A Welcomed Weekend

While we have a busy schedule this weekend we still have an opportunity to catch up on a few things. When we originally moved into our house we were able to get a pretty good handle on a few things but there have been a few places around our house that have been in need of our attention. The largest and most time consuming of which has been the organization and reorganization of our offices… they always seem to be the first things that are pushed down the list when something comes up.

Things have been so busy this summer that there hasn’t been much time on the weekends to spend as a family let alone get the things we want to get done around the house. While we don’t have the large blocks of time, I can see a few opportunities to tackle some of the disorganization that can be found around us. Now that things have been moved out of my wife’s office from the chaos of renovations last month and there is an extra bookcase in my office, there is an outside chance that we will be able to make some progress.

But even if that time evaporates and we find ourselves in the same situation come Monday morning, I am okay with that so long as we are able to spend the little free time that we have with our son. It is a new give and take that we continue to embrace, and sometimes fight, every weekend. There are moments when we wish we could have some space, have a break, just a little time to ourselves but there are also the moments when we could spend all day just watching our son in amazement occasionally looking at one another in disbelief that he is our little boy.

Just that simple fact makes me forget about all the things that need to be done. But we still need to make the time to take care of the house because when we aren’t overcome by the adorableness, we keep thinking about that list that does seem to want to go away. This weekend we hope to make those down moments a little easier and our list a little shorter. After all, like many things you just can’t put them off forever. Eventually that list needs to be taken care of so when we do have those moments to ourselves, we can enjoy the quiet and relaxation that those moments provide.

TMI Tuesday: 18 Months

A year and a half (and a day) later and we are still trying to get used to this new life. With all the changes that keep happening and all of the things swirling around in our life right now it is hard to keep track of time. Yesterday, I looked at the calendar and saw that eighteen months has already passed and it is hard to believe how different things are now compared to the life we were living before we became a family.

The day is still etched in my mind, sitting on the surface of memory like it just happened a few days ago. I can still feel my son’s rapid heartbeat as I held him for the first time in the operating room and his tiny pink hand as he gripped my finger for the first time. I can hear the beeping of the monitors faintly filling the background. I can see the words streaming through my phone bringing to the fore both the happy and despicable aspects of humanity. I can see the tears as they silently streamed down my wife’s face both in the joy of the morning and the pain of the evening. However, most importantly, I can see that moment, that first instant, when mother and son embraced one another and began this journey together.

I remember the anxiety and excitement as I pulled the car around to the front entrance, loaded the items that had been accumulating for the past several days into the trunk, and buckled my family into the car. It was a slow ride back to our townhouse and one during which I couldn’t help but think about all the people who would be at the house to greet him and the one that wouldn’t be there. It was a ride that moved us forward as a family but also one during which I wished I could hit eighty eight and drive to the past.

Time has moved so quickly since our son came into our life at 9:14 am and when I look at him it is hard to believe that he was once so small. He has already learned so much and he keeps surprising us every day with how much he knows and understands. Most importantly, even with some of the chaos that has swirled around us, we have protected our son and he remains as happy as ever. While I still enjoy the quiet moments, there is nothing better than coming home to the excited sounds from my son saying “Daddy!”

Prayers, Candles, and Presents

A couple of nights ago we started Hanukkah a little early. Over the last month we had bought a few too many toys for our son so we figured we would begin part of the evening routine a couple of days prior. He didn’t really know what to make of it but he was happy with what we got him and seeing that smile made the few extra dollars seem like the bargain of the century. After all, this is his first Hanukkah and we want to make it a little more special so we have tried to make it as fun as possible while setting the ground work for a new holiday tradition.

We are starting this tradition as a family… just the three of us this year. Throughout the weekend, my wife and I made enough brisket to last for the eight nights and we made sure, beginning tonight, to light the candles with the proper blessings. It is only after the candles are lit, which our son seems to enjoy in and of itself, when we go back into the office closet and pull out the next toy for our son to play with. Reading the transliteration in front of our son know that, at one point I could read the Hebrew, reignited my desire to learn this beautiful language.

There is something calming about slowing down for a few moments, reading the prayers, and carefully lighting each candle. It really allows all three of us to just be in the moment while we enjoy our faith as a family. This followed by the happiness in our son’s face as he played with the toys (and the boxes that they came in) are really what makes this a special time of year and I look forward to sharing with him more and more about the holiday and the significance that it holds.

