The Truth Behind The Sarcasm

We are all familiar with sarcasm and most of us understand how to use it. However, there are some people that when faced with certain circumstances that demonstrate true mastery of this form of speech. Recently, I came across an article and video of one such master.

In light of recent gun control legislation being considered in a local resident of Ashland, Oregon who identified himself as ‘Johnny Bolton’ attended stated meeting of the Ashland City Council’s on February 4^th. In the beginning, it wasn’t entirely clear what the resident’s objectives were in his statement to the council but soon it was quite obvious what his true intentions were in introducing a new public safety concern group: Citizens for a Really Safe Ashland.

The presentation was made in response to proposed legislation concocted by the local organization Citizens for a Safe Ashland which would further infringe upon the rights of gun owners. It went on to answer the simple question which has been previously addressed in this blog: Why stop there when there are so many other things we can regulate to ensure public safety? He starts his speech in the following manner:

“Representing well over 30 resident citizens, and given the current vogue for citizen introduced reasonable and common sense ordinances, ‘Citizens for a REALLY safe Ashland’ want to capitalize on the desire to act in a “timely manner” (or even in a knee-jerk expedited manner) to introduce a comprehensive public safety ordinance that – whilst perhaps not actually addressing any genuine or legitimate issues – does serve to promote a divisive partisan agenda!”

Thankfully, he also points out our caveman-like place in the civilized world just like a true American like Piers Morgan would by stating, “European countries are light years ahead, indeed a recent study by the esteemed British Medical Journal proposes banning all kitchen knives over 4” long – because the people would be safer.”

At this point, the full color of the citizen’s sarcasm began to shine through to the point that your name would have to be Sheldon Cooper to not understand the message that was being eloquently presented. Specifically, the Citizens for a Really Safe Ashland, proposes the following ordinance:

1.  Regulate the public visibility of, and

2.  Seek to punish those that allow minors access to, the following potentially dangerous, often unfamiliar, and in some instances outright scary items:

(i) Knives
(ii) Chainsaws
(iii) Power-tools
(iv) Hammers
(v) Ladders
(vi) Bath tubs

(vii) Swimming Pools
(viii) Car keys
(ix) Alcohol
(x) Prescription and non prescription medication

See, common sense safety. It should be known that Ashland is a hotbed from criminal activity where children frequently play with keys, swim in swimming pools, and take baths regularly (many times forced into this vicious cycle of addiction to cleanliness by their own parents). It is for this reason that this proposed ordinance is so important. Also it should also be seriously considered by the Ashland City Council because…  

“That this proposed ordinance will be ineffective, and a solution to a problem that does not exist is not of great importance.  What matters is making a statement about “community values”….We can’t ever be too safe, can we.  It’s for the sake of the children, and we – and they – have to be protected from ourselves.”

Unfortunately, even with such sarcasm, one of the final points made during Johnny Bolton’s presentation held some truly scary truth. While seen as a humorous over exaggeration by some, when you really look at what is going on in this country there is a little too much truth to the following statement: “Evidently concepts such as absolute inalienable rights, liberty, and personal responsibility are old-fashioned, outmoded, and frankly quite scary!”

Take some time to think about what is really being presented in the video below and consider all that has been proposed in this country (both on the local and federal level). This is not just with regard to the overabundance of gun legislation that has wasted countless taxpayer dollars but the elimination of trans fats, the socialization of medicine, and numerous other initiative that have been forced upon us in the spirit of “we know what is best for you.”

 

Is It A Beautiful Day In Your Neighborhood?

There are many television programs that seem fascinating as a child but as we get older we either begin to realize how bad they are or we think about how much they have changed and the fact that Elmo must die. Even some of the good shows that we remember watching when we were younger seem to lose a little something when we either get the adult jokes (hello Fraggle Rock) or we watch them again and see how horrible the acting really is. However, there is the occasional program that, even years later, you look back and no matter how cheesy, simple, or dated they are, they still hold a special place in your memory.

There are also very few instances that I have experienced that makes you appreciate those programs even more and have a greater respect for the show. Unfortunately, this frequently happens when we watch a modern version, which is crap, and you realize how good the original was. Then there are instances, like the one I had this evening, when I watch a program that outlined the history of the program and the man behind this long standing television series.

