Things Could Have Been Different…

Another year has come and gone and I can still remember the chaos that surrounded us all on this day 13 years ago. The memories, which I wrote about on this blog last year, still remain and the emotions that flooded both my heart and mind, while faded, still linger. I was one of the lucky ones in that I didn’t know anyone who lost their life as the Manhattan skyline forever changed but, unfortunately, I know many who have since lost their lives in resulting wars.

I think about them from time to time and wonder if I had been able to make it through basic training. I wonder how things would have been different if my body had held up. These are the thoughts that crowd my mind during this day. I guess you could say that I am also fortunate in this regard as well because if I wasn’t discharged the following summer, there is no guarantee that I would be here today.

This is a day of remembrance and reflection for me. Even having working in Manhattan for a number of years, I have only been to ground zero once. However, I can remember the chill that came over me changing trains in Brooklyn… do I take the A, C, or E to work today? I remember that year, I couldn’t take the E, I had to take the A train and get to mid-town as quickly as possible. While it wasn’t necessarily logical, I couldn’t bring myself to walk onto the E train as it waited for passengers at the station.

Now, far removed from those days in New York City, I was sitting and talking with my colleagues about where they were that morning. Some of us were in college, a couple were working, and a few were still sitting in their grade school classes not fully comprehending what was happening as the events unfolded. I guess you could say that none of us could comprehend at the time.

For the first time, I am witnessing the change in the perception of events that I so vividly lived through. The age gap is slowly widening and I am meeting more and more people for whom the memory of this day seems more of the abstract variety rather than the visceral. I will never forget that day and I will forever be grateful for the twists that occurred in my life since then that not only allows me to look back but appreciate all that has changed, all that has happened, and all that could have been different.

Family Time

 

Every once in a while you have to put things aside and just spend time with family. Today was one of those days when I turned off the computer, got in the car, and head to my parent’s house to meet up with my siblings so we could all spend time together and sit down for a meal. This was one of the big drivers in our decision to move back to the Philadelphia area and but my career on hold for a while.

 

It proved to be a difficult time but days like this are what makes the decision truly worth it. Of course, there have been other things that have happened in the years since my wife and I made that decision that have only reinforced the choice but everything comes back to family. These are also the days that I realize how lucky I am. Too few people have been so fortunate to have a family that they can turn to and that will, within necessary reason, support their decisions.

 

My family continues to be a source of strength in my life as well as a huge sense of pride. We have all taken vastly different paths in life but we have always brought each other along for the ride. No matter where I have gone or what I may be doing, I always know that my family is going to be there to share in the great moments and give me the kick in the rear when things aren’t going so well. If anything, the past two years have been the clearest example of that.

 

Even with something as simple as this blog when there are days when I have a lot to write about and other days when it is a struggle to get things down on the page, I know that it is a means to keep my family up to date as to everything that is going on in my mostly boring but sometime humorous life. By the way, hi mom!

 

That has been one of the ancillary benefits of sitting down at the table and writing every night. It has allowed me to pick up a conversation that we never had simply by elaborating on what was written the night or the week before. At the same time, I know that my views aren’t necessarily shared with everyone in my family but my views are respected and it has never been a point of debate. Again, I know my family supports me even when or views differ and we respect one another for having an opinion (although they will rightfully call me out on my BS on occasion). So I guess in a sense, while certainly not the same as spending time in person, by writing these words I am able to have a little bit of family time every night.