Light Night And Heavy Emails

It was quite clear last night that we are indeed in the darkness of the sweltering summer months as there were only two of us who made it out to the lodge for fellowship. Given the travel that I have been hearing about from various brothers, it was not a complete surprise. Also, and I take responsibility for this one, there isn’t much in the way of communication during this season which leads some to simply forget. In reality, it was nice to have a relaxing evening to catch up with one of my brothers, reflect on our recent efforts, and look forward to the coming months of meetings, events, projects, and objectives.

There are a number of us who remain active throughout the year only taking breaks here and there. Lodge is something that we enjoy and that we want to see thrive during our lives in the lodge so we put forth the effort and do what we can, not just to make good men better but to make good lodges better. However, in my position, I have seen multiple instances (through email, social media, casual conversation, etc.) where brothers think that they are doing what is best for the fraternity but, in fact, they are doing everything to undermine freemasonry in general and our Grand Lodge in particular.

I am not one to name names in this instance, and I am not privy to those names in other instances, so let us simply say that there are many brothers out there that are not holding themselves to the same high moral standards of a mason that they should. They speak about brothers behind their backs and they hide behind fake names and Facebook pages that are, to put it nicely, and despicable disgrace. They seem to forget the traditions, rituals, rules, and standards by which we should hold ourselves and others in this fraternity.

While what is being said bothers me a great deal, it is the fact that they do not stand by their own words by attaching their name to their statements. This is hugely important to me as I hold myself to that basic standard when posting these blogs. If I can’t put my name to it, I don’t write it. Although I haven’t really had anything fall into the latter category. There is a time and place for everything and we all certainly have the right to our own opinion but we should also stand strong in our convictions and opinions. We must also remember the rules by which we live our lives and the moral standards by which we hold ourselves and others. We are here to make good men better, our lodge better, and the fraternity better. It is impossible to do so if we undermine all three as some brothers have chosen to do.

Too Many Departures

While nothing has been as difficult as the loss that we experienced early last year, there have been moments since then that have forced me to stop for a minute and think about the people that have been a part of my life, large and small, over the years. I found myself going through this process once again when I received an email about the passing of a fellow Rotarian’s wife. Oddly enough, I had just seen him last week and, by the end of the meeting, wondered why I hadn’t asked how his family was doing as I normally would have. I guess even these seemingly inconsequential lapses happen for a reason.

I recall meeting his wife a couple of times in the past at Rotary functions and I recall having some very interesting discussions with her on a variety of subject. It was safe to say that there were a number of topics that we didn’t agree on but I remember having a pleasant conversation during which it was abundantly clear that I was discussing these subjects with a highly intelligent and informed woman. I guess you could say that she and her husband were very similar in that regard.

This loss is only one of many that has happened over the past year or so from those that I remember fondly seeing nearly every day in high school as was the case with the passing of my homeroom teacher and other times there are people that I had either met only a few times or that I had only corresponded with through letters, emails, or over the phone. Each time I was brought back to those discussions and encounters leaving me wondering why I hadn’t picked up the phone or wrote them a letter lately. I guess it is normal to think about the conversations you never had rather than the ones you did.

Of course, then there are the family members who have passed before I had a chance to talk to them or even really got to know them. Admittedly, there is a little selfishness in this thought but it also speaks to the unexpected, and potential, impact of those who have passed. While this has unfortunately been happening for years, it is a regular occurrence even today. However, the same lesson applies here as well… I need to do a better job of keeping in touch and reaching out to friends and family members. After all, as has been proven time and again, you never know how long you really have.

Back To Bala: A Rotary Recap

Me with President George Hatzfeld.
Another memory captured by Richard M. Trivane,
President Elect of the Rotary Club of Bala Cynwyd - Narberth. 

It is hard to believe that it has already been over a year since I was last at Aldar Bistro in Bala Cynwyd. It was a drive full of memories as I made my way into town and almost all of those excellent meetings rushed back as soon as I walked through the doors of the restaurant. Actually, many of those remembrances came to me when I was greeted in the parking lot by the restaurant manager who, somehow, still remembered me after all this time. It had been too long and it was great to reconnect with many of the people whom I used to see every week and also speak with a number of people whom I was meeting for the first time.

The purpose of my return has been long overdue and required some time to arrange my calendar. I was asked several months ago to come back as a speaker/presenter but given my schedule it has been difficult to find a Wednesday that worked. But, I was finally back at a meeting and, per a request from the club, ready to talk about a passion that has occupied much of my time over the past few years… genealogy.

