TMI Tuesday: I Can’t Poop!

 

There are many different cries and screams that we have learned to decipher over the past year and a half. Granted, my wife is much better as interpreting them but there are a few that I have been able to pick up over time. One of them has a certain decibel and cadence that simply translates to “I can’t poop and I am not happy about it!” Unfortunately, we tend to know that this one is going to happen when he goes nearly an entire day without a red faced movement.

This is also one of those screams that can really happen at any time, day or night. And it doesn’t matter where we are at the time either as we have experienced his vocal cords piercing our ears while in bed, at the dinner table, in the playroom, while out to dinner, with family, and in the car. It is an equal opportunity scream that definitely gets your attention. Keep in mind that all of this is in despite of him regularly eating a healthy amount of movement inducing foods.

When we hear it we know that he is uncomfortable and, if at night, he is going to have trouble sleeping. And, given the backup that it represents, we try to keep his situation in mind when he doesn’t eat as much or doesn’t scurry around the house at the rate or regularity that he normally does. What’s worse, is that this particular siren becomes more pronounced when he doesn’t get the results he is looking for after the latest colonic pilates session.

During some of these more intense blockages, he even produces what can best be described as golf balls in between complete expulsions. Try sitting on a golf ball or small rock while at your desk and see how that feels. It is a sensation that doesn’t offer any relief. On the contrary, it makes him even grumpier and I can’t really blame him for the reaction.

However, when all is said and done and the increased fiber intake overtakes the barrier, the sense of relief that washes over his face is quite the site to see. Of course, there is a hint of fear in his eyes as well as he knows that the odds of a blowout are rather high in this situation. But, when all is said and done, it is nice to have our cheeky little baby boy back to his normal self. At least until the next time.

Bubble Bubble Toil And Trouble

Over the weekend my wife and I had a particularly rough time on the road as no matter which route we took there were a plethora of potholes that seemed to jump out and attack our tires. It even got to the point that I scrolled through the data on my dashboard (it really isn’t as fancy as it sounds) and would constantly monitor the tire pressure after each thump and jump of the suspension. Given my constant glances, I think if the township, county, and state really wanted to do something about distracted driving they should put more of an effort into filling all of the asphalt craters scattered about the paved terrain.

Last night, on my way home from work and knowing that it was a fend for yourself night for dinner I stopped at the Wawa on my way home which is conveniently located about a mile after I get off the highway. After grabbing a quick sandwich (no hoagie this time) I stepped out back into the strangely barren parking lot, put my food in the passenger seat, and walked to the side of the building to light a cigarette. As I was standing there reading through the impatient list of emails streaming to my phone I glanced just beyond the iPhone screen and saw Lincoln staring back at me.

Not one to pass up any kind of luck at this point, I bent over, pinched the penny between my fingers and on my way back up turned my head to the right for some reason. That is when I saw it, a bubble in the sidewall of my right front tire slightly larger than a golf ball. I guess finding a lucky penny isn’t always about making good things happen, sometimes the luck is in preventing bad things from happening. If it hadn’t been for that penny I would have never seen the bubble and I would have probably not noticed the defect until my commute either to or from work later in the week when the sidewall finally gave way.

So now I find myself in the waiting room of the car dealer instead of at my desk getting work done. Thankfully I do believe in one form of extended warranty when purchasing a new car… tire and rim protection. While it is, without question, an inconvenience it could have been a lot worse and I could be out a lot of money. Sometimes the luck isn’t about making good things happen, sometimes luck is what you need to prevent the bad things from being nothing more than an inconvenience.