TMI Tuesday: Feeding Off Daddy

We all have good days and bad days for various reasons. When it is a particularly long day at the office, I have to deal with some other issues, or there is just a lot of work to be done I tend to be quite stressed and can sometimes be a little abrupt (to say the least) in my demeanor. This is pretty much the way it has always been and I have done my best to try and keep those things from entering our home. This is especially important now because our son can definitely sense when something is a little off or if daddy is having a bad day. He feeds off daddy's mood.

Many times, my son’s mood reflects my own which is why I try my best to push everything aside, leave everything at the office, in the car, or where ever I can store those pressing matters, and focus on the present, focusing on just being with my son. I think this might be why he always seems to have a smile when I walk in the door although I can tell how well I am suppressing everything else by the simple fact of how fast he crawls to my ankles. At the same time I can tell when he senses that I am just run down or not feeling well as he tends to be a little more careful around me and comes in for hugs a couple more times than usual.

Lately, my son has gotten better at picking up inflection in my voice as well. I can see it in the look on his face after I say something. Actually, he understands a lot more than most people give him credit for as he is sometimes the first to laugh at jokes or to give me a quick glance when something I say catches his attention. While he has yet to speak a clear word beyond mama and dada, the vocabulary seems to be slowly building as well. In addition to my mood, I am really having to watch my words more and more every time I walk through the door.

This whole thing is something that really isn’t talked about much on the forums or is a main focus in parenting books but my mood has a huge impact on my son’s personality. He is a happy infant right now and I hope that he remains that way… I can’t imagine what he would be like had I not put forth the effort to leave all those things outside of our home. I definitely know that our relationship, our bond, would not be what it is today had I been a grumpy daddy every time I walked through the door. Now I just have to do my best to keep it up.

The Times They Are A Changing…

Hello... is it me your looking for? 

We are now getting to the point in the pregnancy when there is nothing that can really make my wife comfortable and, therefore, there is no way that I am going to be comfortable. Sleep is sporadic at best and the smallest amount of stress (completely unavoidable at this point) cause the occasional contraction. While that may be worrisome to many, we are at the point when this is a completely normal irregular thing to happen. It’s when they become regular that we have to considering hauling to the hospital.

We still have some things that we need to take care of around the house but, overall, everything seems to be under control. With that said, there seem to be things that will come about every other day that just throw all of our plans out the door (where they are stomped on and lit on fire). I guess that is just another way to prepare us for having a baby in our life… you really have to take things as they come once he arrives.

The doctor appointments are now every week with the mad rush out of the office becoming more and more difficult but still completely manageable. And so far, with the exception of a few times when we have had to wait a little longer than usual or reschedule due to weather, everything has checked out and our son is happy, healthy, and active to the point that even the nurses are surprised. The doctor actually considers our son’s development completely normal… I guess he shouldn’t get used to being described that way given the family around him.

It’s funny that many of the conversations that I’ve had with people they all expect me to be nervous and ‘not ready yet’ but, above all else, I am excited to see and hold our son. As each day passes the anticipation grows and the nerves subside ever so slightly. I don’t expect this to be easy but I am looking forward to his arrival probably more than anything else that I have waited for in my life.

I wish that was the only thing that was going on in our lives right now but nothing in life is ever easy no matter how smoothly things may seem to be progressing at times. We have to take the bad with the good no matter how hard it is to handle. With everything that surrounds us and occupies our days, I can’t wait for that moment when I can hold our baby and forget about everything else that is going on in the world (even if he decides to poop on me).

Space, The Current Frontier…

Over the past month my wife and I have continued to stay busy with the growing list of things that we need to get done before the baby arrives and other things that need to be taken care of in the family. Lately there has seldom been a day that we could find the time just to breath and pull back from all of the chaos that is currently surrounding us. Of course, there have been other things and people that have continued to pull us into various situations which was not helping things either.

There comes a point, which we came to last week, when you simply have to pull back and look at the larger picture. We would like to do anything and everything that we can, help in any way we are able, and generally just check things off of our lists of task that we need to get done. However, some of those things are hurting everyone more than they are helping anyone. This past week we came to that conclusion, pulled back from certain things, and refocused on the positive changes in our lives.

