TMI Tuesday: Poo Rainbow

Not long after our son arrived and they brought him back to our room in the maternity ward we were warned of all the things that we would be encountering when we changed his diaper. “Oh, the things you’ll see” as Dr. Seuss would say. However, words can’t really express the interesting moments of discovery when we peeled back the tabs and saw the carnage laid upon Pooville.

It all started with the tar pit. This is the kind of nasty stuff that they find dinosaurs in and what they use to patch highways. It’s like trying to clean up a pile of black superglue. I was half tempted to call the EPA when his diaper seemed as though it was attached with Velcro and the wipes seemed to whimper in the corner of the bassinet.

Slowly but surely these emanations transformed into a consistency that we are all familiar with. “Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poopon?” Why yes, yes I do. That’s right, I was never a big fan of mustard to begin with but I am certainly avoiding it now that I have seen the “seedy Dejon” that our son had been producing. And that is exactly how the doctors and nurses describe the consistency… it is even found in the little take home poo packet.

Seeing all this is one thing but seeing it in action is another. Last weekend we found ourselves playing the part of Lepookans doing our best to avoid being caught at the end of the poo rainbow. Ever since we found out and told people that we were having a boy they all warned us to block the winkie but no one bothered to inform us of the other fountain that poses a threat to new parents.

We were nearly done changing his diaper and about to pull up his new Pampers when all of the sudden someone decided to squeeze the mustard bottle and my wife and I ducked for cover. Thankfully there weren’t any fans in the room that it could hit and really cause a mess. Safe to say we had a little extra laundry that had to be done that night and made be seriously consider putting up a splash guard at the end of the changing table.

However, even with the flurry of fierce feces, things have been going pretty smoothly and, most importantly, baby seems to be happy. He’s a bit of a gassy little baby but none of that matters when I pick him up and he smiles as he looks at me. Of course, there are those interesting times when he holds his hand out seemingly saying “Daddy, pull my finger!”

On The Ground

 

This past week Israel finally sent ground troops into the Gaza strip. Not surprisingly, this cause cities in the United States to be invaded by misinformed masses of liberals who believe that the Israelis should simply follow the orders of the commandant and keep giving and giving until they get what they want... heck with 1967, they want Israel to return to the pre 1947 boarders (because the boundaries outlined by the United Nations were a Zionist plot). These protesters, on a certain level believe that Israel somehow deserves these rocket attacks… they would much rather see Israelis ignore the violence and propaganda, put their heads down and work. After all, work will set you free.

However, there were numerous opportunities given to Hamas by Israel to avoid this escalation. More opportunities than should have been given. Each time Hamas has refused. Finally, Prime Minister Netanyahu offered this final hand, this opportunity for de-escalation, and opportunity for a resolution and end to the violence. Given the circumstances, I don’t know if he could have phrased this any better:

To Ismail Haniya, and the leaders and operatives of Hamas:

We, the people of Israel, owe you a huge debt of gratitude. You have succeeded where we have failed. Because never before, in the history of the modern State of Israel, has the Jewish people been so united, like one person with one heart. You stole three of our most precious children, and slaughtered them in cold blood. But before we could discover the horrible truth, we had 18 days of pain and anxiety while we searched for them, during which our nation united as never before, in prayer, in hopes, in mutual support.

And now, as you continue to launch deadly missiles indiscriminately, intended to maim and murder as many civilians as possible, while you take cowardly refuge behind your own civilians - you continue to inspire us to hold strongly onto our newly discovered unity. Whatever disputes we Jews may have with each other, we now know that we have one common goal: we will defeat you.

But we are offering you now one last chance. Within 24 hours, all rocket fire - and I mean all rocket fire - will cease. Completely. Forever.

 

I give you formal notice that our tanks are massed at the Gaza border, with artillery and air support at the ready. We have already dropped leaflets over the northern parts of the Gaza strip, warning civilians of our impending arrival, and that they should evacuate southward, forthwith. If you fail to meet our ultimatum, we are coming in, and, with God's help, this time we will not leave. Every centimetre of land that we conquer will be annexed to Israel, so that there will never be another attack launched at our civilians from there.

