TMI Tuesday: Long Weekend

When I got the call from my wife on Thursday afternoon it seemed like everything was under control, worrisome but under control. As the end of the day approached, we knew that the situation wasn’t as clear cut as we once thought and so, as I previously wrote, I made the arrangements to hand everything off at lodge and made my way home as soon as possible. That was only the beginning. It has been a long few days with little sleep at night and too many hours of worrying during the day.

On Thursday, my wife arrived at the daycare to pick up our son not knowing what she was walking into. Almost immediately, the staff pulled her aside to show he some hives that had popped up on our son’s back and diaper area. Without hesitation, my wife called the pediatrician and had an appointment for early that evening. It didn’t look to be serious (reaction to the medication he was on) during the checkup and, instructions and new prescription in hand, she brought our son home to get some rest. By the time I walked in the door, things had progressively gotten worse but in so much as was to be expected based on the information she was given.

When we checked on him that night we knew that something was definitely wrong and we weren’t about to wait until the morning to see a doctor so we took him to the emergency room at three in the morning. A few hours later we had a slightly different plan in place to get everything under control and, after putting our son down for a nap, I headed off to work for the day. I was able to spend some time with my son when I got home but he was soon in bed trying to fight whatever was causing his issues. While there was some progress during the day something was still off by the time the sun went down.

Again, we checked on him around midnight and, after consulting with the pediatrician’s office over the phone, brought him back to the emergency room where his treatment was adjusted. By this point the medical chaos was taking a toll on all of us and we headed back to see the doctor on Saturday morning to have our son checked again. Having slept for most of the day, we were surprised when our son willingly went to bed at his usual time on Saturday night and while the evening was by no means normal, we did avoid a third trip to the hospital.

By Sunday morning, our son was no longer himself at all. He was definitely still uncomfortable from the hives/rash and now, as he began to swell, we could tell that he was in pain and wasn’t able to move around normally. With these changes we once again sought the advice of the pediatrician with little change to his treatment. By the time we woke him up that evening we knew that it was going to be another long night in the emergency room.

Thankfully, we got the information that we needed and the right routine put in place after hours upon hours of waiting and numerous tests performed on our poor baby. In the end, it is nothing that will impact him long term but the recovery is going to be much longer than we originally anticipated... around 6 weeks. This is definitely something that will require some adjustment over the next several weeks but it was certainly a relief that there is an end to this illness.

While we have had some trying times since our son’s birth dealing with minor health occurrences, this experience was really the first time when I felt the full range of emotions. There were moments when I was angry, scared, exhausted, and happy but the most prevalent feeling was that of helplessness. I pleaded and prayed on countless occasions that this wouldn’t be anything serious and that our baby boy would feel better. I couldn’t do anything but try to comfort him and be there for my family… it just didn’t seem like I was doing enough no matter what I did.

We are all recovering now but it is a weekend that is etched in my mind. While I know that it is unavoidable and that I have to come to terms with the fact that I can’t control certain situations I hope that our son never has to be in that situation again and I hope that my wife and I never have to feel so helpless again. But, for now, we are going to focus on recovering and making sure that our son continues to know that we are always there for him.

Business Trip Recovery

One of the most difficult aspects of a business trip is the recovery afterward. Not only is it the work projects that, for the most part, were put on hold during my time out of the office but, more importantly, it is about making up the time with family and returning to our usual routine. No matter what I have tried it has yet to be made any easier.

What didn’t help this time around was the fact that I few down to Atlanta over the weekend not feeling well and after a few days of early mornings and late nights, I was really feeling like ‘crap on toast’ upon my return. Further complicating the matter was the fact that I had a lodge meeting on the schedule for the evening following my return and there was no possibility of staying home from work that day either. And because that wasn’t enough, both my wife and son were fighting off something.

Just one of these things would have kinked the works enough to make the simple task of getting work done even more difficult but having everything descend upon me all at one time has made the day less than fun. Makes me wish that I had caught up on everything else, the multitude of open projects, prior to my departure. I guess this is just one of those instances when you just put your head down and work until you can’t work anymore.

It really is astounding how much things have changed over the last few years. Walking out the door has become harder and harder with every tear and disappointed look on my son’s face and knowing that there is the possibility that I might miss something while I am gone is nearly an unbearable feeling to hold in throughout the day. And while I know that I am forgiven soon after returning home, the sadness that I have caused during the week is something that I wish I could take back.

Thankfully, this last trip concludes the bulk of my business travel for the year with only a few quick day trips that could pop up during the remainder of the year. I am hoping that my son will better understand the situation next year and that I might be able to have my family join me in the future. It would further complicate the travel but a complication that I welcome.

