TMI Tuesday: Rolling

For the past couple of months our son has been rolling over when he feels like it. These moments were usually reserved for the times when we would try to get him to do tummy time… something that he is definitely not fond of. Basically, he wants to be doing just about anything else rather than spend time looking at the ground… although a game of mirror peek-a-boo will usually stave off his escape attempts.  

Up until recently he was limited by front to back (also known as the escape plan)… that was before he started teetering on the edge by sleeping on his side. He is usually pretty good about keeping a leg or arm out as a means to stop himself from rolling too far but there have been moments when he forgot to deploy one of these kickstands. A couple of weeks ago he got a little surprise when he accidentally turned a too much in the crib and ended up on his belly.

We thought that this would cause some level of hysteria but it was actually a pretty calm “oh crap” kind of reaction when it happened. You could kind of see him thinking about how he did it, what he could have done to prevent it, and the fact that maybe it isn’t too bad being on his belly when it is his choice. You would think that he would want to practice this but he is back to only doing it when the mood strikes him. Even when we put him on his tummy he still tends to want mommy or daddy to pick him up rather than attempting to roll over.

With that said, it is pretty fun playing with him on the floor and helping him roll from back to front and front to back with very little effort on my part. It should be pretty interesting when the time comes when he rolls a little too fast and ends up in the same position in which he started. I wonder what kind of look will be on his face after that happens for the first time. While there is a chance that he could start crying I am thinking he will just smile and give me a look seemingly asking me “Daddy, how the heck did I do that?” And, of course, no matter which one is his initial reaction, he will probably want to do it again… but only when he feels like it.

TMI Tuesday: Guilty Grin

The highlight for me almost every morning is walking into our son’s bedroom, turning off the music, and welcoming him to a new day. Most of the time, no matter how much he is fussing, when he hears my voice and turns his head he gives me a wide smile and a light in his eyes that make the grogginess of the hour immediately disappear. It is a moment that I look forward to every single day and what allows me to begin the day anew no matter what the previous day had been like.

Of course, there are also the times when I am slightly taken aback when that smile turns quickly into a guilty grim piercing the emanation rising from his crib. Sometimes it is nothing more than air while other times it is a much more pungent and persistent odor that requires immediate attention. Sadly I must admit that he gets that smirk from his daddy as I know all too well what it means no matter if a toxic cloud is present or not.

This reaction has only become more entertaining as time has gone by and our son had continued to grow. Now the questions of “did you fart?” or “did you poop?” elicit that same complicit expression. It seems as though he already comprehends the humor that those bodily functions can bring to a situation (along with the stink). But those are not the only times that this this expression appears.

One thing that annoys my wife from time to time is the fact that our son seemingly saves some of his energy toward the end of the day so that he can play when daddy gets home. There have been several occasions when my wife would have a particularly rough day with our son not wanting to cooperate but when I open the door and he hears my voice, our son’s demeanor completely changes. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t like the fact that he reacts to me in that way but, at the same time, I can see how it can be a little annoying (to say the least) for my wife.

When I sit him on my lap and talk to him about it usually asking if he had been a good boy today, that same guilty grin appears. Except this time he usually drives it home with some cooing and baby gibberish. The force is definitely strong with this one as neither of us can really remain completely annoyed at that point with such effervescent cuteness… this is not the guilty baby you are looking for. At least when this guilt grin appears we don’t have to deal with the same fallout that fills the morning.

TMI Tuesday: Watch The Winkie!

We are currently operation at DEFCON 2!

It is pretty much guaranteed that when I get home after work our son’s diaper is going to be a little bloated. At nearly 12 pounds, he doesn’t really hold anything back. However, most of the time it is not what you usually think of when you hear about the droopiness of his drawers. While sometimes it is of a stinky nature, most of the time it is the flood waters that are testing the limits of the dam. This is confirmed by the bright blue racing stripe that appears on the front of the diaper.

Of course, whenever in doubt just wait for the crying to begin… our son is not a fan of the squishiness. These are the easy diapers to change… most of the time. Regardless of what he just finished doing, whenever the seal is broken and the emanations are exposed, the shields have to go up… there is just enough help back that a launch could occur at any moment.