Of course, there is also another fun part of the evening as I was able to hide the small gifts that I have been accumulating over the past several weeks from my wife. Well, most of them are small. While the vast majority were clearance finds or daily deals, I was also able to find something that I had been meaning to get for her for some time now. Thankfully the camera that I was looking at went on sale and I was able to stay within budget. So now, each night, we will have images to accompany our memories and, most importantly, I might have made up, at least a little bit, for my mistakes during her birthday.

And now, with the candles having long since faded, and my wife and son sleeping, I am sitting here writing this and looking forward to the rest of the Hanukkah holiday. I am so glad that we are able to have this experience throughout the week and I can’t wait to see the smiles every evening. And, just think, it only gets better from here.

Three Months!

It seems like I just posted the two month blog yesterday but here we are just over three months since our son was born (three months and three days to be exact). There have been good times and hard times throughout the last month as our son has become aware of more and more of the world around him. He is slowly learning little pieces here and there and now communicates in his own way with us (especially when daddy comes home from work). That moment when he turns his head and smiles at me is, by far, the highlight of my day.

Everyone said that these days go by fast and while there are certainly times when time seems to move very slowly, I really don’t know where the last three months have gone. It is a blur of work and baby with a few memories from lodge meetings and other events. Everything seems to have faded into unimportance while the specific moments of seeing my son do things, see things, react certain ways, and sooth us remain vivid in my mind. Even some of the unpleasantries that have been experienced are quarantined into the recesses of memory. It is a hard thing to explain but many of you know exactly what I am talking about.

There are times when I have come through the door after a particularly long day at the office and everything seems to just fade away. Other times I have come home later than usual knowing I have to get some more unavoidable work done but lacking the energy to do so… sneaking up to his crib and watching him sleep is all I need to keep going and keep working that night. And when I am at work and my mind begins to drift, I think about my son and I get back on task knowing that if I don’t finish things up during the week, I am going to have to spend some time away from him on the weekend tethered to my computer… I have managed to avoid working on the weekend for some time now.

It has been an interesting and quick adventure so far. There has been a lot of poop and a lot of laughs, many headaches and numerous giggles, a few hard days and countless beautiful moments. All the while we have watched him grow still not quite believing that he is here and that we are a family of three. Things have changed so much and as he understands a little bit more of the world around him we are eager to introduce him to new places and experiences and that is exactly what we have planned for the next three months.

Making Our Last Words Count

Last Friday, for reasons that we cannot explain, my wife and I decided to tell one person, just one, the name that we had chosen for our son. My mother-in-law, having been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer just before my wife's birthday in October, had not been well for some time was the only one that we wanted to tell. And while she didn’t give an acknowledgement of the news that we had shared, there is little doubt that she heard us.

Our son was the light of the day which was able to pierce the darkest of moments. Having joined the world at 9:14am we were quick to send a photo to family and friends to let us know of the joy that had just been bestowed upon us. Even my mother-in-law who had not been communicative for several days opened her eyes when she was told that a picture of her first grandchild was sent to her. For the first time in days she spoke a single word… wow!

Still in shock from the early arrival of our baby boy, my wife and I were slowly recovering from the day that had just transpired. With all visitors having left the maternity ward for the day we settled into our hospital beds and waited for our son to come back into the room for his next meal. It was at this point about 12 hours since our son entered the world that my wife made a request to the nurse… one that I am sure that they are not used to hearing.

It was a simple act but it was a moment that would immediately become part of family lore. My wife turned to the nurse and asked her to make our son cry while she had her mother’s caretaker on speakerphone next to her mom’s bed. The nurse didn’t question my wife and seconds later his cry was echoing in my mother-in-law’s great room. My wife followed by saying “I love you” and told the caretaker that she would call back in the morning. It was a call that she wouldn't have the opportunity to make. 

What we didn’t find out until later was that mere seconds after hearing the healthy cry of her grandson, my mother-in-law took her last breath. She held on just long enough, and our son arrived just early enough, that she was able to leave this world as a grandmother. The circle of life, in all its joy and pain, mystery and misery, beginning and ending was in full display. In a matter of half a day we were both overjoyed and heartbroken.

Since that moment, we have been experiencing the full range of emotions remembering both the good time and bad, the disagreements and the celebrations, the moments of happiness and sadness. I have been doing all that I can to try and comfort my wife knowing that there is no real comfort that can be given during this time. Only our son can bring solace and help to heal my wife’s heart and the knowledge that the last words that we both spoke to her were the most powerful and comforting things that we could ever say to her in her last moments in the physical world… our son’s name and “I love you”.

The Non-Baby Errands

Trip to the DMV behind the old boarders. 

