Mortgage Monday: Labor Day Labor

While I don’t have work today the ironic thing about this Labor Day is that there is work being done at the house. It seems as though every minute of free time that my brother in law has had lately has been committed to this HVAC overhaul. For the past month (or more, I can’t recall when he started) he has joined us for the weekend forgoing time with his family and taking a break from his already long work week. There is no questioning that we are incredibly lucky to have him devote so much of his free time to not just getting this project done but getting it done right.

This is the part of Labor Day that tends to be overlooked. Many of the people whom we honor with this day are the same ones who would do anything to help their family. The same people that deserve to take a break tend to be the ones that can never stop working.

Thankfully, we are almost done with this phase of the work. A couple more weekends and everything should be complete and the way that we want it and the way that he wants it. There is already a huge difference in the house both with regard to the regulation of the temperature and the cleanliness of the system (the old one was, to put it nicely, nasty). Just a short time longer and we will all be able to enjoy the new system.

In future years we hope to have him at our house again during this particular holiday but this is, hopefully, the last time that we will ask him to do any work on the house. Actually, we hope to have the family join us in the future to relax not to work on the house and enjoy the work that was put into making our home as comfortable as possible. It shouldn’t take long before we start having family over again to enjoy the house.  

In the meantime, we are continuously cognizant of the sacrifices that our brother in law is making to help us out (and my sister and their kids) and we are doing our best to make him as comfortable as possible while he is here. We try to keep the beer fridge stocked, have good food on the table, and a bed made. We also have an open door so that the kid and my sister can come over and spend some time. But, the most important thing right now is that we try and do everything we can to give him back his weekends as soon as possible.

The Last Words Of The Seder

This was the first time we saw the Jaffe Gate in Jerusalem in June 2009. 

The Passover holiday seems to have snuck up on me this year. We have yet to find a synagogue near us and I haven’t been on Facebook much lately so my awareness of the Jewish calendar is sorely lacking as of late. It is a process at times to keep track of everything and the last month it has been hard to keep track of anything except what needs to be done in the moment. It is almost antithetical to that which we celebrate during this holiday as we look to both the past and the future. For those of you who may be unfamiliar with the holiday, here is a great summary from Chabad.org:

After many decades of slavery to the Egyptian pharaohs, during which time the Israelites were subjected to backbreaking labor and unbearable horrors, G‑d saw the people’s distress and sent Moses to Pharaoh with a message: “Send forth My people, so that they may serve Me.” But despite numerous warnings, Pharaoh refused to heed G‑d’s command. G‑d then sent upon Egypt ten devastating plagues, afflicting them and destroying everything from their livestock to their crops.

At the stroke of midnight of 15 Nissan in the year 2448 from creation (1313 BCE), G‑d visited the last of the ten plagues on the Egyptians, killing all their firstborn. While doing so, G‑d spared the Children of Israel, “passing over” their homes—hence the name of the holiday. Pharaoh’s resistance was broken, and he virtually chased his former slaves out of the land. The Israelites left in such a hurry, in fact, that the bread they baked as provisions for the way did not have time to rise. Six hundred thousand adult males, plus many more women and children, left Egypt on that day, and began the trek to Mount Sinai and their birth as G‑d’s chosen people.

However, what really makes me wonder and forces me to think is the line with which we end the seder… “Next Year In Jerusalem!” Not only does it make me reflect on the story itself but also my own journey through life and it makes me wonder how things would have been different had we stayed, even just a little bit longer, in Jerusalem. And when I think of this I can’t help but hope that one day we will be able to share our love for Israel with our son. We want him to know the land, the people, the history, the meaning, and the heart of Israel. So, maybe, next year in Jerusalem.

Purim Hangover

Given all that has happened over the past month and the reminders that I feel every morning, the joy of Purim was a welcomed respite from the daily worries and work. Having taken the holiday off, I was able to finally take some time away from the office without anything that needed to be done during the day. While we have plans for future years marking the celebration of the day with our son and the community this year there were no such plans made. Right now, sometimes the greatest joy can be found in not having to do something or be somewhere.

However, we were able to take advantage of the day as my wife was also off from work and, for the first time in too long, we had a quite lunch. Just the two of us as we brought our son to the daycare that morning. Thankfully, the new sushi place that we had found was actually pretty good and we were able to relax for the afternoon just spending an uneventful meal together. We made sure to take separate cars to the restaurant so that I could run some errands (rarely do I have time to do these during the week) and my wife could pick up our son on time. Nice to have a few things done early so we aren’t running around throughout the weekend.

When I returned home our son eagerly scurried across the floor not expecting to see me for another few hours. That smile and that laugh still get to me. After washing up and holding our son for a few moments and giving him plenty of hugs, it was time to simply get on the floor and spend some time as a family. This is the pure joy that this day has brought to us. Obviously not in the usual way but it is the joy of family and the unconditional love for a child, an open willingness to give or give up anything for them, that drives the meaning of this day home.

