TMI Tuesday: Hey, This Isn’t Camp!

Given the length of time that our son had been away from daycare, my wife and I decided to send him to camp this summer. This chaos that ensued during the spring took him away from the classroom and his friends so we thought it only right that he enjoy a few weeks this summer with others and, more importantly, outside of the house. Of course, it also helps that my wife gets a little respite as she has been caring for him and taking him to various places and get-togethers constantly these last few months and that is a lot to ask of her. There are also a few things that need to be scheduled and having the flexibility during the day is more of a necessity rather than a luxury.

The first few days that we restarted the routine our son seemed a little thrown off but went with it as he is always looking for an excuse to go for a ride in the car. Although he did give me quite the interesting look the first couple of days when I said that he was "going to camp" (see picture above). As he has readjusted to the routine, he is less enthused about possibly going somewhere new and now simply looks forward to “going to camp” every morning. Of course, he does give me a look as if to say, “You’re not fooling me daddy. I know that this isn’t camp. It’s the same school I was going to before.”

And part of this routine is that he is really tired when he gets home at the end of the day. Don’t get me wrong, he still insists on staying up so that he can see daddy but, if he had the choice, he would probably go to bed at around 6:30. But this seems to be getting better as well. The longer that we have had him going, the more that he has adapted to the schedule and he is getting a lot better at staying up at the end of the day.

I guess the important thing to note is that, like countless instances before, we can’t simply fool our son. He knows where he is going, he knows the routine, and he knows the daily schedule. Sometimes he doesn’t like it (especially if he didn’t sleep well the night before) but he, for the most part, accepts it. And, for mommy and daddy, while there are difficult moments, it has allowed us to get a lot more done around the house and has given us, my wife in particular, the flexibility to make some appointments during the day.

TMI Tuesday: Napping Away From Home

Definitely not as comfortable as the crib but it works!

It shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone when I saw that when our son was first born he would sleep just about anywhere. It didn’t matter if we were home, in the car, or, as was the case last summer, in a hotel room. It was one of the luxuries that, unfortunately, my wife and I didn’t fully appreciate at the time. As he has gotten older and more aware of the world around him things have definitely changed and it isn’t so easy to put him down for a nap as it once was. Heck, even when he is exhausted at night he would still much rather be picking blueberries than sleeping. Don’t worry, we learned our lesson (a refresher really) during that trip.

His considerable preference for his own bed is both understandable and frustrating at the same time as his nap is in the middle of the day which means we usually have to plan our activities accordingly. There have been time when we have taken the risk and had him sleep in the car but this has only barely been working as of late. With so many things planned throughout the summer we knew that we were going to have to get him used to sleeping somewhere else besides his crib.

We didn’t have much planned this past weekend beyond the usual house and yard work that needed to get done, so we coordinated with my parents to head over to their house for the day. This was a long overdue visit as we couldn’t recall the last time that we went to visit them. After going back and forth about when we should leave we finally determined that this was as good a time as any to try and have him nap somewhere else so we packed the car and made our way across the counties.

Shortly after we arrived and fed him some lunch we could see that our son was ready for some quite time. As he rubbed his eyes and explored nearly every cabinet in my parents’ kitchen, the pack n play was set up and situated in the living room just inside the front door. Surprisingly, he didn’t fuss when we put him down and before we knew it the kicking and babbling stopped as he fell into a deep and lasting sleep. About an hour and a half later and we were relieved that he was finally able to settle and sleep somewhere else besides his own bed at home.

Thankfully, our experiment bodes well for both future trips to see his grandparents as well as the various travels that we have scheduled over the next few months. We might actually be able to relax during our escapes and show our son even more of the scenery and places around the towns in which we will be staying. Next test will be determining the length of time that he can put up with being in his car seat… I don’t think he will tolerate the seven hour drives like last year. Hopefully it will work if we build those distances over the summer but we will have to wait and find out. But at least he can sleep when we get there.

