Sunday Search: Mother’s Day And Maiden Names

This Mother’s Day I wanted to discuss an interesting situation that comes about in many of the genealogy conversations that I have with others. Unfortunately, the sentiments that follow are not restricted to those only now just starting their research… I have encountered many knowledgeable family historians that just seem to be stuck in a certain mindset. The issue is rather simple, and appropriate for this day, in that there are too many people only focusing on a fraction of their family history by overlooking the wealth of lineal knowledge that exists in a maiden name.

In several instances lately I have spoken to individuals who can, at great length, discuss the history of their surname and can also speak intelligently about their own mother’s line (and sometimes the lines of their grandmothers). However, that is where there maternal ancestry stops. Once they go back a couple of generations it seems as though they have forgotten that there are multiple paths that we can take into the past through both husbands and wives.

First, let me start with the fact that I am proud to have my mother’s maiden name as part of my own, serving as my middle name. It has allowed me to carry with me the surnames of both of my families and I do my best to remember that each day. Second, now as a father, I better understand the importance of teaching my son about all the families that he represents and I look forward to sharing that knowledge with him. Third, I have explored many of the different lines in my tree weaving between husband and wife and I can attest to the rich tapestry that is revealed when you allow yourself to take this journey.

There is so much more to who we are than simply our male descendants and the surname that we each carry. It is with this in mind that I encourage everyone to not just remember your mothers on this day but all the mothers in your family tree that have each had an impact, large or small, known or unknown, on who you are. Without the women in our family we would not have life… we would not have the layers upon layers of history and the fascinating lacework that is our own family genealogy. Mothers are what make genealogy possible and we should always remember that and honor them by knowing about all sides of the family.

Brother Helping Brother

With a rather hectic day behind me I found myself trying to catch up and take care of those quick phone calls that seem to get lost in the minutes of the calendar. Having checked off a few of the things that I had fallen behind on I made one more call before I left the office. It had been well over a week since I placed the print over at Staples for the lodge and I haven’t heard anything from them. I am glad that I decided to pick up the phone as I was able to swing through Bryn Mawr and pick up everything that we needed to send the notice out this weekend (with the exception of the notice which will get done later this week).

With a fresh stockpile of dues cards, an address stamp, and newly retrieved mail in hand, I walked through the front door just as the Worshipful Master was heading out. After reviewing a few quick items (including the aforementioned dues cards which have a very minor change over the old stock), we circled up on a couple of things, shook hands, and parted for the evening. When I walked in I didn’t notice many brothers in the hall with the exception of a new mason putting together the announcement board in the corner. However, it was quite and I soon found myself finishing up a few items a little faster than usual and heading up to the lodge room to grab the embosser.

It was here where I found all the brothers that I thought would be at the lodge. Split into a couple of groups to work with new candidates, many of the recently raised brothers were instructing them on what they had just learned the previous week. Can’t say that I would have been able to do the same thing so soon after being raised. It really was something to behold as this was for them a normal part of being a mason. The fellowship that we have tried so hard to foster over the past year was slowly becoming part of what is expected from candidates and, therefore, new masons.

It was the epitome of brother helping brother. The room was mostly filled with those who have been masons for two years or less with a Past Master offering his wisdom and experience when needed. While I offered a few tips here and there to the new masons, I pretty much stood back and enjoyed being in the midst of such a drastic change over what we experienced last winter. While there are things that need to be done every week at the lodge, this is really what makes me look forward to driving to Ardmore every Tuesday night.

Learning How To Get Back Up

I was never a particularly tough child. I remember complaining and crying when I got hurt and not wanting to push through minor injuries when participating in sports or playing with friends. While not as bad as some that I can remember, I was by no means a tough child. I learned how and enjoyed pushing through injuries later in my youth but it took some time and a bit of determination to overcome the weaknesses I had when I was smaller (I can’t say that I was ever actually ‘small’).

