I came to the realization tonight that I time has passed much too quickly for my liking. It used to be when I watched television shows that the characters were portraying the life that was ahead of me (in some parallel universe) but now I watch the same kinds of shows and they are my age. Or, more accurately, I am their age. Now it truly has become a means of looking into parallel lives.
However, unlike the past. I watch not in want of anything that they have but with an appreciation for the path I have taken and where I am now. There are certainly directions that could have proven more advantageous in various ways, particularly financially, not I don’t know if I would necessarily be better off. It is possible that could be the case but I am happy with where I am wand what I have right here, right now.
There are little things that I need to work on to improve myself but everyone has things that they either want to change or improve. There are times that I wish I had gotten more done or produced more work but I don’t know if that still would have led me to this moment, writing these words. There are a lot of moments where things could have been different but a lot of subsequent moments that could have been lost if things didn’t happen exactly as they have happened in my life.
And while I watch the television shows and the live depicted on the screen it is entertaining to see how my generation has developed and how much it has changed over the years. I think I may finally be comfortable with my generation. Well maybe not all of them but at least some of them. There is still a certain disconnection I feel with my peers but the chasm is not nearly as vast as it was five or ten years ago.
Of course, that may not really be a generational thing. Maybe it is just a matter of being different, about not fitting in with any particular group or population. While I have always been more of a critical, some would say mathematical, thinker I have always embraced the arts and thrived in a creative environment. I have always had the two sides of my brain functioning, and sometimes fighting, at the same time forcing me to embrace and reject certain generational characteristics.
The
creative mind remains young while the critical mind has always been in a
premature advanced age. Maybe that is why I have written things that are
vibrant and optimistic at times while at other moments I have gone on long
rants about various topics and opinions. But that is what you get with me. A
struggle between the two sides of my mind and the views that they provide to
form a perspective that is uniquely mine. Whether you like or not that is what
you get.
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