The space that we gained, the calmness achieved, and the focus we now have is something that has been missing over the past month. We are finally able to breathe and recover from all that is happening around us. Don’t get me wrong, we cannot fully disengage from those people and situations around us but we can’t let them run our lives either.

We have grown to appreciate the need for space. Both from situations and people but also in the physical area around us. Life had become incredibly cramped and it was time to reset the boundaries, reorganize, and embrace the space that we have in our life. This is necessary not just to protect ourselves but our baby as well. Frankly, we don’t want our child to feel as though they are imprisoned but the situations and people around them.

The freedom that this decision has afforded us finally allowed us to have a weekend that feels as though it is more than a couple hours long. The days seemed to have slowed down and the tenseness has been removed from the simplest of things like driving, texting, and calling. While not a perfect plan by any means and something that we don’t expect to last, it is the best option that we have in front of us and, so far, making that space is just what we needed.

Sifting Through The Piles

Just as I thought, we're dealing with a huge pile of crap!

Last week, the weekend, and now this week have been full of various piles that have had to be shoveled. Sometimes it was a matter of picking up and moving a pile from one place to another while other times it was in a failed effort to take care of a stinky situation. As was mentioned before, it is common to move projects and tasks at the office from one day or week to the next. It is not something that I like to do but it happens, it is sometimes part of the job when you are juggling so many things at once.

There are things that I do my best to avoid pushing back but there are also other items that I don’t have control over. It actually reminds me of the scene in the movie “The Last Castle” when the punishment handed down to Robert Redford’s character was to move a pile of rocks with no real constructive purpose for the project. It would have been fine keeping it where is was but, due to some external influence, it had to be shifted to another day (and sometimes moved again).

And then there are the other piles that seem to be popping up all over the place as of late. It has gotten so bad that at times I feel as though I am trying to make my way across the 38^th parallel… one wrong step and you’re dealing with a whole new pile of BS for the week. Needless to say, these kinds of piles are sticky and stubborn to the point that it is sometimes best to just throw away your shoes and move on.

I guess both of these kinds of piles come down to the lack of control I have over what is going on around me. I can control much of what is happening at the office but I can’t control things on the other side of the phone. No matter how much we try or how meticulous the plan, it is never a guarantee that things will go smoothly.

On the personal side of things and all other situations where predominant component of the piles is in the form of BS, I really don’t have any control. I have tried to voice concerns, present some sort of reasonable action plan, and even attempted to simply ‘play nice’ but all of that has been pushed to the side so that stubbornness, anger, and stupidity could run rampant. Now additional opinions, no matter how good the intentions, are welcomed and I have no control over this situation. However, I can control the fact that my voice is heard and my concerns are aired but, in the end, everything remains steaming in a growing pile primarily occupying my weekends.

Great Way To End The Work Day

Here is our son beating up mommy!

Yesterday was a busy day at the office with various events and new projects that we have to prepare for. It is a long and sometimes stressful experience but also something that we can be proud of once everything comes to pass. As the long day wound down I slowly packed my bags, closed my computer, headed out the door, and off to my next appointment. These days, these appointment, are ones that I continue looking forward to as the weeks slowly drift by. It is time to check in on the baby.

My wife and I both arrived at the doctor’s office early and after catching up a bit on everything that is going on and discussing the questions that we wanted to ask the doctor we made our way through the doors, checked in, and sat in the waiting room. Every visit there seems to be a certain amount of excitement coupled with a slight hint of nervousness. It is safe to say that the worrying starts before the baby arrives.

It wasn’t long before we were escorted back into an examining room (amid glares from all the pregnant women who were sitting there when we first walked in). After a quick weight and blood pressure check it was time to hear one of the most calming, if not the most calming, sound that we have in our lives at this moment… our son’s heartbeat. It is a sound that fills the room (especially now that it is so much easier to find) and one that makes me look forward to the day when I will finally be able to hold him.