If you watch Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood today you would think that it is all an act, that no one can be that friendly and sincere in their daily life. Watching "Mister Rogers & Me", you really come to realize that Fred Rogers was one of those few people who refused to see the faults in people and made a conscious decision to see the good in us all. He really believed that we are all special in many diverse ways (insert your own joke here).

While there is no replacing the positive influence that your parents and family have on who you are, especially in my case, you can’t help but think that shows like this had some impact on us. Don’t get me wrong, I can be as cynical and combative as the next person, but I also try to see the good in people. I enjoy talking and getting to know people not really caring about what they do for a living but who they really are. I guess that is why I can talk to just about anyone and for long stretches of time. I guess, to a certain extent, I treat everyone as a neighbor.

That is the true legacy of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood. It isn’t in the ratings, awards, or longevity. It is in the small changes for the better that the show has made in many of us years after the last time we watched it. It is about how we see ourselves and how we treat one another. We may have different views, divergent opinions, and strong disagreements but that doesn’t comprise all that we are. That doesn’t mean we can respect each other and treat one another as neighbors.

Of course, if you don’t want to be my neighbor this picture is for you….

 

…and if you refuse to respect my opinions as I respect yours this picture is definitely for you…

 

In case you missed it, the word of the day is sarcasm. Learn it, embrace it, and let Trolley take you to the Neighborhood of Make Believe so we can all see sarcasm in action through the use of hand puppets. What can I say, I'm not Mister Rogers but it is still a beautiful day in the neighborhood, isn’t it?

Say Goodbye To Baseball Bats

I know the title has some of you thinking about the meaning behind the statement but it really is very simple. I have decided to take the advice of the President and will start doing anything I can to save lives. After all, “if it saves one life, it’s worth it.” And so begins the campaign to ban baseball bats or, at the very least, require a background check in order to purchase one. It only makes sense to start looking at sources of unregulated weapons (especially if they’re black and scary looking) to ban or control first before going after other items (themselves innocuous) used in crimes.

Essentially, a criminal can walk into any sporting goods store, Wal-Mart, or thrift shop and buy a weapon without showing any form of idea, without filling out any forms, and without a background check having been completed. Even children can buy bats at numerous retailers, even the tactical black models. How long are we going to sit on the sidelines quietly and wait for these kids to recreate the meeting scene from “The Untouchables”. This unregulated market needs to stopped and only professional athletes paid to play this sport and certified trainers should have access to these items with such deadly potential.

Of course, this is only the first of many initiatives. Knives are also an unregulated weapon which children and the mentally unstable have easy access to and the same can be said for household cleaners, fast food, and power tools. All of these things have been the cause of death on countless occasions. Also, while tobacco, alcohol, cars, and prescriptions are regulated to a certain degree, they are still prevalent aspects of daily life which also cause a substantial amount of deaths every year. Ban them all and save thousands of lives. Maybe tens or hundreds of thousands of lives.

I know what you’re asking, but why would I chose to go after baseball bats and not guns? Well, they simply aren’t as big of a concern. Contrary to the rhetoric being bandied about recently, those statistics are trending in the right direction and, therefore, should not be our first priority. After all, at least you have to pass a background check to legally buy a firearm. But why take my word for it…

As was reported by the U.S. Department of Justice and Pew Research Center, gun crime statistics continue to steadily decline while gun ownership, especially in recent years, has experienced a sharp rise. According to DOJ’s Bureau of Justice Statistics, U.S. gun-related homicides dropped 39 percent over the course of 18 years, from 18,253 during 1993, to 11,101 in 2011. During the same period, non-fatal firearm crimes decreased even more, a whopping 69 percent. The majority of those declines in both categories occurred during the first 10 years of that time frame. Firearm homicides declined from 1993 to 1999, rose through 2006, and then declined again through 2011. Non-fatal firearm violence declined from 1993 through 2004, then fluctuated in the mid-to-late 2000s.

Additionally, Pew researchers observed that the huge amount of attention devoted to gun violence incidents in the media has caused most Americans to be unaware that gun crime is “strikingly down” from 20 years ago. In fact, gun-related homicides in the late 2000s were “equal to those not seen since the early 1960s.” Yet their survey found that 56 percent believed gun-related crime is higher, 26 percent believed it stayed about the same, and 6 percent didn’t know. Only 12 percent of those polled thought it was lower.

In the end, if you really want to save a life, turn in your baseball bat and buy a gun.