Mortgage Monday: Finally Settled After Seven Years

Society Hill Synagogue

Tomorrow is a very special day for me and my wife. Not just because of the commitment we made to one another that day but also because of the memories that we continue to carry with us both during the good times and the difficult ones. While a blur at the time, as the years have passed the memories remain vivid in my mind. Seven years ago tomorrow my wife and I, after a prolonged engagement, ran down the aisle for the first time as husband and wife.

It is especially poignant to think about all of those people who meant so much to us that day, who went out of their way to make the day special and how, while they are no longer with us, they live on in the deep meaning that they brought to that moment in our life. From a friend bringing appetizers into our room during the cocktail reception to friends from Samantha’s synagogue enjoying the opportunity to make new friends. From the joy in my mother in laws face as she spent time with friends and with my wife (and the Salmon and polenta combination helped too) to my grandmother pulling my wife aside toward the end of the night to offer her advice.

All of those memories come back to me in an instant whenever I catch a glimpse of our wedding photos on the wall of our living room and when I see our Ketubah hanging near our kitchen table as I walk in the door. But this is the time of year when they are the most vivid and when I am the most thankful that we have one another. It hasn’t always been easy but the good far outweighs the difficult times and we are much stronger both individually and as a family because of each of those moment even though it doesn’t seem like it at times.

And now we celebrate this day finally settled into a place that we call home. We enjoy our anniversary as a family and we look forward to the years to come more so than we have in the past. I know I haven’t been the perfect husband and my wife continues to say that she hasn’t been the perfect wife over the years but, while it has some wear around the edges, our marriage is as strong as it has ever been. Seven years with decades to go not just as husband and wife but as mommy and daddy. And now we know, and we have the security in knowing, where we will be for all of our future anniversaries.

From Home To House

Today I couldn’t help but think about my grandmom’s old house in Ocean City, New Jersey. I remember visiting her multiple times every summer and, on occasion, staying in the extra bedroom. When time came to sell the house, I remember not wanting to even drive by there anymore. It wasn’t the same without her there. It was nothing more than a simple structure. The memories are what made a special place.

While today was a completely different situation altogether, I couldn’t keep that memory from coming to the surface. I also couldn’t help but think about the many times my wife and I would drive up the hill to her mother’s house and begin walking down the path waiting for the dogs to start barking. It is interesting the memories that are the most vivid. Of course there are others but some memories need to be kept inside for a while before sharing them as stories.  

This was just my thought process. Throughout my work day I kept thinking about my wife and all that she has had to deal with over these last several months. I can’t imagine what was going through my wife’s mind today. It is one of those times when saying “I know how it feels” or “I know what you are going through” would be wildly inappropriate. I have no idea what this has been like and I have no inkling of what memories have been brought to the surface today.

The only think that I know is that a place that was once part of our normal weekly routine has become a memory. What made that place special lives on in our minds but, for me, the place itself is now just a house. Maybe this seems cold to some but it is how I deal with it. It is a process that works for me regardless of how imperfect it may be. It is also one that I can’t expect will work for others. This is why I will not drive by the house just for the heck of it.

With that said, I look at that house in my mind and wish that our son was able to experience the same happiness that once filled the vast space within those walls. However, those memories will certainly live on in the stories that we will be telling our son throughout his life. But, for now, those memories will remain in my mind as we continue through this whole process. Besides, I’m not the right person to be telling him those stories anyway.

When The Surreal Becomes Reality

Chapel of Peace at West Laurel Hill Cemetery

My wife and I (my wife more than I) have spent the last week trying to prepare ourselves for today. Throughout the week, my wife was fielding daily texts and phone calls from family asking for her opinion on how things should be arranged. I was asked on one occasion but, being that I didn’t feel it was appropriate for me to decide anything, I respectfully declined to offer my opinion. With everything going on and all preparations being made there was still nothing that we could have prepared us for this moment this morning.

We arrived at the cemetery a few minutes after 10 finding one of the last remaining spots near the entrance to the chapel. The baby was quiet the entire ride over and we were expecting him to get a little fussy when we finally made it inside and found a few seats. The room was already beginning to fill up with family, friends, and former coworkers so we found a place off to the side and prepared for the noise to erupt from below the car seat cover.

While I was sitting watching the baby my wife was greeting those who walked over to offer their condolences and congratulations while I just kept thinking about this whole surreal experience. The people and memories kept coming... I can’t imagine what it was like for my wife. By the time the service started there were well over 100 people there listening to my wife’s uncle conduct the service… a role his is very familiar with even if this was not the kind of conducting with which he was familiar.

Throughout the service, I couldn’t help but think about all the times that we would meet somewhere for dinner or stop by the house and she would be ranting about something or someone. There were times when the two of us would argue about things but with each of us always ending up coming to the conclusion that we simply had slightly different views. She was someone that I always respected for both her opinionated nature and intelligence. This was something that was reciprocated time and again.

It is hard to think that those times are but memories at this point and that our son will only know her through pictures and stories. But he will know who she was and the family from which she came. And while she may not be able to hold him like his other grandparents, there is no doubt that she is looking over him… maybe that is why he was so quiet and calm throughout the morning. Quiet and calm despite some of the things I am sure she was saying about the service and some of the people there. I am sure she had a few things to say about the snow which began to fall shortly before the service ended as well. 

Mil Spec Is Not Always Best!

That title will have some firearms enthusiasts writing long responses about the fact that I must be full of it. All of their words penned before they even read this sentence. But, unbeknownst to those raging individuals, this post has nothing to do with firearms beyond the brief mentions in this paragraph.

Mil Spec in this instance stands for ‘Mother-In-Law Specifications’. Having a MIL as a realtor and looking for an apartment can either be a valuable asset in our search to find a new place to live or it can be a challenge. While I don’t anticipate any problems in the process there is always the possibility but I guess you can say that about any realtor.

My wife and I have our list of what we want in an apartment and it really isn’t complicated. However, it is the gray area that usually determines the final outcome. I guess, for me, it comes down to treating my MIL as a realtor and, in this instance, setting aside the fact that we are part of the same extended family. There is a particular saying about opinions which will not be repeated at this time. Sometimes the opinion of a family member (weighted based on how closely you are related of course) makes a difference but there are other decisions that have to be made differently.

As a realtor, I will take her suggestions but once it goes beyond that and there is an attempt to add extra weight to those opinion, that is when we could run into some problems. It is for this reason that I have stated quite clearly, and I am now repeating, that I have no qualms about changing realtors during this process. I definitely know, and have them saved in my phone, other realtors in the area who would be happy to help.

That may seem cold to some but it allows for the separation of what needs to be done and the relationships I have with family members. I have done this my whole life and, up to this point, it has kept my professional life out of my family life (for the most part). Another thing to keep in mind is that this is more for the protection of my family as I am a different person when it comes to work in comparison to my personal family life. Some may use a certain unpleasant descriptor at times similar to donkey cave.

So, while there is nothing really wrong with Mil Spec, sometimes it is not the best option. You have to find what is right for you and what fits your needs. After all, Mil Spec represents one person, one view, and one way of doing things among a plethora of potential options.