When Is The Last Time You Wrote A Love Letter?

Photo by Liz Warnek

Every journey has to start somewhere and ours did when, four years ago today (this hour actually), my wife and I were running down the aisle, out the synagogue doors, and into a limousine on our way to our wedding reception overlooking Independence Hall. It will forever be one of the best days of my life even though we didn’t have a chance to enter the dessert room. I am sure my wife will be reliving our wedding day through photos on her blog so I am going to go about this post another way.

As most of you know I am very easy to get along with most of the time but other times I am a pain in the butt and my wife has had to put up with all of it. The latter of the two is guaranteed not to be much fun to live with but, when you think about it, the first part is not easy either. I enjoy talking to people and it doesn’t matter where we are I can find someone to strike up a conversation with. On top of all this, she has to deal with a “creative type” but I guess that falls under the pain in the butt category.  

My wife is different… she is an astounding woman and my best friend (translation: I love her but she can sometimes be a pain in the butt too). I have seen her struggle and I have seen her succeed and I am constantly amazed by what she has accomplished and I will always be proud to be called her husband. From Chesterbrook and Brooklyn to Metuchen and Jerusalem to Bryn Mawr and Bala Cynwyd we have stuck together, leaned on each other, and gotten through it all still in one piece.

There have been good days and bad, easy and hard times, healthy and downright scary moments, and we have weathered them all side by side. We’ve had our disagreements and we’ve made many big, and sometimes shocking, decisions with all of them bringing us to this day when I can honestly say that even though she pisses me off sometimes I love her more than the day we were sentenced by the Rabbi.

While we both have changed in many ways, grown at different rates and, sometimes, in different directions, we continue to strengthen our bond and reach toward the dreams that sometimes seem so far but get closer to our grasp every day. We have gotten a lot of opinions over the years with some voices being louder than others. Thankfully, none of them have been from within our own heads… I think. We have found our way, we have discovered what works for us, we know the kind of life we want and this is the kind of life we will live.

If you’re married, I hope you have what we have. If you’re single, good luck because not many people are this lucky.

Don’t Forget The Mint On The Pillow!

Taking time to step back, breathe, and evaluate is sometimes the hardest thing for each of us to do. To a certain extent, this is something that we strive to do every week at Rotary by discussing many of the larger campaigns that continue to impact the world. We are constantly exploring the ways that we can contribute to those endeavors as well as local projects that have an immediate effect on our own community. When we find an idea in sync with our objectives and our vocational abilities we work on the details of implementation and construct a broad stroke plan to get things moving. Essentially, by stepping back and looking at the big picture we are able to delve into the details and find our way to best serve the community and contribute to Rotary in general.

Where many of us get tripped up is in the effectiveness of our club and the frequently overlooked foundational aspects of our club as well as its attributes, objectives, and goals. The reason this is commonly overlooked is simple… with so many worthwhile campaigns we don’t want to stop and take care of the basic housekeeping.

This doesn’t mean that anything has been neglected or needs to be discontinued. It is simply a status update, an evaluation of where we stand, and a means of cleaning out inefficiency and ensuring that the clubs activities are in harmony with members and best serve Rotary and the community. Once the existing structure of the club has been surveyed, deficiencies can be addressed and new goals can be established.

When was the last time you asked members to complete a club assessment survey or evaluated the needs of your own community (you would be surprised at how quickly this can change)?

These are the first tasks that need to be completed and this should be done on a regular basis. By taking the time to cover these basics, you can properly guide your club in a direction that not only increases the potential success of you club but also of the community. It also brings to light that some of the things your club may be good at are covering up many shortcomings… you may be able to raise a lot of money but membership is down, you may have a great reputation but your communications and public relations are almost nonexistent, you may have a wide range of speakers but lack vocational diversity.      

What are the demographics of you community (economy, education, age, etc.)? When was the last time you did a membership survey? Are you actively inviting local business owners to attend a meeting? Do you invite all of your guest speakers to become members? How frequently do your members attend meetings at other clubs?