While the nerves don’t take to kindly to the free flowing of flatus, it is the tinkle that usually causes the most trouble. At least with a number two you can hear him pushing and watch as his face turns a deeper and deeper shade of red. When it comes to the whiz his only tell is when his winkie decides to imitate a cold war missile drill. The launch could happen or it might not. Best thing to do is prepare the defenses and hope for the best.

My wife and I have discovered that you can really change a diaper quickly when under the threat of attack and most of the time the new diaper is on before the rain begins to fall. When this happens we just hope not to hear thunder which pretty much guarantees that precipitation is eminent. That is when we see the redness disappear and the smirk slowly grow into a full smile… at least it tames the fussiness for a moment.

In hindsight, all of this is a simple source of amusement. Thankfully, we haven’t had any major issues with changing our son… not like the rainbows that we encountered during our first month. With that said, we still have to remain cognizant of the limits of the diaper sizes. Our son is growing quickly and so are his volume requirements so we are continuously cognizant of the issue of proper containment. Hopefully we can continue limiting the onesie casualties, stay ahead of the growth curve, and make sure we keep changing him as fast as possible.

TMI Tuesday: That Wasn’t A Fart!

There are times early in the evening when there is loud rumble coming from the baby monitor. It’s not so much surprising as it is impressive given the fact that our son only recently surpassed the ten pound mark. While some might be a little taken back and somewhat disgusted by these emanations the fact of the matter is that they are downright hilarious.

Usually before an eruption our son begins to squirm and make the occasional noise boarding on a cry. When this happens I turn the video on just to check in on him only to see two feet pointing straight up in the air, stomach tensed, and face scrunched. As soon as he unleashes the “Cracken”, his body relaxes and he goes back to sleep.

Of course, then there are the other times when our son stops whatever he is doing (which isn’t much at this point) and starts grunting and pushing to the point that his face becomes a deep red. At this point it is best to take cover. While most of the time it is nothing but air followed by a smirk there have been quite a few moments when the shrapnel tries blowing through whatever barrier stands in its way. While that part may not be funny the look of disbelief, shock, and relief on our son’s face makes us laugh every time.

And when I say blow through barriers I mean blow through barriers. While I am certain that our son could fit into a smaller diaper, his colon wants nothing to do with those limited boundaries. We have been forced to move up a couple of sizes already not because of things being too tight but because the diapers failed the containment test (aka the blowout test). That is probably the most pleasant way of describing the scene when you pick up your child in the morning only to find that he has painted his back up to his shoulder blades. Not a pleasant way to wake up but one of those times when you find yourself laughing all the way to the bathtub.

While the sound effects started early on (before we left the hospital), they have only grown over time in both potency and decibel level. However, there is a bright side to this whole explosive situation. We have now gotten to the point when I can sleep through the night knowing that I have plausible deniability when I wake up. He still has a long way to go but he is proving to be a quick study.

You Can’t Help But Watch

Maybe it stems from watching too much Three Stooges when I was younger. Maybe it is because I am a rather simple individual. Maybe it is all comes down to intellectual laziness. For whatever reason, there are some movies that when you see them on television, listed on Amazon Prime or NetFlicks, or sitting on top of the 99 cent bin at the store you can’t help but watch them. Not because they are some cinematic masterpiece but because you don’t have to think when the movie is playing… it is all about being able to laugh for the sake of laughing. Some call it comedy in its purest for but I like to take a more honest view and see them as so stupid they’re funny.

Everyone is guilty of having that little list of movies in their mind that when they are playing you almost instinctively stop flipping through the channels or scrolling down the page. Three Stooges still gets me to this day although I have only caught myself watching a few minutes at a time. However, if I hear a familiar Clark Griswold line, a Mel Brooks melody, or Tackleberry’s overly intense and naïve take on a situation I immediately stop searching and enjoy the mental break. I even recall the rare moments when UHF was in constant rotation. However, there is one recent movie that I find watching more than any other which falls into this category… Super Troopers.  