Since then there has been a bit of a Purim hangover. While neither of us had to return to work the following day and our son was home with us, there is something different about the extra bonus time that we have together. Maybe it is because of the simple fact that I was personally reflecting on the holiday during the waking hours but it was a different day. This Purim, the freedom and joy of this day, is something that we can build upon and truly make the meaning and joy of this holiday a part of our son’s life and faith. Hopefully without the hangover.

Good Enough For Today

This is always an interesting time of year. It doesn’t really matter where you are or what you do for a living, you quickly find out who around you has even a trace of Irish ancestry. And, of course, you also find out who are the ones that see this as an opportunistic excuse to show up to work the following morning with soft voices, light shuffling feet, and sunglasses nearly implanted on their face. It really is an interesting day on the calendar to both experience and to observe (in more ways than one).

Until recently, it was never really a day that caught my attention. There were year when it even passed by without me knowing. Now having a better grasp and understanding of my own family history, I enjoy seeing the festivities and hearing the multitudes of stories of the places from which families originated. Given the long history and pride that is found in Irish families, it is no surprise to find my family’s original surname, McKenna, listed on Wikipedia:

McKenna, also MacKenna, Mckenna or Mackenna, is the anglicized form of the Gaelic Irish surname "Mac Cionaoith", also spelt Mac Cionaodha or Mac Cionnaith, meaning "son of Cionnaith.

The historical lineage of the McKennas lies in Trough, County Monaghan, Ulster, Ireland, where they were "The Lords Of Truagh" and the McKenna coat of arms can be seen on many of the graves from members of the family.

In North Kerry Mckenna is considered to come from Mac Ginea. The Cionnath, Cionaoith, Cionaddha forms are considered there to be sources of names like Kenny, Kenney and Kennedy.

It is fascinating to see the original family surname so closely tied to a specific geographic location in Ireland. This is particularly important given the limited details that we have about my family’s original Irish ancestor whom we believe was named William and who arrived in the United States sometime between 1840 and 1860. We don’t know exactly when or where he came into this country or precisely from where he came but we at least have some idea from which part of the country the family originated.

While this is the most recent immigrant on either side of my family, it is proving to be one of the more difficult to pin down both due to the discrimination of the Irish at that point in history and also the sheer fact that the name is so incredibly common. But, on this day it really doesn’t matter all that much. We know that we have Irish blood and from where our family hails. Today, and most days, that is enough. But it would be nice to know a little bit more.

TMI Tuesday: Holiday Hangover

Having spent the last week and a half at home with my wife, it was quite the change yesterday when we put our son in the car and had him spend the day at daycare. While he has been getting up at the same time regardless of the plans for that particular day, the morning routine was a little more hectic than it had been the previous week which didn’t really phase our son as he continued to take his time savoring every breakfast Cheerio. By the time we got his coat on, he knew that we were going back to our usual routine and he actually seemed to be okay with the switch.

Heading out in the morning wasn’t that much of a change as we try to get him out of the house regularly. However, when he is home all day, he works at a much more leisurely pace when it comes to eating. He tends to pick for at least 30 minutes rather than simply shoving food into his mouth as fast as he can (the only exception to this would be his Gerber tropical fruit melts). While we did head out the door a little later than we wanted (I know, what a shock) we were at least able to speed him up a little bit and I guess you could say meet in the middle.

We are very lucky in that our son enjoys being at daycare and enjoys being social in general. Of course, he also likes being with mommy and daddy so by the end of the day we had to make sure to give him a little more attention than usual so that he could get his fix before bed. This can sometimes be an issue if he either goes to bed early or his daddy has to be out late but I am usually there to play with him and hold him a little bit before he begins his evening procedures.

There was a bit of a hiccup yesterday with his sleep (or lack thereof to be more accurate) but that will return to normal over time. So we are back to our normal schedule and thankfully it was a pretty smooth transition that first day. Hopefully things continue and he sleeps a little better during day two. Sometimes, transitions just take time and we have to be a little more patient until we can shake the holiday hangover and get used to the old daily routine.

Firearms Friday: The First Resolution

This will not be one of thee guns taken to the range!

Of the many plans that I made for the past year (and the years prior) one of the things that I never seemed to be able to make time for was heading to the range. The opportunities are few and far between these days. Heck, there are even other build projects and reviews that have been put off for month and those are just the things that I can think of off the top of my head. So, given that the holiday falls on a Friday, I guess one of the first resolutions that I will make is a very simple one… get to the range more often.

Given where we now live, the traveling logistics should be much easier. And now that things are slowly, very slowly, settling down, I might be able to find a little bit of time here and there for some range meditation. Of course, let me be clear that there is little chance that I can find a regular routine for this and I don’t expect to get out a lot but it would be nice get on the firing line more than a couple times over the course of the year.