The tranquil moment passed as the nurse headed out the door and we waited for the doctor to appear. Again, a perfect time to make sure we had all our questions ready. The doctor came in, took some measurements, and let us know that our baby boy was perfectly healthy… all tests have come back negative, heart rate is normal, and the measurements are right where they need to be. Essentially, our kid is probably never going to be this ‘normal’ again.

Once we silently reveled in the god news of a quick moment, we began posing all of the questions that we have been reviewing for days. All of the ‘let’s just double check with the doctor’ type of questions. The doctor took her time, answered all of the questions that we had, and let us know about what we should expect during the next appointment in 4 weeks. I’m sure we will have more questions for the doctor upon our return but, for now, everything is progressing as it should and we are looking forward to meeting our happy and healthy (and VERY active) little boy.

Measured Communication

Most work days I am on the phone, writing emails, and scanning the recent trade and general news sources constantly from the time I arrive to the time I depart the office. Occasionally, I will switch things up and work on something different but that seems to be a rare occurrence recently. However, there are moments when I am able to take a break, relax, and just have a casual moment.

In fact, those times just before a phone interview or when I am reaching out to a reporter/editor that I know particularly well are some of the best times of the day for me because we are able to talk, see how things are going, and today talk about any plans that they might have for the weekend. It is a glimpse into life rather than a constant focus on work. Heck, I am downright pleasant during those brief interludes.

Of course, there are certain days, like earlier this week, when I have to just keep to the business at hand. Not because of the long list of things to do that is hanging over my head, although that does have an impact, it is simply because there are certain days when I am not in a good mood. I might even be downright pissed on some days. Those days, while sometimes difficult, I have to work to remain positive. Obviously something had previously gone awry but I can’t let that come across to those with which I am corresponding.

The other part of those task oriented days and communications is the fact that I takes a considerable amount of effort to remain even keeled. Those are the days when I find myself exhausted when I shut down the computer and struggling to get just about anything done at night when I get home. It’s a simply fact that being negative and/or angry just takes too much effort. I know some people that are always negative regardless of the situation and I honestly don't know how they get out of bed every day.

While I am certain that weeks like this one will come and go and there will be times when my stress levels will gain force me to that angry and loud place, they are just moments in life and none of those inconveniences will last forever. After all, things could always be worse (the leak could have been above or bed) and there are much better things to focus our energy on and be positive about (our little, probably will become a big and hairy, baby). So I may have a few bad days here and there and different stresses may pop up now and again, I really can’t complain about much (but you have to give me some leeway on that).

What Are Your Symptoms?

And both will kill you over time!

Stress is something that we all deal with on a daily basis on one form or another. Most of this encounter this little monster at the office while others deal with numerous outside factors that impact the level of stress in their life. Lately, life seems to be shuffling the grab bag and pouring out numerous stressors all at one time from all different areas. While I am a firm proponent that stress in moderation is a good thing that can help with motivation, too much stress, especially on a consistent basis rather than the normal ebb and flow, has the exact opposite effect.

Unfortunately, stress is frequently overlooked when someone isn’t feeling right. I have seen it time and again in countless friends and coworkers and have experienced a few symptoms here and there in my own life at different points and for various reasons. It is with this underdiagnoses in mind that I want to bring to your attention (or remind you) of the detrimental symptoms and effects that stress can have on you. While by no means complete, here is the list from WebMD:

What Are The Symptoms of Stress?

Stress can affect all aspects of your life, including your emotions, behaviors, thinking ability, and physical health. No part of the body is immune. But, because people handle stress differently, symptoms of stress can vary. Symptoms can be vague and may be the same as those caused by medical conditions. So it is important to discuss them with your doctor. You may experience any of the following symptoms of stress.

