Surprising Statistics

Recently I noticed a rather staggering number when scanning through my social media accounts. It turns out that, somehow, I have had over one million profile views on Google+. That being said, of the social media sites that I use on a regular basis I am the least familiar with Google+ so I had to do some digging to figure out how that number is calculated. This led me to a post by Mark Traphagen on the Stone Temple Consulting website which provided some useful bullet points:

• Posts are counted for any view of them in any Google+ stream. A viewer does not have to click on or otherwise engage with a post for it to count as a view. So even if the viewer scrolls by the post in her stream, a view is counted. Basically, the post just has to have been seen on someone’s screen. Interesting tidbits: 
• All shares of a post that are seen by others count as views, both for the sharer and for the original poster.
• Posts that become recommended content in others’ streams because someone +1’ed them can count as views for the original poster.
• Embedded Google + posts also can increment this view count. That’s because a post embedded in a site page using the post’s embed code displays in an iframe, which means it is actually being viewed on the plus.google.com server.
• Photos/images (UPDATED!) must be “opened” only need to go by in someone’s stream (or be seen on Blogger, Picasa, or Chromecast) to count for a view.
• Profiles & Pages only count as a view when someone opens them in their own tab or window.

Even with this “explanation” it is still a surprising figure to me as I am one that uses social media but doesn’t really leverage it to the best of my ability. When you factor in that I only have just over 160 Google+ followers, 3,536 LinkedIn followers, 1,000 Twitter followers, and exactly zero people following my blog through Blogger, it still doesn’t add up. I could dig a little more and try to find a proper accounting of this figure but, in the end, this isn’t really important.

The numbers that I am focused on are the daily goals that I have set for myself by writing a blog a day, every day, with a minimum word count of 400. That is what I focus on with everything else being a pleasant surprise. It is with this in mind that I find the nearly 90,000 blog views much more gratifying than the magical one million figure under my Google+ profile picture. The growth of the blog has been steady over the years and knowing that I have been able to keep the promise I made to myself (and later my readers) is what keeps me writing every single day.

Honoring Our Family Histories

While my application is still in process with the Sons of the American Revolution I received an open invitation to attend the next quarterly meeting of the chapter I will soon be joining at the Inn at Reading this past Thursday. After discussing with my wife and double checking my schedule I made plans to attend heading there straight from work. While I had hoped to arrive a little early other projects during the day delayed my departure quite a bit and I walked through the doors shortly after they began serving dinner.

Despite interrupting dinner, I was welcomed warmly as soon as I walked in the room and immediately brought to a table where a chair and place setting were brought out in short order. Throughout the meal I enjoyed the conversation with all those around the table especially with the man who had been helping me with my application from the beginning. While I had never met the men and women in that room prior, I was immediately made to feel as though we had known each other for years. While not yet official, I was seen as having a common bond with all those around me.

With dinner nearly concluded, the guest speaker for the evening was introduced and what followed was one of the more fascinating and thoroughly researched presentations that I have heard in some time. Michael C. Harris adeptly condensed a portion of his book, Brandywine: A Military History of the Battle that Lost Philadelphia but Saved America,September 11, 1777, into a precise narrative of the battle which was both engaging and easily digestible for all in attendance. It even gave me an idea for a story or two in the future. The impetus for the book was quite simple as at the time he was employed by the Pennsylvania Historical and Museum Commission at the Brandywine Battlefield and he wanted to produce an accurate and comprehensive history of the engagement in the absence of current literature about the battle. Needless to say, I was one of many who purchase a book once the meeting was concluded.

Following the presentation was the business portion of the meeting which included the many new members, pending applications and supplemental applications, and reports from various committees. In the end, while formal in attire (coat and tie), the meeting itself was warm, welcoming, and relaxed. These are people that truly enjoy the company of one another, embrace the community, and honor the familial and national history that we each represent. It is an organization that I am more excited than ever to join and one that I am certainly going to enjoy sharing with my family as we discover more and more about the plethora of patriots in our family history.