Not only do I need to regain some proficiency but it will also allow me to assess what I need to work on (both new issues and old glitches). This applies to both my own shooting but also some of the builds and modifications that I have done over the past couple of years. It will hopefully allow me to get some training in while also working in some time for evaluations. If so, expect to be reading some reviews in the weeks and months to come. I am not going to say what I am going to write about but it is safe to say that many of these items have been mentioned before and many of the parts can be found in some of the lists that I have compiled over the years.

There are several AR parts and platforms that need some rounds down range. There are also some interesting (and not so interesting) handguns that need to be tested. And there are a number of people with whom I need to catch up and one of the best places (at least with that motley crew) to meet would be at the range. However, most importantly, I need to have that peace behind the trigger that allows me to forget the world for a few seconds as I focus on putting rounds on target. Maybe, put maybe, I can regain the proficiency that I once possessed.

Reindeer Down!

The Christmas decorations around town are quite festive and are pretty understated compared to those that I am used to encountering around the Main Line. And while there are houses here and there that have light displays a few bulbs shy of Clark Griswold, there actually isn’t much in the way of individual decorations up and down the streets. It seems as though we all agree that being out here, away from the densely populated areas, the night provides more of a light show than anyone could ever string along their eaves.

We are also in an area where people are incredibly kind and welcoming in the course of our weekly encounters. We have rarely come across someone who wasn’t pleasant and, more often than not, there have been kind words and wishes shared and reciprocated. However, given the occasional sounds in the distance and across the street, Rudolph might want to consider investing in some Kevlar. Who knows, someone around here might hold him personally responsible for Grandma’s death.

I can see it now. After their usual tales from NORAD telling watchers and listeners that Santa was crossing the Atlantic on his way to the East Coast, millions of children lay their heads town struggling to fall asleep. Then, all of the sudden…

from down in the den there arose such a clatter

that they sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

When what to their wondering eyes should appear

but a special report saying there’s nothing to fear.

As the reports pour in the news conveyed by the third string anchormen seemed grim…

they showed little emotion and went straight to their work,

the search teams were deployed and the kids when berserk.

And laying the report just off the screen,

they echoed the outcome which lead to a scream.

They cut to the authorities at the scene of the crash,

who didn’t hold back not fearing the backlash.

And they heard them proclaim at they signed off from the sight,

Rudolph was dead and Santa was grounded for the night.

As it turns out, as was reported the following day,

Rudolph isn’t bullet proof and pulled down the sleigh.

A 12 gauge took him out and with dead weight dragging them down,

the other reindeer couldn’t support Santa and they crashed in a small town.

The fire took Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen

but only singed Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen.

The presents were gone and Santa was pissed

because all that was left was a double checked list.

Time To Party: Part I

Last weekend, after a long day at the lodge blood drive and only spending a couple of hours at home, I took a short walk through the woods between the houses and met our neighbors for the first time. I wasn’t sure about attending given our schedule that weekend but I am certainly glad that I made the time. I liked our house and the area before I had a chance to meet anyone and now I am even more appreciative of having found our home in this neighborhood. As a bonus, there is only one neighbor that owns a cat which may not seem like a big deal to many but for us it allows us to be more welcoming to our fellow neighbors in our home.

That wasn’t the first time we had met some of the neighbors. A few weeks ago, shortly after we moved into our new home, our next door neighbor rang the doorbell and gave us a wonderful pot of soup and an invitation to their holiday party. I was out at the time but my wife had a very nice conversation with her and the soup was definitely appreciated as it provided us with an additional meal that we didn’t have to prepare that weekend. The invitation was a bit unexpected but a pleasant surprise. Almost immediately, with that single encounter, we felt welcomed in our new neighborhood.

It was interesting learning about all of our neighbors who seemed more eager to meet me than I was them. We are an interesting little collection of people with a variety of backgrounds and a diverse collection of occupations. However, the common thread among all that I spoke to at the party was that each of them wouldn’t want to live anywhere else. And this is coming from a group that included someone who has lived on the same street his entire life (50+ years) to those that used to be the new people on the block having moved in about a year or two ago.

With our son down for the night and my wife doing her best to relax and stay awake at home, I had to cut the evening short and was heading back home about an hour after arriving. It is safe to say that, so long as we get another invitation, we will both be attending the party next year. In the meantime, I am looking forward to getting to know all of our neighbors and making the time to visit each of them. This is something that we have been search for and an aspect of finding our home that we are grateful for and will certainly enjoy.

It’s Official, We’re Exotic Now!

Maybe this is what we will put on the doors next year...