TMI Tuesday: Watching Him Sleep

There are moments as a parent when the world stops for just a second. Sometimes it happens because you are scared out of your mind while other times, especially lately, it is because there is a perfect simplicity to that singular time when nothing in this world could improve upon it. It is these latter moments when there is no place you would rather be and there is nothing in the world more important than simply being there to experience the peace and tranquility of parenthood.

Sure there are times when the last thing that you want to hear when you walk through the door after a long day at the office is your son whaling from the playroom. There are those times when that sudden scream in the middle of the night ten minutes after you had just fallen asleep makes you want to pull your hair out (I can actually sense my hair getting gray in those instances). And there are instances when the world stops as you can tell there is something wrong with your child and you don’t know whether to yell, cry, shut down, or take charge. But these moments tend to fade and fold deep into the recesses of your gray matter.

The moments that I remember, that get me through those stressful times in my day when I just want to throw my hands up, that make me take charge when things are difficult, are the times when I walk through the door and I can hear my son let out a joyous squee before scurrying into the kitchen and scrawling up my leg. It is the times when he is feeling tired and shy and all he wants is to be picked up so he can lay his head on my shoulder. It is that moment when I woke up last week to see my son sound asleep between us in bed with his hands behind his head and a big smile on his face.

Those are the moments that remain with me and keep me pushing forward in an effort to be a better example for my son. While I falter more times than not, I am continuously motivated to be a better man, to be a better husband, and to be a better father. Those moments are what live within us as parents and why we tend to forget the difficult times as time passes. It is also why we lay there in disbelief when we realize just how much of the bed our little boy now takes up when it seems like just yesterday that he was so tiny.

Business Trip Recovery

One of the most difficult aspects of a business trip is the recovery afterward. Not only is it the work projects that, for the most part, were put on hold during my time out of the office but, more importantly, it is about making up the time with family and returning to our usual routine. No matter what I have tried it has yet to be made any easier.

What didn’t help this time around was the fact that I few down to Atlanta over the weekend not feeling well and after a few days of early mornings and late nights, I was really feeling like ‘crap on toast’ upon my return. Further complicating the matter was the fact that I had a lodge meeting on the schedule for the evening following my return and there was no possibility of staying home from work that day either. And because that wasn’t enough, both my wife and son were fighting off something.

Just one of these things would have kinked the works enough to make the simple task of getting work done even more difficult but having everything descend upon me all at one time has made the day less than fun. Makes me wish that I had caught up on everything else, the multitude of open projects, prior to my departure. I guess this is just one of those instances when you just put your head down and work until you can’t work anymore.

It really is astounding how much things have changed over the last few years. Walking out the door has become harder and harder with every tear and disappointed look on my son’s face and knowing that there is the possibility that I might miss something while I am gone is nearly an unbearable feeling to hold in throughout the day. And while I know that I am forgiven soon after returning home, the sadness that I have caused during the week is something that I wish I could take back.

Thankfully, this last trip concludes the bulk of my business travel for the year with only a few quick day trips that could pop up during the remainder of the year. I am hoping that my son will better understand the situation next year and that I might be able to have my family join me in the future. It would further complicate the travel but a complication that I welcome.

TMI Tuesday: Welcome to 3AM

While the song has no relation to the situation except for the coincidence of time, I couldn’t help by despise Matchbox Twenty this weekend as our son insisted on waking up each night at 3AM. It was a collusion of events last week that caused the constant sleeplessness with his new daycare routine, needing more mommy and daddy time, and the lingering congestion from croup. It was not a fun experience but one that we have been expecting to happen (we actually thought this would be a more regular occurrence during this first year).

Of course, this wasn’t the usual stirring in the middle of the night that can be remedied by putting his binkie back in and rubbing his head, this was the “you better not leave me until I am dead to the world asleep” kind of wakeup. Each time he was aroused from slumber, the screaming was almost immediate… it seemed to be a combination of tiredness, frustration, fear, and loneliness. It is a heartbreaking sound to hear echoing through the monitor. However, while I clearly heard each instance, to be honest, it was my wife that was the one that got out of bed to comfort our son while I did my best to keep my eyes open (many times I was unsuccessful).