TMI Tuesday: Screams In The Night

One of the scariest sounds that I have ever heard is when we have been startled from a deep sleep by the screams from our son echoing across the room through the monitor. While my wife’s hearing is more in tune with the displeasures of our son, when I am able to remain unconscious to the troubles around us, there are times when it doesn’t matter how sound a slumber, the scream that our son makes could wake anyone up… even me!

Just over a week ago this seemed to be the pattern for a few nights as our son spiked a fever well into triple digits. It was a time of little sleep, especially for my wife, as all we could do for a couple of nights was monitor, give him medicine, hold him, and dunk him in the tub if he got too hot. Unfortunately, I am little help during these times as our son insists on having his mommy but will occasionally want his daddy within his sight line. This episode, this sequence of nights, was far beyond those that we have dealt with previously.

Even without a temperature and feeling perfectly fine, there are moments when our son will wake up and make some noise before falling back to sleep. What can I say, he is loud when he shifts just like his daddy. There are also moments when he will fuss or even whimper for a minute or two before he either screams because of some uncomfortable padding under his bottom or he will unleash a different kind of sound that fills the night, lay down, and sleep better than he did before he woke up.

There was also a period of adjustment when we moved into the house when we couldn’t quite get the thermostat right… our son has become rather particular with regard to ideal sleeping temperature in his room. Over the first couple of weeks we were able to figure it out. Who am I kidding, my wife is the one that fine-tuned the temperature. And now, if there are nights that are a little warmer or cooler, our son adjusts his position in the crib sleeping either in a slightly cooler spot near the wall or a little warmer away from it.

And while we have done everything that we can to make him as comfortable as possible, sometimes there are nights when he doesn’t feel well. Sometimes there are evenings when he is startled by a nightmare (also a scream that is hard to forget). Sometimes he simply loses track of his stuffed animal and/or binkie. And other times there are nights when he gets a little lonely being on the second floor by himself or when we didn’t spend enough time playing with him during the day and needs a little more snuggle time with mommy and/or daddy. But these nights are nothing in comparison to that heart wrenching siren.

Email Surprise

I got a bit of a surprise when I checked my lodge email yesterday afternoon. What I thought was going to be a simple message making an appeal to the brethren to attend the fellowship night was something that caught me off guard. The first half of the email stated almost exactly what I expected to read but the second half changed things up a bit notifying those in receipt of the email that all furniture and files were being moved out of the Secretary’s office that night. This was clearly the first time that I was hearing about this clean out.

While this is something that we have discussed many times over the past couple of years, I was not aware of this tasking being scheduled so soon. In my position I hear about a lot of the things happening at the lodge but every once in a while I hear something either right before it happens or immediately after the fact. The problem isn’t necessarily in what is taking place but in being prepared when someone comes to me with questions. At the office and at the lodge, my job requires me to know what is going on and when there is a break in communication, issues like we have had over the past year begin popping up and, as a result, my phone begins to ring regularly.

It seems as though we have gone from one extreme to the other. While there were many plans and little action in the past, now there is plenty of action but few plans to be found now. This is obviously not the entire picture but there is no reason why this should have happened so abruptly and why the first time many of us are hearing about these plans is a mere few hours before we were all to converge on the lodge.

When I read the email the second time I was both happy that something was being done but also annoyed that this could cause more issues and work for me in the near future. And while I don’t like to miss moments like this and evenings at the lodge in general I am actually glad that I wasn’t feeling well yesterday and that I opened the email with the intent of informing the brother who sent it that I would not be in attendance. After an uncomfortable night it is now time to wait and try to put the pieces together through a variety of phone calls and conversations. Hopefully, this goes smoother than similar situations in the past.

TMI Tuesday: Hi Da Da!

Someone call Sting! Our son already knows part of a Police song!

At some point each night, my wife and I try to unsuccessfully prompt our son to say either “ma ma” or “da da”. Every night and every weekend it is the same routine. When our son got really sick with croup some weeks back, he was finally able to call for his “ma ma” which alleviated the pounding in our heads just a little bit. It was that sad and touching moment when the two of them connected. He knew that “ma ma” would make things a little better and my wife was able to tear up as he said it for the first, second, and third time throughout the day and night. It also proved that he knows how to say it but chooses to remain a quiet little boy most of the time.

It is because of this that my wife has been pushing more and more for our son to say “da da” as she wants me to have the same experience albeit without the running nose and constant crying (bonus for me). Of course, it is just like our son to say “da da” the moment we stopped pushing him. It was a moment when we were playing on the couch after having been at the office all day and my little boy was just happy to see me. I forget what I had done to make him smile but soon after he said “da da” in such a way that he wanted me to continue keeping him entertained. It was a spontaneous moment for both of us and an instant reinforced our bond once it happened.