Continue readi

Emotional symptoms of stress include:

·         Becoming easily agitated, frustrated, and moody

·         Feeling overwhelmed, like you are losing control or need to take control

·         Having difficulty relaxing and quieting your mind

·         Feeling bad about yourself (low self-esteem), lonely, worthless, and depressed

·         Avoiding others

Physical symptoms of stress include:

·         Low energy

·         Headaches

·         Upset stomach, including diarrhea, constipation, and nausea

·         Aches, pains, and tense muscles

·         Chest pain and rapid heartbeat

·         Insomnia

·         Frequent colds and infections

·         Loss of sexual desire and/or ability

·         Nervousness and shaking, ringing in the ear, cold or sweaty hands and feet

·         Dry mouth and difficulty swallowing

·         Clenched jaw and grinding teeth

Cognitive symptoms of stress include:

·         Constant worrying

·         Racing thoughts

·         Forgetfulness and disorganization

·         Inability to focus

·         Poor judgment

·         Being pessimistic or seeing only the negative side

Behavioral symptoms of stress include:

·         Changes in appetite -- either not eating or eating too much

·         Procrastinating and avoiding responsibilities

·         Increased use of alcohol, drugs, or cigarettes

·         Exhibiting more nervous behaviors, such as nail biting, fidgeting, and pacing

Those are just the symptoms that you could be feeling at any given stressful moment, the more serious and damaging problems occur when there are periods of prolonged stress. Those consequences include:

·         Mental health problems, such as depression, anxiety, and personality disorders

·         Cardiovascular disease, including heart disease, high blood pressure, abnormal heart rhythms, heart attacks, and stroke

·         Obesity and other eating disorders

·         Menstrual problems

·         Sexual dysfunction, such as impotence and premature ejaculation in men and loss of sexual desire in both men and women

·         Skin and hair problems, such as acne, psoriasis, and eczema, and permanent hair loss

·         Gastrointestinal problems, such as GERD, gastritis, ulcerative colitis, and irritable colon

So, here is where you would usual read about the “useful tips” that someone has for you in how to deal with stress… well, I am not going to do that. Whatever I say will work for some (if any) but not for others and, honestly, it depends on the stressor, situation, and individual. Sometimes I just stopped giving half a crap about while other things I have had to cut back on. In the end, it all comes down to what calms you regardless of what other people think… go to the range, play golf, take pictures, write, drive, paint, etc. I can’t tell you what will work for you. I know what works for me and that was hard enough to find.

However, I will say that you need to be aware of stress and whether it is effecting you. Also make sure to look out for your family, friends, coworkers and make sure that they don’t head down this path. Just be there for others and listen. What can also be helpful is a simple invitation to join you when you are looking to release your own stress (get your mind out of the gutter you dirty people). Sometimes this can be beneficial to both of you. I guess you could consider that my ‘useless tip’ for you, free of charge.

A Lazy Day Is Not Relaxing

 

The plan this Saturday was to head off to the lodge in the morning and take care of a few items that need to be addressed in the next couple of days. Maybe even get ahead of a few things. In addition to these weekly tasks, a clean out way loosely organized to begin in the morning and get some of the random things out of the building that have been doing nothing but taking up space for years if not decades. After that was going to be a quick lunch with my wife and maybe a small trip to Staples.

It was a reasonable plan but even the simple days sometimes get altered. Sometimes in drastic ways. What ended up happening today was sleeping late, eating lunch, and a long period of just doing nothing. I can’t remember the last time I just bummed around the apartment and relaxed. With everything that has been going on lately it was nice to not have to be anywhere. While I felt a little bad for not getting over to the lodge, sometimes I have to just step back for a day and try to recharge. Today was that overdue day.

While it was nice to take it easy and relax on the couch with my wife, by the end of the day I was left wondering what I had gotten done. In the past, I would have just sat back and enjoyed the fact that I didn’t have to do anything. However, that is not who I am anymore. Not getting anything done by the end of the day just made me feel worse, increased my stress, and made me feel tired (more than I was before). I never thought I would be one of those people but the fact of the matter is, I need to keep working. My relaxation comes from the completion of work knowing that I got enough done during the day.

I know, I can sense my wife cringing as she reads this.

So tomorrow something is going to have to get done. If I have any chance of trying to relax this weekend, I can’t let projects and tasks get put off for another day. With that said, the agenda for tomorrow is still up in the air as I have a number of things that have to get done on the computer and at the apartment but we also have to get out and continue looking at apartments.

I have no idea what is going to happen so I guess I will just log off and write about it tomorrow. I know, I am such a come as it may person but sometimes you don’t have complete control over the next day no matter what you may think. So, goodbye today, hello tomorrow.   