Mortgage Monday: Taking A Chance

This was the first attempt... really glad it fell through!

I am going to take a step back for a moment in this series and actually talk about a few months prior to us moving into the house. By the time the summer was coming to an end, my wife and I had a big decision that we had to make. Our lease was set to end today and while we had been looking at houses for some time, and we were under agreement on a property, there were no guarantees. While we usually take a more careful approach to situations, we decided to take a chance and give our notice that we will be not renewing our lease. So, when we sent our rent check in late August for the month of September, we included a note that, in accordance with our lease, we were not going to be renewing.

Technically, we had a place that, at the time, we thought we would be living but, as September slowly trudged on, that reality quickly dissolved and we soon found ourselves without a place to live come December. It was an interesting feeling of uncertainty and one that had us contemplating whether we should try to extend our lease but it was also freeing in the fact that it was one less thing to think about as we continued to search for a home. If anything, it certainly served as a motivator to get things done and step up our efforts to find a home.

Things do happen for a reason and our house hunt definitely proved that point. Within a week of terminating the agreement on the first house (based on inspections), we reached an agreement on a second, far superior, home. After talking with the bank the following week and shortening the escrow to 45 days, we knew that we would be moving and would be making the transition from a house to a home by the end of November. As it turns out, taking that chance in late August was going to pay off.

Contrary to the first ordeal which was rife with misleading statements and answers that didn’t match up with the facts and documents from the county, the process for the second house went as smooth as we could have hoped for and now that second house is now our home. No more renting, no more moving, and no more uncertainty about where we are going to be living this time next year or the year after. We are home.

Has It Really Been That Long?

 

It is that time again. Today marks the 800^th post for the blog and I am a little dumbfounded as to how I have been able to keep the blog going for that long. This is especially true when you consider the fact that the average length of each entry has been about 500 words. That is a total of 400,000 words... and that is being pretty conservative with the estimate. Is there really that much that can be said?

While I continue to look for guest bloggers and other interesting items to include in the various posts, there haven’t been many contributions up to this point. That might be the hardest part of this whole thing. I would like some more interesting and different perspectives included in these pages. I am happy to continue sharing my thoughts on various subjects but there is only so much that I can say without becoming repetitive (this is already evident in a number of posts).

However, I continue to enjoy the process and the simple fact that I am able to record my daily life, discoveries, and events that are of particular interest to me. As I have said before, this is my way of leaving a legacy. It isn’t anything special but the words here on this blog give a much fuller picture of who I am rather than just a few documents. This is part of the reason why the more I look into the family history the more motivated I am to continue writing.

With that said, time has become more precious over the past year in particular and there are changes on the horizon that will definitely put additional strain on my schedule. These are all good things but they take time and energy. Don’t get me wrong, the blog will continue but, with these additional commitments, the long periods of silence may become more prevalent. Of course, this may be a moot point if some of you out there would like to contribute to the blog (hint, hint, nudge, nudge).

Right now it is just a matter of pushing through the slow days when writing seems more like a chore and taking advantage of the easy days when I can quickly write three or four posts. There are certainly a number of topics that I will continue to cover (i.e. genealogy, freemasonry, firearms, travel, parenthood, etc.) but I am looking for other subjects and also want to know what subject you want me to write more about. So what would you like to read? Also, I am well aware that this blog is by no means perfect. What would you change? Let me know your thoughts.

I end this post very simply. Thank you for your continued support and sharing with me your thoughts, stories, and opinions. It has been an interesting experience thus far.

Not Too Early

Last night, still enjoying the satisfaction from the previous meeting, many of us convened at the lodge last night to discuss our plans for 2016. We are fully aware that we haven’t even made it to the half way point this year but the planning needs to happen now for the following year. There are a lot of things that still need to happen this year and a number of initiatives that we want to get started in 2016. All of these take time to accomplish and having a good roadmap is essential to being successful... in this instance you can call it a Masonic GPS. 