And this was only the beginning of the fun each day as when the alarm rang out in the morning, it came all too soon and left us all with headaches that persisted throughout the day. Each of us trudged through our days with a set of matching family luggage strapped to our eyes. At this point, I was really hating Cat Stevens as well (or whatever his name is now).

It has been a bit of a testing time for all of us but, as of last night, things seem to be getting a little better as there was no heart wrenching screams to be heard and the remedy for waking up a little earlier than our liking was back to binkie and a quick head rub. The morning was also a bit more pleasant as we were all able to sleep better than we had in weeks. But the best part about our son feeling better (besides not being woken up at 3AM) was the fact that when I got home from work today his smile and laugh had returned which made me forget, at least briefly, about the recent nights.  

Memories To Carry Me Through Monday

Cute Monkey!

It was a long weekend and I really wasn’t looking forward to heading into the office this morning. For the last three days we were out at one place or another trying to get things done and complete some final tasks. It would have been tiring had everything gone to plan but ended up being exhausting. There were highs and lows with our son doing his best to go along with everything. While he was a bit fussy and overwhelmed, we couldn’t have expected him to handle things much better than he did. With that said, we really don’t want to put him through another weekend like we just had.

When I got up this morning it felt like I hadn’t slept in days. While my eyes may have been closed and my body immobile, there seemed to have been little recuperation. My body was certainly sore and my head ached. And even though my gassy son was drowning out my alarm clock, it was still a sound that was more welcoming than the chirp and screech emanating from my cell phone.

Even half cognizant of all that was going on around me, I still had those few moments from the past few days that carry me through the morning hours. Seeing my son being held by his cousins is something that has been a bit overdue but happened at just the right time. While they didn’t seem quite sure what to do when my wife placed him in their arms, their faces lit up and seared their reaction in my memory.

Last night also proved to be a great ending to the long (but too short) weekend as my son insisted on cooing at me as the paint peeling smell emanated from his diaper. It was the first time that we heard him make those sounds and they made me want to call out of work this morning just so I could hear them again. Obviously, I will have to make do with the memory which carried me through my commute this morning.

While on that drive my wife called me not long after I got on the highway. I was anticipating less than good news, when I picked up the phone I could hear the understated excitement in her voice. Our son wasn’t just cooing, he was laughing. Even though I wasn’t there to hear it for the first time I am glad that my wife was able to have that ‘first experience’ and now I have something to look forward to, something to carry me through the long Monday.

The More You Know!

Late To Lodge

As I wrote yesterday, time has not been kind to me and last night was the perfect example of that. For an extra meeting I usually try to get out of the office between 5:30 and 6 but with a major presentation scheduled for Thursday, I was in the midst of a meeting throughout the afternoon and into the early evening. 6 o’clock came and went soon followed by 6:30. When I walked out of the door at 6:40, with a pile of work that needed to get done later that night, I knew that I was going to be cutting it close for the 7:30 meeting so I texted the Worshipful Master and let him know of my delayed arrival time.  

Pulling into the parking lot there was only a minute left before things where scheduled to get started and I still had to get in the door, head downstairs to my office, change, and grab a Bible. I have missed a couple of meetings in the past, only one since becoming Secretary, but this was going to be the first time that I would be arriving late. So I prepared as fast as I could and made my way up the stairs and continued resisting the urge to reply with “land shark” from behind the closed door.

Thankfully, when I knocked into the meeting the candidate had yet to enter and I was granted a few minutes by the Worshipful Master to collect myself and get situated at my desk. As soon as I sat down, we officially started the degree portion of the night. I am glad that my brothers waited a little as the candidate last night is someone that I was looking forward to seeing take the next step. Many of us have been impressed with both his eagerness to learn and his ample participation thus far (even before he officially became a mason). I look forward to seeing him thrive in the lodge and in Freemasonry in general.