While presentations are usually about 30 minutes in length, the minutes seemed like seconds as I gave an overview of my journey of discovering my Revolutionary War ancestor and my recent acceptance into the Sons of the American Revolution. I reviewed not just what is required regarding proof but also some of the challenges that I have faced along the way especially given the fact that Native American genealogy has its own set of challenges (particularly in the Commonwealth of Virginia). Not surprisingly, especially for those who know me, by the time I got around to answering questions nearly 45 minutes had passed.

Having been away from the podium for so long it was a great feeling when the presentation when so smoothly and I was able to keep the attention of those in attendance. And the questions that were posed afterward were both thoughtful and showed a deep interest of those in attendance of the work that it takes to prove ones lineage through the centuries. It is good to know that I still have some, albeit limited, ability to offer a compelling presentation.

Another pleasant surprise during this gathering was the fact that the incoming club president purchased 15 copies of my book about my experiences with Rotary. It seems as though both my presentation and my book struck a chord with him and the club. Now, I have to make a more concerted effort to return to the club in the near future and not allow my absence to grow so long. And, of course, I will have to figure out what my topic will be the next time around as well but I am sure that I will have some help with that from those I met yesterday.

Coming Soon: 1100!

It is a rather staggering figure when you think about it… 1100 blog posts in 1100 days. It is actually still amazing that I have been able to find something to write about on each of those days. Of course, there are clearly some days when one can tell that there wasn’t much to write about but sometimes that is what happens. It is a simple matter of having to work with the information given no matter how little that may be. For me, that means life is a lot like work.

On the other side of things, there have been quite a number of days when there are multiple events, thoughts, topics that I would like to write about. This usually has me pulling out my planner and trying to figure out where I can fit some of these subjects into the schedule. At times this is a rather easy problem to fix as the topics fit into some of the weekly themes. Other times, they are beyond the purview of these scheduled posts which leaves only a few days each week where they can be fit in.

I guess you could say that this is sometimes just part of the routine. However, the timeliness of topics can sometimes change things up. Also, the simple desire to write or not to write has to be taken into account. Topics can be a factor in this as there are times when I don’t have any desire to write about a topic that I previously planned no matter how rich the subject matter may be. This means that, for me, this blog is a lot like work.

All of that being said, somehow I have managed to put up a post for each day and, at least on occasion, these posts have resonated, entertained, of flat out pissed people off. However, more than that, it has started numerous conversations with people from around the world and with a wide variety of backgrounds because we share a common idea, interest, or opinion. Sometimes these communications have surprised me as I received praise for certain stances that I have taken on a variety of topics. Even those whom have disagreed with me have at least brought their own opinions to the fore and opened a dialog on specific topics.

This blog has always been a means of recording life and part of life is the wonderful conversations, experiences, and people that I have been able to meet along the way. So, in essence, this blog has been a means to enhance life and bring about experiences and provide introductions that I would have otherwise never had the opportunity to enjoy. It really is interesting how things come full circle in that regard and makes the time and effort that I have committed to these words worth much more than the modest investment streaming from the tips of my fingers.

Sunday Search: Mother’s Day And Maiden Names

This Mother’s Day I wanted to discuss an interesting situation that comes about in many of the genealogy conversations that I have with others. Unfortunately, the sentiments that follow are not restricted to those only now just starting their research… I have encountered many knowledgeable family historians that just seem to be stuck in a certain mindset. The issue is rather simple, and appropriate for this day, in that there are too many people only focusing on a fraction of their family history by overlooking the wealth of lineal knowledge that exists in a maiden name.

In several instances lately I have spoken to individuals who can, at great length, discuss the history of their surname and can also speak intelligently about their own mother’s line (and sometimes the lines of their grandmothers). However, that is where there maternal ancestry stops. Once they go back a couple of generations it seems as though they have forgotten that there are multiple paths that we can take into the past through both husbands and wives.

First, let me start with the fact that I am proud to have my mother’s maiden name as part of my own, serving as my middle name. It has allowed me to carry with me the surnames of both of my families and I do my best to remember that each day. Second, now as a father, I better understand the importance of teaching my son about all the families that he represents and I look forward to sharing that knowledge with him. Third, I have explored many of the different lines in my tree weaving between husband and wife and I can attest to the rich tapestry that is revealed when you allow yourself to take this journey.

There is so much more to who we are than simply our male descendants and the surname that we each carry. It is with this in mind that I encourage everyone to not just remember your mothers on this day but all the mothers in your family tree that have each had an impact, large or small, known or unknown, on who you are. Without the women in our family we would not have life… we would not have the layers upon layers of history and the fascinating lacework that is our own family genealogy. Mothers are what make genealogy possible and we should always remember that and honor them by knowing about all sides of the family.