I guess this one can meow be seen almost like the modern day Police Academy but I think it is much better. While there are few lines that I can recall from the 80’s franchise, Super Troopers has provided a variety of one liners that are burned into our brains (along with some unfortunate visuals). Meow that is a classic movie. However, while they made 7 Police Academy movies of varying quality, there has only been one Super Troopers movie. That is, until meow.

While scrolling through my Facebook feed I came across a post by Broken Lizard (the group behind the movie) about an announcement that they were preparing to make. When I checked back in a couple of days later I read about the interesting approach that they were taking to finally deliver on a sequel. As it turns out, they have decided to crowd fund the new project and they are offering some rather unique incentives to those who donate. 24 hours after launching their campaign to raise $2 million for production they far surpassed their goal. It looks like the sequel will soon be a reality and Bimpus sized at that. Of course, you can still grab a perk and make the movie even better. I guess I am not the only one who can’t help watching the movie.

TMI Tuesday: Tinkle Tinkle Little Star

Well that's no fun!

That’s right, when a new baby enters your life you are sometimes guilty of too much information when talking about some of the daily (and not so daily) occurrences of living with a newborn. Well, even though I am risking the ire of my son when he gets a little older, this is the time when I will share some of those interesting moments. It may not be every week but it will certainly be on a regular basis and I am sure that there will be plenty of information, too much in fact, to share. Welcome to TMI Tuesday…

My wife and I have spent the last couple of days trying to get our heads around what has happened and all the changes in our lives. There have been times when our room seemed to have a revolving door and others when we were able to take a few breaths between the family and medical professionals walking in and out of the room. Of course there have also been a few entertaining moments in between as well.

One of the things that I am having to learn is how to change a diaper. My wife, with her previous work experience, is much more familiar with the process and a heck of a lot more efficient too. However, my skills at this point are virtually nonexistent. With that said, there have already been times when we both had to stand back and laugh at what had transpired.

A perfect example of this was earlier today when baby released a rather robust colonic announcement leaving us no alternative than to take him to his crib and see if I was improving at all in my changing abilities. While things seemed to be going much faster and I was upsetting him just a little less, it didn’t take long before baby let us know that we can’t expect each changing to go smoothly.

Shortly after we finished wiping everything off, with his rear high in the air, a steady rain began falling around our son. Yeah, we missed that part of the changing process. With a fresh sprinkle of tinkle across his chest and on his face, we grabbed a handful of wipes and cleaned him off again while trying our best to control the nearly crippling laughter that had resulted from the stream. Thankfully baby didn’t really think twice about it and we were soon getting some new clean clothes on him. We are sure that this is only the first of any and that it will probably stop being funny in the future but this time we really needed the laugh.

In Need Of A Deep Cleaning

One of the things that always seems to be put off for another day is cleaning. It is safe to say that it is our least favorite thing to do so naturally we keep saying tomorrow or next weekend. It is that pattern that has gotten us to where we are now… living in a bit of a mess.

It really isn’t the dust or dirt that is the issue as that can be remedied with a Swiffer and a vacuum. What really gets me is when I can’t find the things that I am looking for because everything is laying in disorganized piles cluttering up my desk or crammed in the draw so tight that I am unable to flip through the files. When I can’t find things I tend to leave them in the land of lost and forgotten papers… only when something is truly important do I continue searching until I find it. However, that brings an important question to the forefront… is it worth keeping if it isn’t important enough to keep searching?

More often than not, this simple question leads to an overdue sifting when I toss those former trees into the shred box. Ah, the shred box, there is hours of work that I really don’t have the time of patience to deal with which is why, every so often, I wind up throwing everything into a trash bag and heading off to Staples with a coupon in hand. I think it might be time to look for another one of those coupons.

If you couldn’t tell, when my work space becomes disorganized my thoughts and my free writing tends to become very loose and sometimes completely disorganized in and of itself. Even now, if you couldn’t tell, my mind seems a bit jumbled and I am finding it hard to stay focused on the task at hand. With every passing word of this post I am thinking about the fifty other things that I have to get done, the things that I need to organize, and the question as to when I am going to have the time to do them.