The evening came to a close with the brethren converging on the newly raised Mason to congratulate him and sign his Bible. Soon after many sought me out to remind me of a variety of things that needed to be taken care of and ask for my assistance with others. At this point I have pretty much gotten used to this routine after meetings. However, as we walked down the stairs one of my brothers, knowing all that I am juggling at this time, made good on his countless offers and removed one of the small but still time consuming tasks from my list. Yes, I actually took him up on his insistence this time.

We all went our separate ways once we ventured back out in to the bitter cold. A few headed off to the brewery across the street, several went home to enjoy some down time with family, and I made my way back home to tuck my wife and son into bed and get a few hours of work done before passing out. By the time I went to bed it was 2 in the morning which was only made worse by the fact that the week wasn’t even half over. Just one of those weeks but at least I was able to forget all of that for just a little bit last night.

Three Men, A Truck, And A Fast Move

I woke up on Friday morning a little earlier than I usually do during the week despite not falling asleep until well after 2am that morning. It wasn’t because I had a meeting, call, or had to get something done for the office but because I had movers which were scheduled to arrive sometime between 8 and 9. Unfortunately, there was still a lot that I had to get done before they arrived so I rolled out of bed, sore and half asleep, picked up a box and continued packing until I heard a truck pull into the parking lot.

After negotiating with a resident to move their car out of the way (they have a bad habit of shuffling their cars in the morning so that they perpetually occupy a space in front of our apartment), I blocked off the spot just as the truck was turning the corner. Shortly after 8 a truck pulled in, parked along the side of the entrance across from the apartment, opened the doors, and walked through the apartment to see what needed to be moved into the truck and off to the townhouse.

Within a few minutes of their arrival, the three movers from Two Men And A Truck, were already grabbing boxes and stacking them neatly into the truck. They wasted little time and had me scrambling to finish up the few things that I needed to get done and ready for the move. A little over two hours later and they had wrapped, packed, and cleared out the space which we had occupied for a little over three years (including the last minute boxes that I had thrown together).

So off we went to the new place about 45 minutes away. While I waited for the truck to pull in, I started unpacking the contents of my car (I cleaned it out at the office the day before to make more room). About halfway through the truck backed into the parking spot in front of the townhouse. After walking through and letting them know where everything goes, they didn’t wait a second before beginning the offload.

About an hour and a half later and everything was moved in! 4.5 hours after they arrived at the apartment, the move was done and we went over the bill in which they only charged us for 4 hours rather than the 5-6 that they originally estimated over the phone the week prior (they also deducted a 30 minute break during their travel). This was, by far, the fastest and easiest move that I have ever experienced and it was about the same price as U-Haul. I am glad that my boss recommended this moving company and that everything (well, almost everything) is now done.

My wife was able to leave for work from the apartment and drive the 50 minutes to work and come home to the townhouse about 5 minutes away. Now all we have to do is unpack everything. What a fun experience that is going to be!

December Extra Meeting: Take Two

I’m not usually at the lodge on the weekend but there have been a few changes in the schedule this month which had me walking through those doors yesterday for the second Saturday in a row. After a successful, albeit small, blood drive, many of us returned to confer a couple of degrees. That’s right, the second extra meeting of the week… it has been that kind of year and while I am not a morning person I am definitely not complaining about being so busy.

There is usually a pretty light turnout for extra meetings and having one on a Saturday was definitely no exception. While we didn’t start the meeting until mid-morning, we all had the look as though we had just completely a rather long week. Thankfully there was plenty of coffee ready for consumption prior to walking up the stairs to the lodge room.

The degrees conferred demonstrated a beginning and an end to this stage of the masonic journey as we started the morning with a third degree and ended with welcoming a new brother who had just received his first. The third degree is always an interesting thing to watch as it is something that the new mason has never experienced before and watching that person go through it does say a lot about what they are feeling at the moment. Some are visibly uncomfortable while others go along with what is happening trusting the brethren around them. Our newly raised brother was one of the latter.

