A New Batch Of Solicitors

When my wife and I first discussed buying our first home we agreed that it would be nice to finally have a landline again. For the past several years, with the impermanence of renting, it was simply easier just using our cell phones for everything that we needed. Having that simple luxury was hugely representative of the permanence that we have both been seeking for some time. When we bought our home it was one of the first things that we had set up and while it did give us that feeling that we have been looking for there have also been brief moment of regret for doing so.

Throughout our first month in our new home, the phone would ring at least a couple of times a day. Many times, fortunately, the calls came in when we were both at work but there have also been plenty of other calls, usually right after we put our son to bed, from various companies trying to sell us one thing or another. This also included many companies wanting us to switch our newly connected services or ADT resellers with whom the fact that we already had ADT installed didn’t quite register. One conversation went something like this:

“Hi, my name is Joe with [insert reseller] and we have some great deals on ADT home security systems…”

“You’re wasting your time… we already took care of this.”

“Congratulations on your new home… are you and your family protected by ADT?”

“We had ADT installed last weekend.”

“But ADT provides a superior product and service…”

“It is an ADT system.”

“But ADT is the leader in the security industry…”

“We had an ADT system installed last weekend”

“Are you sure it was ADT because there are knockoffs?”

“Okay, you got me, I just have a stray dog chained outside the front door with a GoPro streaming to my laptop. Please don’t tell PETA.”

“What?”

“Do you think that qualifies as animal cruelty?”

“I… I…”

“I feed him regularly and clean up after him. Heck, I even took him to the vet. I figured I would make it easy on everyone so I decided to name him ADT.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about sir. I’m Joe from ADT.”

“I know. And now that you’re listening I will reiterate. We had ADT installed last weekend. Please add this number to your do not call list.”

However, those were not the most exhausting calls. We also received a few interesting calls from service providers that don’t even offer service to our area… someone at Verizon needs to get a clue as we would have kept our service had it been offered at our new place. Can’t say I was quite as jovial as I was with the ADT guy but the conversation ended the same way… “Please add this number to your do not call list.”

While I understand and appreciate the fact that many of these people are just trying to make a living, the sheer volume of these calls has become ridiculous. Having the same company call four or five times a day for weeks on end is harassment. And, of course, they don’t leave a message nor do they even know what they are talking about when they call. Case in point being an electric provider that was “concerned to see that our electric bill from [insert name of power provider that we don’t use here] had increased so much over the previous month.” First of all, I call BS. Second, put me on your do not call list, goodbye!

Being A Cheap PITA Can Keep You Sane

Right now money is tight and I try and watch what we spend. Most of the time its easy while other times it can be hard. There are a couple of things that make it very easy to keep a firm grasp on every penny.

The schedule that I keep has me sleeping for much of the normal waking hours so it is a time that I don’t have to think about what needs to be picked up or purchased. All I think about is sleeping. It also delays the purchase of items to make sure they are really needed rather than a simple want or desire.

The other thing that makes it easy are the people that either call me (despite the fact that I know for certain that I am on the National Do Not Call Registry) or send me generic letters. Especially when they can’t even get my name right… if you want me to even listen to your request get my name right first. Also, when I answer the phone you better be ready to go because if you stutter you leave yourself open to me venting all my frustration and anger on you.

You may not even have done anything wrong, you may be a damn fine individual, but I’m going to let you have it. To me, telemarketers offer a great service to society… free therapy. If I have to deal with the BS system that your industry employs you are most certainly going to deal with mine.

This is not something that works for everyone but it works for me and I feel much better afterward and, in fact, I actually saved some money rather than having it cost me anything. Please also note that this works particularly well when you call them back (after they fail to leave a message of course), let them tell you why it was so important for them not to leave a message, and let it rip. Again, I am willing to put in a couple minutes of effort for a free stress release.

Now, on the other end of the spectrum, you can try to sell them something. I don’t care what it is or even if it’s real, just keep talking and don’t let them get in a word and sell, sell, sell. It’s a great feeling when you get a telemarketer to hang up on you and an even better one when you get them interested and let them know that “unfortunately, we just sold out. Can I call you back at a later time?”

In both my own experience and the tales told by many others I know that make these types of calls in a diverse cross section of industries, this is an old fashion sales method that is going to provoke these types of responses and those who do this for a living expect it and understand it. In fact, about 3/4 of the people with whom I spoke, prefer these types of calls because it keeps the person on the phone so that once they stumble in their retort it opens them up to be sold again. "It is all part of the game" is the common justification of the process and this is why they requested I write this post.

Personally, this process is it has kept my wallet close and my sanity closer. And I don’t even have to mention a do not call list to make the solicitations stop. Maybe this is why I was never a fit for the sales field… I enjoyed these types of calls and the back and forth fun that you can have with them. But, in the end, I enjoy being on the other side of the phone too much. Of course, it could simply be that I have a tendency to be a PITA.