Like many of his achievements thus far he seemed to check it off the list as complete and moved on to the next milestone without any plan on revisiting what he had already accomplished. Hence, I have not heard those simple words since. It was a brief moment but one that will surely remain vivid in my mind for the rest of my life and I look forward to hearing it again when he chooses to do so. Who the heck knows when that will happen again?

I guess this is just another way in which our son is like me, at least that is what my wife thinks. We both tend to check things off the list and almost immediately move on to the next new thing, something that we haven’t done before. With that said, we have our routines and there are times when we both revisit our accomplishments especially when they bring a little happiness to those around us. And this little monkey has certainly made us happy.

A New Season

While the weather has been slowly cooler over the past several weeks, there is something about the official first day of fall that enhances the subtle breezes, sharpens the colors, and enhances the smells that come with the season. Many of the trees may still be green and the sky remains un-fowled but there are subtle hints of the changes that will soon be upon us including the scattered leaves rustling between the leaves of un-mowed grass. And, of course, there is the smell of the burning foliage that sporadically wafts across the highway while on my way home from work each night.

However, the season is a little different this year. While I enjoy the coolness of the evenings sometimes venturing out to breathe the crisp air, we also have to make sure our son is dressed appropriately for the changing weather. As if we didn’t have enough stuff before, now we carry extra layers wherever we go and make sure that the colds he inevitably cycles through aren’t exacerbated by the chill in the air. After all, I want our son to enjoy this time of year as much as I do and, so far, he seems to be doing just that.

From time to time, shortly after getting home from work, I will pick up our son and take him outside. The dusk is still bright on the horizon and the air retains a hint of warmth which allows us to enjoy the time together without worrying about the dropping temperature. I love watching his eyes move from tree to tree studying the colors, shapes, and size of them. He watches the cars speed by slowly coming back to focus on the horizon as the orange and red takes over the sky. And when something is particularly interesting he usually starts slapping my arm and turns his head to look at me seemingly asking “Daddy, do you see that?”

Fall was already my favorite time of year and moment like that are making the season even better. While he is still young and may not fully appreciate all the changes that are taking place, the sense of wonder that he has accentuates the feeling of autumn for me. I hope that is one thing that he never loses when he looks at the world around him. Sometimes I lose sight of it but it really is an amazing creation in which we live.

TMI Tuesday: Welcome to 3AM

While the song has no relation to the situation except for the coincidence of time, I couldn’t help by despise Matchbox Twenty this weekend as our son insisted on waking up each night at 3AM. It was a collusion of events last week that caused the constant sleeplessness with his new daycare routine, needing more mommy and daddy time, and the lingering congestion from croup. It was not a fun experience but one that we have been expecting to happen (we actually thought this would be a more regular occurrence during this first year).

Of course, this wasn’t the usual stirring in the middle of the night that can be remedied by putting his binkie back in and rubbing his head, this was the “you better not leave me until I am dead to the world asleep” kind of wakeup. Each time he was aroused from slumber, the screaming was almost immediate… it seemed to be a combination of tiredness, frustration, fear, and loneliness. It is a heartbreaking sound to hear echoing through the monitor. However, while I clearly heard each instance, to be honest, it was my wife that was the one that got out of bed to comfort our son while I did my best to keep my eyes open (many times I was unsuccessful).

And this was only the beginning of the fun each day as when the alarm rang out in the morning, it came all too soon and left us all with headaches that persisted throughout the day. Each of us trudged through our days with a set of matching family luggage strapped to our eyes. At this point, I was really hating Cat Stevens as well (or whatever his name is now).

It has been a bit of a testing time for all of us but, as of last night, things seem to be getting a little better as there was no heart wrenching screams to be heard and the remedy for waking up a little earlier than our liking was back to binkie and a quick head rub. The morning was also a bit more pleasant as we were all able to sleep better than we had in weeks. But the best part about our son feeling better (besides not being woken up at 3AM) was the fact that when I got home from work today his smile and laugh had returned which made me forget, at least briefly, about the recent nights.  

TMI Tuesday: What Rhymes With Poop?

Well, the poop hit the fan last weekend! As last week came to an end, we were all tired. It was a long week at the office for me, my wife returned to work after doggedly pursuing the last document she needed from a former employer, and our son had his first experience at daycare (he spent three days there). We were all ready for a quiet weekend spent at home taking a break from the chaotic days that seem to have dominated these days off during the summer. Well, that was the plan…

We had noticed that our son wasn’t feeling well later in the week and my wife had taken him to the pediatrician on Friday to get checked out. We followed the directions they gave us and we put him to bed with a little Tylenol (per the instructions we were given), a cold air humidifier in the corner, and the head of his bed slightly elevated. A few hours later, with my wife and son now both asleep, I was at my computer sorting through my neglected emails when I could hear what sounded like a wounded cow near the top of the stairs. When I turned the corner to walk toward the bedroom there was my wife holding our moaning child. Something wasn’t right.