It is time to delve into the details… simple surveys based on these questions are what help to truly refocus the membership. Having a greater understanding of community demographics and, therefore, the needs of the community in conjunction with the club’s membership demographics can, many times, be quite eye opening. These two surveys alone can be great tools in assisting the club in filling gaps in vocation, age, education, etc. In the end, we want our club to represent the community and in order to do that we need to have a membership that reflects the neighborhood(s), has speakers that are appealing to the community, make sure that people feel welcomed and comfortable, and have projects and goals that the community can not only appreciate but want to contribute. Understanding demographics can go a long way in achieving these goals and ensuring the ongoing success of both campaign and membership objectives.

The last bit of strategy that needs to be in place is an effective public relations and communication plan. Changes to you club mean nothing if no one knows about it. Make sure your club has a presence on social media, make sure you notify the community about speakers, make sure other clubs within your Rotary district and the officers know of your club (this is especially important for small clubs), and don’t be afraid to send press releases to the media about both upcoming events and write ups of past events (including your weekly speakers).

Don’t underestimate the importance of making your presence known to the community. Remember, people tend not to notice that a hotel room has been cleaned and the bed turned down until they see the mint on the pillow.

Where Have All The Bowling Brothers Gone?

Last night, like every Tuesday night, I made my way to the lodge to spend the evening with my fellow brothers for some weekly fellowship. I have made these nights part of my weekly routine both for a time of relaxed socialization but also to learn as much as I can about Freemasonry from other lodge members. We are a small group but we enjoy the nights that allow us to get away from the daily grind.

Last night was a little different. Many of the usual attendees had other commitments which kept them from joining us but the handful of us that were there spent the evening preparing for the monthly meeting and exploring the building. As a new Mason, this was the first time I have been able to explore the history of the building (the space was previously occupied by a tenant).

One could spend hours examining all the architectural details of our old 1910’s lodge both on the exterior and interior of the upper floors. Having spent time in the building every week I can’t honestly say that I had previously stopped to appreciate the environment in which we meet. This week, by exploring the space in the basement, I really had to stop and think about all that surrounds us.

What was discovered in the basement was a bowling alley which was part of the original building plan. Still, for the most part, functional it is truly a tribute to a bygone era when the lodge was at the heart of the community where men would gather regularly for socialization and study. While this idea is still a weekly reality, the ideal has long since faded.

Personally, it is discoveries such as these that make me think about my own family history. Did my grandfather, who was a member of the lodge in the 1960’s, bowl in the basement? In general, how was his Masonic experience different from my own? What would he think about the small turnout that we have every week for fellowship?

Obviously, I don’t have the answers to any of these questions but it is something to think about and maybe we need to answer some of these questions for ourselves to reestablish the lodge as a central part of our community.

Fittingly one of my fellow brothers rolled an impressive strike on an untrue lane. And after resetting the pins, turning off the lights, and locking the door we ascended the staircase. I took my time with the climb, scanning the walls and taking in the details I had walked by numerous times without taking notice.

It was a fitting time to come to realize the history of the building and understand the real significance that this building and Masonry in general holds in my family’s own story. Last night epitomized the fact that if you take time to discover new places and new things, even in places you’ve been to many times before, you gain an appreciation for the value of all that surrounds us and all that makes us who we are. Whether traveling on Shabbat, going to the lodge, or going about your daily routine there is always something that brings your attention to the gifts that surround us if you simply take the time to notice them.     

Shabbat Travel: Enjoying What G-d Has Given Us!

Many of you have read my last two posts which were about the day trips that my wife and I have taken over the last couple of weekends. As was previously stated, this is a significant change to our weekly routine as we have previously attempted to observe Shabbat in the more traditional Orthodox way. The purpose of this post is to address this observance shift and explain a little with regard to why we have made this change.

What we have found over the last year or so was that while we were so focused on how we observe Shabbat that we had lost sight of the real purpose of the day. We had been focused on limiting ourselves about what we could and couldn’t do that we weren’t able to see what we could do and what was available to us. We were separating ourselves from our family, our friends, and the community and not spending any real time together. We were withdrawing from the world.

We both wrestled with the question of what Shabbat really means to us and how we honor G-d on this day. In the end, it came down to a simple question that we both had to answer for ourselves: does G-d want us to serve Him through solitude or by showing our deepest appreciation for all that He has given us in this world and in our lives?

