George Wallace and a Pitcher of Kool-Aid

Whenever I pull into the parking lot I notice at least a few bumper or window stickers scattered throughout the spaces. Some I agree with, many I don’t. I’m sure that my car is one that makes most residents grumble something disparaging under their breath as they scurry to their vehicles.

What disturbs me about these passive proclamations is that they are all the same. Everyone seems to follow in the same line of thought and opinion. They are so similar that they should just have a big picture of a pitcher of Kool-Aid on the hood of their car with Bill Maher swimming in it.

Also, the assumptions that these Jonestown timeshare holders make are ridiculous with the prime example being that the reason I don’t have an Obama / Biden sticker on my car is because I am a racist. Remember, it is not just about what you support but also about what you don’t support.  In this instance, if harboring a hatred for idiots and a-holes makes someone a racist then call me George Wallace. I don’t think you’re an idiot for supporting them I just think you are misguided and didn’t think about where you were going before you followed the herd off the cliff.   

The most interesting reactions thus far have been ones to a little piece on my back window… they seem confused as to the unfamiliar design so they take a closer look until they finally realize that they are analyzing a NRA sticker. You’d think I had murdered someone and they saw a sign that said that the body was in the trunk. Now that I think about it, maybe that is why I don’t have any dings in my doors. I guess fear can sometimes be a good thing.

What gets lost in the shock and horror above is the that fact that if you look at the other organizations represented in my windows you will find that I am a reasonably educated Mason and Rotarian who volunteers with a group that helps disabled kids. I am such a bad person and I guess you have every reason to fear me. And the fact that these are all represented on a gas only car means I am going straight to hell.

Maybe these people should focus on something else when they stare at my windows. Maybe the real problem is in the reflection. That seems to be the common thread between assumption and judgment. I too need to pay attention to my own reflection even when I know, without a doubt, that they are an a-hole.

Autism Has A Voice Without Words

My wife and I try to take a day trip every weekend and this weekend was no exception (I will be writing more about our travel plans in a future post). This is a big change to how we have been living our life over the past couple of years and I really believe that this is a change in the right direction. Our drive this week was particularly short but it goes to show that you don’t have to go very far to have a great day.

Drexel Hill is only about 20 minutes down the road from our apartment and there may not be much to see in the way of scenery or places you would go out of your way to visit. Simply put it is not a destination spot. This was not a “tourist” kind of trip or a day of exploring, this was a day to we were able to spend an afternoon with a great family.

It is not unusual for us to visit friends when we have some free time (especially now that our schedule has opened up a little) but this was different for me as this was the first time I was able to meet them. My wife first got to know them when she became the personal care assistant for their youngest autistic son about a year ago. Over time, even having changed placements, my wife has remained in contact with them and a strong friendship has developed over the months.

Even though my wife has talked about this family ever since she started working with their youngest son and she has educated me as to the basics of autism, this was my first real experience with children with this ‘disability’ (my previous experience was at somewhat of a distance volunteering at a few Philly Friendship Circle events). By the end of the afternoon I came away with the simple reality check that spending real one on one time with a family with two autistic children will not only give you honest examples of some of the challenges that the family faces but also many of the amazing attributes that these children have.

The older of the two boys spent much of the time on the computer during our visit. He quietly played a game while his parents were talking with us. He joined us later in the day, talking up a storm, and playing a game on the iPad with his father. You could tell he was a happy and healthy child who was enjoying time at home with mom and dad.

The younger son, with whom my wife had previously worked, is non verbal and shy. He was constantly nuzzling on and against the couch while he watch "Thomas the Train" videos on YouTube also, like his brother, on an iPad. A couple minor observations about this… First, I know many adults that don’t know how to use an iPad. Second, I know a lot of people who have never been on YouTube (and many who wouldn’t even know what it is).

The two children had one prominent thing in common and one significant difference. It didn’t take long to see that both boys love their parents and would show that in their own ways while, at the same time, the parents freely reciprocated that love and showed them the attention that, unfortunately, is lacking in many families. Communication is where you can clearly see a difference - while the older son openly talks and asks about this or that, the younger son is non verbal and communicates primarily through both his actions and his picture cards (hopefully, this is something that will change as he gets older). But there is communication, there is love, and there is an amazing family.

While differences exist and it may not be the easiest situation for parents to find themselves in, they have much more than most ‘traditional’ families and there is a lot more love and happiness in the eyes of those children than you will find in most kids their age. This is why I put quotation marks around the word disability above because from my perspective they may have differences but, in many ways, they are much more able than many of us. This is clear in the lessons we can learn from them if we just pay attention, look beyond the words, and listen to the voice of autism without words.