It wasn’t long before we were all in the car on our way to the emergency room. Thankfully, it was a slow night and I was able to hold my son in the hospital bed shortly after our arrival. In the end it wasn’t just a cold as the pediatrician told us earlier, he had Croup. Almost immediately after he was given the right medicine the groans stopped and we could both tell that he was beginning to feel better. An hour after we arrived we were back in the car and on our way home. We were all exhausted and soon after our return assumed our positions from before this whole ordeal began.

Obviously we all slept in on Saturday as we resumed our plans and took it easy allowing our son sleep as much as he needed and my wife and I trying to relax, order dinner, and spend some time together. Well, dinner was a mistake. By Sunday morning our son was returning to his normal happy self while my wife and I were struggling to do just about anything. After my wife reluctantly cancelled her plans for the day, we knew that this wasn’t going to get better without some help so we both headed over to the local Urgent Care once my mom arrived to watch our recuperating baby.

Fortunately, the doctors knew exactly how to treat food poisoning and so after some medicine and two IV bags, we returned to the house feeling a lot better than when we left. While we were both nowhere near ‘better’ we both felt good enough to return to work the following morning and our son, no longer contagious, returned to daycare. It was a long weekend after a long week and I hope we never have to go through that again!

NOT A Relaxing Weekend

As I alluded to yesterday, the weekend did not get off to a good start. Unfortunately, it also proceeded to get much worse following the frustrating Friday. In fact, I am still dealing with the fallout today. It was one of those weekends that you just want to forget ever happened and move on to the next work day.

It all started with what should have been a simple drive into the city on Friday afternoon. I left the office at about 4:30 expecting to sit in a bit of traffic but with enough time set aside to make it to old city by 5:30. About a tenth of a mile away from the route 63 entrance, those plans completely fell apart as soon as my front right tire slammed into the crater.

Now with a donut on the car, I wasn’t about to drive on the highway or in the city so I slowly made my way down the remainder of route 1 and parked the car at the Wynnewood train station. My timing was still pretty good at this point as I made the right train which got me to the event on time. This was just the beginning of the weekend.

Following the event, I walked down the street to catch the next train at Suburban Station. With the event ending at 10 I thought I had plenty of time to make the 10:26 train. Well, by the time I found one of the few entrances to the train station still open at that hour, the train had departed and I was left waiting for the 11:26 train. In the end, I didn’t get home until 1:00am but that was not the worst part of the weekend.

After dropping the tire off at the dealer early on Saturday morning, running some errands, and grabbing a quick breakfast at Wawa we settled back down at the house to try and relax a little for the day and get some things done. By the time the sun began to set I was not feeling well and found myself heading off to bed much earlier than usual. Throughout the night I found myself sicker than I had been in a long time. Turns out that Wawa was offering an extra helping of food poisoning at no extra charge.

While I felt a little better toward the end of the day yesterday, and despite my gulping efforts, the dehydration caught up with me this morning and forced me to call out of work for the day. With a screaming headache I finally gave in and went to the local urgent care where they confirmed our suspicions and hooked me up to an IV. Finally feeling somewhat normal I all want now is for this weekend to finally come to an end.

TMI Tuesday: Throwing Up (And Down)

Well, this is one of those inevitable things that we expected to encounter with our son. In fact, we were anticipating that this would happen more often than we are currently seeing. With that said, the throwing up is still something that happens and sometimes it is at some pretty interesting times.

Usually, the spew flows after a feeding but it is not always the case. These are the moments when he is usually half asleep and it just kind of bubbles to the surface… like in the opening credits of the Beverly Hillbillies. These are the moments happen before we have a chance to burp him and when you just grab a wipe and make sure you get it all off of his face and neck.

Of course, there are also the occasions when there is a little more force behind the projectile. Most of the time this is when my wife picks him up just after his feeding and during the transition she gets a little shower on her shirt. For some reason my wife can deal with the poop and pee but the puke takes her back a bit. When home, I am frequently reaching for a wipe at this point.

When it comes to burping this is one of the reasons why I prefer to put him on my knee. Having him slightly bent over makes it much easier to clean up when the regurgitation occurs with only a small bit on the hand and around his mouth requiring some attention. Anything more and the floor takes the brunt of the punishment. I would rather him throw down than throw up.

In addition to the feeding related emanations, there are also the times when, for one reason or another, our son gets a little too excited or worked up and the fountain is turned on. There are times when he cries and this is a little exclamation point and there are also instances when the opposite happens and the milk streams through a wide smile. And there are some moments when what little remaining burp bubble carries some luggage with it hours after eating.