Working Toward Relaxation

Today was one of those days. The kind of day that no matter how much you get done and how much progress you feel you are making it never seems to feel like enough to get ahead. Not the first time I have experienced this and certainly not the last but it is frustrating regardless of when it happens especially when you know that the days that are going to follow will, more than likely, hold the same fate.

Making things worse is the weather both in regard to temperature and just feeling under the weather lately. For me, it just makes me push harder to get more done and keep working no matter how I am feeling. Sometimes you just have to grind it out… there is no room for the luxury of a day off no matter how horrible you feel or how piercing the headache.

Honestly, I wouldn’t know what to do if I were to take the day off. So far the one half day that I have taken off and the one day that I have requested are because of events that I want to attend. Even when taking a day off I seem to be busy. Being busy may be taxing at times and some people may think I am a little nuts (I won’t argue with them on that point) but it keeps me moving forward and looking forward to new experiences and opportunities in life. This is how I am able and why I chose to work 200+ hours a month and keep a full schedule of activities going outside of the office.

It just goes to show that you don’t have to have good hand eye coordination to be able to juggle. Sometimes the actions of keeping things going, keeping everything up in the air, is what ensures that we keep putting one foot in front of the other no matter how tired we get or run down we may feel. This is also why this blog just keeps going (sometimes, I’m sure, it even seems never ending), this is another task which I can focus my mind on and use the opportunity to fill in the gaps of my day.

This is one aspect of my means of relaxation. I work on this blog to recover from work. I utilize this space to just let myself think sometimes about one specific subject while other times I let myself jump around a bit. While I am sure it is getting a bit repetitive at this point it is still a fulfilling way for me to relax and write about what I want to discuss rather than about a topic that is dictated to me from someone else. I know that if I do nothing I begin feeling stressed and begin wearing down quickly which is why I have to keep myself going. These post along with everything else I do and every place I go outside of the office is how I relax.

Presenting Members With Alternatives

Time and again I read about proponents making grandiose claims about alternative medicine whether it is a miracle pill/supplement, a bracelet that can cure you from pain, or a drastic diet that can turn you into an Adonis. Every time I find myself changing the channel, turning the page, or leaving the room. But there are other times when I sit back, listen, and once they are done preaching I ask them a very simple question. I never ask anything tricky or that is an attempt to catch them in a trap. Every time I have done this my question has been either dismissed or I am given a general that their snake oil can cure anything.

Given my past experiences, I went into yesterday’s Rotary meeting with some underlying consternation but, to be fair, I sat back and I listened. Our guest speaker’s background was so diversified that I couldn’t help but give her my attention and see what her view is on her chosen profession. It was also in the best interest of the club that I remain neutral as I was acting President yesterday and I didn’t want to interfere or have a negative impact on the club.

After opening the meeting in both the traditional and in our own unique manner, I was honored to be a part of a long overdue occasion… the official welcoming of a new member. I recall that day fondly and, I can now say, it is just as special when you are the one welcoming someone in to the club. With all the Rotary business taken care of for the day, we moved on to having a lively lunch before welcoming our guest speaker to the podium.

Dr. Joanna Carmichael is the Founder & CEO of the Kalyana Centre (formerly The Center for Oneness) in Narberth, Pennsylvania. Her background includes 26 years in the nursing field (including psychiatric nursing) along with over 20 years of clinical experience in the pharmaceutical research industry. During that time she committed herself to simultaneous studies in Holistic Health, Metaphysics, Divinity, Yoga, and Ayurveda resulting in two doctoral degrees which has given her a well-rounded perspective on health and healing and its intimate relationship to spirituality.

Her desire to create a place of beauty, healing and transformation where people can come to experience a variety of modalities in Alternative Medicine resulted from an intention that began when she left the pharmaceutical industry permanently in 2008 and opened the centre in September 2009. “Starting this Centre has been a dream come true,” said Carmichael. “My intention to do this at a time where we need healing on all levels became manifest… I had the vision and now the vision has me.” It is here where she educates people with regard to meditation, yoga, and ayurveda to help people primarily with the one thing that plagues us all… stress.