Fun (And Food) For The Whole Family

There was a little bit of chaos for me leading up to the stated meeting as there usually is before an official district visitation. The usual list of items that need to be prepared before any meeting pretty much doubles in size and given that our lodge is on display to a lot of visitors I make sure to double check that everything is in place hoping that the one thing that I do forget can be overcome with relative ease. And this is something important for every officer to remember… you are going to forget things. The trick is to make sure that it is as insignificant as possible as to not disrupt the meeting itself.

The visitation this year was a little different than in previous years. For one, I was able to enjoy some time in the hall dining with the brethren and, in some instances, with their wives. That was a pretty significant change and one that I hope to see continued in the months and years to come. Not only were wives and families welcomed to join us, we were also treated to a delectable Brazilian dinner prepared by one of the wives (with a little assistance from her husband and Junior Warden). For me, on the top of that to do list was to make sure I thanked her for all of her hard work… something that I am glad that I remembered to do.

The meeting itself went very smoothly with only a minor mistake on my part that was easily rectified. It was also a very productive meeting as there were a number of projects that needed to be addressed and motions that needed to be made. Overall, especially given the last couple of months, it was a welcome respite from the week and a reinvigorating one at that. There is great progress that has been made, positive changes that are in the works, and important motions that have been passed.

When the meeting was over and all the bills were paid, I finally sat back to collect my thoughts for a few seconds before starting another conversation. In many ways, I can’t believe that this is already my third year as Secretary and the beginning of my forth year as a mason. It seems as though I was raised yesterday while, at the same time, I have been coming to lodge my whole life. It is really hard to put into words but something that motivates me to see the lodge succeed and to see new masons to succeed as well. And now, with the changes in process, it is something that I will be able to happily share with my family on a more regular basis… especially my son who I hope will join me at a meeting someday.  

Monthly Delays

I think it got stuck!

There is always a little carry over at the lodge from the previous year. Sometimes it is as simple as some events that have postponed or votes that have been delayed from the previous leadership. Of course, there are those other moments when a complete review is need of everything that transpired over the previous twelve months. That is the situation that I find myself in now but, thankfully, this is also why I make sure to keep overly detailed notes and basically records of anything that crossed my desk.

While the last stated meeting went smoothly and we closed the lodge at a completely reasonable time, the conversations that took place after the meeting came to an end filled the remainder of the night. Long after all the other brethren departed and were on their way home, a few of us slowly made our way down the stairs, shut off the lights, and headed out to our cars. Just one of those nights that happens every once in a while.

And that is where the work only really just begins. Now is the time when a couple of us have to make the calls, send the emails, and twist some arms to get all the information that we need to ensure that our records of the previous year are complete. There isn’t really an issue it is simply a matter of collection… there are many things that just need to be brought back to the lodge and filed. Heck, there are some records that I keep at home because it is more convenient given the times when I am able to get work done between meetings.

This was just one part of the delay for the evening. The other part comes down to the fact that I enjoy discussing ideas and plans with the brothers from the lodge. More often than not, this is what adds that extra 20-30 minutes to the end of the evening. While it has been less prevalent lately with the schedule that I need to maintain, it still happens every once in a while and can actually be a quite productive part of the night. These walking brainstorm sessions in the parking lot have produced numerous viable and useful plans and projects during the year.

Sometimes I kind of wish that the work would stop when I leave the lodge or at least get into my car but, at the same time, I enjoy the moments here and there outside of the lodge when progress is made or ideas are turned into reality. However, on the other side of this are the moments when I have to hunt down brothers through every means of communication available to take care of things that should have been wrapped up by the time we replaced the calendar on the wall. Either way, the work never ends at the doors of the lodge and, overall, I am okay with that… for now.

Sunday Search: Putting Names To Faces

When my wife and I were figuring out our schedule for the weekend we knew that we wanted to get together with my parents before they left for a little warm weather vacation next week. Fortunately, despite some other changes to our plans, everything worked out and we spend yesterday afternoon together. More importantly, our son spent some time with his grandparents.

It was supposed to be one of our usual get togethers over lunch and then back at the house to catch up on things (even though I talk with them every few days). It is a nice relaxing time. However, I decided to change things up a bit yesterday when, because the thought popped into my head, I decided to pull out the photo album sent to me months ago (maybe over a year at this point) and flip through the pages with my mom. We did a quick scan before lunch noting some of the relatives I knew, many that I didn’t, and, oddly, some that I recognized but my mom didn’t.

This was a long overdue project and after lunch, toward the middle of the afternoon, we revisited the photos but this time we took a closer look and I had post it notes in hand to record the names. After flipping through a few of the pages and not being able to put a name to a face on a few occasions, we peeled back the plastic and carefully pulled up the pictures from the paper in the hope that there might be some information on the back. While this didn’t always work, there were a few times when it did and it allowed us to put a few more pieces together.