The first degree which immediately followed is also interesting to witness as a man is guided into the room completely blind of what is about to happen. He must trust those in the room and be confident in his decision if he is going to move forward. Those that choose to proceed are soon welcomed as brothers and the smiles that I have seen when they are given that appellation are something I will always remember (and I remember what I was thinking when I was first called brother).

It just goes to show that these degrees are not just moments to be remembered by those going through the process but also by those who take the time and look forward to seeing our brothers advance in knowledge. It really is a feeling of pride in seeing a brother succeed… it is as close as one can get to familial bond without actually being family. While some may prefer to do nothing during a weekend (I know that is my preference now and again), putting in the work to welcome and advance new brothers adds more value to those days off than almost anything else they we could do as men and masons.

No More Energy At the End of the Day

Lately our weekends have been full of check lists, errands, and generally trying to get caught up on all the things that have been pushed back during the week. This translates to Monday morning not being the easiest day to roll out of bed. Today that was particularly true as I was laying there a little longer than usual not looking forward to the day that was spread out before me.

This weekend was so full of activity from lodge and office work to gift registries and simply getting caught up on my email that the list of things that had to get done first thing this week kept growing from the time I walked out of the office on Friday evening. I know that the weekends aren’t always like this and lately they have been a bit crazier than usual but, right now, the beginning of the work week is something that brings a sense of dread to my tired mind as I close my eyes on Sunday night. Right now we push and soon things we even out. That has always been the case it just might take a little longer this time around.

So, right now I am sitting at my desk stealing a mere ten minutes from my chaotic day to write this brief blog. Following a morning commute that took twice as long as it should, I got to the office a little later than expected so I had no other choice than to put my head down and work until my eyes became too heavy to continue. After a quick break, usually to take a call or replenish my coffee, I continued the push to try and pull together all of the final points on projects that have been slowly developing. Now I am taking a few moments to write and relax before returning to the deluge of communications.

Of course, following my unusually full day at the office, there is a networking event which, fortunately, is located half way between the office and the apartment. These are the beginnings of the week that seem to run on for hours long past the time when I usually close up the computer and head home for the day. This week, this is the first of three such nights. That is the current schedule but, as has been the case lately, things could easily change between now and the end of the week because, right now, my energy is low, the nights are falling to fast, and the day is nothing but a brief glimmer during the waking hours.

Why Am I So Tired?

After a longer than expected evening at the lodge (for good reason), I headed back to the apartment only to find that the fire department was using the front driveway of the building as a parking lot. It’s kind of sad, but this happens so often that I didn’t think much of it as I walked across the parking lot and opened the door. However, as soon as I put down my work bag I knew that it was going to be one of those nights. Within moments of walking through the kitchen and pulling the strap off my shoulder, the fire alarm began blaring.

Both from living in the building and working the front desk, I knew that this wasn’t going to go away quickly so I headed to the lobby to try and get some additional information on the situation. Can’t say that I was surprised when no one really knew what was going on at first and the president of the board refused to do anything beyond sitting in a chair and holding out her hand so the passersby could more easily kiss the ring. 45 minutes later and a couple of culprits emerged, neither of which involved smoke or fire.

As it turns out there was a faulty sensor in the pump room and some dust also got into the detector in one of the hallways 6 months finally getting drywall replaced 6-8 months after the bust pipe. With my wife only a few minutes away after her long day at work, I was glad that things seemed to be getting resolved. I really should know better!

Having not had time to eat before the debacle, I made a small snack as we talked about all that had happened during our days and the mess that was unfolding in the building. We got into bed around 11:00 and began slowly settling into sleep since we both had a long day ahead of us. With our eyes nearly sealed for the night, we jumped out of bed at 11:30 when the alarm began blaring again. Keep in mind that this was not for the whole building, just our apartment as they were testing the system.

