Sunday Search: Mother’s Day And Maiden Names

This Mother’s Day I wanted to discuss an interesting situation that comes about in many of the genealogy conversations that I have with others. Unfortunately, the sentiments that follow are not restricted to those only now just starting their research… I have encountered many knowledgeable family historians that just seem to be stuck in a certain mindset. The issue is rather simple, and appropriate for this day, in that there are too many people only focusing on a fraction of their family history by overlooking the wealth of lineal knowledge that exists in a maiden name.

In several instances lately I have spoken to individuals who can, at great length, discuss the history of their surname and can also speak intelligently about their own mother’s line (and sometimes the lines of their grandmothers). However, that is where there maternal ancestry stops. Once they go back a couple of generations it seems as though they have forgotten that there are multiple paths that we can take into the past through both husbands and wives.

First, let me start with the fact that I am proud to have my mother’s maiden name as part of my own, serving as my middle name. It has allowed me to carry with me the surnames of both of my families and I do my best to remember that each day. Second, now as a father, I better understand the importance of teaching my son about all the families that he represents and I look forward to sharing that knowledge with him. Third, I have explored many of the different lines in my tree weaving between husband and wife and I can attest to the rich tapestry that is revealed when you allow yourself to take this journey.

There is so much more to who we are than simply our male descendants and the surname that we each carry. It is with this in mind that I encourage everyone to not just remember your mothers on this day but all the mothers in your family tree that have each had an impact, large or small, known or unknown, on who you are. Without the women in our family we would not have life… we would not have the layers upon layers of history and the fascinating lacework that is our own family genealogy. Mothers are what make genealogy possible and we should always remember that and honor them by knowing about all sides of the family.

Common Questions

I guess it is just a baby centric week for me. When the week started I had a few topics that I was thinking about writing something but sometimes you just have to go with what you are motivated to write about. All it takes is seeing my son, watching him smile at me, and his infectious laugh and I really have no other option than to write another post about him.

Every other day it seems I am asked the questions of “how are you adjusting to being a dad” or “what it is like to be a father” or some other similar query. Well, there have been times when I have wanted to pull my hair out when I am either inundated with texts at the office or I am unable to comfort him. While there is nothing better than seeing him smile, there is nothing worse than watching that bottom lip slowly protrude. What can I say, I’m a sucker.

Things have certainly changed over the past year. Our schedules have changed, our lifestyle has been greatly altered, and are priorities have shifted. I am spending more time at home and making sure to spend as much time as I possibly can with our son. Sometimes, I admit, it has been to the detriment of spending quality time with my wife. This is something I am still working on.

It has been a great motivator knowing that we are the ones to care for and raise a child. I begin the day (still not a morning person) with greater purpose but also do my best to minimize the amount of work that I bring home with me. It is a complete shift in how I used to go about each day. I still work a lot but I try to segregate that time and get those other things done after he has gone to bed for the night.

It really is an amazing feeling seeing my son in the morning and being the first one he sees some days as he turns his head and rubs his eyes. Again, that smile is the best way to start the day. It is hard to leave in the morning and say goodbye but I also have a family to look forward to seeing as the sun slowly sinks behind the trees in the evening.

Each and every day, there is something else that I look forward to sharing with my son. It varies each day. Sometimes I see something interesting, find a family document, visit or remember a picturesque place, or even something as simple as going to lodge or attending some other event. We have the plans in place already to share these things with him but the list keeps getting longer and longer as our memories are collected on paper. And this weekend (and this summer), we will continue sharing those experiences with him.

So, to go back to the question, I think I am adjusting pretty well to being a father. Sometimes I just have to hold on and enjoy the ride but there are moments when I am able to collect myself and make necessary changes. There are a number of things that I still have to work at but I hope to do a better job as both a father and a husband as time goes by. After all, there are a lot of things that we have to cover in a short period of time (which is already going by way too fast).

“Happy” Birthday!?!

Happy Birthday Daddy!

This year is proving to be a little different than previous ones when it comes to my birthday. There have been some great things that have happened over the past year and some pretty crappy ones as well (especially lately). But, overall, it has been a great year and one that has offered tremendous clarity in my life.

What started off as a year still full with uncertainty and questions is coming to an end with some security and very specific goals. I don’t know what the future may hold but I have a core of beliefs, priorities, objectives, family, and friends that have proven, beyond any doubt, to be the foundation on which I can continue to build my life. Thankfully, there have been a few rough situations and conversations that have occurred over the past year and they have allowed for the culling of the less desirable portions of life that have at times prevented me from fully appreciating all the gifts that I have been given. By doing this most the toxicity has been remediated and the uncertainty has subsided. There are still questions that remain but, for the most part, it will simply take time before the answers are available. To many of those people I say “Thank you and goodbye!”

My birthday this year is one that is filled with love for both the people in my life and my son who will be able to celebrate with me next year. It is this shift that has allowed me to embrace those around me, which at times has bit me in the bum, and know who I can trust, who I can believe, and who I want as not just a part of my life but my wife and my son’s life as well. To those people that have embraced me, in spite of my numerous faults, I just want to say “Thank you!”

This is the first year that I can celebrate my birthday as a father and for those that are unfamiliar with that feeling it is pretty much impossible to describe. I know now that my priorities have to be as a father, husband, son, sibling, nephew/cousin, and friend/brother in that order or else my life will become unfulfilling. There are certainly many changes, most of which I will be unable to control, that are going to happen and now I can say with confidence that I am happy to show my son the kind of man that I am during this next year, this next stage, of my life. So, for those reasons, this is certainly turning into a very happy birthday!