Sunday Search: Being True To Father’s Day

This is a long overdue post that I have kept putting off when the thought of writing it has entered my mind over the years. As the most recent urge to record my thoughts coincided with Father’s Day it really was no longer an option to write about my father at greater length. While I have briefly mentioned my father in previous posts, I have consistently left out many of the details… pretty much all of the details in fact. While by no means comprehensive and certainly a work in progress, I dedicate this post to my father.

Growing up in a rather modest row home on Iona Avenue in Narberth, Pennsylvania my father was one who, despite his academic abilities, focused largely on sports during his formative years. In fact, I have been told stories on a few occasions that there were even scouts in the stands when my father was a catcher on the varsity baseball team for Lower Merion High School. And not all of those scouts were focusing on other players on the team or opposing hitters in the other dugout like Reggie Jackson. Because major league teams don’t keep all of their scouting records, this is a story that has no substantiation but, given the honest passion with which they were told and the talent that I saw on display decades later, there has to at least be a little truth in those tales.

What I do know for certain is that following his high school graduation my father knew with near absolute certainty that he was going to be drafted. Not surprisingly, he took his fate into his own hands and figured out a way to go into the military as an officer without the luxury of a college degree. This how my father ended up serving as a warrant officer and helicopter pilot during the Vietnam War. While he flew in excess of, conservatively, 50 combat missions and nearly paid the ultimate sacrifice during the Tet offensive on 30 January 1968 at 1830 hours when he was struck by one of the seven 30 caliber rounds that punctured his aircraft, he has yet to receive the recognition for his service with the 155^th Assault Helicopter Company (Stagecoach) out of Ban Me Thuot. This is an oversight that I am trying to rectify… I actually found out that this is an issue common with the company in which he served.

Following his Army service, my father returned home and, with his newly found focus, truncated the time it took to receive his degree from St. Joseph’s University (then St. Joseph’s College). With funds remaining in his GI Bill, he immediately pursued and later received his MBA from the same institution. He considered law school but eventually decided to continue his career in finance. Mind you he was also maintaining full time employment and volunteering with the Narberth Ambulance  Corps. Also during this period in his life, he was introduced to my mother (thanks to her brother), a relationship that has lasted for over 40 years.

With his education complete and a young family at home, my father continued thrive in the business world. While there have been certain unpleasant monikers and unpleasant terms used to describe my father during this time, in the end, he was good at his job, didn’t accept failure, hated braggers and name droppers, and expected people to work just as hard as he did. Even years later, I can recall brief moments of conversations echoing from his office. I may not have completely understood them at the time and even now I can’t recall exactly what was said but, as I have gotten older, I have come to understand those moments to be glimpses into his aforementioned work ethic.

I have also come to realize that my older siblings may have had a different experience growing up but I remember my father trying to find the time to help me when he could, attend practices and games, and answer questions that broke through my stubbornness while completing homework assignments. I also recall the moments playing miniature golf on the board walk in Ocean City, my poor attempts to play real golf on various occasions, going to Phillies games at the Vet, and simply joining him during weekly short car rides into the city or along the main line with the oldies station or KYW News Radio (1060) playing in the background.

To this day I still look up to my father and there are new memories made every day. I have come to better appreciate everything that he has done for me and the lessons that he has taught me over the years… some I took to quickly while others it took years before I finally got it. While our conversations have changed over the years, I enjoy the times that he is able to share his experiences and knowledge about subjects with me as well as those rare moments when I am able to tell him about something new or a recent family discovery that I have made.

However, the greatest moment are when I am able to see him with his grandson with whom he shares his name. And the times when we can all experience something new as a family are the memories that will last not just my lifetime but my son’s lifetime as well. There is no greater feeling than when I remind my son that this is your granddad, this is daddy’s daddy. Happy Father’s Day Dad!

Enjoying The Day And Driving Home

I woke up this morning looking forward to getting up and seeing my son smiling back at me in his bed. After all, he is the reason for why this day is so special and why I have been waiting for this day for such a long time. What I wasn’t expecting was the gift that my wife and my son made for me. It may not seem like much to those without kids but having a picture and hand impression to put on my desk is something that I will always cherish. I really wish I had done the same thing for my wife last month… I guess the distraction was enough of a gift then as it is now.  