Maybe it is a little OCD of me to be having these thoughts and these issues with my focus. I don’t know. But, needless to say, there are a lot of things that are going through my mind at this moment some of which I have already written about and others that have yet to make it into the blog. Maybe if I can get organized and put everything in an order that makes some semblance of sense, I will get everything in my mind written in posts and up on this blog. I guess time will only tell.

That Is The Way To Go!

Part of my duties as Secretary has been to relay the passing of Brothers and, most recently, the wives and widows of brothers. I have shared this aspect of the job with you previously. However, my sister posted something on her Facebook wall a few days ago that brought a little lightness to the subject. The levity comes in the form of the obituary of Walter George Bruhl Jr. Yes, an obituary but this one is a little bit different in that Walter, knowing the certainty of his eventual end, penned the reflection himself. Some of the highlights:

Walter George Bruhl Jr. of Newark and Dewey Beach is a dead person; he is no more; he is bereft of life; he is deceased; he has rung down the curtain and gone to join the choir invisible; he has expired and gone to meet his maker….

He was surrounded by his loving wife of 57 years, Helene Sellers Bruhl, who will now be able to purchase the mink coat which he had always refused her because he believed only minks should wear mink…

Walt was preceded in death by his tonsils and adenoids in 1935; a spinal disc in 1974; a large piece of his thyroid gland in 1988; and his prostate on March 27, 2000...

There will be no viewing since his wife refuses to honor his request to have him standing in the corner of the room with a glass of Jack Daniels in his hand so he would appear natural to visitors….

Cremation will take place at the family's convenience, and his ashes will be kept in an urn until they get tired of having it around. What's a Grecian Urn? Oh, about 200 drachmas a week…

While many have found humor and inspiration in the words, I find it entertaining because I can hear myself saying the same thing at the end. It is probably something that I could schedule to be posted on this blog if I knew the time were fast approaching. That would put an interesting twist. Maybe I could arrange a call them all and record something on my death bed. That would be a little messed up but damn would it be funny…

“Hi ____, just wanted to let you know that I’m dead. John Cleese will be by soon to pick me up so don’t worry about making arrangements. I will post additional details about my death later today on my blog. It will include all arrangements that have been made. Oh, and if I don’t respond to your comments right away it’s because I’m dead! Anyway, that’s about all for now. Maybe I’ll see you later. Bye.”

That would be the general message to friends and family. Of course, I would have to keep a few people off of that list because this would be the perfect time to record a message to call out dead from work. Hey, I don’t plan on retiring, so this one is a possibility. Then I could end the call by asking for bereavement time to mourn my own passing.

While none of us look forward to that day, it is the eventual sunset (actually it would be more of a night fall) that we know is on the other side of the horizon we just don’t know how far. It is going to happen so why not have a little fun on the way out. Of course, why not have a little fun every day and enjoy the humor that is all around us if you just pay attention. If anything, by his obituary going viral, that is the real legacy that Walter has left behind.

Half-life Of Humor

There is always something that happens during the day that throws you a little bit off. To a certain extent, everyone experiences this on a daily basis. Some a little more, some a little less. This is how we gradually learn how to deal with those instances and move forward without much interruption. However, the real challenge, at least for me, is making sure those moments don’t interfere with the client. The best solution for me was simply to make the client laugh.

Making them laugh eases the impact of whatever news that you have for them. It makes the bad or unpleasant news a little more palatable and makes the good news that much better. Sometimes it can even do wonders for minor errors in a document, email, or other collateral during the draft stages. This is also where creativity comes into play. Basically, you can either take errors at face value or you can transform them into a joke. When done well it can be a great thing that makes everyone’s day better if for only a minute or two.

With that said, there is a line that you can’t cross and you have to know what kind of humor that will work with each person. If a situation gets to a certain point a joke or simple moment of attempted levity can do much more harm than good. Also, the same negative impact can occur when there is a complete mismatch in sense of humor. Thankfully, I have, thus far, been able to match up the humorous comments with the individuals with a fair amount of accuracy. Except for George from Georgia but he is a real prick. There have also been people like George that I don’t even attempt to go that route as the chance for success is far too slim.