Even so, we will continue to keep the door open to allow you to surrender gracefully. The moment you announce that you are laying down arms, we will halt our advance, and there we will draw our new borders. If you continue to attack our citizens, we will continue to roll southwards, driving you out of territory that you will never again contaminate with your evil presence.

It pains me deeply that your civilians will be made homeless. But we did not choose this war; you did. And if our choice is between allowing our citizens to be targeted mercilessly by your genocidal savagery, versus turning your civilians into refugees, I regret that we must choose the latter. If only you loved your people as much as you hate ours, this war would never have happened.

To the rest of the world: Israel has tired of your ceaseless chidings that we should "show restraint". When you have your entire population under constant missile fire from an implacable enemy whose stated goal is the murder every man, woman and child in your land, then you may come and talk to us about "restraint". Until then, we respectfully suggest that you keep your double standards to yourselves. This time, Hamas has gone too far, and we will do whatever we have to in order to protect our population.

Hamas, once again, I thank you for bringing our people together with such clarity of mind and unity of purpose. The people of Israel do not fear the long road ahead.

This conflict is not just about the rockets that are being fired or the troops on the ground. This is a conflict that has come to a head because of the drastically different values that are placed on human life. This is not a new observation by any means but it always seems to get lost on those that flood the city streets in the western world to protest the rightful defensive actions taken by Israel. Whereas the IDF stands between the threat and civilians, Hamas has put the civilians all around them to shield them from the consequences of their aggression… it is because of this dichotomy that you will continue to read about the chasm between the casualty totals.

With the conflict still raging and more and more reservists being called to serve, peace may be the objective but, right now, sanity is our goal. While I don’t anticipate a quick resolution, I pray for a quick and permanent end to the violence. All of which rests on the shoulders of the men and women of the IDF to whom we are all grateful and will continue to pray for. But, let us end this post in a way that you might not be expecting… with a little humor from Benji Lovitt whom I had the pleasure of briefly meeting during our Jerusalem days. He has single handedly given us many moments, one liners, pictures, and turns of phrase that have made us smile, if not laugh loudly and annoyingly, and in some of the more serious instances laugh so hard that hummus came out of our noses. So here it is, what I think is the best picture and caption from Benji Lovitt so far:

Aaaaand there went the ceasefire.
You just couldn't control yourself, could you, Hamas?
I mean, Jim.

 

Changing Things Up For The Holiday

It was an odd feeling today not going to work today. The past couple of years have always been ones that I knew I would have to be working in order to get the holiday pay. This year it was a great feeling to be back on a salary system. It was nice to get up and out of the apartment knowing that we could be out all day and not have to worry about getting back for a shift. Today made it clear how important it is to have the day off in order to really relax and enjoy the time with family.

While we changed up the usual annual plans, it was a good day all around and one that carried some extra importance as was mentioned in my previous post. Although, I admit it was a strange feeling knowing that I had gifts for my wife for Thanksgiving. Nothing much but still not something I am used to.

There were great moments during the holiday including some texts from my coworkers who seemed to be having a good time cleaning their plates. There were also some moments that I could have done without including a particular “conversation” with my mother-in-law that required some firm language and a courtesy warning for the future. Lastly, toward the end of the night, we heard that my nephew, who we usually see during the holiday, was looking for me all night. I kind of wish we were there for him.

But, good and bad, it was nice to change things up this year. It is a different year to begin with and one that has seen a lot of changes in our lives so why should this holiday be any different. While we have been thankful in the past it would take us a few extra seconds to pinpoint our gratitude. This year we have plenty to be thankful for and much to look forward to in the year to come. Maybe not as much as the friends on Facebook who have announced their pregnancy but great things to come nevertheless.

By the time we got home tonight I was exhausted. Actually, I was yawning for about half the drive back. So, I am going to close this post rather quickly and get to bed. No shopping for me this year just a slow trip to bed and a night full of snoring and not working while I enjoy being full, grateful, and hopeful for the future.