It Is Part Of Our Past, Present, And Future

Today was one of those holidays that I wish was unnecessary… it is a day that a hundred years ago was thought, for the most part, to be an unthinkable means by which to mark a calendar. Today, on Yom HaShoah, I thought about all those whom I’ve met, those I have yet to meet, and those I will never be able to speak to. Today we honored all of their memories and hope for a future where these events become impossibilities. Today we took the time to think and pray about the Holocaust, the people lost, the lives changed, the families that will never be the same, and our faith which survived.

While I am quite removed from the tragedy being that I was raised in another faith and a family history that, most recently, immigrated to the United States in the middle of the 19^th century, I am also closely tied to this time in history. At various points in my life, the Holocaust has played a prominent role in my perception of the world around me, the views that I have developed, and the faith that I have nurtured. The Holocaust, in many ways, is ingrained in who I am and the way I live my life. And it was further made an essential part of my being when my wife and I made Aliyah in 2011.

It all started when I was in college as I was trying to figure out who I was and what I believed (for the umpteenth time). When browsing through the book stacks I came across Janusz Korczak’s account of the Holocaust, Ghetto Diary. I was struck by the dedication he had to not only his children by to his faith. His words were the impetus for the Holocaust poetry I would spend the next several years writing (based on three different sources of primary material). His words changed my view of the world, focused my mind, and ignited my passion. These writings also afforded me the opportunity to speak with Holocaust survivors and former Nazi soldiers over the years… words can never compare to the knowledge gained by looking into the eyes of a witness.

A few years and many lessons later I was in the midst of my conversion to Judaism when my Rabbi (and later those Rabbi’s serving on my bet din) asked me if I was certain about my decision given the history of persecution that Jews have faced for centuries. It was at this time when I had to search in myself to find out whether I was willing to accept my fate should such an unspeakable event ever happen again. In the end, it is one thing to be knowledgeable about an event or a faith but it is a completely different matter when you accept that history and that possibility as your own. After numerous conversations and questions, I cast my lot and, from that moment forward, have been considered a Jew.

Finally, a few years ago while conducting genealogical research, my wife discovered her family’s connection to the Holocaust and found the names of those relatives who were murdered. Having no previous knowledge about this line, it was quite the shock when this discovery was made. While it was not my family line, it is a heritage to which I am now a part of and one that our son will definitely learn about as he gets older. We will ensure that he knows about our faith, our history, and our people… the trials in the past and the struggles in the present… the horrors that have happened and the hope that resides in our hearts. After all, it is our responsibility, beyond the confines of this particular day, to ensure that this part of our history is never forgotten.

Finding The Afikomen In The Easter Eggs

I remember scurrying around the church grounds when I was younger looking for those little plastic eggs filled with assorted sweets. Looking back it is fascinating to think about how all the kids around me and I were so focused on a singular objective to find those mythical embryos. Fed by competitiveness and sugar, there was nothing stopping any of us until we were certain that all of those pastel containers were scrounged up and piled high in our baskets. In that moment, Easter was not a religious holiday it was simply an afternoon scavenger hunt.

These days, much like the Christmas holiday, Easter is a time to spend with family. As a Jew there is nothing that really appeals to my religious side but being able to spend time with everyone is something that makes me look forward to this time of year. Of course, seeing the little kids with that same singular objective in their eyes does make me think back to those afternoons and is also a reason why I enjoy this day. I guess you could say that his epitomizes the difference between watching or seeing and observing.

There are many holidays that happen around us every year, even within our own families, many of which we see all around us and we enjoy watching all that happens during those times of year. There are also times when we observe our holidays and the roles within our families are reversed. And there are times when I find doing a little bit of both during many of the Jewish holidays as I try to build a mental database of memories of all the different holidays and ways that people and families observe them.

This is something that many people who were raised in a faith take for granted. Seeing the different holidays from the very beginning you build upon a series of memories in youth which influences the way that you observe the holidays later in life. As converts we have a bit of a mixed bag in that we have those mental records from another faith but observe completely different holidays later in life. While it takes a little more effort during our chosen holidays, the memories of those former holidays easily surface during various times during the year.

The trick is harnessing those memories of childhood, accepting them, and looking for a ways to embrace some of those moments, like searching for eggs, and applying them to your chosen holidays. Maybe Easter has made us better as hiding the Afikomen. Maybe that need to search, that desire to see things to the end, lead us to take a lead of faith, search for, and find our faith. Maybe that Easter egg hunt was only the beginning of our search. Maybe that is the reason why those memories are so intense and the emotions tied to this holiday, for me, are absent of religion. Beyond the questions, it is a great day to spend with family and that is really what the focus should be on during all of our holidays.

Office Excavation

After my shift yesterday I decided to head into the office and attempt to do some cleaning. As you may remember, we did a significant reorganization and a little bit of cleaning about a month ago but there were some things that we have kept putting off. As much as I hate doing it, it was time to get things cleaned off my desk and organized.

Much of the cleaning and organizing had to do with all the papers and files that have been slowly accumulating over the past several months. I must have had an entire tree blanketing all the surfaces in the small room. In my opinion, is the worst kind of cleaning because you have to go through every document, sort them, and shred anything with sensitive information on it.

The truly astounding part of this endeavor is just how much stuff there is strewn about. For me, paper seems to epitomize the 10 in 5 mystery in that you wonder how ten pounds of crap can fit into a space that should only be able to hold five. It was a seemingly never ending task that had me, time and again, asking why I had kept all this stuff.

At the same time, I did come across a lot of things that I had long since forgotten about. Acceptance letters, testing scores, old flyers from readings, photographs I had taken, and endorsements. However, what were of greatest value to me were the papers that I had misplaced before I could add them to my genealogy binders. Namely copies of a few obituaries, a couple of family photos, and my conversion documents.

My conversion file in particular reminded me of an important part and commonly overlooked aspect of family tree building. All too often, amateur genealogists such as myself get tunnel vision and focus solely on the past. One of the worst things we can do is fail to color the leaf which we occupy on the tree. We have to remember that we are both story tellers and part of the story.

This omission is bad enough but what is infinitely worse is the failure to simply look around. Talk to the family that you have not just for what they can provide with regard to previous generations but for their stories as well. The work that you are doing now is great for the present but infinitely more important for the future generations of the family.

Lastly, the overarching reminder that yesterday provided me with was that whether you are researching your family or some other topic be organized. You are always going to be collecting more documents, more photographs, more books, and more stories and you need to have a place to put them where they can be retrieved easily. It was hard enough to find it once, don’t make yourself have to find it again.