Needless to say, we both agreed that there are too many beautiful gifts that have been bestowed upon us for us not to show our boundless gratitude by doing our best to embrace as many of them as we can. This is what led to our decision to make Shabbat our day of exploration and discovery. Not only are we taking the time to appreciate the people in our lives but also all the places around us that we have never taken the time to visit.

This past weekend was a time for my wife to meet with friends and for me to make new ones as I we had previously never met. The week before that, we were able to explore a place we had never been… just the two of us on the road taking a part of the world previously unknown to us. Making these connections has not only brought us closer to G-d but has brought us closer together and has already served to strengthen our marriage.

This change allows us to not just pray with words but with our actions. We will never be able to see all that G-d has created nor will we ever be able to meet all those created in His image but we are going to try to see as much as we can and meet as many people as we can. It may not work for everyone but this is what connects us with G-d and the journey is what brings us together and I pray that this exploration will continue to increase our appreciation of what we have and what we have yet to receive.

Time To Embrace My Mountain Heritage (At Least For A Day)!

As I mentioned in my last post, my wife and I have started to take day trips on the weekend to get out of the apartment while spending some time together and exploring places in our state that we have never seen (or haven’t been to in a while). The first of these day excursions was last Saturday, May 25^th, when we drove up the Northeast Extension to Jim Thorpe, Pennsylvania (we were away the weekend prior but it was a trip to New Jersey so that doesn’t count).

Jim Thorpe, formerly Mauch Chunk, is a small town tucked in a valley at the southern most boundaries of the Pocono Mountains. This picturesque village, commonly referred to as the “Switzerland of America” and the "Gateway to the Poconos", is a well known regional tourist destination but with little exposure beyond the tri state area. I consider ourselves very lucky to be only about an hour and fifteen minutes from this mountainous respite.

I have known of this place for some time but never had the chance to drive up there and explore (pretty sad since I have lived in Pennsylvania for most of my life). However, my wife had never even heard the name and didn’t have a clue as to where it was or what was there to see. It didn’t take much to convince her to make the drive… all I had to do was give her the address for the tourism website and a quick click on the YouTube found on the home page.

Early the next morning, my wife woke me up and informed me of our decision to put off cleaning the apartment until Tuesday so that we could spend the day together exploring Jim Thorpe. About an hour later, here was the view of the town as we descended on Route 209S toward the heart of the valley.

After a quick detour to the other side of town and talking with some local residents, we backtracked to the main parking lot along the west bank of the Lehigh River. Given our proximity, our first stop was at the visitor’s center at the old train station where we picked up a map, got a recommendation for lunch, and took a quick look at the train as it was pulling out.

From there we only made it about a block and a half before we stopped for lunch at Bear Appétit. With our stomachs full, it was time to start our lazy walk up and down Broadway where we found this café (which reminded my wife of her sister).

We weaved our way in and out of shops and up and down some of the side streets for a couple of hours before we started to make our way back to the car. Having enjoyed our brief tour of the town, we made one last stop at The Inn at Jim Thorpe before we made it back to the parking lot. It was time to use the gift certificate to BedandBreakfast.com we received from my brother and sister-in-law which had been slowly fading in my wallet for the last six years (no expiration date)! In other words, look for a follow up to this post later this month.

Back in the car, we did a very quick drive by tour of the rest of the town as well as some surrounding communities (you can cover a lot of ground when the speed limit in between is fifty five) with our final stop being the overlook on Flagstaff Mountain where our final picture of the trip was captured.

*Please note that all pictures we taken by my wife during this trip. I look forward to contributing my own photography to future trips and posts.

Autism Has A Voice Without Words

My wife and I try to take a day trip every weekend and this weekend was no exception (I will be writing more about our travel plans in a future post). This is a big change to how we have been living our life over the past couple of years and I really believe that this is a change in the right direction. Our drive this week was particularly short but it goes to show that you don’t have to go very far to have a great day.

Drexel Hill is only about 20 minutes down the road from our apartment and there may not be much to see in the way of scenery or places you would go out of your way to visit. Simply put it is not a destination spot. This was not a “tourist” kind of trip or a day of exploring, this was a day to we were able to spend an afternoon with a great family.

It is not unusual for us to visit friends when we have some free time (especially now that our schedule has opened up a little) but this was different for me as this was the first time I was able to meet them. My wife first got to know them when she became the personal care assistant for their youngest autistic son about a year ago. Over time, even having changed placements, my wife has remained in contact with them and a strong friendship has developed over the months.