From what I have heard, this is about the same time of year that other lodges put together there programs for the following year. With a new Worshipful Master in the east, we want as much time as possible to go over the schedule and the details for each event and figure out to whom many of the tasks will be delegated. The timeline for this planning also allows for input from various brothers of all different levels of experience. While I would have liked to have seen a few long standing brothers and a few past masters in attendance, sometimes there are other commitments that need to be taken care of.

However, the round table discussion was full of quality ideas and valuable input especially from the newer members. The ideas kept flowing and the various interests of the brothers present were shared. By the end of the evening, we had a long list of options both for meetings and beyond the confines of the stated. More so than years prior, we had a long list of public events and community projects that we hope to hold next year both at the lodge and in the community.

From education and appendant bodies to fundraising and masonic charities, from dinners to blood drives, from family night to ChIP, from guest lectures to past masters night, and a well-rounded host of other evenings and events that we would all like to see. While I don’t see everything taking place, it will be interesting to see how many of these ideas we can cram into the calendar. But the calendar wasn’t the only thing that we discussed last night.

There were other ideas that were bandied about from awards to building improvements. However, all the conversations that took place in the hall centered on the same objective of making the lodge and this fraternity as a whole better than it is. It is part of the stewardship of freemasonry. In the short term, we hope to have the lodge better off when we leave office than when we first took our place in the chairs. In the long term, when the day comes when we are called off from labor, we hope that we are leaving a stronger fraternity behind us then when we were raised. That goal requires nights like last night as well as the motivation and determination to follow through.

Firearms Friday: The Calm Of Cleaning

As I have written before in the past, I am not a fan of cleaning. It is definitely not a secret. I like having a clean and organized space but I could do without the process by which that is achieved. I know for certain that I am not the only one that feels this way but, like many things, there are always exceptions.

I have found that there are many people like myself that dislike cleaning in general but actually enjoy the act of cleaning when it comes to firearms. You would be amazed, well at least those of you unfamiliar with this set of tools, at how many cleaning products the average gun owner has at their workbench or in their cleaning kit. There seems to be a solution for ever kind of grime, a brush for every surface, and a new product coming out every few months that is supposed to make the process easier.

While I have limited the supplies that I have and use on a regular basis every once in a while I will try something new. While those solvents and cleaning tools are fine for a little while I find myself reverting back to the old way of doing things. It is a time consuming process no matter how you approach it but it is one of those things that lets you just tune things out for a few minutes. No other form of cleaning has the same effect.

Maybe it is the detailed work that is involved in making sure every corner is cleaned. Maybe it is the importance of making sure that everything functions properly. Maybe it is the appreciation for the engineering, design, and overall beauty of the workmanship as the carbon is removed. I actually think it is a little bit of each of those things.

And I know that I am not the only one. I have had this discussion many times over with people I know are not the tidiest human beings but their firearms are impeccable. It is one of the oddities that is within many of us. I guess it is similar to the person that frequently washes and polishes their car but that could care less if the dishes are piled up in the sink. I am sure that there are other examples but that is the one that comes to mind and that seems to most closely parallel.

Of course, I have also seen those people who just don’t clean anything or actually have the opposite situation… they keep everything in their world neat and organized but they never clean their firearm. I have seen many accidents and witnessed beautiful pieces of engineering ruined by this neglect. In the end, there are some cleaning projects that can be put off and there are others that can’t be postponed.

Maybe the enjoyment that many of us have in the process of cleaning will slowly grow and include many other aspects of our daily lives. You never know, it could happen. Until then, I will just focus on the small things and continue looking forward to the end results of others to motivate myself in getting it all done even if it is sporadic at times.

600 Really Sneaks Up On You!

Honestly, 600 is a number that I wasn’t even sure would be possible when I first started this blog in May 2013. My goal back then was to just get through the first year as I knew that the daily routine of writing is something that I had long forgotten about. My writing remained dormant and while this is vastly different to the daily work that I was producing a decade ago, it is still keeping me productive beyond the confines of the responsibilities and stresses of life.