All of these moments are pretty minor even during some of the moments when there is greater volume and force than usual. They are moments that can quickly be addressed and, as was stated before, come with the daily baby routine. Of course, just like we will encounter on the other end, we are still not looking forward to the escalation that happens with the introduction of other foods.

Family First

I spent much of the week finding the little time that I could to tie up some final things for the stated meeting last night. On my way to the lodge the plans for the evening began to slowly change. About halfway to Ardmore I got on the phone with my wife who wasn’t feeling particularly well earlier in the day. As it turned out, my last stated meeting of the year was actually last month.

When my wife called I was honestly a little frustrated as I had been looking forward to this particular meeting all year. It has taken a lot of work to get to this point and I really wanted to be there for some of the announcements that we had planned for the evening and to welcome the brothers who will be taking office for the next year. By the time I pulled into the parking lot I knew that was no longer a possibility.

I rushed through the front door trying to think about all the details that needed to be passed along before I could head back out. The brethren could see the stress and worry on my face as I ran up and down the stairs and from room to room doing my best to keep things organized. With less than 30 minutes until the meetings was to begin, I was finally able to pull my assistant aside and fill him in on the situation. I felt bad for the short notice but there wasn’t really anything that I could do about it.

It was a lose-lose situation where I felt bad for the time that it took to get out the door and to my wife but I also felt bad for having to miss my first meeting since June 2013 and my first as an officer. I was torn for a few minutes but, in the end, family comes first. Not surprisingly, I heard those words repeated many times over as I hustled to get moving.

As the meeting was starting I was unlocking the apartment door and immediately checked to see how my wife was feeling. We talked to the doctor, made sure that we did everything we could to care for her and our 28 week old son, and waited for things to improve. A long night later and my wife was feeling much better. And while I wasn’t able to be at the lodge meeting, I did hear about the reactions from the brethren regarding the announcements and found out that everything else went smoothly.

The Quiet Time Never Lasts…

I got to the lodge a little earlier than expected last night anticipating an early evening. When I opened up the doors I had the entire building to myself and I looked forward to knocking out a variety of small projects that have been lingering since the state meeting earlier in the month. This is how the night started but after toiling away in the office for about an hour I knew that my night would not end in the same way.

With so much interest in the lodge from those wanting to join as well as a full slate of activities coming up later I the fall, it is a busy time of year for me. Add to that the fact that there are a few bugs making their way around and it has already struck down a couple of officers. I guess I am going to have to step up and get those items done as well.

While I entered the lodge alone, I locked the door behind me having three other brothers joining me as I exited. During the course of the two hours behind those doors I jumped from task to task doing my best to juggle the various requests that were being thrown in my direction (including via email). Of course, with the drastic shift in the evening, I still had a few items left unfinished but, fortunately, they were the ones that could hold off another night.

Walking out the door, while in conversation with the brothers around me, my mind was still running through the various things that need to be accomplished over the next few days as well as the next couple of weeks. From dues and petitions to awards and event coordination/planning, things seem to all be converging in the last few days of summer and the first few moments of the fall. Maybe this is why we are cutting back on a few items because things would most certainly be lost in the shuffle had the calendar not been paired down.

Finally back at the apartment, the emails continued to stream in as if I had never left my computer. Thankfully, the name badges were waiting for me in the mail box so I have one less thing to think about. And this morning we are continuing to push forward trying to drive attendance for this weekend and tying up the loose ends for next month’s official visitation. And, of course, there are a pile of other things that are being worked on simultaneously. But, in the end, this is the job I chose (at least one of them) and I enjoy every (well… most) chaotic moment.

It Was A Good Friday

My wife was not happy with me this morning as my alarm abruptly interrupted her in the early hours of the morning as she attempted to sleep in during her day off. Oh well, it was time for me to get up and go to work. I already used my floating holidays earlier in the week so today it was time for me to again try to make up for those days off. And there was a possibility to making up that work as most of my colleagues took the day off and a lot of people were off as well being that it was a bank holiday. That fact was noticed immediately upon turning onto the Schuylkill Expressway and not having to slam on the breaks attempting to merge. It was the easiest commute that I have had so far since I started this job.

The office parking lot was about half full when I arrived and the building was quiet when I walked through the doors. The office was silent when I entered as only one other person was working with me today. With the exception of a persistent cough that he has been dealing with all week and a few quick conversations, we both put our heads down and attempted to get as much done as we could.

In a complete change from my usual workday routine, I texted my wife what I wanted from Wawa for lunch and waited for her arrival. About an hour later, my wife walked through the front door and we sat in the family/conference room and enjoyed a nice lunch together. Granted, I am not used to this. In fact, I believe that this is the first time that my wife has come to my work for lunch. And when I say that I don’t just mean this office, I mean any office. So, it was quite the change but something that was a fun twist on the daily routine.