Even though my wife has talked about this family ever since she started working with their youngest son and she has educated me as to the basics of autism, this was my first real experience with children with this ‘disability’ (my previous experience was at somewhat of a distance volunteering at a few Philly Friendship Circle events). By the end of the afternoon I came away with the simple reality check that spending real one on one time with a family with two autistic children will not only give you honest examples of some of the challenges that the family faces but also many of the amazing attributes that these children have.

The older of the two boys spent much of the time on the computer during our visit. He quietly played a game while his parents were talking with us. He joined us later in the day, talking up a storm, and playing a game on the iPad with his father. You could tell he was a happy and healthy child who was enjoying time at home with mom and dad.

The younger son, with whom my wife had previously worked, is non verbal and shy. He was constantly nuzzling on and against the couch while he watch "Thomas the Train" videos on YouTube also, like his brother, on an iPad. A couple minor observations about this… First, I know many adults that don’t know how to use an iPad. Second, I know a lot of people who have never been on YouTube (and many who wouldn’t even know what it is).

The two children had one prominent thing in common and one significant difference. It didn’t take long to see that both boys love their parents and would show that in their own ways while, at the same time, the parents freely reciprocated that love and showed them the attention that, unfortunately, is lacking in many families. Communication is where you can clearly see a difference - while the older son openly talks and asks about this or that, the younger son is non verbal and communicates primarily through both his actions and his picture cards (hopefully, this is something that will change as he gets older). But there is communication, there is love, and there is an amazing family.

While differences exist and it may not be the easiest situation for parents to find themselves in, they have much more than most ‘traditional’ families and there is a lot more love and happiness in the eyes of those children than you will find in most kids their age. This is why I put quotation marks around the word disability above because from my perspective they may have differences but, in many ways, they are much more able than many of us. This is clear in the lessons we can learn from them if we just pay attention, look beyond the words, and listen to the voice of autism without words.

Not Your Usual Quote of the Week Blog

The quote for this week is not from some famous author nor is it bullshit spewed from the mouth of a politician, it is not of a movie star’s flub or a news anchor’s Freudian slip, it is not from Torah or some tormented poet, it is not from a TV show or western philosopher commonly misquoted by half thinking college students. This quote is nothing special; it is a very simple question that was posed to me by one of the building board members at the Memorial Day party on Monday -  

“Have you ever thought about taking (property) management classes?”

This is a topic that many residents and other board members have skirted around during our occasional conversations but it had never been put so bluntly and I was taken back for a second. Thankfully the food arrived before I could respond and I was off to help set up the tables. I have put off thinking about this question until now. Let’s see where the free flow of thought takes this one…

Honestly, this is something that has never crossed my mind mainly because there is no way that we could afford such a luxury at this point. Having worked at the building since September, I really enjoy talking to residents and helping out in any way I can… there is a great sense of pride I take in my job by making sure all of the major things are taken care of while, as the same time, making sure the little things are executed correctly. Sometimes it’s as easy as walking to the elevator as they get off and offering to put their mail in the mailbox while other times it is answering the phone every morning and letting one of our more senior residents know what day it is. But what has gotten the most positive reception is simply paying attention when someone gets on the elevator, standing up when they get to the lobby, and saying good morning (even if they don’t say anything back).

Wow, tough job isn’t it. Sad to say, you would be surprised by how many people I have seen come and go during my brief time but the people that get it are the ones that will always have a job.

This is the basic foundation of the hospitality industry and customer service in general. It is not about getting the job done, it’s about how you get it done and the little things you do along the way that make it as pleasant and enjoyable experience as possible for the customer or in this case the resident. It is the job of management to make sure that this is the focus of the staff. Of course, there are many other things that need to be addressed on a daily basis and sometimes the basics are put to the side but so long as they return to the fundamentals and ensure that the focus remains on exceptional hospitality with business and logistics being the supporting factors of that ultimate end.

So I guess that this post is my consideration of that question. Maybe management classes would be a good fit. After all, my background is in public and client relations so it seems to be a natural progression if the right opportunity presents itself. At this point I can't rule anything out. I have to be open to the opportunities that come my way. Let's see what happens.