Questions And Prayers

Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year in the Jewish calendar, is also the most difficult for many of us. It is a time when we ask for forgiveness both from G-d and from man. This year, I continue to plea for G-d’s forgiveness and I do my best to come to terms with any wrongs that I have committed against others. However, I am left going in circles at time when it comes to asking for forgiveness from others. It has been a difficult year and one that has proven rather treacherous when it comes to following my heart and what I believe to be right.

There are many instances in my life, not just during the past year, when I have held fast to my beliefs, opinions, and decisions. I believe them in my heart to be the right thing to do. I have remained true to myself, my family, and, in many instances, it has been the best option for others as well. Some would see these situations, sometimes even those who find themselves on the other end, to be something I should apologize for or, more appropriately given the time of year, ask them for forgiveness.

The issue I have is for what should I ask for their forgiveness? I really have no idea. Could things have been handled differently or written in a more delicate manner? Yes, but then I wouldn’t be truthful to myself or honest in my dealings with others. Could I have chosen to not say anything? Yes and no. It would have avoided, at least momentarily, certain situations but, again, that would have been dishonest. And I wouldn’t have been doing everything in my power to protect my family.  

Should I apologize for my opinions? No. I may not like the opinions that many others have but I don’t expect them to apologize to me for sharing their views. This “offended by anything and everything that doesn’t fit into my small world view” syndrome is tiresome and I will not abide by nor cater to those afflicted by this mentality.

Can I forgive everyone? Heck no. This is the most difficult question and the one, this year, with the most emphatic response. I can forgive most people and I can come to terms with many situations in my life. However, there are moments and situations that will forever be seared in my mind. To say I can forgive every person who ever wronged me would require me to lie. I can’t do it. I am many things, some good and some bad, but I will not try to deceive G-d by saying that I am able to forgive everyone this year.

So, in the end, I guess the one I should really be asking for forgiveness from is G-d. I ask to be forgiven for the fact that there are times when I question your motives, the moment when I have been flat out angry at what you have allowed happen, and more instances than I would like to admit when I have strayed from your words. I ask to be forgiven for the harm that I may have caused others by being honest and doing my best to protect myself and my family. And I plea for forgiveness because I am unable to forgive all those who have wronged me and my family.

However, I ask for peace for both those whom I am unable to forgive and those who feel entitled to something other than the above. And I pray that we, as a family, grow closer to G-d, continue to see His hand in the beauty of the world that surrounds us, and trust His plan for us even when it doesn’t make a lick of sense in the moment. And I pray for the time, for another year of life, to grow and love and find the peace to one day forgive.  

Clarity And Closure

For the past week we have been thinking about the previous year and considering all the mistakes, missteps, and errors that we have made since the last time we asked G-d, and people, to forgive us for those things that we have done wrong. While I cannot recall having done any person wrong over the past year, that doesn’t mean that those issues don’t exist. I apologize to anyone I may have wronged.

However, given our interesting journey in Judaism over the past couple of years, it is important for me to acknowledge my lack of observance and maybe not knowing as much as I could and not studying the way that I should. For those things only G-d can forgive. And while I cannot swear to do one thing or another I ask to be forgiven for not finding the time to improve my faith. Thankfully, I know G-d to be far more understanding than is commonly thought as I have been given much more in this life despite my faults and errors.

This is a day when our humble confessions bring us closer to G-d. It is also on this day when I think about all those moments when G-d has, in one way or another, brought us closer to Him during the many days on the calendar. Anything from making me 5 minutes later in the morning to ensure I wasn’t involved in the pile up on the Pennsylvania Turnpike or blessing us with our first child after receiving difficult news from the doctor. Those are just two of the many moments that will continue to remind me of his presence.

So, in light of the confessions above, I am posting the following description of this holy day as posted on Chabad.org. It will both provide many people with some new information and give the rest of us a few moments to reflect on the day and this particular time of year when we bring ourselves closer to G-d. Sometimes just reading and absorbing can block out the distractions of the day and bring us that moment of light and clarity that we seek during this time of year.