What we couldn’t figure out immediately was the handwriting on the backs of the photos until one of the last pictures had the simple words inscribed on it “My Mother” which means that my grandfather labeled many of the photos that we had been looking at over 30 years ago. It was one of those things that we didn’t expect but glad that we figured out. What was also nice was the fact that I have done so much on the family tree because there were a few times when only first names were known or ‘that was her or his daughter.” By having much of the tree completed, I can write down the bits of information now and put the pieces together later.

Hopefully, this is the first of many times when I can sit down with my mom and put faces to names. There are a number of other loose photos and albums stored in drawers at their house and I am eager to flip through them and finally pull together a visual history of the family in addition to the information that we already have. Who knows, maybe I can even discover something new. But, for now, it is back to the current album where I can now write (with an archival pen of course) on the backs of the photos the names of the faces on the front.   

A New Batch Of Solicitors

When my wife and I first discussed buying our first home we agreed that it would be nice to finally have a landline again. For the past several years, with the impermanence of renting, it was simply easier just using our cell phones for everything that we needed. Having that simple luxury was hugely representative of the permanence that we have both been seeking for some time. When we bought our home it was one of the first things that we had set up and while it did give us that feeling that we have been looking for there have also been brief moment of regret for doing so.

Throughout our first month in our new home, the phone would ring at least a couple of times a day. Many times, fortunately, the calls came in when we were both at work but there have also been plenty of other calls, usually right after we put our son to bed, from various companies trying to sell us one thing or another. This also included many companies wanting us to switch our newly connected services or ADT resellers with whom the fact that we already had ADT installed didn’t quite register. One conversation went something like this:

“Hi, my name is Joe with [insert reseller] and we have some great deals on ADT home security systems…”

“You’re wasting your time… we already took care of this.”

“Congratulations on your new home… are you and your family protected by ADT?”

“We had ADT installed last weekend.”

“But ADT provides a superior product and service…”

“It is an ADT system.”

“But ADT is the leader in the security industry…”

“We had an ADT system installed last weekend”

“Are you sure it was ADT because there are knockoffs?”

“Okay, you got me, I just have a stray dog chained outside the front door with a GoPro streaming to my laptop. Please don’t tell PETA.”

“What?”

“Do you think that qualifies as animal cruelty?”

“I… I…”

“I feed him regularly and clean up after him. Heck, I even took him to the vet. I figured I would make it easy on everyone so I decided to name him ADT.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about sir. I’m Joe from ADT.”

“I know. And now that you’re listening I will reiterate. We had ADT installed last weekend. Please add this number to your do not call list.”

However, those were not the most exhausting calls. We also received a few interesting calls from service providers that don’t even offer service to our area… someone at Verizon needs to get a clue as we would have kept our service had it been offered at our new place. Can’t say I was quite as jovial as I was with the ADT guy but the conversation ended the same way… “Please add this number to your do not call list.”

While I understand and appreciate the fact that many of these people are just trying to make a living, the sheer volume of these calls has become ridiculous. Having the same company call four or five times a day for weeks on end is harassment. And, of course, they don’t leave a message nor do they even know what they are talking about when they call. Case in point being an electric provider that was “concerned to see that our electric bill from [insert name of power provider that we don’t use here] had increased so much over the previous month.” First of all, I call BS. Second, put me on your do not call list, goodbye!

Email Surprise

I got a bit of a surprise when I checked my lodge email yesterday afternoon. What I thought was going to be a simple message making an appeal to the brethren to attend the fellowship night was something that caught me off guard. The first half of the email stated almost exactly what I expected to read but the second half changed things up a bit notifying those in receipt of the email that all furniture and files were being moved out of the Secretary’s office that night. This was clearly the first time that I was hearing about this clean out.

While this is something that we have discussed many times over the past couple of years, I was not aware of this tasking being scheduled so soon. In my position I hear about a lot of the things happening at the lodge but every once in a while I hear something either right before it happens or immediately after the fact. The problem isn’t necessarily in what is taking place but in being prepared when someone comes to me with questions. At the office and at the lodge, my job requires me to know what is going on and when there is a break in communication, issues like we have had over the past year begin popping up and, as a result, my phone begins to ring regularly.

It seems as though we have gone from one extreme to the other. While there were many plans and little action in the past, now there is plenty of action but few plans to be found now. This is obviously not the entire picture but there is no reason why this should have happened so abruptly and why the first time many of us are hearing about these plans is a mere few hours before we were all to converge on the lodge.