The half-life of a joke is also something to consider. Today I made a comment which was received well. I used it once in the morning in response to an innocent typo in a document we were reviewing and everyone in the email chain received it well. At the end of the day, there was an opportunity to neatly fit the premise into another email with the client. It worked again. However, that joke is now spent. Most likely, I will not be able to continue the world play without it seeming forced.

Sometimes you just have to know when to stop!

Pushing Through Level Four

 

Have you ever noticed just how different of a person you are when you’re sick? Some get mad, some become mean, and others just kind of stair off into space. Today I was a different person. I wasn’t really any of the aforementioned, my sick demeanor is more along the lines of dull tunnel vision. Basically, when I’m sick I lose much of my creativity (you can probably tell at this point) and am unable to multitask. I have to focus on one thing at a time. Anything beyond that project simply wouldn’t process.

This doesn’t happen every time that I feel under the weather. It happens more on the top end of not feeling well when I have to motivate myself to move. Basically more on the plague end of the spectrum rather than the sniffles. For those of you unfamiliar with the sickness scale (similar to Gabriel “Fluffy” Iglesias’ five levels of fatness), here is the breakdown:

1. Sniffles – You cough once and feel that is enough to call out sick from work. Also applies to hangovers.

2. Sick – The time when you might want to consider taking something. This is when you usually start going through the list in your head of who you can blame for what you know is inevitably going to happen.

3. Crap on Toast (also known as crap on a cracker) – As the name suggests, at this point you are more than likely spending more time than you would like passing legislation through colon congress while weighing the nuclear option from your seat in the oval office. This also applies when you eat too much sugar free candy (especially Gummy Bears).

4. Plague – You have nothing left and your body seems to laugh when you take any sort of cold medicine. While you are no longer in solitary confinement in the porcelain prison, it takes considerable effort to just get up let alone get out the door.

5. Dead – This is when you have no other option than to call out of work and stay home moaning like a wounded cow. If you can only eat broth and really soft foods you might be dead. Stay home.

Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, it is now the weekend and I have the luxury of dying without missing any work. However, if you were expecting to read about any exciting trips this weekend there is a good chance that will not be happening. It will give me time to thing though and you know how entertaining that can be so stay tuned for a couple posts resulting from an overabundance of time to think and cold medicine.

Hope You Are All Enjoying The Winter/Spring Holidays

When I woke up this morning the bedroom seemed a little is warmer than usual. Being that it is the first day of winter, the window was open, and the heat not yet turned on this should not have been the case. In a day more indicative of spring the temperature today reached the 60’s for the first time in a while. I can’t remember the last time that it has been this warm so late in the year. As you have probably already figured out by now, the snow that that blanketed the greater Philadelphia area about 2 weeks ago is now is tatters with only a few miniscule piles remaining in the corners of the parking lot.

So, as the temperature continues to warm, it is supposed to hit near 70 tomorrow, the natural thing to do is to wrap gifts in preparation for the family day in the middle of the week. For those of you dreaming of a white Christmas this year, you are pretty much SOL. You will just have to settle for the time with family, the time off from work (thank you to those whose jobs require you to work on the holiday), and the hours upon hours of “Small World” syndrome inducing music, and, I have to admit, some darn funny movies.

It’s an interesting time of year for me. Growing up, this was the only holiday that I knew and I have many great memories of spending time with family, opening gifts, and making the wine disappear from my glass before dinner. Maybe that last one wasn’t really great at the time but it is funny in hind sight. Those memories, and the spirit of the holiday that is still on full display every year still instills a fondness for this time of year for me. Even though it is no longer my holiday, it is still a great time to spend time with family and to see the happiness not only in my nieces and nephews but also my parents. Seeing that look in the faces of my family is what makes this a happy holiday.

