him for the first time and the calm that came over me when I first held him in my arms. He still has that effect on me and I will forever be grateful to him for providing my wife and me the peace that we have been seeking especially during this trying time in our life. Thankfully, my son also makes me a better person and so most of my rants remain in my mind and in these (now limited) words. Just another reason for me to be grateful for the gift that we were given just two weeks ago.

This is a pretty drastic shift as I am someone who can cut a bit across the grain at times (I know, you couldn’t tell from my unbiased Switzerland-like posts) and there are moments when I will let that opinion out in the moment and with a rather substantial amount of vigor. I guess you could say that my son has been a pretty good filter for me. However, like any good means of purification, sometimes there are things that will make it through but that is more about what is having to be filtered.

In the end, there are still going to be a lot of people that don’t like me for one reason or another, one opinion or another. And the same can be said on my end, there are many people that I do not get along with, and don’t want around me. However, I don’t have control over everything and I don’t have control over any body. The only thing that I have complete control over is my own opinion which I openly share on this blog (maybe sometimes to a fault). Who knows maybe I don’t even have complete control over that. But, for now all I can do is look at my son, take a deep breath, and hope that the calm continues to win out over the crazy moments.