One of the interesting things that we are finding in the new area where we have chosen to live is the fact that there are very few Jews around us. It actually made finding the house during Hanukkah really easy because all someone had to do was look for the only house on the street with a Menorah (Hanukiah technically) in the window. Although, you might be a little confused if you walk up to our door as there is a wreath decorated with mini Magen David on it (thanks mom). Of course, we knew what we were getting into when we decided to move out here so the fact that we are clearly in the minority really doesn’t bother us.

It is actually kind of interesting when I think about the different places we have lived. In Jerusalem it was assumed that we were Jewish and, most of the time, the same can be said about our time in Brooklyn. In Bala Cynwyd we were members of a clear majority in the area and in Metuchen and Chesterbrook we were part of a pretty even mix. Even in Chester Springs there were a number of Hanukkah houses around us but, at that point, the percentage was pretty low. Now, we are one of very few families in the area with a Mezuzah on the doorpost.

We are so far removed from the Jewish communities that our son’s daycare asked us to come in and talk about Hanukkah. Being such a small minority it is pretty safe to say that we are no longer seen as simply Jewish but as some exotic family… and we are fine, and entertained, by that fact. So far, those with whom I have spoken to in the area, especially this time of year, have sincere questions about our faith and hang on to every word in our responses. And this is without us talking about the fact that we are Israeli too.

Obviously, there are other Jews in the area but it has been entertaining thus far being the token Jews in the neighborhood. And as we try to find a local synagogue in the area (local meaning 20+ minutes away) I am curious to see if others have had the same experience. But, what has been important to us here is that our beliefs are ancillary to people getting to know us… the only reason the subject came up was because of the time of year. While being a Jew is an important part of us it is not the only thing that defines us and here we are finding that to be how people look at us.

Prayers, Candles, and Presents

A couple of nights ago we started Hanukkah a little early. Over the last month we had bought a few too many toys for our son so we figured we would begin part of the evening routine a couple of days prior. He didn’t really know what to make of it but he was happy with what we got him and seeing that smile made the few extra dollars seem like the bargain of the century. After all, this is his first Hanukkah and we want to make it a little more special so we have tried to make it as fun as possible while setting the ground work for a new holiday tradition.

We are starting this tradition as a family… just the three of us this year. Throughout the weekend, my wife and I made enough brisket to last for the eight nights and we made sure, beginning tonight, to light the candles with the proper blessings. It is only after the candles are lit, which our son seems to enjoy in and of itself, when we go back into the office closet and pull out the next toy for our son to play with. Reading the transliteration in front of our son know that, at one point I could read the Hebrew, reignited my desire to learn this beautiful language.

There is something calming about slowing down for a few moments, reading the prayers, and carefully lighting each candle. It really allows all three of us to just be in the moment while we enjoy our faith as a family. This followed by the happiness in our son’s face as he played with the toys (and the boxes that they came in) are really what makes this a special time of year and I look forward to sharing with him more and more about the holiday and the significance that it holds.

Of course, there is also another fun part of the evening as I was able to hide the small gifts that I have been accumulating over the past several weeks from my wife. Well, most of them are small. While the vast majority were clearance finds or daily deals, I was also able to find something that I had been meaning to get for her for some time now. Thankfully the camera that I was looking at went on sale and I was able to stay within budget. So now, each night, we will have images to accompany our memories and, most importantly, I might have made up, at least a little bit, for my mistakes during her birthday.

And now, with the candles having long since faded, and my wife and son sleeping, I am sitting here writing this and looking forward to the rest of the Hanukkah holiday. I am so glad that we are able to have this experience throughout the week and I can’t wait to see the smiles every evening. And, just think, it only gets better from here.

Holiday Shopping

Because I haven’t had enough to do lately, I have also been looking around and taking care of some holiday shopping. In addition to the “Black Friday” and “Lightening Deals” that are found all over now, there have also been some moments over the past couple of months when better deals were found. And some of those discounts didn’t even require haggling like at Raymour and Flanigan. At this point, because we started so early, we are basically done our holiday shopping. We have either already ordered or picked up gifts or we know exactly what we are getting for some people.

Of course, that has only been half of the purchasing equation lately as many of our orders haven’t been for others but rather for things that we need around the house. Furniture obviously being the biggest of these expenses which would have cause a coronary had we not known the total beforehand and certain death had we not negotiated a decent discount. Most of the other exciting things have been replacements for what was obviously worn out and we had been putting off purchasing until now.

While there is a little more of a sense of immediacy in these orders, especially for our kitchen, I was still able to wait on a number of items and get really lucky on others. Most of the effort was actually in scanning through the Amazon “lightening deals” while keeping a slightly open mind as to brand and style. We managed to get a lot of the things we need for a significantly lower price than we were expecting to pay and, in most instances, the quality of the product was much better too.

