Questions And Prayers

Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year in the Jewish calendar, is also the most difficult for many of us. It is a time when we ask for forgiveness both from G-d and from man. This year, I continue to plea for G-d’s forgiveness and I do my best to come to terms with any wrongs that I have committed against others. However, I am left going in circles at time when it comes to asking for forgiveness from others. It has been a difficult year and one that has proven rather treacherous when it comes to following my heart and what I believe to be right.

There are many instances in my life, not just during the past year, when I have held fast to my beliefs, opinions, and decisions. I believe them in my heart to be the right thing to do. I have remained true to myself, my family, and, in many instances, it has been the best option for others as well. Some would see these situations, sometimes even those who find themselves on the other end, to be something I should apologize for or, more appropriately given the time of year, ask them for forgiveness.

The issue I have is for what should I ask for their forgiveness? I really have no idea. Could things have been handled differently or written in a more delicate manner? Yes, but then I wouldn’t be truthful to myself or honest in my dealings with others. Could I have chosen to not say anything? Yes and no. It would have avoided, at least momentarily, certain situations but, again, that would have been dishonest. And I wouldn’t have been doing everything in my power to protect my family.  

Should I apologize for my opinions? No. I may not like the opinions that many others have but I don’t expect them to apologize to me for sharing their views. This “offended by anything and everything that doesn’t fit into my small world view” syndrome is tiresome and I will not abide by nor cater to those afflicted by this mentality.

Can I forgive everyone? Heck no. This is the most difficult question and the one, this year, with the most emphatic response. I can forgive most people and I can come to terms with many situations in my life. However, there are moments and situations that will forever be seared in my mind. To say I can forgive every person who ever wronged me would require me to lie. I can’t do it. I am many things, some good and some bad, but I will not try to deceive G-d by saying that I am able to forgive everyone this year.

So, in the end, I guess the one I should really be asking for forgiveness from is G-d. I ask to be forgiven for the fact that there are times when I question your motives, the moment when I have been flat out angry at what you have allowed happen, and more instances than I would like to admit when I have strayed from your words. I ask to be forgiven for the harm that I may have caused others by being honest and doing my best to protect myself and my family. And I plea for forgiveness because I am unable to forgive all those who have wronged me and my family.

However, I ask for peace for both those whom I am unable to forgive and those who feel entitled to something other than the above. And I pray that we, as a family, grow closer to G-d, continue to see His hand in the beauty of the world that surrounds us, and trust His plan for us even when it doesn’t make a lick of sense in the moment. And I pray for the time, for another year of life, to grow and love and find the peace to one day forgive.  

Passover: Past, Present, And Future

It is that time of year when the holidays converge. While Christians throughout the world celebrated Good Friday yesterday and will be celebrating Easter tomorrow, Jews are delving into the Torah and recounting our escape from Egypt. All of the basic information about the Passover holiday can be found in my post last year and some reflections can also be found immediately following that post. However, this Passover is quite different than those in the past.

This year I find myself thinking not just about the past but also about the present and future. This is our son’s first Passover and while he isn’t completely aware of all that is taking place it is a moment that my wife and I are enjoying. While in the past the holiday has been to remind ourselves and fulfill our needs, now we find ourselves the bearers of tradition and faith. We are the ones that will pass along and tell these stories to our son.

It all starts with the seder but goes well beyond a single night. With that in mind I wanted to share a few pieces from a blog written by Rabbi Chaim Coffman whom I had the pleasure of meeting during our brief time living in Jerusalem. He was a great reassuring resource at that time and his posts continue to provide tremendous guidance for all who come across his blog:

The purpose of the seder is to retell the story of the exodus from Egypt and instill in us the idea that G-d interferes and plays a role in history. As the first of the Ten Commandments tells us we know G-d exists because He took us out of Egypt! The mitzvah to believe in G-d comes from this command but the belief in G-d is through knowledge, not just a flippant "I believe" based on nothing…

…Another idea to keep in mind as the Haggadah tells us is that had G-d not taken us out, we would still be there. This is incredulous because the ruling power in every nation has power for a certain amount of time but then it eventually ends either through military takeover or through elections. If that is true, could it possibly be true that the Jewish people would never have escaped?

The commentaries tell us that according to nature it could not have happened. When G-d tells Moshe to go to Egypt and take the Jewish people out, he refuses. One of the reasons he does not want to go is because when he looks up to heaven, he sees an angel of G-d and an angel of Egypt (each nation has their own guardian angel) intertwined like a double helix and understood that the Jewish people would never be allowed to leave.

G-d tells him that in essence that may be true but since G-d can do anything, He will take the Jewish people out from Egypt through miracles that are above nature. As we go through the plagues, we realize just how true that is!

At the same time, the Haggadah tells us that only G-d did this, not through an angel, intermediary..i.e. to show G-d's power and demonstrate that the world power at that time was utterly destroyed through the miraculous plagues that G-d brought about against the mighty Egyptians.;

If we look at history, the Jewish people have survived against the natural world. As they have been dispersed without their own land for thousands of years, it is nothing short of unbelievable how they have survived! We have been exiled, gassed, had pogroms against us. and still the Jewish people continue to survive.

They survived through belief in G-d and His Torah and continue to thrive. May we take these timely messages and let them infuse in us belief in Him that will lead to the Messiah coming speedily in our days!!

May each and every one of us have a enjoyable and meaningful Passover.

In the end, while we certainly have influence over our own destiny we can’t forget the influence that G-d plays in our lives. It is a great comfort knowing that the hardships we face are temporary and that the joy we experience will stay with us forever. That deep faith and belief in G-d is what we share with our son. After all, he is G-d’s gift to us and we thank Him each day for our child.