I have shared more personal items as of late while still respecting the anonymity of those around me, I have written about some of the things that bother me and piss me off, and there have been other posts that I wrote because a topic or certain thing that I watched or read interested me. There have been moments, especially over the last few months when I have doubted my ability to continue writing every day and I seriously questioned whether I should continue committing the time to these words. Those moments continue to come and go but, in the end, I made a commitment to myself to keep writing so that is what I am going to continue doing.

The usual topics persist throughout these digital pages as my weekly lodge posts and frequent genealogy musings have been joined by the weekly firearms related material and frequent baby updates. Now more than ever, you can see the diversity in the topics that I write about and why I chose from the onset to not focus on any one subject. This may be the most important aspect in keeping this thing going as there are times when I come up with the most random thoughts for posts and I know that I don’t have to second guess as to whether they would fit.

There is tremendous freedom in not being limited in what I can say. Sure I keep names off the screen but I can still make my point without calling people out or making others uncomfortable (and, given some of the posts I have put up, I am sure that my writing wouldn’t help them with their friends or employers if their name was found on here). And where there is freedom there is also structure.

I have made it through 600 posts now and few people can find their name anywhere on the blog. Considering the fact that given the 400 word minimum for each post that is at least 240,000 places where their name doesn’t appear. Of course, if you have read this blog for any length of time you know that I seldom come close to the 400 so it is probably more along the lines of 300,000 words.

Well, here is to the next 300K with the hope that things smooth out a bit. There at least should be plenty of fodder that will keep me busy. I just don’t know if it will keep my too busy.

Dedication Of Time

Don't lose your Masonic marbles thinking about all the time you have put into the lodge!

First the first time since I was raised my lodge had to schedule two extra meetings for the month. Last night was the first of these and it was great to see both brothers passed. It was especially nice to sit at my desk again and catch up on a few items after having missed the sated meeting last week. While they will both make fine members of the fraternity they are both completely different thus far in their involvement and, seemingly, their motivation in becoming Masons. One brother is taking every opportunity to learn as much as possible and to be at the lodge while the other needed quite a bit of prompting throughout the evening.

It is interesting to put these meetings and the degree work in perspective as the Worshipful Master did so eloquently last night. With 15 brothers in attendance putting about 2 hours in last night alone, which is 30 man hours that have been committed to these new masons to ensure they received their second degree. That stat alone made a few people pause and think about how much we have all committed to our fellow brothers and the lodge not just last night but throughout the past year.

In general, the December extra meetings are always interesting because you have a mix of outgoing and incoming officers working together for this brief overlapping period of time. Of course, there are also those of us who are staying right were we have been so much of this back and forth is simply observation on our parts. However, with a renewed abundance of brothers that are interested in holding office, it is a great time to see the activity and the interest that is being taken in the lodge and the work being done.

We will only have a few days before our next extra meeting when we will welcome a new brother and raise another. For now, we will be working with the brothers still in the middle of the process and work with them to make sure that they are getting out of this process what we are all putting in. That is really all that we can do and it has worked well this year ensuring that new brothers are welcomed into the lodge and start their masonic journey with that deep connection that we all have with the fraternity and with our fellow brothers.

Passing One Thousand!

Last month I was able to mark the 500^th post on this blog. Today I was able to mark a slightly different but very similar occasion in that, between this blog and Getting Your Phil, I have published one thousand blogs since this all started in late May of 2013 (of course, there were a few blogs before that point as well). Obviously, the Phillies-centric blog came a little later and there were a few days missed here and there.

It’s interesting to think about all the different things that have been said, statements that have been made, and questions that have been posed throughout that plethora of posts. While there have been many occasions when I have repeated myself and even the entire subject matter of the post but there have been a wide variety of things that have been said. Some have been good, some bad, but they are all out there just for the heck of it.

