TMI Tuesday: I Can’t Poop!

 

There are many different cries and screams that we have learned to decipher over the past year and a half. Granted, my wife is much better as interpreting them but there are a few that I have been able to pick up over time. One of them has a certain decibel and cadence that simply translates to “I can’t poop and I am not happy about it!” Unfortunately, we tend to know that this one is going to happen when he goes nearly an entire day without a red faced movement.

This is also one of those screams that can really happen at any time, day or night. And it doesn’t matter where we are at the time either as we have experienced his vocal cords piercing our ears while in bed, at the dinner table, in the playroom, while out to dinner, with family, and in the car. It is an equal opportunity scream that definitely gets your attention. Keep in mind that all of this is in despite of him regularly eating a healthy amount of movement inducing foods.

When we hear it we know that he is uncomfortable and, if at night, he is going to have trouble sleeping. And, given the backup that it represents, we try to keep his situation in mind when he doesn’t eat as much or doesn’t scurry around the house at the rate or regularity that he normally does. What’s worse, is that this particular siren becomes more pronounced when he doesn’t get the results he is looking for after the latest colonic pilates session.

During some of these more intense blockages, he even produces what can best be described as golf balls in between complete expulsions. Try sitting on a golf ball or small rock while at your desk and see how that feels. It is a sensation that doesn’t offer any relief. On the contrary, it makes him even grumpier and I can’t really blame him for the reaction.

However, when all is said and done and the increased fiber intake overtakes the barrier, the sense of relief that washes over his face is quite the site to see. Of course, there is a hint of fear in his eyes as well as he knows that the odds of a blowout are rather high in this situation. But, when all is said and done, it is nice to have our cheeky little baby boy back to his normal self. At least until the next time.

TMI Tuesday: Watch The Winkie!

We are currently operation at DEFCON 2!

It is pretty much guaranteed that when I get home after work our son’s diaper is going to be a little bloated. At nearly 12 pounds, he doesn’t really hold anything back. However, most of the time it is not what you usually think of when you hear about the droopiness of his drawers. While sometimes it is of a stinky nature, most of the time it is the flood waters that are testing the limits of the dam. This is confirmed by the bright blue racing stripe that appears on the front of the diaper.

Of course, whenever in doubt just wait for the crying to begin… our son is not a fan of the squishiness. These are the easy diapers to change… most of the time. Regardless of what he just finished doing, whenever the seal is broken and the emanations are exposed, the shields have to go up… there is just enough help back that a launch could occur at any moment.

While the nerves don’t take to kindly to the free flowing of flatus, it is the tinkle that usually causes the most trouble. At least with a number two you can hear him pushing and watch as his face turns a deeper and deeper shade of red. When it comes to the whiz his only tell is when his winkie decides to imitate a cold war missile drill. The launch could happen or it might not. Best thing to do is prepare the defenses and hope for the best.

My wife and I have discovered that you can really change a diaper quickly when under the threat of attack and most of the time the new diaper is on before the rain begins to fall. When this happens we just hope not to hear thunder which pretty much guarantees that precipitation is eminent. That is when we see the redness disappear and the smirk slowly grow into a full smile… at least it tames the fussiness for a moment.

In hindsight, all of this is a simple source of amusement. Thankfully, we haven’t had any major issues with changing our son… not like the rainbows that we encountered during our first month. With that said, we still have to remain cognizant of the limits of the diaper sizes. Our son is growing quickly and so are his volume requirements so we are continuously cognizant of the issue of proper containment. Hopefully we can continue limiting the onesie casualties, stay ahead of the growth curve, and make sure we keep changing him as fast as possible.

TMI Tuesday: That Wasn’t A Fart!

There are times early in the evening when there is loud rumble coming from the baby monitor. It’s not so much surprising as it is impressive given the fact that our son only recently surpassed the ten pound mark. While some might be a little taken back and somewhat disgusted by these emanations the fact of the matter is that they are downright hilarious.

Usually before an eruption our son begins to squirm and make the occasional noise boarding on a cry. When this happens I turn the video on just to check in on him only to see two feet pointing straight up in the air, stomach tensed, and face scrunched. As soon as he unleashes the “Cracken”, his body relaxes and he goes back to sleep.

Of course, then there are the other times when our son stops whatever he is doing (which isn’t much at this point) and starts grunting and pushing to the point that his face becomes a deep red. At this point it is best to take cover. While most of the time it is nothing but air followed by a smirk there have been quite a few moments when the shrapnel tries blowing through whatever barrier stands in its way. While that part may not be funny the look of disbelief, shock, and relief on our son’s face makes us laugh every time.

And when I say blow through barriers I mean blow through barriers. While I am certain that our son could fit into a smaller diaper, his colon wants nothing to do with those limited boundaries. We have been forced to move up a couple of sizes already not because of things being too tight but because the diapers failed the containment test (aka the blowout test). That is probably the most pleasant way of describing the scene when you pick up your child in the morning only to find that he has painted his back up to his shoulder blades. Not a pleasant way to wake up but one of those times when you find yourself laughing all the way to the bathtub.

While the sound effects started early on (before we left the hospital), they have only grown over time in both potency and decibel level. However, there is a bright side to this whole explosive situation. We have now gotten to the point when I can sleep through the night knowing that I have plausible deniability when I wake up. He still has a long way to go but he is proving to be a quick study.