With all of this said, there is a word of warning that I would like to share with you. While most of you are aware of this fact, the reality is that Black Friday and Cyber Monday aren’t always the best days to find deals. I spoke with one retailer who specifically said that those days might be the worst times of year to find deals as they already know people are going out to shop so they specifically offer a smaller discount compared to other holidays throughout the year (President’s Day was mentioned as an example). My response to this and my advice is simple… keep shopping around, track the prices of what you are looking to buy, and never be afraid to either price match with another retailer or haggle them down beyond the sale price.

We are all watching our pennies and, like taxes, why pay more than you absolutely have to… a good rule of thumb is to never accept a discount less than 40% during Black Friday sales. This is the generally accepted bar for a good deal. If you take your time, shop around, get to know some retailers and salespeople, and sometimes price match, you can get the best deal no matter what time of year no matter what you are buying. It really is that simple.

A Different Thanksgiving

There is a lot to be thankful for this year. Seems to be quite the clichéd way to begin this post but sometimes the truth is in the cliché. There have been a lot of great things that have happened over the past year for which I am incredibly grateful for even in light of our usual annual routine being completely different than what we have become accustomed to over the years. Not all changes have been good ones but that doesn’t mean that this past year hasn’t been good or that we are less thankful for what we have. If anything, we are even more grateful for the things that we have now.

With everything that has happened this year and especially over the past month my wife and I decided to really change things up for Thanksgiving this year and do absolutely nothing. Well, more accurately, we decided not to go anywhere and stay home to both enjoy the holiday as a family and get a few things done around the house. Remember, we haven’t even been here for a week at this point and there are still plenty of things to do and organization that needs to be done.

It was actually a really nice break and while we didn’t accomplish all that we had planned, we were able to spend the extra time together and take a few moments to catch our breath. And, for our son, it was an extra day to catch up on his sleep and recover from the lack of routine offered by the daycare… thankfully we have found a solution for that as well. However, the most important part of thanksgiving this year was to step back and allow ourselves to try and transition from our previous annual routine and prepare for what the future holds for this day.

We are going to have to find a new holiday routine now that so many things have changed and we are now settled into a home with our son. And while we didn’t do much today we really experienced a lot over the past year so taking the day off was very much needed. We have a lot to be thankful for and a lot of memories to cherish. It is a different holiday at this point in our lives and one that has taken on an entirely new meaning. We are thankful for many of the things that have happen this year and, at the same time, we are thankful that the year is almost over.

Trick, Treat, Or Video Game

My wife and I are not ones that put stock in the Halloween holiday. It has actually proven to be more of an inconvenience than anything else most years. We are actually one of those houses that simply puts a bowl of candy out as the sun goes down with the hope that some kid doesn’t dump the whole thing in his bag or bucket. Of course, we mitigate some of this by putting half out at the beginning of the night and the other half a little later after having checked the rate of depletion. Generally speaking, this keeps things pretty quiet outside our door.

However, while we don’t care much for the holiday itself, we appreciate the opportunity that this night has afforded us over the years. I am not talking about the amount of money that we have to spend on candy (seems like a waste to me) or the scant leftovers remaining in the bowl after the noise subsides. The evening gives us an opportunity to clean out the house a little bit… in the past we have handed out Starting Lineup figures (they were actually cheaper than candy that year) and this year we were able to add something even better to the bountiful bowl.

A few seconds after I finished dumping the rest of the candy in the bowl tonight, the next group of kids walked up to the front door to inspect the offerings. It is safe to say that based on their wide eyed expressions and near shaking excitement, none of them expected to go home with a free Wii video game. I have to admit that we both chuckled a little bit when we could hear the next group of kids come up to the door after being summoned by the previous visitors and proclaiming “this is the best house ever… by far.” What they didn’t realize is that they were helping us out a little.

Unbeknownst to them, we spent some time earlier in the day putting together a trade in order on Amazon after we had come to the conclusion that we were probably not going to be using the various video game systems that have been collecting dusk in the basement and laying unplugged on our shelf in the family room. All those games that Amazon wouldn’t take (that were age appropriate) were what we put out in that tiny candy bowl. By the end of the night, all the games were either packed in boxes ready to be shipped or in the hands of neighborhood kids. However, the most important thing is that it cleared out about five boxes worth of stuff that was not being used. Everybody won tonight.

A Reason To Celebrate On Columbus Day

For all the lessons that were drilled into my memory in school while growing up, Columbus Day is not something that I celebrate. Like most people, as I have gotten older, I have learned a lot more about the man who “discovered” this once unknown continent. The more I learn the less interested I am in dedicating this day to the famous European explorer. This is why Columbus Day is just another day on the calendar… we didn’t even close the office.

However, this year there was reason to celebrate on Columbus Day and thankfully it was because of something completely unrelated to the historical figure. Today is also my wife’s birthday. Albeit completely different from all other birthdays she has had in the past. With all that has happened since her last birthday, this year there was good reason to both be sad as well as excited about turning another year older. Of course, I wish I would have done a better job of making the day special… time seems to be getting away from me too often lately.