When I read the email the second time I was both happy that something was being done but also annoyed that this could cause more issues and work for me in the near future. And while I don’t like to miss moments like this and evenings at the lodge in general I am actually glad that I wasn’t feeling well yesterday and that I opened the email with the intent of informing the brother who sent it that I would not be in attendance. After an uncomfortable night it is now time to wait and try to put the pieces together through a variety of phone calls and conversations. Hopefully, this goes smoother than similar situations in the past.

Sunday Search: Pulling Together My Own Story

Whenever the topic of family history enters the discussion we are always talking about the past… when we came over, who fought in what war, interesting occupations, etc. Anyone interested in genealogy is familiar with the cadence of these conversations and knows that it doesn’t take long before a common thread is discovered between two families… although sometimes it is also interesting to discuss the differences. We, as family historians, are always digging into the past to try and find those additional details that have previously eluded us or find new information seemingly lost to the family for generations.

That seems to be the pattern and the routine with which we are intimately familiar. However, while this may be the bulk of our research, there are other areas of family history that are too often overlooked. The first is something that I have written about before which is to talk to those relatives who are still with us and learn what you can about what they know about the family as well as learning about their own life. We spend all this time trying to fill in gaps and too often the generations that are still with us are overlooked and, when they are gone, we will be back at the beginning trying to put the pieces together.

This covers the vast majority of the family history but there are still pieces that are usually left in the box. Our own lives, while not as interesting to us as the lives we have spent so many hours dissecting, are also an important part of the family tree. Since we are cognizant of the process and the details that are so important to the complete pictures of generations, we are in a position to ensure that our generation is represented. For me, part of my story is in the pages of this blog but that is only a recent snapshot with occasional glimpses into my own past.

We have a duty to our own family and to future generations to ensure that all the stories are told, across the generations, including our own. It may seem self-centered or even egotistical and pretentious to some but this is not something that we do to brag about this or that, it is a means to keep a complete history of the family. So, the next time you sit down to explore a few more data bases, take a few minutes and write down a couple of facts about your own life and, when you get a chance, write down questions that you can send to your siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, etc. Before you know it, you will have a pretty long list to include in the annals of your own research.

Closing Out The Year

The checks are on the way. 

There are always conversations after the stated meeting that get cut short when someone happens to look at their watch. Those discussions are usually followed up on the following week when we all converge on the lodge for fellowship. This week that was definitely the case as there were numerous tasks that needed to be completed and ideas followed up on after the meeting. But, unlike those meeting nights, these weeks in-between are much more relaxed and, because we’re not trying to do 15 things at once, we are usually able to knock out a number of things on our respective lists.

There is still a back and forth among many of the brothers about moving spaces around the lodge, cleaning up and cleaning out certain areas, and other things related to the building usually come up over the course of conversation. This has been a relatively reliable pattern for the first half of the off nights. And while those mini meetings did take place this week, that was not the primary reason for setting aside the time and driving to the lodge last night.

With schedules already hectic and time running short this month, it was time to sit down with both the outgoing Treasurer and Worshipful Master to take care of the final checks for the year. Some were new, some were rewritten for one reason or another, but all of them had to be completed last night. This included the checks that I was looking forward to signing… those to the residents of the Masonic Villages. I tend to take a little extra time in inscribing my name on those checks as they serve, in part, as a means to let our somewhat distant brothers (and widows) know that we are thinking about them and that we are always here to help.

For as much as we have been focusing on the present and the future throughout the past year, we need to remember the past and those who put in the time and sweat to make our lodge what it is today. After all, without their efforts, there is no guarantee that we would still have a lodge to meet in every month. And that is what we need to take away from these meetings and informal fellowship nights… while things may not be perfect, they may not be exactly how we want them to be, they are still here because of the work of all the brothers before us. We are only the most recent in a long line of men who strived to make themselves and others better. And that is what we should strive to do every day as well.

Conversations At The Lodge

While Tuesday nights at the lodge usually consist of some kind of training or study in addition to fellowship, last night was predominantly about the latter. There are so many things going on right now and projects that need to be completed that it was time for many of us to sit down an assess where we stand on a variety of topics. By the end of the evening it was quite clear who the new masons were in the room as many are unaware of some of the changes that have taken place and the progress that has been made already.

It is clear that there are a lot of things that need to be worked in regard to both the physical building and the body of the lodge. There is a sense of complacency that has been festering for over a year now and many of us are doing all that we can to keep it at bay. But just like many ongoing issues, sometimes there are good months and others prove to be more difficult. It is a tiring ebb and flow.