We walked up to the front desk, quite perturbed by this point, and tried to figure out what was going on especially since the fire department was no longer present. Turns out that the fire department forced them to turn off the boiler until they could get the sensor problem figured out. They decided to continue working on the sensor issue so that they could turn on the hot water by morning.

I didn’t sleep well during the night. I would later find out that the alarm continued to go off throughout the night just long enough to wake us up but not long enough for us to realize what was forcing us to open our eyes. However, I was wide awake when the cold water hit my head in the morning. So, after little quality sleep during the night it was a cold shower in the morning. Just the latest thing to add to the list and that much more incentive to find somewhere else to live by the time our lease is up… I’m already looking forward to spring!

Ever Lose Track Of Your Vacation Days?

That is exactly what happened to me this year. It has been tough to take time off this past year as business has been constantly busy and I really haven’t had a good reason to stay ways from the office. With that said, I find myself with a couple months to go before I get a new crop of vacation days. Well crap, I guess I am going to have to take some time off since they will not carry over. So, this past week I finally sat down and took a look at my calendar.

It is difficult for me to take the time for myself as, and I have been very clear about this in previous posts, I enjoy working. I like going to the office every day and making things happen. To do anything else would make the week feel a little incomplete. But I guess that is something that I have to get over especially now with how tired I have been lately and the massive changes that are on the horizon. Something has to give and if taking time off with help that situation then I am happy to oblige.

However, I know that the next couple of months are going to be critical to ramping programs back up for the busier time of year so my decisions on what days to take are influenced by that factor… no long blocks. Additionally, all of us that started around the same time are in the same position and we are making sure that our days don’t overlap… a few less options but nothing I was looking at anyway. What was left were a few long weekends that will do wonders for the rest of the year and while I don’t plan on using every one of my days (I might use about half of my work from home days as well), there are a few breaks that have been worked into the schedule.

There are a few days that I am taking off for the simple convenience of it (i.e. late night at the lodge the night before) but, for the most part it is going to be a few weeks of long weekends and doing my best to finally get caught up on everything else especially in the home office. Working in my favor I the fact that my wife just got a regular position in a local school district leaving me along for the day to buckle down and get things done. Maybe, just maybe, all of those projects that have been pushed back since I started working regularly will get done and we can go into the end of the year with a clean slate.

So, expect a few different posts in the coming months as I will have more time to enjoy and focus on other things. It will be an odd feeling not going to the office ‘just because’ but it give me an opportunity to relax, enjoy something else for a change, and record it all right here. Who knows, maybe there will be something that you aren’t expecting and if you want to get together during those days send me an email and maybe we can coordinate something a little different.

Counting Down After The Alarm

Groggy doesn’t even come close to the way I felt this morning when I collapsed out of bed and staggered to the bathroom for some much needed water. Essentially, within minutes of leaving the warmth of bed I began counting down to the weekend. It is not because of anything had gone wrong during this past week but because there was just a lot happening, a lot to try and get caught up on, and too little sleep.

By the time I got to work this morning I had the opportunity to wake up a bit but not enough. Being tired seems to be the greatest hindrance to productivity. Well, at least for me. The strange part of it is that I am getting, on average, more sleep than I was this time last year but with all the activities and various projects I am drained quite a bit more.

The odd thing now is that it seems as though everyone in the office is on the same page. We all happened to have a bit of a tiring week and a few nights when we all came in with a little less sleep than usual. We recognize this in one another and while there are times when we all just collectively rest and chat for a minute, most of the time we push through it and push one another to get more and more things checked off the list.

By the time we reached the midafternoon I was in auto pilot both in what I was getting done on the computer and in my round trips to the kitchen and my usual coffee routine. I honestly couldn’t tell you how many cups of coffee I went through today but I know it was a lot more than usual. Not a record but above normal.