Tonight I ran into the new guy working at the front desk of our apartment building and over the natural course of introducing ourselves we found that we had the common interest of blogging. However, it was interesting to hear the different perspectives that we each had for doing this. While I write this largely rambling posts for the sake of writing and attempting to maintain my creativity, limited as it may now be, he has diverged into the for profit model.

It was this shift in his perspective that has caused him to lose the passion he once had for sharing his art and perspective to his community. The graphic arts, like writing, requires a passion for the practice rather than a desire to get paid. If the money follows that is just a bonus, but it cannot be the motivating factor that keeps you posting blog posts day after day.

I really hate when I see this same thing happen to creative people over and over again. The money gets in the way of the passion leaving them grasping for anything that they can get a hold of and doing all they can to maintain an ember burning. All too often, I have seen heat within them completely extinguished. We must maintain our passions and focus our energy on the creative process not the possibilities of monetary gain.

Money is not the means by which to measure the creative process. If we lose focus on that which we are creating we can no longer truly commit ourselves to our art (regardless of media or genre). One thousand blogs and that remains my motivation… that and providing proof that yes I did exist. But you already read about my true motivation in keeping this daily blog.

What Does This Milestone Mean To Me?

When I started this blog my goal was to force myself to write everyday as writing had been absent from my daily life for too long after being so prominent for years. While the goal was daily I honestly didn’t have much confidence that I would be able to keep up that page especially given the fact that I had set certain parameters for each post. However, unlike in the past, I am glad that I didn’t restrict myself to a specific topic or group of topics even though I knew from the beginning what subjects would play a prominent role.

That was 500 days and 500 posts ago and not much has changed in this blog. Frankly, I am amazed that I have been able to keep up the pace and, for the most part, find different things to write about. It is with that I mind that I have become more aware of the things and situations around me, I have paid closer attention to things in my life that would have in the past just been another day, and on a few occasions I have forced myself to do other things, go other places, and think about different subject so that I might have something interesting to write about.

While not everything has made it onto the blog both by choice and forgetfulness, these 500 posts have been a great way to record and communicate all that is happening in a very simple life. This brings me back to a question that was recently posed to me in a LinkedIn genealogy discussion. I had posted one of the many genealogy related posts to a group and the response from one member of the group, after the obligatory thanks for sharing this story, was something along the lines of “it is great that you are learning about your family history, putting the pieces together, and writing about them but what are you going to pass down? What will your children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, etc. know about you and your life?”

With everything that has happened since I wrote the first word of the first post, this comment solidified why I keep writing. While these posts serve as a means of winding down and for me to remember all that I have done, they are also something to pass down. After all, it is one thing for future generations to know that you existed, it is something much more to know who you were, what you did, what you believed, and what you stood for. So I guess you could say that these 500 posts and all that follow are merely a means to add color, shape, and general character to my leaf on the tree.

Not A Happy Anniversary

There are some days that you mark on the calendar that you look forward to and there are other that you hope never some to fruition. Sometimes it is a major life event while other times it is just an annoyance that keeps frustrating you every day when you come home from work. Unfortunately, today we marked the latter of the two which I had been anticipating but hoping that I would be proven wrong. That’s right, for those of you that recall the gripes from the summer, the work on the leak is still not complete.

While the actual issue with the water seems to have been solved, or at least the band aid is holding up, and the painting was completed a couple of weeks ago, the building has yet to clean the space which we still have quarantined in our living room. Keep in mind that maintenance has not been in to check this ‘fix’ since they closed the ceiling so it is questionable whether or not the mend will hold. If it were a few little pieces and drips on the carpet I probably would have addressed this once the painting was done but this is a much bigger mess than what our vacuum can handle. This is the kind of job that requires professional carpet cleaning which the building manager had agreed to employ not long after this whole debacle began.

So now I have to burn another early morning and corner this woman in her office to at least get a response to the countless queries that have gone unanswered. While we had issues with the previous building manager it was never this bad and things continue to deteriorate the longer this management company runs the facility. Hopefully, this issue will be resolved soon but I lend that statement no more credence than the cliché of yelling fire in a movie theater.