While there have certainly been a number of tough days this past year, my wife has shown a strength in her that few possess. Even though she may not be able to see it let alone admit it, there were times when it was quite evident when she made the choice to keep pushing forward rather than giving up. That alone is enough to celebrate this day but it is only one of many reasons.

This, of course, is also the first birthday in our small family since the birth of our son. What a change from previous years. With such an amazing gift that we both received it is hard to think of something to give my wife that she would like. And it shouldn’t be a surprise given all the things going on this year and lately in particular that the gift that I did order has yet to arrive (completely my fault as I should have ordered it sooner). I was holding out hope on Friday but by the time I left the office without a package in hand I knew that I was in trouble.

Hopefully I can be forgiven for the late present but that is only the half of it. I found something that I think my wife will like but I need to figure out a way to incorporate something of our son in it. I don’t think that the current idea floating around in the empty space that is my head is going to be enough. I already know that I have some making up to do but I just don’t know how much I am going to have to make up for later. I guess we will have to wait and see.

Questions And Prayers

Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year in the Jewish calendar, is also the most difficult for many of us. It is a time when we ask for forgiveness both from G-d and from man. This year, I continue to plea for G-d’s forgiveness and I do my best to come to terms with any wrongs that I have committed against others. However, I am left going in circles at time when it comes to asking for forgiveness from others. It has been a difficult year and one that has proven rather treacherous when it comes to following my heart and what I believe to be right.

There are many instances in my life, not just during the past year, when I have held fast to my beliefs, opinions, and decisions. I believe them in my heart to be the right thing to do. I have remained true to myself, my family, and, in many instances, it has been the best option for others as well. Some would see these situations, sometimes even those who find themselves on the other end, to be something I should apologize for or, more appropriately given the time of year, ask them for forgiveness.

The issue I have is for what should I ask for their forgiveness? I really have no idea. Could things have been handled differently or written in a more delicate manner? Yes, but then I wouldn’t be truthful to myself or honest in my dealings with others. Could I have chosen to not say anything? Yes and no. It would have avoided, at least momentarily, certain situations but, again, that would have been dishonest. And I wouldn’t have been doing everything in my power to protect my family.  

Should I apologize for my opinions? No. I may not like the opinions that many others have but I don’t expect them to apologize to me for sharing their views. This “offended by anything and everything that doesn’t fit into my small world view” syndrome is tiresome and I will not abide by nor cater to those afflicted by this mentality.

Can I forgive everyone? Heck no. This is the most difficult question and the one, this year, with the most emphatic response. I can forgive most people and I can come to terms with many situations in my life. However, there are moments and situations that will forever be seared in my mind. To say I can forgive every person who ever wronged me would require me to lie. I can’t do it. I am many things, some good and some bad, but I will not try to deceive G-d by saying that I am able to forgive everyone this year.

So, in the end, I guess the one I should really be asking for forgiveness from is G-d. I ask to be forgiven for the fact that there are times when I question your motives, the moment when I have been flat out angry at what you have allowed happen, and more instances than I would like to admit when I have strayed from your words. I ask to be forgiven for the harm that I may have caused others by being honest and doing my best to protect myself and my family. And I plea for forgiveness because I am unable to forgive all those who have wronged me and my family.

However, I ask for peace for both those whom I am unable to forgive and those who feel entitled to something other than the above. And I pray that we, as a family, grow closer to G-d, continue to see His hand in the beauty of the world that surrounds us, and trust His plan for us even when it doesn’t make a lick of sense in the moment. And I pray for the time, for another year of life, to grow and love and find the peace to one day forgive.  

A New Year, A New Perspective, A New Prayer

I am both happy and sad to see this year come to a close and the next one begin. There have been some great times of celebration and also moments that I wish we could forget. It has been a year of polar opposites that has left many of us tired and longing to begin anew… to have a fresh start… to enjoy another chance at seeing the calendar change with only joy filling the previous months. Next year, I hope.

Interestingly, the Rosh Hashanah holiday contains the same paradox as that which I feel when looking back over the year. As is posted on the Aish website:

“The holiday of Rosh Hashanah contains a paradox. On the one hand, we are taught that Rosh Hashanah is the judgment day of mankind. The righteous are granted another year of life, the wicked are slated for destruction, and the average are given until Yom Kippur to mend their ways and merit another year (Talmud Rosh Hashanah 16b).

“We should be begging G-d for another year of life in the hope we can influence our judgment for the better. G-d’s court is convened. Our books are open. This is our big chance to pray for life.”