Even though at any given moment I would have said that the day was dragging, it was surprising how quickly the end of the day came and how unprepared I was for its arrival. With heavy feet and still stiff fingers I did my best to not hold everyone up from getting out of the office but we were all pretty much on the same pace and my labored routine fell right in the middle. We all made it to the end of the day, and the conclusion of the week, a little more tired than usual but with plenty of things accomplished and a weekend to look forward to, a weekend when we need to rest as next week if going to be hectic.

Home Alone

Freaky Friday might be a more appropriate metaphor as I am usually the one out and about on the weekend but this time I am the one home alone as my wife is in California to attend her sister’s wedding. I would have gone with her but when the wedding was announced my schedule was still up in the air and, now, I don’t think I would be able to take the time off to fly over there and recover for a day after getting back.

While I enjoy traveling and seeing different places there are times when I am glad to just be at home and doing nothing, at least close to nothing. My weekend had actually freed up by Thursday night as my lodge commitment was moved to next weekend and I was looking forward to relaxing and taking care of a few projects that are particularly difficult to accomplish when my wife is around and studying in the office on the weekend. However, those plans, those plans which I had been looking forward to, changed this morning when my phone began to vibrate on my night stand.

It began with a text around 11 am as I was just lying in bed enjoying doing nothing. As soon as I saw the word tomorrow I knew that my weekend was going to end a bit early. Essentially, some issues that have manifested themselves over the last couple of weeks need to be addresses as soon as possible and that translates to a few of us meeting at the office tomorrow morning. I guess it is a good thing that I am home alone this weekend as I am sure that this development would not have made my wife happy.

Of course, this just goes to show how much things can snowball at the office if you let your guard down. In the end, this weekend, while productive and relaxing in some respects, is actually going to leave me even more tired than I usually am during the week and I am sure my mood for the next few days will reflect that. Hopefully a little time in the office, some relaxation hobby time at home, a trip to the airport, a couple blogs, and a glass of scotch won’t completely drain me. However, I doubt it and expect to be half dead and sick by the end of the week. It’s a vicious cycle but someone has to do it. Good night all.

Bad Tired vs Good Tired

Does Marty experience good tired or bad tired?

There are two kinds of tired in this world – the bad kind and the good kind. We all go back and forth between the two and try to find a balance between the waking hours and the unconscious void. But we have to go into this equation with the acknowledgement that we all have a balance that is unique to each and every one of us. Some only need five hours to be fully functional; a few people need small spurts of sleep; while many require something closer to ten hours a night to perform during the work day.

I have met all kinds of people who require all kinds of sleep and I have lived through different periods where I have had to accommodate various balances. And now I find myself trying to recalibrate the scales so as to get the most out of life without slowly burning myself out as the week progresses. It is a challenge to say the least but one that has brought up another factor in my search for equilibrium.

When I was working the night shift (and at times working two jobs) there were many days that I didn’t get enough sleep which left me sluggish and forgetful during the hours when my eyes were open. However, the days that I was getting enough dreaming hours I still woke up feeling as if I had just closed my eyes. This, I have found, is the definition of bad tired. It is a feeling of never being able to adequately catch up on something we all too often take for granted. It is the feeling of having to push yourself just to function during the day (or night); it is the drain of not looking forward to getting out of bed to put in another eight hours on your time card.

Even now, as I write this blog, I still find myself tired and there are a few things that I just haven’t had the energy to put into as I did before but now it is a good tired. I end my day feeling as if I accomplished something. Some days I feel as if I haven’t gotten enough done but there is still a sense of satisfaction in the effort put forth during the waking hours. While it is still difficult to rise in the morning (I have never been an early morning person), I look forward to the day, getting in the car, and going to work. I feel a renewed sense of purpose and a desire to keep pushing forward.

Now is a very good time and while I am looking forward to finishing up this post and going to bed I am also looking forward to the morning. It’s a very simple thing but it’s something that has been missing for a long time and I have learned to appreciate it unlike I have ever done before. Every day is a gift and I am enjoying the good tired that comes with it.