What a difference a weekend can make when it comes to getting some errands done. We went from the fun and overall enjoyment of working on our baby registry to the doldrums of having to get the car inspected and license renewed. I know, I would much rather be walking around Babies R Us than hanging out at the DMV.

However, with these essentials now out of the way it seems as though we are finally recovering from the upper cut and no longer stumbling around the ring. Our feet, while it may not seem like it at times, are finally under us and we are able to take care of the things that have been hanging over us for months. Of course, this doesn’t mean that we can relax in the coming weeks. We still have a long list of tasks to accomplish and projects to complete but at least now there seems to be some good progress being made.

Sometimes that is really all that you need to experience to start getting caught up… knowing that there is progress being made can push you to get things done, move to the next item, and the next, until you are actually ahead of things rather than fluttering your feet trying to keep from going under. Unfortunately, this is part of a cycle that we have found ourselves in over the past few years. We never really get ahead on anything it is more about catching up and falling back… bobbing up and down in the swells.

The difference now is that there are events on the horizon that are adding to both the urgency and the difficult of pushing through things. There is a storm of dichotomy just on the horizon and while there are moments when the sun peers through the clouds and turns the choppy waters into diamonds, it never lasts long and shortly after those respites of reflection we find ourselves in the pitch black looking for any glimmer of light we can find across the black blanket.

Such is the spectrum of life and the ebb and flow that we all must embrace. There are moments when you can fight to break free and there are other times when you just need to relax and let the current take you to solace. Right now there is a mix as we are insistent on trying to find a positive place and are constantly struggling to do so but also moments when we need to conserve all the energy we have so that when those times of joy do occur we can embrace them with all the love that we have.

In both instances, there is hope and we know that life has a way of working out and that G-d has a reason for everything happening around us. We may not know why, understand, or like what is going on but it all works out in one way or another. If we accept it, this can be a time when peace overcomes stress and joy dominates the darkness. We will always fight for hope but understand that we have our limits and there are boundaries to everything that we do. I for one chose to be hopeful and happy focusing on the joy that is just on the horizon.

“Happy” Birthday!

Thought my wife would enjoy this one. 

When it comes to my birthday I look at it as simply turning another year older… actually you’re only turning a day older. However, I enjoy celebrating birthdays of family and friends. Today I was able to do just that as my wife’s birthday snuck up on the two of us.

While she has always had mixed emotions during her day, this year was particularly bipolar as there is a lot of things swirling around our life right now and a huge amount of uncertainty, nervousness, and trepidation concerning the future. However, there were moments today that transcended all the things around us and floating above our heads. Those are the moments that will forever make this birthday one to remember.

It all started with the simple transition from yesterday to today as I was able to turn to her and think about the fact that, unlike in our previous years together, she is not just a wife, she is a mother to be. While not being toted around in her arms, she is able to celebrate this birthday with our child. Having just marked 20 weeks, we know that while baby is still freeloading, it can hear the happiness and the celebration.

Of course, recent news has curbed the joy of the day but there were moments, however short they might have been, when we were all able to enjoy the present. There was a few times when that little wrinkle of worry would fade, eyes would brighten just a little, and we were all temporarily focusing on our present actions. Yesterday and tomorrow were fleetingly pushed out of our minds.

Reality is kind of funny that way. While there is that which is immediately around us, there is also that which transcends that place and time. In the moment, we were shopping for maternity clothes, trying on shoes, and enjoying a tasty (and very large) meal at Cheesecake Factory talking about all the changes that have happened over the past year, memories of previous birthdays, and looking forward to life with the new baby. But that was only part of the reality.

We were all thinking about the unpleasant things in life and the pending hardships to be faced. Throughout the day, my wife was stronger than I think I have ever seen her. And while it is not how anyone expects to spend a birthday, there were those moments that you can’t help but remember and smile. It was a good day and sometimes that is the best gift that can be given. So, with all that said, I want to devote the last words to my wife…

While I wish I could give you the gift of an alternate universe where your sadness doesn't exist, I hope that this day with its moments of happiness will suffice. I love you and I look forward to many more birthdays in the future (especially when I can help baby pick out a gift for you)! Stay strong and know that I am always here for you.

Sometimes The Only Cure Is Blindness

When it comes to education or employment I am like most people. I could give less than a crap about what race you are or where you come from. It all comes down to qualifications and ability. Unfortunately, that has not always been the case in this country and there are undoubtedly instances here and there when race and background are seen as differentiators. It is unfortunate but it is also reality.