In addition to restarting the relationships we have for others through the admission of our faults, sins, and wrongdoings, we also make the same plea to G-d for forgiveness. While I can’t honestly say that I am one to give a clean slate to some people, I do my best to admit my mistakes and try my hardest to move past the wrongdoings of others. This is definitely easier said than done.

However, one of the things that has become more apparent to me over this past year in general and over the past couple of weeks in particular is the need that we have, my wife and I, to reconnect with G-d and the Jewish community in general. We need to do this not just for ourselves but, more importantly, for our son. We want him to know the world and his creator, we want him to understand and embrace all the aspects of faith, family, love, and life that make him who he is and make him such a precious gift in this world. After all…

“The purpose of the world is that mankind recognizes G-d and makes the world a reflection of His glory. G-d judges each of us on Rosh Hashanah not just based on our deeds, but based on how much we were a part of that grand mission. By identifying with and praying for G-d’s kingship to be revealed, we demonstrate that we want to be a part of the world’s purpose. We restart our relationship with G-d and redevote ourselves to Him. True, we might not have been perfect this past year, but we know what the world is about and we want to be a part of it. We want another year of life. We want to make the world a better place.”

Basically, I want him to not have the long list of things at the end of the year for which to ask for forgiveness like his father. I want him to not only have every opportunity in life but the confidence, conviction, faith, love, and support to take advantage of those opportunities. I want him to forever be a gift unto the world regardless of the path he chooses to take in life. I just want him to be a better man than I have thus far proven to be in this life and not look back with the same regrets. This is what I hope this and every new year brings.

Resting Before The Labor

This day is one that is interesting to think about as our families were built by men (and women) for whom this day was originally conceived to honor. While some things have changed for a few of us in recent generations affording us the ability to work at a desk throughout the day, there are many, past and present, who make their living in various trades. However, for all of us the day has taken on a lesser role in our lives as the primary means of celebration is that of having the long weekend to enjoy as we please. For us, this is a perfect time to get together with family.

This day is also the unofficial end to the summer which brings hope of cooler weather, convoys of school busses, and the promise of a blazing landscape. The seasons will soon begin to change and talk of the holidays will soon be heard on the radio and seen on the television and in store displays. The day marks a time of annual change beyond the original parameters of the Labor Day holiday as is outlined on the US Department of Labor website:

“The form that the observance and celebration of Labor Day should take was outlined in the first proposal of the holiday — a street parade to exhibit to the public "the strength and esprit de corps of the trade and labor organizations" of the community, followed by a festival for the recreation and amusement of the workers and their families. This became the pattern for the celebrations of Labor Day. Speeches by prominent men and women were introduced later, as more emphasis was placed upon the economic and civic significance of the holiday.”

While I don’t recall having seen such a format in my life, the means by which we currently celebrate the day seems apropos… we mark the day by not working. However, the irony of it all is that many of the professions and professionals for whom this day was designed to celebrate, find themselves at work. Such is the effect that retail has had on the calendar and the lives of some in this country. A sale is a powerful draw and bringing that business in is what keeps people working. Some might call this a vicious cycle. Of course, I say this knowing that I am not one to turn down a deal and I too have taken advantage of the “Labor Day Sales” that are becoming more and more plentiful as the years pass.  

The seasonal change is certainly upon us and all the sights, smells, and sounds are beginning to permeate the air. It is a time of annual transition which is certainly something that we are anticipating as our plans continue to develop over the next few months. A day off of labor to prepare us for the work that needs to be done for the remainder of the year. That pretty much sums it up for me.

Our Family Was Here

Family from all over showed up for the reunion. 

I can’t say I have ever been one for big Independence Day celebrations. I have watched the fireworks from a variety of vantage points from the comfort of the living room on the television screen, in Philadelphia, at the New Jersey shore, at my Aunt and Uncle’s house, and while lying on the grass in my BDUs in central Missouri. However, while the temporary bright lights in the sky were never something that really interested me a lot, the day has always had tremendous meaning. While I didn’t quite understand it early in life, there was still always something a little different about the day.

Of course, now I have a much more complete understanding of what makes this day such a big part of who I am. And I am not talking about the reasons that this day is important to us all, I am talking about the connection that I have, that my family has, to this day and what generations have done since to defend this country. And with those thoughts fresh in my mind, it was particularly special to celebrate this holiday with family, with the whole family, as we gathered together this weekend in Virginia.

And when I say the whole family I really mean it. This is a little different than what usually comes to mind when someone mentions a family reunion. This is not simply the immediate members that you see here and there, this particular reunion brings together all those who can trace back their genealogy to our original immigrant ancestor, Jacob Duffordt, who arrived at the Port of Philadelphia aboard the Hero on the 27th of October 1764. There are thousands in our tree with a small sampling making the trip this year to the mountains of Virginia.