I consider myself very lucky because I am able to experience the holiday happiness much more frequently than most people. I can see the joy in my family members during the Christian holidays and I can feel the joy during the Jewish holidays. Okay, maybe not all of them as some are not really known as “happy” holidays. So many of the holidays throughout the year have meaning to me for different reasons. It has taken me a long time to come to the realization but just because it may not be your holiday, it doesn’t mean you can appreciate the spirit of the holiday. And, of course, you should enjoy all of the amusing pictures and jokes that seem to be a natural byproduct of any celebratory time of year.

Happy Holidays!

Just A Couple Minutes

Have you ever had one of those days when you are two minutes behind everything. Literally, two minutes behind schedule all day. That is the kind of day that I had today. Don’t misunderstand me, it was an excellent day. But no matter what I did I couldn’t make up those two minutes that escaped my grasp at 7:47 this morning. And that is especially bad when you day is full of meetings as mine was today.

Things could have been worse and I did make it to all my meetings within a reasonable margin. Two minutes is like the five second rule of scheduling. You can quickly drop the ball and fall a little behind but at some point you are going to pass the point of no return and you will get a look of disgust if you try and act like it’s no big deal.

At the end of the day I could have easily gotten back on schedule and home for the night but that is the most difficult time to stay on track and the reason is simple. We have way too much fun at the office. Nothing crazy we just all get along and share a similar sense of humor. Plus many of us, including me, can go off on a tangent like few others can. Get more than one of us in a room and you better buckle up. I’m like Robin Williams but not nearly as funny, with a little more sanity, and frequently boring.

Honestly, if you think I ramble on and on in writing you should meet me in person. I can usually keep myself in check (especially when I’m tired and/or have a really back headache) but when I get going it is really hard to stop me. Just ask some of the people I’ve gotten to know over the years. I am sure they will give and exhausted sounding sigh and confirm.

But I managed to get out of the office close to schedule today… only two minutes behind. And now I am sitting on the computer trying to make up for lost time by finishing up two Phillies blogs while keeping two eyes open and finishing my second beer in an office that is hotter than the second ring of hell. Don’t the old people in the building realize that cold preserves longer than heat. Just look at Ted Williams. Have you ever gotten an ice splinter? Those things hurt more than they should for something that size.

Don’t Mess With Granny On Game Day...

...and don't mess with mama either!

Like many work places during this time of year, the football pool is in full swing. It might be the only reason why I watch football these days. I don’t have the time to dedicate to the hours of penalties, dropped passes, missed tackles, and general ineptitude (I’m an Eagles fan) but I enjoy the fallout on Monday morning when those who were certain they would win are at the bottom of the list. It is all in good fun and win or lose it gives everyone some cheap entertainment over the weekend.

What has been especially entertaining for me this year is the diversity of the people participating. Young and old, men and women, everyone seems to be having a good time selecting their teams and humorously questioning the decisions of others. The only part that is not enjoyable is the fact that we can’t pick our hometown team or else we forfeit a win for the week (again, I am an Eagles fan).

Many would assume that all the young guys would be the ones that lend certain intensity to the game and in most places where I have been a part of the game you would be correct. That is definitely not the case this year. All the younger participants seem to be the most laid back on Monday morning.

The older men are pretty calm during the week when they are making picks and that generally carries through the weekend. Come Monday morning some of them can be a little testy if they didn’t fare well. They are the middle of the road players.

However, the ones that you don’t want to mess with are the older ladies in the building. The greater their age the more intense they are. Don’t mess with granny on game day!

Being that they are retired, these women spend what I assume to be hours looking up player stats and breaking down the matchups for the week. I guess when Atlantic City gets too cold it’s time to focus on football. Needless to say, if you see them on Monday morning tread very lightly because if they had a bad week they will take you out (the Eagles defense could learn a lot from them).

I’m actually kind of curious what it’s like when they’re watching the football game. At the same time I don’t want to risk being in their presence when the mood changes and the Eagles inevitably start getting the snot beat out of them. I especially don’t want to be around this weekend when they play Denver. I don’t know why they get so intense about the game. Maybe it’s the gambling side of things but it might just be that there is something wrong with their medulla oblongata.