With all of that said, there is a positive side to this whole thing in that it has motivated us, more so than before, to get the heck out and find another place to live. While we made an attempt in the spring, we will be successful this time around as our lease winds down to a close. Hopefully, if we begin looking a little earlier we can find a better place to call home not just a box in which we live. I guess we will just have to wait and see what we can find and hope that there are options available to us.

The Workaholic’s Dilemma

What happens if I turn one of the other two directions?

I decided some time ago that I was going to take today off. The problem that I am running into is that I really don’t know what to do with myself with this extra day away from the office. All of the other days that I have been out of the office had another reason behind them beyond just needing to take time off. I have taken a days off here and there because of holidays, illness, and other commitments during the day. I had something to do. Today I am not sure how I am going to fill the day.

There are a few options. I could go to the range. I could run some overdue errands. I could spend the time in the apartment cleaning or organizing. I could sit at my computer, get ahead on work, catch up on a few lodge tasks, and write a few blogs for future use. There is also a research article that I have to get done for the fall. Nothing seems to be jumping out at me at the moment. I know that my wife will be productive today but I have no motivation to get that much done. Maybe I should just let the day play out and not set an agenda for this rare time away from the office.

On the other hand, I might want to get things together now as this is the first of four consecutive weeks when I will have short weeks. That’s right from this week until the week of the 4^th of July, I will be working four days a week. Sounds like a great way to start the summer but if things continue as they are starting off today it may not be as nice as it sounds. I have to find a way to fill my days and be productive but also have the time off be relaxing as well.

The other issue I have with taking time off is that I have a check list constantly running through my mind of things that need to get done as soon as I get back to the office. I am also thinking of the possibilities of things that may come up that someone else will have to handle since I am not at my desk and, potentially, not at my computer today. And, no surprise, I am constantly trying to think about things that I may have possibly forgotten about yesterday that I should have gotten done before the long weekend began.

So, I guess I am going to have to work today as it is going to take some significant effort to calm my mind and focus on the day in from of me. I am going to just let the day play out and pretty much do what I want to do. All of this while staying out of my wife’s way so that she can get everything done that she needs to focus on. Will it be a successful day, I don’t know but I am going to try and see how things go. This might help though...

A Return To Soreness

It has been a week since my wife and I joined Planet Fitness and while not everything has gone to plan, we are both making some surprising progress for only being one week in. On our first day we were in the gym for 30 minutes, we are now gotten a pretty solid and tightly packed routine down which, at the moment takes us about 45 minutes. There are a few things that I still have to add but, overall, it is a pretty good start.

I can notice a little bit of change with this new routine. While the strength has yet to return, my muscles seem to have been activated and are bigger than they have been in years (especially my shoulders fro some reason). I don’t know if I have lost any weight because I haven’t been on a scale in probably a month but I don’t think any weight has come off since my clothes still feel the same.

Our diet is something that really is a work in progress. Myself more so than my wife (by far). She has been doing really well, she’s not where she wants to be but who is? As for me, I have made some improvements in that I am eating more salads but can’t say that my portions are any better and there are the occasional times when something really unhealthy seems to find its way into my hand. Small steps though. Just going to keep trying to take them ne after the other.

One thing that I haven’t been looking forward to but I have once again learned to embrace is the soreness. I kind of missed this feeling. The feeling like I actually did something physical during the day. You never get the same feeling by just walking around. I once again feel the comfort on the machines, lifting weights, and on the treadmill that has been absent for many years (especially the last few times that I tried getting into a workout routine).

This is why I can already tell that this time is going to be different. I can feel the difference and I already know where all of the locations are around home and work. Now it is going to take time to get to where I want to be and where I know I can return. One of these days I will post a picture for reference but, for now, it is my motivation Even though it is early, there is progress being made and a comfort level that I have been missing. This is just the beginning.

