A Long Day Away From Baby

Given how things played out last year, I expected things to be busy today at the trade show. What I didn’t expect was sheer volume of people that would be attending the show. What had taken me 20 minutes to go from getting on the bus to the booth, was now an hour voyage through the sea of attendees and exhibitors. Thankfully, I had left early enough that I still made it to the booth with plenty of time to spare before the first appointment that I had booked for the day.

As the day flew by you could tell who had been at the show for both days walking up and down the aisles. Sore feet and slow moving legs were apparent. And, of course, there was the larger than life crowd… the ones that made me look like the after picture from a weight loss commercial. It was a constant fluffy wave that made you think twice when you took a lunch break or went over to the cart to get a cup of coffee.

While our booth was busy throughout the day with only a handful of moments when we were left to ourselves, there were other companies when the exact opposite was true. It was rather odd to see the lack of interest that they were inciting especially in a room where there were more than a few niche companies and products that were constantly talking to customers all day. Makes me glad that some of our previous discussions never panned out but also make me wonder how we could have made the show different for them.

Even during the numerous humorous and busy moments, I couldn’t help but think about what I might be missing back home. I kept thinking about my wife and son and hoping that he wasn’t missing me too much. While he may not be aware of everything he does know when I am out late and I am certain that he knew I was gone.

Those times were tough but it was also nice getting those pictures and videos from my wife and sharing them with those around me. While I may not have been able to talk to him, I could at least talk about him. That was my way of getting through the times when I missed him most and the best way that I was able to relate to those around me who all had kids. That is how I got through today!

Firearms Friday: The Calm Of Cleaning

As I have written before in the past, I am not a fan of cleaning. It is definitely not a secret. I like having a clean and organized space but I could do without the process by which that is achieved. I know for certain that I am not the only one that feels this way but, like many things, there are always exceptions.

I have found that there are many people like myself that dislike cleaning in general but actually enjoy the act of cleaning when it comes to firearms. You would be amazed, well at least those of you unfamiliar with this set of tools, at how many cleaning products the average gun owner has at their workbench or in their cleaning kit. There seems to be a solution for ever kind of grime, a brush for every surface, and a new product coming out every few months that is supposed to make the process easier.

While I have limited the supplies that I have and use on a regular basis every once in a while I will try something new. While those solvents and cleaning tools are fine for a little while I find myself reverting back to the old way of doing things. It is a time consuming process no matter how you approach it but it is one of those things that lets you just tune things out for a few minutes. No other form of cleaning has the same effect.

Maybe it is the detailed work that is involved in making sure every corner is cleaned. Maybe it is the importance of making sure that everything functions properly. Maybe it is the appreciation for the engineering, design, and overall beauty of the workmanship as the carbon is removed. I actually think it is a little bit of each of those things.

And I know that I am not the only one. I have had this discussion many times over with people I know are not the tidiest human beings but their firearms are impeccable. It is one of the oddities that is within many of us. I guess it is similar to the person that frequently washes and polishes their car but that could care less if the dishes are piled up in the sink. I am sure that there are other examples but that is the one that comes to mind and that seems to most closely parallel.

Of course, I have also seen those people who just don’t clean anything or actually have the opposite situation… they keep everything in their world neat and organized but they never clean their firearm. I have seen many accidents and witnessed beautiful pieces of engineering ruined by this neglect. In the end, there are some cleaning projects that can be put off and there are others that can’t be postponed.

Maybe the enjoyment that many of us have in the process of cleaning will slowly grow and include many other aspects of our daily lives. You never know, it could happen. Until then, I will just focus on the small things and continue looking forward to the end results of others to motivate myself in getting it all done even if it is sporadic at times.

Making Our Last Words Count

Last Friday, for reasons that we cannot explain, my wife and I decided to tell one person, just one, the name that we had chosen for our son. My mother-in-law, having been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer just before my wife's birthday in October, had not been well for some time was the only one that we wanted to tell. And while she didn’t give an acknowledgement of the news that we had shared, there is little doubt that she heard us.

Our son was the light of the day which was able to pierce the darkest of moments. Having joined the world at 9:14am we were quick to send a photo to family and friends to let us know of the joy that had just been bestowed upon us. Even my mother-in-law who had not been communicative for several days opened her eyes when she was told that a picture of her first grandchild was sent to her. For the first time in days she spoke a single word… wow!

Still in shock from the early arrival of our baby boy, my wife and I were slowly recovering from the day that had just transpired. With all visitors having left the maternity ward for the day we settled into our hospital beds and waited for our son to come back into the room for his next meal. It was at this point about 12 hours since our son entered the world that my wife made a request to the nurse… one that I am sure that they are not used to hearing.

It was a simple act but it was a moment that would immediately become part of family lore. My wife turned to the nurse and asked her to make our son cry while she had her mother’s caretaker on speakerphone next to her mom’s bed. The nurse didn’t question my wife and seconds later his cry was echoing in my mother-in-law’s great room. My wife followed by saying “I love you” and told the caretaker that she would call back in the morning. It was a call that she wouldn't have the opportunity to make. 

What we didn’t find out until later was that mere seconds after hearing the healthy cry of her grandson, my mother-in-law took her last breath. She held on just long enough, and our son arrived just early enough, that she was able to leave this world as a grandmother. The circle of life, in all its joy and pain, mystery and misery, beginning and ending was in full display. In a matter of half a day we were both overjoyed and heartbroken.

Since that moment, we have been experiencing the full range of emotions remembering both the good time and bad, the disagreements and the celebrations, the moments of happiness and sadness. I have been doing all that I can to try and comfort my wife knowing that there is no real comfort that can be given during this time. Only our son can bring solace and help to heal my wife’s heart and the knowledge that the last words that we both spoke to her were the most powerful and comforting things that we could ever say to her in her last moments in the physical world… our son’s name and “I love you”.

Black, White, And Gray

Most people in this world, especially the vocal ones, see the world as black and white and, at times, I can be the same way. There are some topics/subjects, as you may have read, that I can be very opinionated about and can even seem very narrow in my view but every opinion I have offered on this blog has had at least a hint of gray in it. This is why I like putting my thoughts in these posts… it has been a great way not only to open up discussion with others but also think topics, subjects, or viewpoints through. If anything, this blog has added quite a bit of gray into my life.

Don’t get me wrong, I will still openly debate people and stand firmly behind my views which many people may not agree with but I have had to put in the time and the energy to think things through and come to those decisions/conclusions. Putting that energy into those opinions has also allowed me to enjoy what I have and stand behind my decisions. It seems all too common these days that people are willing to be part of a collective that leads them around based on the beliefs of few. While I may be a part of many groups we are all individual thinkers and have very divergent opinions on a variety of subjects. We all live in the independent gray rather than a life dictated by black and white allowing us to be blindly herded between the extremes.

Embracing the gray hasn’t always been a part of my everyday life. There have been a number of times, periods really, in my life when things were all or nothing. The holidays are a perfect example of this change in my views. A couple of years ago my wife and I tried to distance ourselves from the Christmas holiday as much as possible. It really was a season when we did all we could to avoid the festivities. However, as I have previously written, now I am much more open to the experience simply as a time to enjoy the spirit of the holiday. I think of it as going to a foreign country… you can enjoy were you are and the spirit of the place but it doesn’t make you a citizen. Thanks, just visiting.

This is just one example. While apt for the time of year the gray is not limited by the calendar. It is a means to be open to experience and to see the best in both people and places. I hope you all have a gray holiday.