Racism has always been a problem in this country. I would even call it an epidemic. It is a virulent societal infection for which there is only one cure… blindness.

The latest decision by the Supreme Court in Schuette v. Coalition to Defend Affirmative Action is at least a step, albeit small, in the right direction. Affirmative Action was something that had a place and time. It is by no means a perfect solution but it at least prompted a slight increase in diversity in the educational system and the workforce. And what is the best way to fight racism? That’s right, with more racism. After all, Affirmative Action is inherently racist.

You don’t need to think about it too much to realize that the law was designed so that race is considered in all aspects of higher education and in the workforce. Regardless of the pool of applicants, there are certain quotas that must be met. How would you feel if your child was turned down from a college because the school must maintain a certain level of diversity? How would you feel if you got a job over someone else, someone who may have been more qualified, because of the color of your skin?  

We have gone from one extreme to the other as we try to play political sociologist. While it is without question wrong to discriminate, it should be equally despicable to be racist. And yes, in this scenario, those are two different concepts as it has always been wrong to discriminate based on race and you can’t turn someone down for a job solely based on race when they are otherwise equally or more qualified than the other applicants. However, the requirement to admit students based on certain racial ratios is not discrimination, it is racism. So, as you can see, they are treated as two completely different concepts. This is Affirmative Action in action.

Now, while Affirmative Action is not completely eliminated from the books it is at least in the hands of the people. That is what was done, the Supreme Court is allowing the states to determine whether race can be a consideration in admission to state schools. Specifically, as reported in the Washington Post, “By a vote of 6 to 2, the court concluded that it was not up to judges to overturn the 2006 decision by Michigan voters to bar consideration of race when deciding who gets into the state’s universities.”

In a show of restraint by the Supreme Court Justice Anthony M. Kennedy (joined by Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr and Justice Samuel A. Alito Jr.) wrote the main opinion:

“This case is not about how the debate about racial preferences should be resolved. It is about who may resolve it… There is no authority in the Constitution of the United States or in this court’s precedents for the judiciary to set aside Michigan laws that commit this policy determination to the voters.”

So, in the end, it is up to us. We must demonstrate our blindness, fight for what is right, and also come to terms with the fact that life is not always fair! It is our individual efforts, responsibility, and work ethic that make up who we are. While we all have the opportunity to live life to be proud of in this country happiness is not guaranteed. It is our right to pursue happiness. Our decisions, our efforts, and our ability to see past many of our differences are essential in the achievement of that happiness. As was determined by the justices, it is our decision.

 

 

 

Investing In The Little Things

With so many things going on at the office and outside of the office with all of my other commitments and responsibilities there are some days when I spend very little time with my wife. While it is not an ideal situation, I have to keep busy and I enjoy the constant pace of life. Fortunately, my wife is very understanding of this recent shift but every once in a while I make sure that I step back and show her, in some way, that I appreciate her and support her in her work, her hobbies, and her education.

I try to listen when she needs an ear, embrace her when she needs a hug, and offer the little knowledge I have when she had a question but there are also other time when I just decide to do something a little more. When I am able, I try to include her (or at least offer) in some of the activities that I have going on constantly. I try to make her laugh as much as possible because she tends to get caught up in things and loses sight of the good things that happen every day. I try to do all of these things on a regular basis.

There are times when I wish I could have done more and other times when I try to think what I could have done differently to make things better but I am still a husband with flaws, as we all are, and so I am not always on top of these things. However, there are instances when things go right and all the other stuff going on kind of melts away. Sometimes it is as simple as relaxing with my wife laying on the couch or going out to a reasonably price lunch or dinner.

However, there are more extravagant moments (well, for us at least) when we go away for the weekend or occasions, like today, when we find an item on clearance that I know that my wife will get years of use out of. While searching for a number of things at Wal-Mart we walked by the electronics department and noticed a camera on clearance. We have been talking about replacing her Pentax for a while and now, seeing the severely slashed price, we had the opportunity to upgrade her. While there is a little bit of investment up front just the fact that we no longer have to buy packs and packs of AA batteries anymore will recoup our money in just over a year.

More importantly, it made my wife happy both in the moment and as she goes out on her little excursions during the warmer weather to take pictures. I have my hobby which I invest in on an ongoing basis and it is nice to invest a little in her hobby every once in a while. We both found the things that relax us and take our mind off of things for a little bit which makes the limited funds put into each of them worth the financial commitment. I can’t wait to see the amazing photos that she gets with the upgrade in her equipment!