Just as we were finishing up our hoagies (please note that they are not subs, grinders, or anything else you refer to them as) my boss walked in the door and greeted us in her usual friendly manner. It really is more of a family atmosphere of mutual respect rather than a rigid hierarchy. This was also a first as my wife had not met my boss since I started this job. About ten minute later I walk my wife back out to her car with her newfound knowledge of why I really enjoy going to work every day. After all, it is not just about the work/job, it really has a lot to do with the people I work with.

With my wife on her way back home it was time to continue working on various projects in an attempt to get things done. By the late afternoon I had made a lot of progress on multiple items but I couldn’t really call anything completed. When five o’clock rolled around, we were told to leave and enjoy the weekend a little early. Oh well, I guess I have a few things to work on this weekend. So, it was a productive day with an interesting twist right in the middle. I am already looking forward to the next time that I experience a day like today. However, I hope a get a little more work done the next time.

It’s Baaaack…

Darn it! I’m getting sick again. Maybe this is what I get for not taking the time to recover after the last bout with whatever this is. Unfortunately, I find myself in the same position… there is too much stuff going on for me to miss a day. As the cliché goes, I don’t have the luxury of getting sick. However, this time it seems to be a little different. While the congestion is the same, my joints are beginning to ache especially my shoulders and knees. Its back and its pissed. Of course, this could just be a cold squared. Getting a cold and having the cold weather stiffen my already questionable joints. Either way it is time to double down. Cold medicine and Motrin.

I don’t know about anyone else but, for me, there is a certain amount of guilt when it comes to getting sick. As I have said previously, my energy and creativity is at a significant deficit when my body is trying to fight off illness. Pain only magnifies that effect. Knowing that I can usually accomplish much more in a day and not being able to is slightly disturbing to my determination. When something takes longer than it should and money equals dollars, when I am sick I am costing someone money. That isn’t right and it really bothers me. This is on top of the fact that if I am not getting everything done someone else is, most likely, going to have to assist me. We are all already working hard and I don’t want to put more work on someone else.

Maybe it is time that I really start focusing and taking better care of myself. The hours seem to be fine. Maybe a few too many in the office but not much. All my other activities seem to be working out on most days so I don’t see any great benefit to cutting back on those. However, my body needs a lot of work. It is time to really embrace the resolution that I keep making and reaffirming. I need to take care of my body which, in turn, will improve the abilities of my mind. Regardless of what you may think, I know this relation to be true.

So, in my recovery I think it is time to get a realistic plan together. Not just goals but logical steps which need to be taken in the coming months. So, add another item to the to-do list. Of course, when I am done I will post my plans but, in the meantime, I am open to suggestions as long as you keep them reasonable (i.e. I am not going vegan and running a marathon a day). Maybe you will see them implemented in my final plan (with proper credit given). We will see.

Waking Up To Brisket

I woke up this morning still not feeling well but I couldn’t keep myself in bed past 9:30 as I was already beginning to feel a little achy and my nose was not being receptive to oxygen. Once I was able to get on my feet, stumble to the bathroom, and clear my head I caught the slightest whiff of brisket in the air. As it turns out, my wife was having, as she puts it, a domestic day. Brisket was only the beginning of the cooking for the day as a duo of soups were also on the menu.

I don’t understand why my wife gets in these moods but I find it best to stay out of her way and just enjoy the outcome. It was nice to not have to make lunch and dinner on the weekend especially when there is still a hint of plague on my breath. However, while I was only asked a couple of times for small things, I did offer to assist her in the kitchen and even provided some time saving appliances long forgotten in the closet. Plus I didn’t have to worry about my wife losing a finger by finding a few easier and safer cutting options.

With a full dose of cold medicine in my system, I did make the decision to venture outside a few times. Not surprisingly, it was snowing again. Actually, the weather was a bit bipolar today as the snow started and stopped on several occasions throughout the late morning and early afternoon. By the time dusk came around the cars and streets were covered with an additional two inches of fine white dust. Just enough to cover your shoes and spin the tires.

With the arrival of early evening, dinner was ready to go and my wife’s sporadic study sprints had come to an end. As we sat down to eat some split pea soup (my mom’s recipe) and brisket (two separate courses not one strange concoction), I noticed the reversal of roles that my wife and I had throughout much of the day.

 

Much of my time is spent working, cooking, and generally trying to get something done either at work, at home, or somewhere else (usually lodge). Today, my wife was the one shuttling between the kitchen and the office as she made enough food for at least half the week and studied for her grad class. While I got a couple of minor things done here and there, the majority of my day was centered on recovery. It’s nice to change things up every once in a while.