There were some good points made around the table last night and the best thing about the conversation is that there are definitely brothers that are willing to put forth the effort to improve the experience of all the brothers at the lodge. This has been known for some time about many of the brothers present but it is nice to have that reassuring dialogue from time to time. With that said, the eagerness of some may need to be tempered just a bit in order for them to truly be effective both in the coming year as well as in future endeavors. It is an ambitious group of men to say the least.

As for me, my job is to listen to the conversations, the ideas, and the dilemmas and interject when needed. For the most part I simply sit back and let the brethren vent, make plans, and discuss the projects and programs that they would like to see come to life moving forward. However, if certain things progress in such a way that they disrupt the harmony of the lodge I may be forced to voice my opinion and do so rather loudly. As of today nothing needs to be said but I don’t expect that to be the case moving forward. While I don’t expect some to agree with me, I know that there are certain stances that need to be taken, votes to be caste, and motions to be made. Hold on… things could get very interesting.

Paint Chips And Poor Customer Service

I readily admit that I am frequently not the easiest person to deal with. This is especially true when it comes to customer service calls. I do my best and have even made a more concerted effort as of late to be as nice and understanding as possible when I have to participate in these calls but sometimes it is really hard to keep my cool. I have been dealing with such a situation for the past two weeks as our insurance company which has had a tremendous track record personally has completely mucked up just about everything that I have called about and/or requested over the past month.

Thankfully, I have been able to keep my temper under control throughout this whole process but my patience is running thinner than [insert your cliche or original thought here]. And it hasn’t really been a matter of incompetence… as time goes on it seems to be more and more about laziness. I have made numerous efforts to communicate through email as well as by phone and I have even coordinated a time to speak with someone. When it came time for them to call at the time they promised, my phone failed to ring and no attempt at following up or explaining what had happened was ever made.

It has been a rather frustrating time especially knowing what exceptional experiences I have had with this insurance company in the past. Up until a few weeks ago I have had nothing but good things to say about this company but lately I have had to measure my words a bit given the last few people with whom I have had the displeasure of communicating (or lack thereof). And just think, this is without me getting angry, abrasive, or even difficult. I have done everything I can, within reason, to accommodate the company but have, as of today, nothing to show for it.

I would consider changing my insurance company but I have yet to see any rates anywhere near what we are paying. And I have given just about every agent and company a chance whenever they have popped up. It used to be great service and great rates and now it seems as though I am left with just the latter of the two. What’s even worse is that the most recent conversations with the insurance company they have tried to hard sell me all of their other offering before allowing me to resume my day. They may want to get better at their current job, complete their existing task, before even thinking about trying to sell me anything. And yes, I remained calm.

A Look You Never Forget…

Firearms Friday posts will resume next week!

Over the years I have met quite a few men who were prisoners of war. Obviously, these weren’t long discussions but there were moments when the topic somehow came up and there were a few brief glimpses into what they experienced. It is during these 30 second clips that seems to last for days when you can see all they want to tell you in the way they squint and stair right through you one second and seem like they are in another world far from the reality of the present the next instant. The exact details each time may vary but those looks remain constant.

These are the moment in life when you can’t say anything, you can’t relate, you can’t really help. All you can do is listen. That is all that is needed at that point. As I have been told many times over, ‘sometimes there just needs to be someone there to listen. Not to offer their opinion or sympathy. Just someone who takes the time, pays attention, doesn’t judge, and just listens.’ Thankfully I have never once forgotten that and I have applied this to many other situations when the trauma is evident in the face and eyes of the person with whom I am speaking.

I have seen this look in the eyes of family, friends, and one of the few people with whom I have a shared (albeit brief) military experience. It is a look that has become all too common and I sometimes wonder what ever happened to the men and women from my platoon. It has been over 13 years and I keep thinking about whether this day is honoring some of those with whom I spent a summer in Missouri. Actually, it really isn’t a question of ‘if’, it is a question of how many does this apply to.

There are countless people who fought to stay alive as prisoners and more that are still missing. These are good men and women who fought for what they believed to be right and they fought for the soldiers beside them. We honor them on this day, National POW / KIA Recognition Day, especially the ones who fought to rescue a soldier who many believe to be a traitor. It is rather ironic that the Bergdahl trail is going on as this day presents itself on the calendar. Many men were KIA trying to rescue a deserter who, while seen as many as a traitor, was also seen by others as a POW. However, for now, this day is NOT meant to honor you Bowe!

The Other Conversations

Thankfully we didn't find this many keys.

Having finished up the notice late last week and getting the email sent the day before, it was time to head to the lodge to make sure that everything was ready to go before the stated meeting on Thursday night. Of course, I had to make a few stops on the way to Ardmore (more about that in a later post) so I was a little late in my arrival. Heading into the evening, I knew of several brothers who would not be able to make it so I was prepared for a very light turnout when I walked through the door.