Two Sides Of The Sign

This week I finally got around to bringing some decorative items to the office. It’s always nice to personalize your space but not something that I have done for some time as nothing seemed to be permanent over the last couple of years. Up until now I have always used my laptop to add a little touch to my space in the form of the background that I selected.

So finally I brought in a few items. Nothing much, just a few things to put on my desk and a coffee mug which is essential now that we have a coffee maker in the kitchen (plus I am certain that no one is going to take my Remington mug). However, the one thing that I brought in to the office and put on my desk is more of a means of motivation rather than decoration.

President Truman was know to have a saying prominently displayed on his desk for all visitors to see. There was a simple slogan painted across the front saying “The buck stops here!” Yes, it has become clichéd since his time in office but it is still something that we should all remember, especially at work. You can give all the excuses you want but in reality the responsibility, the production, the decisions are up to you.

Even if you are not the boss, I’m certainly not, you still have to make the decisions on many things and you have to decide what you can’t make decisions on whether it is because of position, experience, or not having the authority. There is a decision to be made and you are the one that has to make it. Everything else you have to determine what to do, how to do it, or where to delegate it (if appropriate).

The sing serves as my motivation to do the best I can and push through any obstacle or, more importantly, and times of uncertainty or indecisiveness. But it is a sign that also reminds me of family and of a happy time just a few years ago when I purchased it at the Little White House in Key West, Florida. It was the first family vacation that my wife was included in and it was a time that we all enjoyed being down in the heat together for a sweltering week during the summer.

So, in the end, one simple sign can motivate in many ways. Not just to do the best you can at work but also to motivate to succeed at that job so that you can enjoy the times away from the office with family. There are always two sides to every sign.

The Last Trip Through The Lobby

Working the graveyard shift is one that generally doesn’t bother me. I'ts quiet and I can get a decent amount of work done on the computer in the middle of the night. It has sapped some of my sleep but I am still able to get most of what I need to get done during the day so long as nothing pops up. It is a bit of a bother but nothing that can’t be overcome.

Sleep is something that can be made up, I certainly have on many of my days off, and after a couple of good night’s sleep the tiredness is soon forgotten. However, there is one thing that I can’t fully forget and, given the demographics of our building, something that I am most likely to see again. I can’t seem to get the last trips that some residents take through the lobby in the middle of the night.

Unfortunately, during a particularly unpleasant period over the first four months of the year I watched as this happened three times. Each time I said good bye without the expectation of a response. One of the residents I knew well while the others I only knew by name. Either way, it is something that is very difficult to witness and something that lingers with you during the overnight hours when you know there are people up stairs that are in worse shape than those who have passed.

These departures were so regular that it had gotten to the point that I recognized the medic that worked the same shift that I did whose job it was to check vitals and confirm time of death. About 30-40 minutes after this unpleasant declaration, the funeral home would arrive, recognize me behind the front desk, and head over to the elevator. The next time I would see them was when the elevator came back down, the doors opened, and they accompanied the resident through their last trip across the lobby.  

What might have been more difficult than that period of time was that in the months prior to the changing of the calendar I was asked to check on a resident who wasn’t doing well but still insisted on living alone. Each night, I would head up to his floor, open the unlocked door, and quietly walk down the hall and peek around the corner to make sure he was breathing. Every time I walked through the threshold I was terrified by what I might find. It wasn’t so much the fact that I might find that the resident had passed peacefully in his sleep and was no longer in pain it was more that I didn’t want to have to cause his children pain by informing them of his departure.

A couple months into the New Year, he also made his final journey through the lobby. A stark contrast to the man I met shortly after my wife and I moved into the building whose personality was barely contained by the concrete walls. That night in particular is the one that I will never forget.

During the night, when nothing is supposed to happen, it is these moments that are the most difficult but also the ones that motivate me to continue pushing forward. They also make me a more pleasant and tolerant person as I still say good morning and good night to everyone that passes through on my shift no matter what their response, or lack thereof, is going to be. But, more importantly, it motivates me because I dread the night that I witness this again and, I admit a little selfishly, I don’t want to be there when it happens.