Pushing Through Level Four

 

Have you ever noticed just how different of a person you are when you’re sick? Some get mad, some become mean, and others just kind of stair off into space. Today I was a different person. I wasn’t really any of the aforementioned, my sick demeanor is more along the lines of dull tunnel vision. Basically, when I’m sick I lose much of my creativity (you can probably tell at this point) and am unable to multitask. I have to focus on one thing at a time. Anything beyond that project simply wouldn’t process.

This doesn’t happen every time that I feel under the weather. It happens more on the top end of not feeling well when I have to motivate myself to move. Basically more on the plague end of the spectrum rather than the sniffles. For those of you unfamiliar with the sickness scale (similar to Gabriel “Fluffy” Iglesias’ five levels of fatness), here is the breakdown:

1. Sniffles – You cough once and feel that is enough to call out sick from work. Also applies to hangovers.

2. Sick – The time when you might want to consider taking something. This is when you usually start going through the list in your head of who you can blame for what you know is inevitably going to happen.

3. Crap on Toast (also known as crap on a cracker) – As the name suggests, at this point you are more than likely spending more time than you would like passing legislation through colon congress while weighing the nuclear option from your seat in the oval office. This also applies when you eat too much sugar free candy (especially Gummy Bears).

4. Plague – You have nothing left and your body seems to laugh when you take any sort of cold medicine. While you are no longer in solitary confinement in the porcelain prison, it takes considerable effort to just get up let alone get out the door.

5. Dead – This is when you have no other option than to call out of work and stay home moaning like a wounded cow. If you can only eat broth and really soft foods you might be dead. Stay home.

Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, it is now the weekend and I have the luxury of dying without missing any work. However, if you were expecting to read about any exciting trips this weekend there is a good chance that will not be happening. It will give me time to thing though and you know how entertaining that can be so stay tuned for a couple posts resulting from an overabundance of time to think and cold medicine.

One Of Those Days

It was a rough Monday. The dragging that I pushed through last week seems to have intensified over the weekend making for a difficult day at the office. I would have called out sick by now but there are simply too many things that need to get done tomorrow. Just because you’re sick or you take the day off doesn’t mean that work stops or deadlines get pushed back. This is an expectation that I have seen too many people have of their jobs, especially the younger/new people starting off. While not the case in every situation, it is slowly becoming more prevalent in the work place.

To be honest, I touched on this in my early years. While there were many days that, in hind sight, I could have pushed through there were also times when even now I might not be able to function properly to do my job. On the other side of the equation, I have seen people and you could say that I am guilty of this now, when people should have taken time off but refused to do so. Sometimes things work out but other times I have seen the detrimental effects that this mentality can cause. While I am not at that point, it is pretty close, and I will have to be careful and toe the line making sure that at the first sight of going over I take the time off and recuperate.

The really interesting thing for me though is when things are going really well, everything else seems to disappear. Pain, problems, illness, and other distractions just fade into the background and all I am focusing on is keeping the good day going. Even during the longest days there seem to be moments when this fluidity is present. However, the most accurate determining factor that I am not doing well, that something may be getting the best of me, is when the flow seems more like molasses than water.

Maybe it is time to slow down, even just for a night or, at most, a day just to catch my breath a little bit. Maybe it is time to do something besides work and make an attempt to relax. Well, who am I kidding, maybe it is time to get some other work done other than the ones that usually fill the daytime hours and occupy my evening thoughts. Sometimes the best means of relaxation is completing a project that has been populating your to do list for months (for some people it can even extend to years). Of course, if that is the case you will be reading about it here. And if I finally have to give in an rest for a day, you will also be reading about that too… or at least the random thoughts that occur when I spend a day off with nothing to do.

Where Has The Time Gone?

Every year my parents have a holiday party at their house. There are a few relatives that the only time that I see them during the year is at this party so it is a nice opportunity to try and catch up. In previous years there have been dozens of family and friends present filling all the rooms on the first floor and making it a challenge to walk across the house. While a smaller gathering this year due to illness and other life events, it was a great time to sit, talk, catch up, and eat.

Like every year, the kids took over the basement and provided some entertainment throughout the evening as we all participated in the usual game of dodge door. Every twenty minutes or so we could hear the low rumble of little feet stomping up the carpeted stairs. A few seconds later the knob would jiggle and turn and the door would come flying open. For the most part, everyone knows that you either don’t stand there or you keep your ears open to the stampede.

I was once one of those kids running up the stairs but as is clear when thinking about years past, things have changed and we have all gotten older. Many family members are no longer with us but this party proves to be the perfect time to think back to the happy, and sometimes funny, moments that we were able to enjoy with them. Even just seeing a large group of people in a room and recalling the lineup on the couch holding court in the family room. Sometimes it is as simple as recalling an image.