It wasn’t long before we were up, packed, and heading down to the front desk to check out. It was going to be a long day of touring and driving but one that I have been eagerly anticipating. After another quick breakfast in the lobby, we started the day by returning to Station Square. Yesterday, we had planned out the day and knew that we could pick up the tour bus at this location. With a long drive ahead of us we didn’t have a lot of time so the best way to see as much of the city as possible was to take the two hour tour on the double decker bus.

Our timing was pretty good and we were able to depart about twenty minutes after buying our tickets. This gave us enough time for a quick diaper change and allowed me to call my dad and wish him a happy father’s day. The bus was wide open with only about a dozen people on the top deck and the entire lower level to ourselves. The views might not have been as good but we spread everything out and kept our son out of the sun for the duration. It also helped when it came time to feed him during one of the extended stops.

The tour covered the entire city and while we didn’t have a chance to get out and explore we were able to see the stadiums, museums, schools, neighborhoods, and bridges. All the while, we were entertained by the nervousness of the first time tour guide. He did a decent job especially given the script that he had to work with. One thing that we did notice was that the city is in a heavy state of construction/repair. In addition to the horrendous roads throughout the area, there were countless buildings being raised in the downtown area.

By the time we arrived back to our departure point it was time for lunch… the last thing that we would do before heading home. We had already previously eliminated a number of options so we decided to do something a little different and make our own meal… so off we went to the Melting Pot, a fondue restaurant that we walked on our way to the book store yesterday. It really was something different and the Father’s Day special that they had was something that was just right… I even got a gift certificate during our meal from the manager just for the heck of it. It was an excellent meal and experience (even with our son making is presence known) and it definitely filled us up for the trek back across the Commonwealth.

The long ride home was uneventful as I was able to set the cruise control and turn on some music as my wife and son slept in the back seat. We made pretty good time and the scenery seemed to fly by faster than the confines of time would allow. 

Back home, we unpacked the car and carried our son into the house. I will never forget the look on his face when we told him that we were home… obviously he wasn’t done yet. I guess he enjoys exploring just as much as his daddy… that really was another great gift that I received on this my first Father’s Day.

Reflections On Father’s Day

My dad with my grandfather (my mom's dad) from before I was born.

Today I was once again out of the apartment. Usually I don’t like to be out and about two days in a row but there was a darn good reason to get back on the road. This time it was a short trip to my parent’s house about 15 minutes down the road so that I could spend time with the best man I have ever known, my father.  

Father’s Day is commonly seen as a compliment to Mother’s Day and the history of the day expounds upon that progression. A good summary, as is commonly the case, can befound on Wikipedia which outlines the history of Father’s Day in the following way:

Father's Day was inaugurated in the United States in the early 20th century to complement Mother's Day in celebrating fatherhood and male parenting.

After the success obtained by Anna Jarvis with the promotion of Mother's Day in the US, some individuals, such as Sonora Dodd, wanted to create similar holidays for other family members, and Father's Day was the choice most likely to succeed. There were other persons in the US who independently thought of "Father's Day", but the credit for the modern holiday is often given to Sonora Dodd of Central Methodist Episcopal Church, who was the driving force behind its establishment.

Father's Day was founded in Spokane, Washington at the YMCA in 1910 by Sonora Smart Dodd, who was born in Arkansas. Its first celebration was in the Spokane YMCA on June 19, 1910. Her father, the Civil War veteran William Jackson Smart, was a single parent who raised his six children there. After hearing a sermon about Jarvis' Mother's Day in 1909 at Central Methodist Episcopal Church, she told her pastor that fathers should have a similar holiday honoring them. Although she initially suggested June 5, her father's birthday, the pastors did not have enough time to prepare their sermons, and the celebration was deferred to the third Sunday of June. Several local clergymen accepted the idea, and on 19 June 1910, the first Father's Day, "sermons honoring fathers were presented throughout the city."

However, in the 1920s, Dodd stopped promoting the celebration because she was studying in the Art Institute of Chicago, and it faded into relative obscurity, even in Spokane. In the 1930s Dodd returned to Spokane and started promoting the celebration again, raising awareness at a national level. She had the help of those trade groups that would benefit most from the holiday, for example the manufacturers of ties, tobacco pipes, and any traditional present to fathers. Since 1938 she had the help of the Father's Day Council, founded by the New York Associated Men's Wear Retailers to consolidate and systematize the commercial promotion. Americans resisted the holiday during a few decades, perceiving it as just an attempt by merchants to replicate the commercial success of Mother's Day, and newspapers frequently featured cynical and sarcastic attacks and jokes. But the trade groups did not give up: they kept promoting it and even incorporated the jokes into their adverts, and they eventually succeeded. By the mid-1980s the Father's Council wrote that "(...) [Father's Day] has become a Second Christmas for all the men's gift-oriented industries."