While it wasn’t a large group, I was pleasantly surprised to find a small group of us discussing some of the other things that needed to be addressed both before the meeting and over the summer. Sometimes it is in these free flowing conversations when you can really find the passions that drive the masons who make up the membership. These casual nights are a great time to discuss and sometimes debate a variety of topics or changes that some of us would like to see happen.

That is the really interesting thing about some of these fellowship nights. While everyone has an equal voice during the meetings, many times there are a slew of things that have to get done that night, presentations to be made, and motions to be proposed. Sometimes those things that you would like to discuss can get lost in the lateness of the evening. At the same time, it is good to discuss ideas before a meeting so that they can be more fully formed before presenting them.

Of course, these nights are also perfect for the various scavenger hunts that highlight the year. Last night we were in search of some elusive keys to the display cabinets. We thought that we had completed the thorough search a couple of months ago but, somehow, another possible location was brought to our attention last night. So we all headed back down to my office, walked over to the corner, and pried open a large steel box which has remained sealed for the past several years.

Inside we found the keys that we were looking for and others that we were not looking for. So now a new hunt begins as we try to figure out which keys go to which locks. All the while there will be casual conversations among brothers about anything and everything. Sometimes it will have something to do with lodge and other times it will be a means of continual bonding between members or our fraternal family. All of this because we take the time to show up on Tuesday nights, enjoy the relaxed fellowship, and work together to accomplish even the smallest of tasks like trying to find a key.

Three City Friendship

Our old lunch spot half a block from the office in New York City. 

After not having seem one of my best friends in nearly four years we have now had the chance, however brief it may have been each time, to get together twice in the mast couple of months. This time I was able to introduce him (and his welcoming parents) to our son who actually has the same name. It is still a little odd considering that we used to see one another nearly every day when we both worked for the same PR agency in Manhattan years ago. After having made the time on a business trip to Chicago in late March, he was in the Philadelphia area for a wedding this past weekend.

Since those days of long lunch breaks (mostly at Ben’s on 38^th Street) and lengthy conversations after work while we walked to the train there have been a lot of changes that have happened in each of our lives. And I’m not just talking about geography. It is really interesting to think about how our perspectives have shifted since then and the experiences that we have both had that have brought each of us to this point in our lives.

While my wife and I have moved around quite a bit finally settling back in the area where we grew up, my friend has done the opposite by moving away from family and now enjoying a successful career in the middle of the country. Since the day that we first met at the office we have each gotten married (and were groomsmen at each other’s wedding) with my wife and I taking the next step by starting a family and my friend finally breaking free from a wife that, to put it nicely, epitomized the greed and self-centeredness that seems to becoming more pervasive in the younger generations. While completely different journeys we are both happy with where we are now and what seems to be just beyond the horizon.

Even with everything going on, good times and bad, we have always remained in contact and did our best to keep things in perspective for one another. I can’t stress enough the importance of having a friend that offer this when you need it. We have each had some great times and some difficult times of the years and it has been nice getting together lately to talk about the positive changes that have happened and the optimism that is now part of our daily routines. Even when we shared a common company this was not always the case.

Hopefully, the visits will become less sporadic in the future as we continue to enjoy life and the different paths we chose to take. If anything, it is interesting to hear about the different turns and detours that life can take us on. Regardless, we will be certain to talk on a regular basis (not always a guarantee with me as many of you know) and keep one another up to date as to the great changes and experiences that come our way.

From Shrine To Lodge

Here is a photo of the Lu Lu Shrine from above. 

I originally started my day doubting that I would make it to the lodge last night but, just in case, I told my son not to wait up for me. While many doubt his comprehension of this fact, it has been useful to let him know if I am going to be out late that night. If I don’t let him know he tends to stay up refusing to go to sleep until I walk through the door. What can I say, he’s an advanced child. Anyway, back to the topic at hand.

Toward the end of the morning I began getting emails and texts regarding a check that, upon further review, was supposed to have been drafted after the April Stated Meeting. However, once I was able to speak with the Treasurer over the phone, we came to the realization that the check was never made out. This was an issue as we were now faced with the issue of having no check written that we were supposed to present the following night, Wednesday, at an event in Norristown. Further complicating matters, all three of us that are required to sign checks were not planning on being at the lodge.

So, after a few emails, texts, and calls back and forth I had my route for the night. After work, I got on the highway and headed toward the lodge… this time with a little detour along the way (two actually thanks to the closure of Plymouth Road). For the first time since I attended the one day class and became a Mason, I pulled into the drive way of the Lu Lu Shrine and proceeded to the back door where the Treasurer greeted me with check book in hand.