Carmichael’s belief in the interconnectedness between physiology, psychology and spirituality and the need for conventional as well as complementary modalities provides a vast array of choices by which the individual can begin their journey into healing. Her background in both the hard sciences and in alternative medicine is a combination that allows for a much more holistic approach to the problems of individuals. Being able to seamlessly combine the two is something that few have been able to accomplish and understanding the limitations of both is a powerful tool to apply to the care of her clients.

Also of note is that this is not just all business and profit for Carmichael. This is a deeply help passion and something that she offers, in part, as a service to the community through a free community meditation program which she offers every Monday and Wednesday (Thursday with another practitioner) from 6:00 – 6:30 pm at the Centre. During these open sessions, attendees are invited to decompress from the day's activities and connect with like-minded people for a half hour of meditation with the overall objective being that “through meditation we are also tapping into the wisdom of our soul, where we can experience the field of infinite potential, creativity, health and wisdom.”

It is because of people like Dr. Carmichael that I do my best to keep an open mind and listen to the perspectives that may be radically different from my own. Sometimes my views don’t change while other time, such as yesterday, I am willing to accept the merits of some alternatives. This also demonstrates the importance of Rotary in exposing people to ideas, professions, and individuals that they wouldn’t normally come across during the normal course of their day.

What have been some of topics covered during a Rotary meeting that you wouldn’t have otherwise been exposed to? Who have been some of the more memorable speakers? Has your overall perspective been changed through Rotary? Please note that all these questions can apply to other clubs, fraternities, organizations, etc. Feel free to answer based on your personal involvement in any of the above not just Rotary.

Being A Cheap PITA Can Keep You Sane

Right now money is tight and I try and watch what we spend. Most of the time its easy while other times it can be hard. There are a couple of things that make it very easy to keep a firm grasp on every penny.

The schedule that I keep has me sleeping for much of the normal waking hours so it is a time that I don’t have to think about what needs to be picked up or purchased. All I think about is sleeping. It also delays the purchase of items to make sure they are really needed rather than a simple want or desire.

The other thing that makes it easy are the people that either call me (despite the fact that I know for certain that I am on the National Do Not Call Registry) or send me generic letters. Especially when they can’t even get my name right… if you want me to even listen to your request get my name right first. Also, when I answer the phone you better be ready to go because if you stutter you leave yourself open to me venting all my frustration and anger on you.

You may not even have done anything wrong, you may be a damn fine individual, but I’m going to let you have it. To me, telemarketers offer a great service to society… free therapy. If I have to deal with the BS system that your industry employs you are most certainly going to deal with mine.

This is not something that works for everyone but it works for me and I feel much better afterward and, in fact, I actually saved some money rather than having it cost me anything. Please also note that this works particularly well when you call them back (after they fail to leave a message of course), let them tell you why it was so important for them not to leave a message, and let it rip. Again, I am willing to put in a couple minutes of effort for a free stress release.

Now, on the other end of the spectrum, you can try to sell them something. I don’t care what it is or even if it’s real, just keep talking and don’t let them get in a word and sell, sell, sell. It’s a great feeling when you get a telemarketer to hang up on you and an even better one when you get them interested and let them know that “unfortunately, we just sold out. Can I call you back at a later time?”

In both my own experience and the tales told by many others I know that make these types of calls in a diverse cross section of industries, this is an old fashion sales method that is going to provoke these types of responses and those who do this for a living expect it and understand it. In fact, about 3/4 of the people with whom I spoke, prefer these types of calls because it keeps the person on the phone so that once they stumble in their retort it opens them up to be sold again. "It is all part of the game" is the common justification of the process and this is why they requested I write this post.

Personally, this process is it has kept my wallet close and my sanity closer. And I don’t even have to mention a do not call list to make the solicitations stop. Maybe this is why I was never a fit for the sales field… I enjoyed these types of calls and the back and forth fun that you can have with them. But, in the end, I enjoy being on the other side of the phone too much. Of course, it could simply be that I have a tendency to be a PITA.