As you can tell by the date, we were here before the revolution and beginning with the simple act of Jacob Duffordt selling supplies to the Continental Army, we have taken an active role in supporting and defending this country. From Jacob Duffordt during the Revolution, to his grandson during the War of 1812, countless relatives during the Civil War, my grandfather and his siblings during World War II, my father in Vietnam, and others in the family who have served more recently. All have given of themselves to ensure that this holiday remains as a day to be celebrated.

Celebrating this day with family, with multiple generations, in a place near where we originally settled is what this holiday is about for me. This was about as close to a perfect representation of the holiday that I can recall and one that I hope to relive many times over in the future. This is our holiday, part of our history, and a reminder of all the generations that came before us and the ones that still lay ahead. We have to remember our history and continue to pass on what we have learned and the experiences we have had so that future generations can look back on this day and experience the same connection.

Four generations!

Lost Memorials

Picture taken while searching for family in Leverington Cemetery...
there shouldn't be any open spaces in a full cemetery. 

Over the past few years, I have visited a few cemeteries trying to find the names of family members in the vast seas of grass and stone. Sometimes I have been successful while other times it has proven to be a harder task than expected. However, during each of those visits, I remember walking by the graves of countless veterans many of whom passed away long after their service but some who were killed in action.

There were a few resting places that were well maintained and the grounds were easy to access. Others have become far from the idyllic resting place that they once were and now seem to have been forgotten. These are the places that need our attention on this day not the grills, parks, and festivities to which we have all grown accustom. In one of the more run down cemeteries that I have come across, those graves were of soldiers who died while fighting in the Civil War. It seems ironic that these resting places are the ones forgotten on this day when these graves were the original impetus for the holiday.

It makes me wonder how many parades have walked past these resting places in recent years without the participants thinking twice about those who lay, unrecognized, a few yards from their feet. I have been asked to participate in countless parades but I have never once been asked to place flags on the graves of soldiers. Maybe I should be the one who changes this lack of tradition next year.

While I enjoy the time that I am able to spend with my family, the purpose of the day seems to have been lost. The focus now seems to be on not having to go to work (different than focusing on spending time with family) and sales… the holiday itself seems to have been sold. All the while, we forget those for whom this day was meant to honor. And there is no other more visceral reminder of this change in priority than the decrepit state of many cemeteries around us especially within the city limits.

There are too many places out there that need our help not just for those for whom this day recognizes but all the families that are represented in many of these forgotten resting places. After all, you never know when you might go looking for your family and not be able to find them because their headstone has long since crumbled, sunken, or fallen to the ground. All you need to do is walk in one of these cemeteries and see the open field of grass to realize that there are countless people who will now remain nameless to realize the importance of this situation. And on this day, think about the possibility of someone buried there who gave the ultimate sacrifice who will never be recognized for their service again.

Embracing Gifts

Today is a day that is especially significant for us not just as Jews but as new parents as well. Today we celebrate the giving of the Torah on Mt. Sinai. In the midst of the long struggle in the desert, G-d spoke to Moses and gave the gift of His words and wisdom to those who accept his covenant. We were given light and guidance during a time when we needed it. Similarly, our son granted that same gift to us giving us a higher purpose in our life.

On this day we are not just celebrating our faith but we are celebrating and embracing our family as well. It doesn’t matter if it is an event that took place over 3,300 years ago or 3 months ago, there are moments that will forever impact and influence our lives. These moments are what determine the means by which we live and set forth the goals by which we measure the remaining days or our lives.

We embrace our faith, the Torah, and the Ten Commandments by which we should all live. They serve as a means to guide and inform our actions and grant us the ability to set forth a clear set of rules to pass on to our son. Of course, this is only a beginning to the faith and knowledge which we hold in our hearts. This enduring faith, in various levels of observance throughout our lives, is what keeps us grounded in the knowledge that there is a higher power in this world and we can’t control everything around us.

Our son also reminds us every day that we must take life by the moments… one after the other. While we can anticipate and stick to certain routines, there is still a lot that remains uncontrollable. Our child is the light that greets us each and every day and reminds us of the higher purpose that we now have in our life. Our child is what ties us closer to our faith than ever before and on this holiday, on Shavuot, there is no denying the impact that our son has had and will continue to have in our life. This is summed up perfectly by the following from Chabad.org:  

“Before G d gave the Torah to the Jewish people, He demanded guarantors. The Jews made a number of suggestions, all rejected by G d, until they declared, “Our children will be our guarantors that we will cherish and observe the Torah.” G d immediately accepted them and agreed to give the Torah.”

There is tremendous light in the world. Enough to illuminate the beauty of all that has been given to us but not enough to blind us from seeing the bounty. It is a light that must be fed and nourished to remain bright for fear of fading into darkness. As Jews, as parents, we are the temporary generational guardians of that light and we will do our part to feed the fire of faith and family in our son. There is no greater responsibility or honor in this gift we call life.