Yom Kippur is the holiest day of the year—the day on which we are closest to G‑d and to the quintessence of our own souls. It is the Day of Atonement—“For on this day He will forgive you, to purify you, that you be cleansed from all your sins before G‑d” (Leviticus 16:30).

For nearly twenty-six hours—from several minutes before sunset on 9 Tishrei to after nightfall on 10 Tishrei—we “afflict our souls”: we abstain from food and drink, do not wash or anoint our bodies, do not wear leather footwear, and abstain from marital relations.

Before Yom Kippur we perform the Kaparot atonement service; we request and receive honey cake, in acknowledgement that we are all recipients in G‑d’s world, and in prayerful hope for a sweet and abundant year; eat a festive meal; immerse in a mikvah; and give extra charity. In the late afternoon we eat the pre-fast meal, following which we bless our children, light a memorial candle as well as the holiday candles, and go to the synagogue for the Kol Nidrei service.

In the course of Yom Kippur we hold five prayer services: Maariv, with its solemn Kol Nidrei service, on the eve of Yom Kippur; Shacharit—the morning prayer, which includes a reading from Leviticus followed by the Yizkor memorial service; Musaf, which includes a detailed account of the Yom Kippur Temple service; Minchah, which includes the reading of the Book of Jonah; and Neilah, the “closing of the gates” service at sunset. We say the Al Chet confession of sins eight times in the course of Yom Kippur, and recite Psalms every available moment.

The day is the most solemn of the year, yet an undertone of joy suffuses it: a joy that revels in the spirituality of the day and expresses the confidence that G‑d will accept our repentance, forgive our sins, and seal our verdict for a year of life, health and happiness. The closing Neilah service climaxes in the resounding cries of “Hear O Israel . . . G‑d is one.” Then joy erupts in song and dance (a Chabad custom is to sing the lively “Napoleon’s March”), followed by a single blast of the shofar, followed by the proclamation, “Next year in Jerusalem.” We then partake of a festive after-fast meal, making the evening after Yom Kippur a yom tov (festival) in its own right.

Don't Waste Time

“...In the seventh month, on the tenth day of the month, you shall afflict your souls, and you shall not do any work ... For on that day he shall provide atonement for you to cleanse you from all your sins before the L-RD.” – Leviticus 16:29-30

At sunset, Yom Kippur will begin. For Jews, this is our “Day of Atonement” for the sins that we have committed against G-d. It is on this day that we have the opportunity to change the judgment entered into the books of life and death in which G-d inscribes all names. It is our last appeal before these books are sealed. This is our day to demonstrate our repentance and make amends for all the transgressions that have stained our lives this past year.  

Many of us have taken the past week to ask forgiveness from others, I could have done a better job of that, but now is the time that we ask for G-d’s forgiveness of our sins. There are many of these transgressions that can be found in the thoughts and prayers of Jews around the world and across generations. Maybe we didn’t go to services enough, maybe we haven’t read Torah and studied Talmud enough, and maybe there are more serious offenses that we ask to be forgiven.

Those are, for the most part, commonalities that we all share during this Holy time of year but there is something for which I am certainly going to ask to be forgiven which is commonly overlooked. How many hours each year do we spend watching television or aimlessly surfing the internet? How many times have you found yourself zoning out on Facebook reading posts and looking at pictures that you are only going to forget about later? How much time do we waste on an annual basis?

That is what I will make sure to include in my prayers and in my pleas… I am asking to be forgiven for wasting life. There is so much that I can be doing with the time I have to make a difference rather than spending hours doing something that has no lasting impact or meaning. If you find yourself in this situation and such action, or inaction as it were, has affected the life or lives of others you must also ask for their forgiveness. The same can be said for the sin of judgment. We have all judged others to varying degrees whether it is because of how someone looks, their level of observance, the job they may have, etc. Hopefully you have already asked them for forgiveness, but we must also ask G-d for forgiveness for unfairly casting judgment on His creation.

This is the time to learn from our reflections this past week, recognize our shortcomings, and ask G-d not only for His forgiveness for what we have done wrong but for the strength and wisdom needed to prevent us from committing them in this new year. This is a time for transformation. It is a time that allows us to wake up and see the world through G-d’s eyes. This is a time for change.