TMI Tuesday: Watching Him Sleep

There are moments as a parent when the world stops for just a second. Sometimes it happens because you are scared out of your mind while other times, especially lately, it is because there is a perfect simplicity to that singular time when nothing in this world could improve upon it. It is these latter moments when there is no place you would rather be and there is nothing in the world more important than simply being there to experience the peace and tranquility of parenthood.

Sure there are times when the last thing that you want to hear when you walk through the door after a long day at the office is your son whaling from the playroom. There are those times when that sudden scream in the middle of the night ten minutes after you had just fallen asleep makes you want to pull your hair out (I can actually sense my hair getting gray in those instances). And there are instances when the world stops as you can tell there is something wrong with your child and you don’t know whether to yell, cry, shut down, or take charge. But these moments tend to fade and fold deep into the recesses of your gray matter.

The moments that I remember, that get me through those stressful times in my day when I just want to throw my hands up, that make me take charge when things are difficult, are the times when I walk through the door and I can hear my son let out a joyous squee before scurrying into the kitchen and scrawling up my leg. It is the times when he is feeling tired and shy and all he wants is to be picked up so he can lay his head on my shoulder. It is that moment when I woke up last week to see my son sound asleep between us in bed with his hands behind his head and a big smile on his face.

Those are the moments that remain with me and keep me pushing forward in an effort to be a better example for my son. While I falter more times than not, I am continuously motivated to be a better man, to be a better husband, and to be a better father. Those moments are what live within us as parents and why we tend to forget the difficult times as time passes. It is also why we lay there in disbelief when we realize just how much of the bed our little boy now takes up when it seems like just yesterday that he was so tiny.

Black, White, And Gray

Most people in this world, especially the vocal ones, see the world as black and white and, at times, I can be the same way. There are some topics/subjects, as you may have read, that I can be very opinionated about and can even seem very narrow in my view but every opinion I have offered on this blog has had at least a hint of gray in it. This is why I like putting my thoughts in these posts… it has been a great way not only to open up discussion with others but also think topics, subjects, or viewpoints through. If anything, this blog has added quite a bit of gray into my life.

Don’t get me wrong, I will still openly debate people and stand firmly behind my views which many people may not agree with but I have had to put in the time and the energy to think things through and come to those decisions/conclusions. Putting that energy into those opinions has also allowed me to enjoy what I have and stand behind my decisions. It seems all too common these days that people are willing to be part of a collective that leads them around based on the beliefs of few. While I may be a part of many groups we are all individual thinkers and have very divergent opinions on a variety of subjects. We all live in the independent gray rather than a life dictated by black and white allowing us to be blindly herded between the extremes.

Embracing the gray hasn’t always been a part of my everyday life. There have been a number of times, periods really, in my life when things were all or nothing. The holidays are a perfect example of this change in my views. A couple of years ago my wife and I tried to distance ourselves from the Christmas holiday as much as possible. It really was a season when we did all we could to avoid the festivities. However, as I have previously written, now I am much more open to the experience simply as a time to enjoy the spirit of the holiday. I think of it as going to a foreign country… you can enjoy were you are and the spirit of the place but it doesn’t make you a citizen. Thanks, just visiting.

This is just one example. While apt for the time of year the gray is not limited by the calendar. It is a means to be open to experience and to see the best in both people and places. I hope you all have a gray holiday.