A bill to accord national recognition of the holiday was introduced in Congress in 1913. In 1916, President Woodrow Wilson went to Spokane to speak in a Father's Day celebration and wanted to make it official, but Congress resisted, fearing that it would become commercialized. US President Calvin Coolidge recommended in 1924 that the day be observed by the nation, but stopped short of issuing a national proclamation. Two earlier attempts to formally recognize the holiday had been defeated by Congress. In 1957, Maine Senator Margaret Chase Smith wrote a proposal accusing Congress of ignoring fathers for 40 years while honoring mothers, thus "[singling] out just one of our two parents". In 1966, President Lyndon B. Johnson issued the first presidential proclamation honoring fathers, designating the third Sunday in June as Father's Day. Six years later, the day was made a permanent national holiday when President Richard Nixon signed it into law in 1972.

More and more there are moment in my life when I notice that I am beginning to sound or act like my dad (not in the Harry Chapin sort of way) and I couldn’t be happier about that fact. It throws my wife off every once in a while when she notices these things but whenever she points them out I just smile, nod, and think to myself how appreciative I am of that fact. Even the times when my dad and I discuss things we seem to think along the same lines and the discussion progresses quickly… we can summarize the problems of the world rather quickly when we get on a roll.

I wouldn’t trade any of the moments that I have had with my father for anything and I am grateful for all that he has taught me both when instructing me in how to do something, supporting me when things aren’t going well, and the lectures he gave me when I screwed up (I know, your shocked that I’m not a perfect angel). While it may not have been obvious at the time, each of those kinds of moments shaped me into who I am today. Not perfect but much better off for having such a mentor in my life.

While I don’t expect to ever accomplish all that my father has in his life I am trying every day to at least come close. Of course, I doubt that this will ever happen as he still works hard every day and, for the most part, refuses to retire. I just wish that he would stop working one of these days and enjoy all that he has worked so hard for in his life. With that said, I don’t plan to ever stop working either. So, I will end this simply by saying Happy Father’s Day Dad. Thank you for all the help and support that you have given to me over the years without ever asking for anything in return.

Finding Wisdom At The Playground

Oddly enough, this is the hardest post I have tried to write thus far. It’s not the best written piece but, hopefully, you can understand what I am trying to say without too many words cluttering the screen. In fact, it is a very simple sentiment but it is something that I don’t say enough and needed to finally be put down on the page.

I consider myself very lucky that I take after my father (even the fact that we both attract horrible drivers). I may not be as smart, I may not be as hard of a worker, I may not have any of the athletic ability, I may not be as outgoing but I strive to make myself better. I am thankful that I have someone I can look up to that has shown me how to be a great man and how to be a great father.

I know I haven’t always been the easiest son, I haven’t always made the best decisions, I haven’t always shown how grateful I am but my father has always supported me despite these shortcomings. In times of success and of failure he has always been there for me. And during times when nothing seems to be going my way, like now, I know he is behind me.

I am proud to say that many of the men in my family are the same way. I know that my brother and my brother-in-law would do anything for their kids and, in many instances, have done the same for the rest of the family. I hope that someday I can hold myself in equal measure.

We all have things we can work on and we all have things we wish we could change but, even though it may not always be obvious, we know that family comes first and that is the foundation to our improvement. We all look out for one another even when our own lives may be hectic. We all support one another even when the challenges are difficult. We all want the best for one another especially when it comes to the kids.  

So, make sure to take the time to appreciate your father today and think about how he has shaped your life. Maybe you didn’t have the best father but you can appreciate the fact that it makes you want to be a better parent because of that fact. Or, maybe you’re fortunate to have a great father and you live every day trying to reach that high standard. Either way, take the time to remember.

But also keep this in mind, while many of you may hold the same feelings toward your own fathers I have come to the same realization, which is true during every Father’s Day, that in this instance the playground ascertain from childhood holds true, “my dad is better than your dad!” I know this to be true because my father is the greatest man I have ever known.