It Is Part Of Our Past, Present, And Future

Today was one of those holidays that I wish was unnecessary… it is a day that a hundred years ago was thought, for the most part, to be an unthinkable means by which to mark a calendar. Today, on Yom HaShoah, I thought about all those whom I’ve met, those I have yet to meet, and those I will never be able to speak to. Today we honored all of their memories and hope for a future where these events become impossibilities. Today we took the time to think and pray about the Holocaust, the people lost, the lives changed, the families that will never be the same, and our faith which survived.

While I am quite removed from the tragedy being that I was raised in another faith and a family history that, most recently, immigrated to the United States in the middle of the 19^th century, I am also closely tied to this time in history. At various points in my life, the Holocaust has played a prominent role in my perception of the world around me, the views that I have developed, and the faith that I have nurtured. The Holocaust, in many ways, is ingrained in who I am and the way I live my life. And it was further made an essential part of my being when my wife and I made Aliyah in 2011.

It all started when I was in college as I was trying to figure out who I was and what I believed (for the umpteenth time). When browsing through the book stacks I came across Janusz Korczak’s account of the Holocaust, Ghetto Diary. I was struck by the dedication he had to not only his children by to his faith. His words were the impetus for the Holocaust poetry I would spend the next several years writing (based on three different sources of primary material). His words changed my view of the world, focused my mind, and ignited my passion. These writings also afforded me the opportunity to speak with Holocaust survivors and former Nazi soldiers over the years… words can never compare to the knowledge gained by looking into the eyes of a witness.

A few years and many lessons later I was in the midst of my conversion to Judaism when my Rabbi (and later those Rabbi’s serving on my bet din) asked me if I was certain about my decision given the history of persecution that Jews have faced for centuries. It was at this time when I had to search in myself to find out whether I was willing to accept my fate should such an unspeakable event ever happen again. In the end, it is one thing to be knowledgeable about an event or a faith but it is a completely different matter when you accept that history and that possibility as your own. After numerous conversations and questions, I cast my lot and, from that moment forward, have been considered a Jew.

Finally, a few years ago while conducting genealogical research, my wife discovered her family’s connection to the Holocaust and found the names of those relatives who were murdered. Having no previous knowledge about this line, it was quite the shock when this discovery was made. While it was not my family line, it is a heritage to which I am now a part of and one that our son will definitely learn about as he gets older. We will ensure that he knows about our faith, our history, and our people… the trials in the past and the struggles in the present… the horrors that have happened and the hope that resides in our hearts. After all, it is our responsibility, beyond the confines of this particular day, to ensure that this part of our history is never forgotten.

A Reason To Celebrate On Columbus Day

For all the lessons that were drilled into my memory in school while growing up, Columbus Day is not something that I celebrate. Like most people, as I have gotten older, I have learned a lot more about the man who “discovered” this once unknown continent. The more I learn the less interested I am in dedicating this day to the famous European explorer. This is why Columbus Day is just another day on the calendar… we didn’t even close the office.

However, this year there was reason to celebrate on Columbus Day and thankfully it was because of something completely unrelated to the historical figure. Today is also my wife’s birthday. Albeit completely different from all other birthdays she has had in the past. With all that has happened since her last birthday, this year there was good reason to both be sad as well as excited about turning another year older. Of course, I wish I would have done a better job of making the day special… time seems to be getting away from me too often lately.

While there have certainly been a number of tough days this past year, my wife has shown a strength in her that few possess. Even though she may not be able to see it let alone admit it, there were times when it was quite evident when she made the choice to keep pushing forward rather than giving up. That alone is enough to celebrate this day but it is only one of many reasons.

This, of course, is also the first birthday in our small family since the birth of our son. What a change from previous years. With such an amazing gift that we both received it is hard to think of something to give my wife that she would like. And it shouldn’t be a surprise given all the things going on this year and lately in particular that the gift that I did order has yet to arrive (completely my fault as I should have ordered it sooner). I was holding out hope on Friday but by the time I left the office without a package in hand I knew that I was in trouble.

Hopefully I can be forgiven for the late present but that is only the half of it. I found something that I think my wife will like but I need to figure out a way to incorporate something of our son in it. I don’t think that the current idea floating around in the empty space that is my head is going to be enough. I already know that I have some making up to do but I just don’t know how much I am going to have to make up for later. I guess we will have to wait and see.

First Mother’s Day

My wife and I have both been looking forward to today and dreading it at the same time. There has been a lot that has happened since the last time that the calendar noted this holiday. There is a lot that we have to celebrate and a lot that we are missing on this day. To my wife’s credit, which says a lot about her strength, she decided to focus on the joy of the day and I did my best to make that a reality (even in the face of a few trying moments). Like many things these days, time is moving both fast and slow. It seemed to take forever for this day to come but it also caught us a little off guard.