We filled in the check according to the amount previously approved during the meeting and we both signed it. Having a few minutes to space before having to leave, I got a brief refresher tour of the Shrine. While I don’t have the time or finances to become a Shriner at the moment, I plan to do so in the future. In the meantime, I look forward to bringing the family to a few of the events that are coming up over the summer and toward the end of the year.

From the Shrine I drove to the lodge where I had a number of quick discussion with a few of the brothers. Some related to the lodge while others were far from masonic in substance. A few minutes later the Worshipful Master pulled into the parking lot. We are all limited on time these days so I handed him the check to sign and bring with him the following night.

After checking the mail and finishing up a few conversations I looked at my watch and noticed that I had made pretty good time. So much so that I was able to get in the car and get home in time to see my son smile at me, help my wife give him a bath, and put him to bed. It was the best ending I could have hoped for what turned out to be a hectic day.

Well, That Was Useless!

The learning curve is steep when you have your first child and there are many instances when you are scrambling to find the answers to questions that seemingly pop out of nowhere. Sometimes you reach out to family and friends who have kids to see what advice they have and chose from one of the many options that have inevitably been offered. Other time you reach out to the professionals and either call the doctor or, as we did a number of times early on, ask the doula. Each time we listen to the advice from those people who have “been there, done that.”

Thanks to social media, we can get a plethora of opinions and answers to our questions in a very short amount of time. At least that is what I have seen on my wife’s Facebook feed as I have usually just picked up the phone or asked someone in person when I run into them. While my approach may take longer and seem outdated by many, it is how I prefer getting the answers and advice that we need. It also eliminates the “other opinions”.

I have had countless conversations and have heard the many humorous anecdotes from family and friends who used social media (mostly Twitter and Facebook; these aren’t LinkedIn conversations) when they first became parents. While they received the helpful hints, tips, advice, and answers that they were looking for they also got the opinions of those who don’t have kids but “read somewhere that this is the best thing to do” or passed along the half of the conversation that they heard 5 years ago when their friend was considering having a child. Basically, useless information… I actually heard of someone saying that you should hold your newborn upside down and lightly shake them if they get hiccups. Wow, just wow. Either they don't have kids or they're in jail. 

While I have an opinion on just about everything (I know, you’re shocked) there are certain things that I will not offer second hand advice on. This includes parenting. And I still hold fast to that as we are only 6 weeks in so I can’t really speak from experience on anything. If specifically asked, either by phone or in person, I will gladly share my experience but I can’t give advice especially when there are general posts made on social media. Maybe after we have done this more than once I might offer my opinion but I doubt it.

One Meeting Or Two?

The more you know the harder you laugh!

Since our usual stated meeting was postponed and a degree already scheduled for the evening, last night was an interesting and condensed meeting. As if the scheduling wasn’t enough of a concern, I also had to make a point to have discussions with the Worshipful Master and the Trustees. Some extra fun that I really wasn’t looking forward to but, in the end, everything seemed to smooth out… hopefully my phone will stop ringing now.

Of course, as is the nature of my office, this was not the end of the discussions for the night. There were a number of behind the scenes things that needed to be addressed in order to keep things running smoothly. They were actually great conversations with a lot of progress made to hopefully take care a number of things that have been quite the headache as of late. It simply came down to making sure that everything was communicated and everyone knew what was expected of them. It happens.

Something that I hope to change one of these months is bin able to sit down and enjoy dinner with my brothers. At this point I can’t remember the last time that I was able to grab a plate and sit at a table before a stated meeting. It has been so long that the Steward was ready to make a plate for me to take home after the night was over. He is just one of the many brothers that has taken the time and gone out of there was to make things just a little bit easier for me month after month.

Before and after the meeting, in-between conversations and other duties, I was also turning to many of the brothers in attendance asking for their dues which were now long overdue. And, not surprisingly, the requests continued from various brothers for a variety of reasons which added a number of things to my Masonic to do list. This is something I both dread and look forward to as it allows me to look into some of the things in freemasonry that I may have previously neglected.

Because of all the aforementioned reasons, and the fact that he attended the Secretary’s Seminar last month, my assistant is still astounded that I am able to juggle all of these things. However, I do agree with him that the pay could be better. But no one takes on the responsibilities of this office for financial gain… we enjoy the work and take pride in the role we play in the history of our lodge and the Masonic lives of our fellow brothers.

The meeting itself was the quickest that I have ever experienced and while we may have postponed a lot of the usual business, it was still amazing how fast we were able to move through the night and how much we were able to accomplish. By the time the lodge was closed, I was heading back home as if we had only had one meeting rather than two. My wife still wasn’t happy (mostly because my son insists on waiting up for me) but it could have been a lot worse.