Over the years however, I have built up a tolerance for pain that is a bit baffling to some and considered stupid by others. From broken bones and dislocated joints to kidney stones and fighting Fibromyalgia, I have experienced all kinds of pain and only stopped when it was preventing me from living. I’ve set bones, popped joints back into place, put duct tape over large cuts, and simply walked things off when they really started to hurt. Up to that point I would keep pushing and pushing until finally I had no other choice than to give in and let myself heal. Of course, for the truly minor things like bad ankle sprains, dislocations, cold/flu, and migraines it was better to keep going and work my way through them.

This is the kind of thing that I want to instill in my son. Not to the extent that I have taken it but I don’t want him to let the small things stop him. Bumps and bruises are a part of living life especially when you are young and I want our son to enjoy every moment of growing up while he can. With that said, we have to do our part to let him fall and let him scrape his knees so that he can learn that it really isn’t that bad. Of course, we will always be there when he needs us but some things he is going to have to learn just by doing and experiencing.

All that we can really do is guide him and try to set him up for the long life ahead of him. Bumps (and bruises) are just minor things that happen along the way but you can just stop everything that you are doing when they happen. Life is still going on around you and if you take a break, there are potential memories that you will be missing. I guess you could say that I want to make sure that we instill in our son adversity as it has served us both incredibly well in our own lives. Hopefully we can get that message through to him early on… the same lesson that my parents tried teaching me which didn’t take hold until much later in my life.

How Can We Explain Autism To Children?

Ever since my wife and I had the privilege to spend some time with a family with two autistic children a few months back (you may remember that it was one of the first posts on this blog) I have been kicking around the idea of writing another children’s book. The main reason is that I couldn’t find a book about autism geared toward the picture book age. Doesn’t mean there isn’t one out there I just haven’t been able to find it.

As if this project wasn’t hard enough, I am coming from a place where I have zero experience with autism. It made the process both easier and much harder. Easier because I had to focus on the few clear examples but much harder because I am long winded anyway and even more so when I am just learning about a subject. So, after a couple of months of thinking and rethinking and wondering what the heck I was doing I finally got to the point that I was able to put a few words on the page.

Below is the first, and very rough, attempt to tackle the subject. There seems to be something there worth saving but it also needs a lot of work mainly because I can’t see the words yet. It is repetitive but that is completely intentional. I don’t know exactly how I am going to tweak it but I am almost certain that changes will be made often until I can fine tune it.

Abby Knows Best

Abby is like any other little girl.

Abby likes little dogs, she likes watching cartoons, and she has her favorite dark green bear.

Abby was always different.

Abby doesn’t go to the same school as the other kids in the neighborhood.

Abby goes to a school where all the kids are just like her.

Abby is autistic.

Abby likes to visit her own little world where she twists over and over again.

Abby doesn’t talk but she speaks with her hands and through pictures.

Abby is sometimes hard to understand but she understands everything she hears.

Abby can’t read books but she can read people.

Abby doesn’t make eye contact but knows what is going on around her.

Abby shies away from contact but she always knows when you need a hug.

Abby doesn’t like loud noises but she loves the sound of her mother’s voice.

Abby likes playing with her dad and her older sisters.

Abby is happiest with her family.

Abby is a special little girl who knows love.

So, now that you have read the first draft (actually the second draft), what are your thoughts? Is this understandable for both parent and child? Most importantly, for those of you who know much more than I do on the subject, is it accurate?

Please let me know what your thoughts are on this project as I am, like I said before, definitely not in possession of any significant knowledge in this area. I know what I see and what I feel. Sometimes that is enough and sometimes it isn’t. I just want to do my part, as small as it may be, to raise awareness and cast a different light on these children who are not handicapped they just have a different way of life that we can't fully grasp. We are all made differently and we all interact in our own way with one another and the world around us. Different doesn’t mean better or worse it just highlights the uniqueness and individuality of life. That is what I want and what I hope shines through in the story above.