For the past couple of months we had been anticipating the good and bad of the day. In an effort to focus on the former we decided to get away for a couple of days. I nearly dropped the ball on this one but managed to make it happen by booking a room early last week (more on the trip itself in my next post). It was also late in the week when I was finally able to order flowers for my mom (for which we got a call when they were delivered yesterday)... ProFlowers.com kind of saved me on that one. We both owe a lot to our mom’s and now that we have a son we understand even more the importance of this day.

We were a little apprehensive about the overnight stay at a hotel with the baby given that this was his first night away from home but, in the end, the entire trip went better than we could have ever hoped. There wasn’t a single moment of crying for much of the getaway and he seemed to be happy to explore a new place and simply spend time with his mommy and daddy. Of course, it could be that maybe our son is already learning that you don’t mess with mommy on Mother’s Day.

While we did our best to think of all the good things that have happened and the fact that it is the first Mother’s Day that we have celebrated with our son, I couldn’t help but think about the one thing that I couldn’t give my wife today. I didn’t buy a card or flowers as there wasn’t really anything that I could find that made sense… at least not this year. I could have bought a “First Mother’s Day” card but it was also a first for another reason… one that I couldn’t change. It was a hard day but a great day as well. I just wish that I could have given her the gift that she really wanted today.

Finding The Strength

While I can’t disclose many of the details, yesterday was a horrible day. After hearing from one of my friends that he lost a grandson over the weekend, I thought the day was bad enough. I couldn't imagine such a loss. However, things seemed to drop off a cliff shortly after that when I got a call from someone in my own family. The news sounded bad and, what’s worse, we don’t really know all the details and don’t know what the future holds. With that said, let me be clear by letting you know that the baby is fine. A bit of a pain in the butt at times, but fine.

Again, I won’t get into the details, but the news really came as a shock to me and, more especially, my wife. It is a battle that the family has faced many times and now it seems as though we must keep fighting. We have seen it come into our lives in many guises and we know what it is capable of but that doesn’t mean that we are without hope. Thankfully we are all incredibly stubborn and we are ready to fight so there is a chance that the outcome will be better than expected. This has been beaten before and can be again.

Such is the balance, or should I say unbalance, of life. Just as things seem to be calming down and there is a little bit of breathing room to be found, something like this happens. While the pessimistic side of me is always preparing for something like this to happen (maybe that is why I am unable to fully relax most days) this is still shocking and leaves us feeling unprepared to deal with what lies on the horizon. These moments leave us to reassess our priorities and put the now unimportant things aside so that we can be in the present and do all that we can to get through today, tomorrow, and the next day.

At the same time, these moments bring back the memories that we have put to the backs of our minds. We remember the battles fought and we recall the strength of those people that we love. That might be why this post has taken so much time and energy to write. While moments like this are trying for everyone in the family, we will all come together with all the strength and love that we have and do whatever we can to help. Sometimes it may not be much but, in times like these, even those little things mean a lot when we put our hearts into them.

Don't Waste Time

“...In the seventh month, on the tenth day of the month, you shall afflict your souls, and you shall not do any work ... For on that day he shall provide atonement for you to cleanse you from all your sins before the L-RD.” – Leviticus 16:29-30

At sunset, Yom Kippur will begin. For Jews, this is our “Day of Atonement” for the sins that we have committed against G-d. It is on this day that we have the opportunity to change the judgment entered into the books of life and death in which G-d inscribes all names. It is our last appeal before these books are sealed. This is our day to demonstrate our repentance and make amends for all the transgressions that have stained our lives this past year.  

Many of us have taken the past week to ask forgiveness from others, I could have done a better job of that, but now is the time that we ask for G-d’s forgiveness of our sins. There are many of these transgressions that can be found in the thoughts and prayers of Jews around the world and across generations. Maybe we didn’t go to services enough, maybe we haven’t read Torah and studied Talmud enough, and maybe there are more serious offenses that we ask to be forgiven.

Those are, for the most part, commonalities that we all share during this Holy time of year but there is something for which I am certainly going to ask to be forgiven which is commonly overlooked. How many hours each year do we spend watching television or aimlessly surfing the internet? How many times have you found yourself zoning out on Facebook reading posts and looking at pictures that you are only going to forget about later? How much time do we waste on an annual basis?

That is what I will make sure to include in my prayers and in my pleas… I am asking to be forgiven for wasting life. There is so much that I can be doing with the time I have to make a difference rather than spending hours doing something that has no lasting impact or meaning. If you find yourself in this situation and such action, or inaction as it were, has affected the life or lives of others you must also ask for their forgiveness. The same can be said for the sin of judgment. We have all judged others to varying degrees whether it is because of how someone looks, their level of observance, the job they may have, etc. Hopefully you have already asked them for forgiveness, but we must also ask G-d for forgiveness for unfairly casting judgment on His creation.

This is the time to learn from our reflections this past week, recognize our shortcomings, and ask G-d not only for His forgiveness for what we have done wrong but for the strength and wisdom needed to prevent us from committing them in this new year. This is a time for transformation. It is a time that allows us to wake up and see the world through G-d’s eyes. This is a time for change.