By the end of the evening, the cooler was much lighter, the tables were a little thinner, and the desert table looked like a bomb went off leaving cake bits and cookie crumbs strewn about. While some were still standing and a few of us sitting wherever we felt like no longer standing, all of us were quite full and not really wanting to move too much (although there were a few people making some determined trips to the dessert table). This is the time of evening when everyone realizes that it might be best if they start heading out the door and make their way home.

It is also a constant surprise as to how quickly time goes by at these parties. You sit down and start talking and before you know it half the people have left and it’s time to go home. This is always an interesting shuffle at the end of the evening as no matter how good you think your plan is when you arrive, it is inevitable that you are going to have to wait for someone to move their car before you will be able to leave. A good time was had by all and I am already looking forward to next year.

Turkey Fallout

Since we were out all day yesterday, today was our turn to cook the turkey. This was a maiden voyage for my wife and the first time I had attempted cooking a bird since college in 2001. Heading into the experiment we knew it was at least going to be an interesting experience.

With my wife prepping the carrots, celery, and onions I began getting the gobbler ready. Everything went smoothly with the exception of my wife getting a little disturbed by the innards neatly tucked away in the carcass. Having gone much faster than expected, the bird was in the oven in about thirty minutes swimming in a warm pool of Muscato wine.

Four hours later, the button had popped and we unwrapped the turkey to crisp up a bit. While it never achieved the golden brown seen in the cook books and on television, it was still a very tasty result with leftovers to last a week. We shouldn’t have any problem doing this again in the future.

Although it probably would have been smarter to get out of the apartment today and walk around. So much food, actually I wasn’t too bad this year, and little activity has given me the Thanksgiving lean and the occasional hunch. It is not a pleasant feeling and one that I haven’t felt in a while… it is the kind of feeling that sucks all the energy out of you and leaves you looking for the nearest soft and flat surface to lay on.

It is this sensation that took over soon after our dinner and began making me feel the fowl fallout. My body isn’t used to having to process so much turkey let alone two nights in a row and my body is slowing down rapidly leaving my eyes and fingers to struggle tapping the keys on my laptop. This is the lean to one side to get comfortable and yawn every fifteen seconds blog.

The only think keeping me up tonight at this point is the Comedy Central standup (or in the case of Bill Cosby, sitting down) marathon. Nothing like some dummies and a fluffy guy to keep you awake as you continue to laugh through the discomfort. But it is a pretty good end to a day that felt like Sunday from the time I woke up. Knowing that I don’t have to set an alarm for tomorrow makes everything better.

Plagued By The Blank Screen

As you may have noticed, lately I have been posting late at night in an attempt to keep the daily blog streak going. This is not ideal but they are getting up and that is the real task at hand for me because the simple purpose of this blog has always been to just keep writing.

The common sense rational is that if you want to be a writer, keep writing. Sometimes you will produce something to be incredibly proud of while other times you will fall flat. No one gets it right one hundred percent of the time and I am choosing to do so publicly.

Another hazard that every writer faces at some point in time is “writer’s block”. This has been my burden as of late and has caused the delays in putting up posts at a more ideal time early in the morning. But I am determined to break through the wall and return to the level of productivity that I am more accustomed.

Many of you know that this situation is one that has many causes including illness, lack of sleep, mental preoccupation, laziness, and limited time. While any of these factors can be overcome they all cause a slowing or, sometimes, freezing of the writing process. Unfortunately, I have been juggling all of the above in my attempt to keep this blog going.

How I have been able to do this I honestly don’t have an answer that would explain it completely. All I have done is write. I keep writing and just try to form quasi lucent thoughts that hopefully at least a few people will be able to follow. I have had to make it a selfish process where I am writing to think things through for myself. This is why there may be one topic being addressed in the beginning of the post and something completely different being discussed by the end.  

Having a topic at hand is another way to combat the drudges of disassembling a creative roadblock. When I started this blog I want to take things day by day and have spontaneous posts about things that have happened, strange occurrences, random thoughts, etc. That lasted about three days before I started working on a list of ideas and events on my calendar. Having that list has given me direction on a daily basis and has saved me from starting with a completely blank screen. Sometimes all it takes is a quick idea at the top of the page to get things going. It still required a lot of work but it is definitely easier getting to point B when you know where to locate point A.

Overall, I guess it just proves that creative stubbornness can sometimes be a good thing. Taking the approach of getting your thoughts down no matter what is essential in staving off what can lead to a severing of the connection between your brain and the page. This is when writing becomes work but it is what needs to be done if you want to return to creative state that is free flowing and fun. Sometimes you have to work at something before it becomes enjoyable (again).